(no subject)
reading my old entries from summer of 07. man, i want that happy juice.
but it's getting me motivated again, which is GREAT because i've been so exhausted and sad and lethargic and angry and snippy.....and just generally negative.
even when i was dealing with my heartache of the yatz thing, i seemed like i was a lot happier.
and that was the first summer after betty (my first car) died, so i had even more reason to be miserable...i guess.
i'm still tossing around the idea of going to big-girl-school.
i feel like it's pointless because i'm almost 23 and most of my peers have already graduated.
but i think if i'm really going off to study, then it's probably better to be wiser.
i guess.
even getting a BA makes me nervous...not because i'm scared of getting a degree, though.
i'm nervous that i'm going to just fuck it up like the last 4 (on and off) years at brookdale.
but i want to be in school so bad.
i need structure, at least to push off of, and i'm not doing the best job of it on my own.
i'm slowly making some routine changes in my life.
working on sleeping before 3am has worked...now i'm slowly moving it closer to midnight.
i've cut back on smoking a lot (no more than 5 cigarettes a day), and it's crazy to think that i picked up smoking so quickly.
or that i was charging through a pack every two days.
(i still need to cut that number down) next step is to not buy another pack.
we'll see how well THAT works out.
i've been drinking a LOT of water again, too.
getting more done in the house.
next step is morning stretches and daily walks.
after that i'm going to be cutting stuff out of my diet.
sugar goes first.
caffeine is already gone.
then i cut out carbs entirely.
i'm going to become a mostly-raw girl by september.
i haven't been drinking as much, either.
i haven't smoked any weed since...was it the phish concert?
i need to keep working on my dreads, they're getting a little tangled and wonky.
my job search needs to be pumped the fuck up.
there's so much going on that isn't going on right now.
it's hard to explain, but that's the closest i've got.
i feel stuck and i'm trying to not be in that rut anymore.
love,
danger
but it's getting me motivated again, which is GREAT because i've been so exhausted and sad and lethargic and angry and snippy.....and just generally negative.
even when i was dealing with my heartache of the yatz thing, i seemed like i was a lot happier.
and that was the first summer after betty (my first car) died, so i had even more reason to be miserable...i guess.
i'm still tossing around the idea of going to big-girl-school.
i feel like it's pointless because i'm almost 23 and most of my peers have already graduated.
but i think if i'm really going off to study, then it's probably better to be wiser.
i guess.
even getting a BA makes me nervous...not because i'm scared of getting a degree, though.
i'm nervous that i'm going to just fuck it up like the last 4 (on and off) years at brookdale.
but i want to be in school so bad.
i need structure, at least to push off of, and i'm not doing the best job of it on my own.
i'm slowly making some routine changes in my life.
working on sleeping before 3am has worked...now i'm slowly moving it closer to midnight.
i've cut back on smoking a lot (no more than 5 cigarettes a day), and it's crazy to think that i picked up smoking so quickly.
or that i was charging through a pack every two days.
(i still need to cut that number down) next step is to not buy another pack.
we'll see how well THAT works out.
i've been drinking a LOT of water again, too.
getting more done in the house.
next step is morning stretches and daily walks.
after that i'm going to be cutting stuff out of my diet.
sugar goes first.
caffeine is already gone.
then i cut out carbs entirely.
i'm going to become a mostly-raw girl by september.
i haven't been drinking as much, either.
i haven't smoked any weed since...was it the phish concert?
i need to keep working on my dreads, they're getting a little tangled and wonky.
my job search needs to be pumped the fuck up.
there's so much going on that isn't going on right now.
it's hard to explain, but that's the closest i've got.
i feel stuck and i'm trying to not be in that rut anymore.
love,
danger