ANGST! OMGGGGGG
I don't think I properly expressed my situation. Nor do I really think I can.
I feel lost.
I've felt this for a very large portion of my life. I don't know how common that is. And REALLY?? I DON'T CARE.
I just want it to not suck anymore.
I have nothing and everything to complain about.
I shouldn't be stuck doing the things I'm doing.
Being treated as a slave to corporations to simply pay off my mother.
Doing things I hate or are just simply unnecessary.
I sell death in several forms.
I can't fucking stand it.
There are points that I've learned to be an expert at.
Every corporation is going to say their way of selling is different or special. IT ISN'T.
All of it's the same. And I'm a master at selling you shit you don't need. Shit I don't even want you to buy. Because that pays me. So I can pay for more of my own accessories. Fucking society.
This is the ugly cycle "Lead Cashiers" of age 40 or so fall into. You work that shit job until you just blend in with the machinery, you are one with the equipment, you don't even notice the money you're handling has any value anymore. Not until you clock out, at least.
I really do want to go back to school. I know that without it, I can't get into a certain mindset. I also know I don't need a degree in order to do the work I need to do. I also know that I can teach myself many things, but I need time. I know I can't have time unless I get a better paying job. I know I can't get a better paying job unless I get a cert or degree or have job experience in a field.
This is a vicious cycle of impatience.
And commitment.
I should've started playing 4 years ago, honestly.
And I'm pissed off that I didn't and that I have to in the first place.
FuckfuckfuckfuckFUCK.
GARH.
I feel lost.
I've felt this for a very large portion of my life. I don't know how common that is. And REALLY?? I DON'T CARE.
I just want it to not suck anymore.
I have nothing and everything to complain about.
I shouldn't be stuck doing the things I'm doing.
Being treated as a slave to corporations to simply pay off my mother.
Doing things I hate or are just simply unnecessary.
I sell death in several forms.
I can't fucking stand it.
There are points that I've learned to be an expert at.
Every corporation is going to say their way of selling is different or special. IT ISN'T.
All of it's the same. And I'm a master at selling you shit you don't need. Shit I don't even want you to buy. Because that pays me. So I can pay for more of my own accessories. Fucking society.
This is the ugly cycle "Lead Cashiers" of age 40 or so fall into. You work that shit job until you just blend in with the machinery, you are one with the equipment, you don't even notice the money you're handling has any value anymore. Not until you clock out, at least.
I really do want to go back to school. I know that without it, I can't get into a certain mindset. I also know I don't need a degree in order to do the work I need to do. I also know that I can teach myself many things, but I need time. I know I can't have time unless I get a better paying job. I know I can't get a better paying job unless I get a cert or degree or have job experience in a field.
This is a vicious cycle of impatience.
And commitment.
I should've started playing 4 years ago, honestly.
And I'm pissed off that I didn't and that I have to in the first place.
FuckfuckfuckfuckFUCK.
GARH.