(no subject)
Dear Lucy,
It's pretty much impossible for me to comment on this as an essay without speaking to you and asking your consent first.
What I really want to do is reach out to you as a person- to be willing to see your truth, but also not see you as defined by this truth. I am sad and angry and afraid as I read your words. I want to comfort you and be comforted that I would never allow this to happen- but I'm not sure either can happen.
Even as I read this truth, I want to move away from it and focus on other, equally valid and important truths. But I'm trying to stay with this truth- to help it be heard and known and take some responsibility for it.
Thank you for your courage and truth-telling. I believe they are our salvation.
Jennifer Hogue
At first I laughed with Dan when I read it, perhaps a defense mechanism. But as the night has gone on and I've read it over and over again, I'm finding comfort in my teachers words and more understanding and eloquence than I think I've ever heard on the subject.
(the essay that sparked all of this)
*forgive the salt n' pepa reference, I was upset.
The Truth About Rape
Let’s talk about rape baby. Let’s talk about the truth. And we’ll talk about the lies too, because they’re so much easier. See, it’s so much easier to pretend that nothing ever happened. It’s easier to pretend that someone else is in the wrong; easier to blame it all on someone else. They say the truth always comes out. Her truth came out. But will yours?
The truth hurts. Even a ten year old knows that. That’s why she keeps up a lie for three long years. That’s why no one ever suspects, because she can always blame her weird behavior on other things. And yet, the truth can always slip through the cracks of the most perfectly planned lies. She still wonders why no one ever saw the signs, be it a strange remark from him in the pool, or a door that always stayed locked when she was behind it. Why didn’t anyone ever notice?
The truth is that no one wants to see that anything is wrong. Not even her. She always rationalizes it away, thinking this only happens in the news. And the family does the same, saying he’s just a weird, messed up kid. Even though that should ignite red flags, it does the opposite. And in the end, she’ll never hear the end of how they can’t believe they didn’t see it. As they say, ignorance is bliss. Maybe that’s why some choose to stay ignorant forever.
The truth is that lies are told and the truth is reversed. The abuser becomes the victim, the victim the abuser. Premonitions come true, denials are sounded, families fall apart. The truth is that even though one awful chapter is over, another one is just beginning.
The truth is that for the raped, rape never ends; every person has some quality in them similar to that of the rapist. The truth is that the hurt and pain never go away, the victim just learns to manage it better. The truth is that for a long time, every time the victim sees rape or sexual abuse on television or in a book (Hassan’s rape in The Kite Runner), they will feel like they’ve just been raped and go into a downward spiral. In time, they’ll curse the writers for not capturing it right. The truth is that that girl, like so many others, will spend everyday of the rest of her life waiting in anticipation for the next trigger to rekindle her pain.
It's pretty much impossible for me to comment on this as an essay without speaking to you and asking your consent first.
What I really want to do is reach out to you as a person- to be willing to see your truth, but also not see you as defined by this truth. I am sad and angry and afraid as I read your words. I want to comfort you and be comforted that I would never allow this to happen- but I'm not sure either can happen.
Even as I read this truth, I want to move away from it and focus on other, equally valid and important truths. But I'm trying to stay with this truth- to help it be heard and known and take some responsibility for it.
Thank you for your courage and truth-telling. I believe they are our salvation.
Jennifer Hogue
At first I laughed with Dan when I read it, perhaps a defense mechanism. But as the night has gone on and I've read it over and over again, I'm finding comfort in my teachers words and more understanding and eloquence than I think I've ever heard on the subject.
(the essay that sparked all of this)
*forgive the salt n' pepa reference, I was upset.
The Truth About Rape
Let’s talk about rape baby. Let’s talk about the truth. And we’ll talk about the lies too, because they’re so much easier. See, it’s so much easier to pretend that nothing ever happened. It’s easier to pretend that someone else is in the wrong; easier to blame it all on someone else. They say the truth always comes out. Her truth came out. But will yours?
The truth hurts. Even a ten year old knows that. That’s why she keeps up a lie for three long years. That’s why no one ever suspects, because she can always blame her weird behavior on other things. And yet, the truth can always slip through the cracks of the most perfectly planned lies. She still wonders why no one ever saw the signs, be it a strange remark from him in the pool, or a door that always stayed locked when she was behind it. Why didn’t anyone ever notice?
The truth is that no one wants to see that anything is wrong. Not even her. She always rationalizes it away, thinking this only happens in the news. And the family does the same, saying he’s just a weird, messed up kid. Even though that should ignite red flags, it does the opposite. And in the end, she’ll never hear the end of how they can’t believe they didn’t see it. As they say, ignorance is bliss. Maybe that’s why some choose to stay ignorant forever.
The truth is that lies are told and the truth is reversed. The abuser becomes the victim, the victim the abuser. Premonitions come true, denials are sounded, families fall apart. The truth is that even though one awful chapter is over, another one is just beginning.
The truth is that for the raped, rape never ends; every person has some quality in them similar to that of the rapist. The truth is that the hurt and pain never go away, the victim just learns to manage it better. The truth is that for a long time, every time the victim sees rape or sexual abuse on television or in a book (Hassan’s rape in The Kite Runner), they will feel like they’ve just been raped and go into a downward spiral. In time, they’ll curse the writers for not capturing it right. The truth is that that girl, like so many others, will spend everyday of the rest of her life waiting in anticipation for the next trigger to rekindle her pain.