Babbling
I can't believe its December 26 and here I am ...waiting for work. Urgh, just urgh. I don't know what type of mood I'm in. Maybe I'm going crazy or maybe I'm just acting like a sloth on sake, too tired or lazy to do anything at the moment.
Nothing has really changed that much within the year except me working at the Happiest Place on Earth--hahaha. It's fun, really it is I dislike the hours I have to work though. But at least I'm getting paid more for it ...and here's where my Politics of Under Developed countries class comes into my head screaming at me going THEY'RE ONLY DOING THIS BECAUSE ITS ALL ABOUT MONEY! DOWN WITH CAPITALISM! DOOOWWWN WITH IT!
...I swear to God pretty soon I'll be Marxist or I dunno something else. Urgh, combine that class with my public policy class and the health care system...one big headache. Not to mention a family member turned Republican on me, watching Bill O'Riley and Hannity--I swear to God I'm gonna scream if I hear another word out of their mouths. Asking me, hey you happy with what YOUR president has done?
URGH! IF YOU DON'T LIKE OBAMA THEN NEXT ELECTION GET YOUR PAPERWORK TOGETHER AND VOTE NEXT TIME INSTEAD OF BITCHING TO ME!
I think I know what else is contributing to my mood. I know my mom is doing her best to keep a roof over my head but these days I feel more like a bank to her than a daughter. yes, I do pitch in, but it gets annoying and hurtful to hear, "Hey that paycheck? Don't spend it I might need it." I get it, you pay for the rent and everything but dear lord I want a little spending cash too! I wanna save up to buy stuff of my own or I dunno MOVE OUT but can't since I'm giving her more and more of my money.
Then comes the I'm sorries from her because I'm the last resort but does she make up for it? No. I know I'm sounding like a bitch here, but its how I feel. I've heard that fucking line since I was ten and any money I get goes to her, its like wtf. I work hard for that money, its not my fault you don't know how to balance the bills and what not. And if that doesn't work I get the guilt trip...it just gets so frustrating having a parent who you feel has partially let you down. I'm sick of hearing apology after apology and not seeing anything improve. I don't have my own room, well i do but its full of crap.
I want my own space, I want my own life without her having to talk to me or anything. I prefer being alone because I don't want to explain myself to someone who doesn't get anything. I'm tired of repeating myself to her or hearing one thing or another about family--who at this point seem like strangers to be but whatever.
Okay I feel a bit better from venting. Maybe its the whole capitalist system that's got me down. It fucking sucks to have to pay 60 dollars for medication you need to live. Seriously, whatever happened to doing the right thing because it was the right thing? Not just because you could make a profit out of it? i know people joke about Disney being this evil company--and hey I make fun of it too--but at least Disney provides some good benefits to its workers like health care and whatnot.
I just need to get through the next seven days without breaking because the season will be over, but I'm hoping I'll be converted to part tie so I can make more money. Then there's law school--a place I'm not even sure is for me anymore. If I can't pass a stupid test, make the grades then I'm apparently not smart. Not good enough. I'm tired of having these standards be applied to me, to anyone really. It's not fair, but life isn't fair. Damnit God, why did you create a world like this? A world where the greedy continue to cheat, rob and take advantage of the poor. Where they can commit all sorts of sins and yet on their deathbed be granted forgiveness....
Prodigal Son my ass.
I know its not my place to question the Almighty, but well...fuck. It's human nature to question, to be angry...urgh jsut urgh.
...I guess that's all.
Oh and word of advice, when you go to Dland...USE COMMON FRICKIN' SENSE!
Nothing has really changed that much within the year except me working at the Happiest Place on Earth--hahaha. It's fun, really it is I dislike the hours I have to work though. But at least I'm getting paid more for it ...and here's where my Politics of Under Developed countries class comes into my head screaming at me going THEY'RE ONLY DOING THIS BECAUSE ITS ALL ABOUT MONEY! DOWN WITH CAPITALISM! DOOOWWWN WITH IT!
...I swear to God pretty soon I'll be Marxist or I dunno something else. Urgh, combine that class with my public policy class and the health care system...one big headache. Not to mention a family member turned Republican on me, watching Bill O'Riley and Hannity--I swear to God I'm gonna scream if I hear another word out of their mouths. Asking me, hey you happy with what YOUR president has done?
URGH! IF YOU DON'T LIKE OBAMA THEN NEXT ELECTION GET YOUR PAPERWORK TOGETHER AND VOTE NEXT TIME INSTEAD OF BITCHING TO ME!
I think I know what else is contributing to my mood. I know my mom is doing her best to keep a roof over my head but these days I feel more like a bank to her than a daughter. yes, I do pitch in, but it gets annoying and hurtful to hear, "Hey that paycheck? Don't spend it I might need it." I get it, you pay for the rent and everything but dear lord I want a little spending cash too! I wanna save up to buy stuff of my own or I dunno MOVE OUT but can't since I'm giving her more and more of my money.
Then comes the I'm sorries from her because I'm the last resort but does she make up for it? No. I know I'm sounding like a bitch here, but its how I feel. I've heard that fucking line since I was ten and any money I get goes to her, its like wtf. I work hard for that money, its not my fault you don't know how to balance the bills and what not. And if that doesn't work I get the guilt trip...it just gets so frustrating having a parent who you feel has partially let you down. I'm sick of hearing apology after apology and not seeing anything improve. I don't have my own room, well i do but its full of crap.
I want my own space, I want my own life without her having to talk to me or anything. I prefer being alone because I don't want to explain myself to someone who doesn't get anything. I'm tired of repeating myself to her or hearing one thing or another about family--who at this point seem like strangers to be but whatever.
Okay I feel a bit better from venting. Maybe its the whole capitalist system that's got me down. It fucking sucks to have to pay 60 dollars for medication you need to live. Seriously, whatever happened to doing the right thing because it was the right thing? Not just because you could make a profit out of it? i know people joke about Disney being this evil company--and hey I make fun of it too--but at least Disney provides some good benefits to its workers like health care and whatnot.
I just need to get through the next seven days without breaking because the season will be over, but I'm hoping I'll be converted to part tie so I can make more money. Then there's law school--a place I'm not even sure is for me anymore. If I can't pass a stupid test, make the grades then I'm apparently not smart. Not good enough. I'm tired of having these standards be applied to me, to anyone really. It's not fair, but life isn't fair. Damnit God, why did you create a world like this? A world where the greedy continue to cheat, rob and take advantage of the poor. Where they can commit all sorts of sins and yet on their deathbed be granted forgiveness....
Prodigal Son my ass.
I know its not my place to question the Almighty, but well...fuck. It's human nature to question, to be angry...urgh jsut urgh.
...I guess that's all.
Oh and word of advice, when you go to Dland...USE COMMON FRICKIN' SENSE!