(no subject)
I was sitting outside on my break today, and I just started pondering my life. I thought about all that I wanted to do, and how I'm not doing anything to acheive my so-called goals. To tell you the truth, I don't have any precise goals in life. Sad, isn't it? I was just sitting there, shaking my head, thinking how.. I don't know. I don't want to say I'm pathetic. I don't think I'm pathetic. I guess that I'm just not driven. I don't have any drive in life. I have no direction. How does one get that? You can't go to a store and buy it. You can't download it off of the Internet. I've never had drive. I've never really thought about the future and said "This is what I want to do, and this is how I'm going to go about doing it!" I just think "I want this, but.. eh. It's not important."
Really, the things that I want, no. The things that I need are imporant. How do I make myself work towards the goals that I want to reach, though? I see people, the go-getters, work themselves to the bone, and in the end, they're doing what they want to do. I wonder how they can do it. I wonder why I won't. Meh. I don't know. This isn't what I want my life to be, though. I know that. I want to be happy. I want to be more useful than a person behind a cash register ringing people up.
I think that there may be a chance for me to better myself, though. I really do. There's a woman who's moved in next door. She's only a few years older than me. She was outside tonight, and we started talking. Well, we ended up talking for nearly 1 1/2 hours. She goes to Chattanooga State, and she told me about how it is there. Really, it sounds so simple. I know I could go to college there, and still maintain my job. I'd be going three days a week from 10-2. That's not bad at all. Since she goes there, she offered to carpool with me. It's so doable. I don't really think that I could do it right away. I couldn't do it next semester, because Mirsada's going to have a baby. I couldn't really go until she has it, and comes back from her maternity leave.
But, yeah.
The woman was nice. Her name's Chrissy. I might actually be getting a friend down here. I don't know. I hope so. I mean, I have my mom.. but still.. it'd be nice to have someone closer to my age to do things with.
Really, the things that I want, no. The things that I need are imporant. How do I make myself work towards the goals that I want to reach, though? I see people, the go-getters, work themselves to the bone, and in the end, they're doing what they want to do. I wonder how they can do it. I wonder why I won't. Meh. I don't know. This isn't what I want my life to be, though. I know that. I want to be happy. I want to be more useful than a person behind a cash register ringing people up.
I think that there may be a chance for me to better myself, though. I really do. There's a woman who's moved in next door. She's only a few years older than me. She was outside tonight, and we started talking. Well, we ended up talking for nearly 1 1/2 hours. She goes to Chattanooga State, and she told me about how it is there. Really, it sounds so simple. I know I could go to college there, and still maintain my job. I'd be going three days a week from 10-2. That's not bad at all. Since she goes there, she offered to carpool with me. It's so doable. I don't really think that I could do it right away. I couldn't do it next semester, because Mirsada's going to have a baby. I couldn't really go until she has it, and comes back from her maternity leave.
But, yeah.
The woman was nice. Her name's Chrissy. I might actually be getting a friend down here. I don't know. I hope so. I mean, I have my mom.. but still.. it'd be nice to have someone closer to my age to do things with.