time to vent
after almost 5 months being onboard, finally i can be myself again.
it is really hard going abroad. though the pay is really good, i miss a lot of things.
one of the reasons why i decided to go abroad would be to find someone who'll like me, and apparently, being in a ship guarantees any woman to be an idle (or anito) in no time.
let's start from the beginning,
fine. i was like 1 week being on board and coming back to my cabin at around 1am seeing a stolen cake from the bakery is really sweet.
message says: "just keep on smiling-paul"
wow. my first so-called serious suitor after 22 years.
he says he likes my smile.
courtship begins and after 1 month, we are together (or we were together?)
he is my first. i gave everything. as in everything. it is really silly to think how i am so not like this. when i was younger, i thought people in love do stupid things. they become really corny or mushy, or i'm just being bitter because back then, i never knew what love was.
there came a time where i thought to myself, it is not serious. i know life is really different on board since we are sort of isolated from reality.
i even tried to be quite distant so that my feelings won't grow into something that would be hard get over with, since his coming home in 3 weeks.
i know for a fact that there's nothing more after this, i will be left here, and he's going home. i won't see him again since he do have other plans, and i am not in it.
-----------------------------------
pagod na pagod na akong umiyak. pagod na pagod na akong masaktan. sinabi ko naman na tanggap ko na lahat, na wala naman nakakaalam kung anong mangyayari, uuwi ka na, ako after 5 months pa.
takot na takot akong mag-isa.
sabi ko, ba't hindi na lang tayo mag-enjoy. sabi mo, hindi pede yun.
sabi mo mas lalo lang akong masasaktan kung lagi pa tayong magkasama eh pauwi ka na rin naman.
putang ina.
napag usapan na nga na hindi ka na tatawag sa akin, yun naman ang gusto mo. bakit tumatawag ka pa rin?
hirap na hirap na ako. hindi na kita maintindihan.
kahit naman sabihin ko sa iyo na ayaw kong bumitaw, wala naman akong choice.
long distance relationship does not work.
mahal na mahal kita. hindi ko na nga maisip kung ano na mangyayari sakin pag uwi mo.
hindi ko maexplain yung sakit. sasabihin mo, lalayo ka na, na dapat maintindihan ko yun dahil matalino ako. dahil ako rin naman ang mahihirapan pag hindi ko sanayin ang sarili kong mag-isa. sabi mo pa nga may kanya kanya tayong mga buhay.
fine.
someone help me get over this pain.
it is really hard going abroad. though the pay is really good, i miss a lot of things.
one of the reasons why i decided to go abroad would be to find someone who'll like me, and apparently, being in a ship guarantees any woman to be an idle (or anito) in no time.
let's start from the beginning,
fine. i was like 1 week being on board and coming back to my cabin at around 1am seeing a stolen cake from the bakery is really sweet.
message says: "just keep on smiling-paul"
wow. my first so-called serious suitor after 22 years.
he says he likes my smile.
courtship begins and after 1 month, we are together (or we were together?)
he is my first. i gave everything. as in everything. it is really silly to think how i am so not like this. when i was younger, i thought people in love do stupid things. they become really corny or mushy, or i'm just being bitter because back then, i never knew what love was.
there came a time where i thought to myself, it is not serious. i know life is really different on board since we are sort of isolated from reality.
i even tried to be quite distant so that my feelings won't grow into something that would be hard get over with, since his coming home in 3 weeks.
i know for a fact that there's nothing more after this, i will be left here, and he's going home. i won't see him again since he do have other plans, and i am not in it.
-----------------------------------
pagod na pagod na akong umiyak. pagod na pagod na akong masaktan. sinabi ko naman na tanggap ko na lahat, na wala naman nakakaalam kung anong mangyayari, uuwi ka na, ako after 5 months pa.
takot na takot akong mag-isa.
sabi ko, ba't hindi na lang tayo mag-enjoy. sabi mo, hindi pede yun.
sabi mo mas lalo lang akong masasaktan kung lagi pa tayong magkasama eh pauwi ka na rin naman.
putang ina.
napag usapan na nga na hindi ka na tatawag sa akin, yun naman ang gusto mo. bakit tumatawag ka pa rin?
hirap na hirap na ako. hindi na kita maintindihan.
kahit naman sabihin ko sa iyo na ayaw kong bumitaw, wala naman akong choice.
long distance relationship does not work.
mahal na mahal kita. hindi ko na nga maisip kung ano na mangyayari sakin pag uwi mo.
hindi ko maexplain yung sakit. sasabihin mo, lalayo ka na, na dapat maintindihan ko yun dahil matalino ako. dahil ako rin naman ang mahihirapan pag hindi ko sanayin ang sarili kong mag-isa. sabi mo pa nga may kanya kanya tayong mga buhay.
fine.
someone help me get over this pain.