Letters
Dear Kindergarden Tiff,
Your best friend is Katie. You never see her again after this year, however you name your aunt’s dog after her. You break your ankle and get a pink cast that everyone signs, especially that weird Jeremy kid. Oh yea, and you’re a woose cause you had to be in the damn wheelchair instead of using damn crutches. Keep onto the time with mom. I know its hard, but she’s doing it all for you. If it weren’t for you, she’d be lost.
Dear 3rd grade Tiff,
Well, you’re still sucking your thumb in class. Way to be the short weirdo. You and Holly have a very strange relationship. Don’t go up to her room. It doesn’t turn out good. You go to grandma and grandpa’s house every weekend and make cookies and go to church. Appreciate the time you have and don’t take it for granted.
Dear 5th grade Tiff,
Welcome to the world of assholes. You move away from mom. Grandpa hates it. Marsha changes. Massachusetts sucks and it will until you meet Becca Mancini. Stop being weird dammit. You live in Motel 6 for 6 weeks…so get used to it. Julie is a jerk stop trying to be nice. Mckensie gets the whole class to write up a hit list. And theres a sub and the teacher never gets it. Recess sucks. You learn that Pinochio is not Anthony Bruno’s real name. Misty is sick and you don’t put her down and don’t even think about it. Merlin is an ass cat and will forever be until Misty is gone. The times of coming home every and crying cause everyone makes fun of you will pass. Get over it…theyre assholes. Don’t tell Kevin you think he’s cute and don’t listen to dads advice on boys..cause hes stupid. Keep tryin to stop but its not gunna work.
Dear 8th grade Tiff,
Well, you and Shannon are close. Becca doesn’t sit with you at lunch and you don’t talk to her for 3 years. Mareena starts to get sketchy. Dad and Mosa have Erin. Its good at first. But prepare yourself for severe jealously. These times are good. You go to the banquet with him so shut up already. Don’t be a loser and wear the damn fuzzy shirt to the banquet. It looks ugly. Marsha stops spending time with you now…so get used to it. Don’t tell Mosa that Tina pushed you over the pile of tiles. Get freaked out when lee is weird.
Dear Freshman Tiff,
Welcome to High School. Hold on for a world of hurt. This year you do ok in class. But next year your going to be amazed. Sept 11. Thanksgiving you spend in Illinois unexpectedly. Grandpa falls from a tree. He dies. Yes you see him. Keep the buckeyes. Mom’s right. Yes, he likes you. Yes. He ignores you but get used to it. Stop being stupid. Becca is so out of the picture. You’re going to move soon. Mom says it but you pray she doesn’t do it. Don’t listen to Aunt Lisa. She’s fucking nuts and your dad isn’t going to hell. They think you’re Lesbos. Go ahead start staying in your room more. YOUR GROUNDED YOUR ENTIRE HIGH SCHOOL LIFE. Get used to it.
Dear Junior Tiff,
OH GOD. Yes. Be happy. Be joyously happy. He came. After he called you and asked you out. You are insane. This is your downfall. Kathleen moves in with the family but leaves in 3 months. You realize that you parents can be wrong about things. You now have two sisters here. Close the door. Yea. Stop eating. Oh, and make sure to stay on the phone til 5 in the morning. That helps. You envision it for months. No one listens. Marsha sets it off. There’s no stopping you. And he gets pissed at you for it. Dad breaks his promise. Marsha thinks your going to hurt the kids. You really need to talk to someone. He’s a leach. Bobo cares. Lol, yea…you get away with it for the night..but wait for the next day. Dad considers a restraining order. You hate marsha. Physics is amazing, Gundlach is going to be your savior. Celsa has your bible. Yes, she does it too. He lies. You move to the basement. Keep prayin hun, its whats keepin your sanity. He’s creepy. Don’t let him do it. Stop asking Grandpa.
Dear Senior Tiff,
Well, your just on top of the world. You hide it for the first time. Talk to marsha, then dad says your stupid. He stops you and makes you take care of yourself. He’s there for you 110% His house is your home. You know the feeling when you look at the picture is right. Yes shes crazy. No you don’t get to keep the jeep. Be suspicious, you have every right to be. Go with your gut feeling.
Dear Sophmore College Tiff,
Yea. You know its coming. But you still hold on cause hes your only connection. Yes. Shes a bitch. You have your first panic/anxiety attack. Don’t bother giving it back, he calls you halfway and says what you need to hear. Yes you love her. Dad exaggerates. Yes, he likes you. Yes, you like her. Do it cause you want to. You end up having a single. No, shes not ignoring you. You’re changing just don’t see it. You make a big decision. Way to be! What did you expect!?!? Ya fuckin idiot. Youre nervous as hell. You know what you gunna do as soon as you find out. And yea…you break that promise. Staci is your life support. Stop working so much. You need to focus on school. You knew it was always there. Don’t screw him over. It gets you in worse trouble. Yes he still loves you. Just say what you think to everybody. Youre fuckin stupid. You were just trying to hide it. He’s just trying to help you. Be thankful he keeps you in line. Gundlach gives the best hugs ever. Stop asking if he’s mad at you. You don’t even touch him. He counted. Don’t be selfish.
Your best friend is Katie. You never see her again after this year, however you name your aunt’s dog after her. You break your ankle and get a pink cast that everyone signs, especially that weird Jeremy kid. Oh yea, and you’re a woose cause you had to be in the damn wheelchair instead of using damn crutches. Keep onto the time with mom. I know its hard, but she’s doing it all for you. If it weren’t for you, she’d be lost.
Dear 3rd grade Tiff,
Well, you’re still sucking your thumb in class. Way to be the short weirdo. You and Holly have a very strange relationship. Don’t go up to her room. It doesn’t turn out good. You go to grandma and grandpa’s house every weekend and make cookies and go to church. Appreciate the time you have and don’t take it for granted.
Dear 5th grade Tiff,
Welcome to the world of assholes. You move away from mom. Grandpa hates it. Marsha changes. Massachusetts sucks and it will until you meet Becca Mancini. Stop being weird dammit. You live in Motel 6 for 6 weeks…so get used to it. Julie is a jerk stop trying to be nice. Mckensie gets the whole class to write up a hit list. And theres a sub and the teacher never gets it. Recess sucks. You learn that Pinochio is not Anthony Bruno’s real name. Misty is sick and you don’t put her down and don’t even think about it. Merlin is an ass cat and will forever be until Misty is gone. The times of coming home every and crying cause everyone makes fun of you will pass. Get over it…theyre assholes. Don’t tell Kevin you think he’s cute and don’t listen to dads advice on boys..cause hes stupid. Keep tryin to stop but its not gunna work.
Dear 8th grade Tiff,
Well, you and Shannon are close. Becca doesn’t sit with you at lunch and you don’t talk to her for 3 years. Mareena starts to get sketchy. Dad and Mosa have Erin. Its good at first. But prepare yourself for severe jealously. These times are good. You go to the banquet with him so shut up already. Don’t be a loser and wear the damn fuzzy shirt to the banquet. It looks ugly. Marsha stops spending time with you now…so get used to it. Don’t tell Mosa that Tina pushed you over the pile of tiles. Get freaked out when lee is weird.
Dear Freshman Tiff,
Welcome to High School. Hold on for a world of hurt. This year you do ok in class. But next year your going to be amazed. Sept 11. Thanksgiving you spend in Illinois unexpectedly. Grandpa falls from a tree. He dies. Yes you see him. Keep the buckeyes. Mom’s right. Yes, he likes you. Yes. He ignores you but get used to it. Stop being stupid. Becca is so out of the picture. You’re going to move soon. Mom says it but you pray she doesn’t do it. Don’t listen to Aunt Lisa. She’s fucking nuts and your dad isn’t going to hell. They think you’re Lesbos. Go ahead start staying in your room more. YOUR GROUNDED YOUR ENTIRE HIGH SCHOOL LIFE. Get used to it.
Dear Junior Tiff,
OH GOD. Yes. Be happy. Be joyously happy. He came. After he called you and asked you out. You are insane. This is your downfall. Kathleen moves in with the family but leaves in 3 months. You realize that you parents can be wrong about things. You now have two sisters here. Close the door. Yea. Stop eating. Oh, and make sure to stay on the phone til 5 in the morning. That helps. You envision it for months. No one listens. Marsha sets it off. There’s no stopping you. And he gets pissed at you for it. Dad breaks his promise. Marsha thinks your going to hurt the kids. You really need to talk to someone. He’s a leach. Bobo cares. Lol, yea…you get away with it for the night..but wait for the next day. Dad considers a restraining order. You hate marsha. Physics is amazing, Gundlach is going to be your savior. Celsa has your bible. Yes, she does it too. He lies. You move to the basement. Keep prayin hun, its whats keepin your sanity. He’s creepy. Don’t let him do it. Stop asking Grandpa.
Dear Senior Tiff,
Well, your just on top of the world. You hide it for the first time. Talk to marsha, then dad says your stupid. He stops you and makes you take care of yourself. He’s there for you 110% His house is your home. You know the feeling when you look at the picture is right. Yes shes crazy. No you don’t get to keep the jeep. Be suspicious, you have every right to be. Go with your gut feeling.
Dear Sophmore College Tiff,
Yea. You know its coming. But you still hold on cause hes your only connection. Yes. Shes a bitch. You have your first panic/anxiety attack. Don’t bother giving it back, he calls you halfway and says what you need to hear. Yes you love her. Dad exaggerates. Yes, he likes you. Yes, you like her. Do it cause you want to. You end up having a single. No, shes not ignoring you. You’re changing just don’t see it. You make a big decision. Way to be! What did you expect!?!? Ya fuckin idiot. Youre nervous as hell. You know what you gunna do as soon as you find out. And yea…you break that promise. Staci is your life support. Stop working so much. You need to focus on school. You knew it was always there. Don’t screw him over. It gets you in worse trouble. Yes he still loves you. Just say what you think to everybody. Youre fuckin stupid. You were just trying to hide it. He’s just trying to help you. Be thankful he keeps you in line. Gundlach gives the best hugs ever. Stop asking if he’s mad at you. You don’t even touch him. He counted. Don’t be selfish.