Eternal Single...?
Brace yourself - this is probably gonna sound so very cliché it'll make you puke. Yet that doesn't make it less true or valid, sadly enough.
Anyway - it's about boys and relationship. Told you it'd be cliché, didn't I? Luckily you're in no way forced to read this, which gives me the freedom of getting it out of the system.
I've been single for a little under 1½ years now and while it doesn't really bother me per say, it can be hard sometimes. You know, when you see a friend of yours being happy around their girl-/boyfriend or something like that. It can hurt, it really can. Or at least leave an aching, hollow feeling inside.
What's worst, though, is the thought that more often than not comes along with the feeling. The thought of I'll never ever have that. Why do I think that? Well, because of the underlying thought of Nobody would want to. Why would anyone like me? Then it often develops into a list of why they wouldn't like me. See, I'm not very confident about myself and...well, let's just say I ain't exactly a model. Far from it, actually. Not that you can't be a nice person if you are not a model or something close to it, I know that. It's just...well...it doesn't happen. It just doesn't happen for me or girls like me. I know what they say 'n all - but somebody also said "Peace in our time" not long before the start of WWII, no? *sigh*
On the other hand - I don't want a relationship just to have one. I don't want to validate myself by being in a relationship. Then I'd rather live without for the rest of my life. I'm not that shallow. If I enter into a relationship, I'd like there to be mutual feelings. Otherwise one part will get hurt in the end - and I really don't want that.
Not that a relationship is a likely scenario, anyway...just thought I'd mention that too.
I know it sounds awfully pessimistic and I'm sorry about that. But I've been giving it a lot of though, not just these past 17-and-some months, but also long before that and in the end I've come to a conclusion. I think I've got about as much chance of finding a boy, a boy I like, that likes me back, as a snowflake in hell. Or worse.
But perhaps...that's okay. Not everybody is destined to find somebody, after all. If I'm the one who'll be the eternal single of my group of friends, then so be it. As long as they're happy.
Doesn't mean I won't fall in love. Just means that I'll end up disappointed and will need a little time to get my heart back to normal. That's all.
Sorry for the emo-ish update, to anyone reading this journal. As I said, I needed to get out of my system, the fact that it's almost 1am and the long day tomorrow be damned. *sigh*
Anyway - it's about boys and relationship. Told you it'd be cliché, didn't I? Luckily you're in no way forced to read this, which gives me the freedom of getting it out of the system.
I've been single for a little under 1½ years now and while it doesn't really bother me per say, it can be hard sometimes. You know, when you see a friend of yours being happy around their girl-/boyfriend or something like that. It can hurt, it really can. Or at least leave an aching, hollow feeling inside.
What's worst, though, is the thought that more often than not comes along with the feeling. The thought of I'll never ever have that. Why do I think that? Well, because of the underlying thought of Nobody would want to. Why would anyone like me? Then it often develops into a list of why they wouldn't like me. See, I'm not very confident about myself and...well, let's just say I ain't exactly a model. Far from it, actually. Not that you can't be a nice person if you are not a model or something close to it, I know that. It's just...well...it doesn't happen. It just doesn't happen for me or girls like me. I know what they say 'n all - but somebody also said "Peace in our time" not long before the start of WWII, no? *sigh*
On the other hand - I don't want a relationship just to have one. I don't want to validate myself by being in a relationship. Then I'd rather live without for the rest of my life. I'm not that shallow. If I enter into a relationship, I'd like there to be mutual feelings. Otherwise one part will get hurt in the end - and I really don't want that.
Not that a relationship is a likely scenario, anyway...just thought I'd mention that too.
I know it sounds awfully pessimistic and I'm sorry about that. But I've been giving it a lot of though, not just these past 17-and-some months, but also long before that and in the end I've come to a conclusion. I think I've got about as much chance of finding a boy, a boy I like, that likes me back, as a snowflake in hell. Or worse.
But perhaps...that's okay. Not everybody is destined to find somebody, after all. If I'm the one who'll be the eternal single of my group of friends, then so be it. As long as they're happy.
Doesn't mean I won't fall in love. Just means that I'll end up disappointed and will need a little time to get my heart back to normal. That's all.
Sorry for the emo-ish update, to anyone reading this journal. As I said, I needed to get out of my system, the fact that it's almost 1am and the long day tomorrow be damned. *sigh*