I am mentally ill (unlocked)

[serawench]

I am 31. I have been unable to work since March of 2008, when I had a breakdown at work. Since then, I've had to change doctors, when the first one treated me like an idiot, laughed at me, and generally was completely unprofessional. I've attended a program that was good when I was in it, but left me with no followup. When that ended in August of

Comments

Re: some thoughts

[serawench]

First, the reason I don't get specific is two-fold. 1, I don't want anyone else to carry around the horror of what I live with - sadistic, cruel sexual abuse from ages 6-8; rape at 14; assault by a cousin; rape at 21 and 28; plus multiple other things - like stalking, harrassment and general maltreatment. 2, retelling the abuse can be re-traumazing if I am not prepared for it, and I most definitely am not prepared for it - which is why the program at the sexual assault centre was not the best choice for me.

Second, my psychiatrist is well aware of my issues with my house. I have panic reactions to entering my kitchen (which is because doing so sets off flashbacks to my abuse), I am also in a very, very deep clinical depression. Committing to any kind of "schedule" around this drives the stress, anxiety and panic up. It's a very tangled mess, but my psychiatrist is treating me and working through this with me as I'm ready to do so.

I appreciate your input, but I wanted to address this so that you can understand that it's not out of a lack of desire to get better, but I cannot work on things right now that will re-traumatize me or make matters worse. I've got to deal with my insurance cutting me off, the death of my father (and now my grandfather) and my physical health.