Closure is a dirty word, and a lie (TRIGGER WARNING)
I've discussed this with my (most excellent) psychiatrist, and I wanted to expand upon it here.
Basically, whenever anyone asks or expects that I have gotten closure in regards to my history of childhood sexual abuse, rape, abusive relationships and sexual assault, I am offended and hurt. Closure is a myth, a lie perpetuated by those who are afraid of such things and want to keep them swept under the rug. All I can do is learn to cope and hopefully move on with my life.
Closure is this thing, this nebulous idea, that once dealing with an upsetting topic in your life, you can simply put it behind a door and close it, never to look at it again. The thing is, no matter how many locks you put on the door, it is still a door. Things can knock on it, turn the knob and eventually open it, to have that upsetting thing spill out messily into your life.
It isn't simple to gather up all the bits and pieces, the memories, the body sensations, the emotions, and pile them back in, slamming the door and hoping to contain it all behind that closure label. Things will happen in life that bring up all of those things, and if all you've been taught to do is lock it behind a door and call it case closed, you will not be able to deal with it.
The big thing to remember, if you have suffered trauma in your life of any kind, is that you are not responsible to anyone else for how you deal with it. It is a personal matter (unless how you react to re-traumatizing [retelling can be re-traumatizing] is damaging relationships or other people), and how you cope with it is your business. Other people may expect you to "get over it", "forgive and forget" or "get closure", which is placing an unfair burden on the victim.
How am I coping? With therapy, writing, and careful monitoring of medications. I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which causes issues with medications, and Bi-Polar disorder, making depressive swings really deadly. The mania is frustrating, and I wish I could find a balance that leaves me feeling normal. I am coping by not expecting closure from any of these things. I expect to be able to learn to cope better with these episodes and be able to lead a normal life. It's a slow process, and requires trusting your therapist, your support network and, most importantly, yourself. Do not go into recovery expecting something that doesn't exist; go into therapy hoping to learn how to understand and cope with things, and things will go better.
I am not cutting this because it is important to me that it be read. If you'd like to share, feel free. All comments welcome, provided they are respectful.