Fic: Enough to Feel Your Breath on Mine (3/4)

[seravia]

Title: Enough to Feel Your Breath on Mine
Fandom: Merlin
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Arthur/Merlin, Merlin/Freya
Length: 39k total
Summary: Merlin and Arthur wake up in the middle of a board meeting in the twenty-first century when they were in Camelot just moments before. Now they’re lost in a world they don’t understand, where Merlin is the son of the company owner and Arthur is the employee. Merlin’s lost his magic, Arthur doesn’t know how to not be a king, but somehow the world keeps turning.
Author's Notes: Written for paperlegends Takes place mid season 4. Time travel from canon to modern day and back.

Previous part | Masterpost

"Arthur?" Merlin called as he opened the door to their flat. He heard a distant grumbling coming from the living room and quickly followed the sound to investigate. To his shock, Merlin found Arthur hanging over the couch backwards, beer bottle in his hand. Arthur was waving the bottle about, mumbling about something to do with "Father," "stupid," and "why me?"

When Arthur spotted Merlin, his face broke into a wide grin. "Mer'in!" he shouted, slurring his words. Then Arthur frowned. "What are you doing here?"

Merlin blinked in confusion, disoriented by the sudden change in Arthur's attitude. "I live here?"

"But you're - you're s'pposed to be out," Arthur said, gesturing with the beer bottle. "Out with - with that girl."

"I was," Merlin said slowly, getting more and more worried about Arthur's mental state. He'd never seen Arthur this drunk. "It's midnight."

Arthur just humphed and tried to turn his back on Merlin, failing miserably.

Merlin picked his way toward the couch through the scattered beer bottles on the ground, counting at least six lying about. "Arthur," Merlin said soothingly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, obviously."

"Obviously," Merlin said dryly, gently trying to tug the bottle out of Arthur's hand. Arthur hugged it to his chest and Merlin held up both hands, palms up in a gesture of peace. Sending Merlin a suspicious look, Arthur relaxed, beginning to wave the bottle about again. Merlin wondered what Arthur thought he was doing with the bottle, feeling both amused and concerned.

"C'mon, Arthur," Merlin cajoled. "Why are you drinking?"

"Because you," Arthur said, pausing dramatically, "are an idiot."

"That's never driven you to drink before. What's so different about my idiocy this time?" Merlin asked, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees, eyeing the beer bottle as he did so.

"You're all - good at what you do," Arthur complained.

"Funny, I never thought I'd hear you complain about me being good at my job."

"But you learned how to do it all. And I'm just your secretary. Might as well be your manservant."

"Ah. Is that what this is about?" Merlin said, smiling ruefully.

"Not really," Arthur answered, turning a sincere gaze on Merlin.

Merlin felt thrown again. "Then... what are you on about?"

The open look dropped off Arthur's face. His expression darkened, and then he lifted his head and took another swig of his beer, sloshing it all down his front, the couch, and the carpet. Merlin thought it was a miracle he didn't choke. When the bottle left his lips, Arthur grumbled, "Your father loves you."

Oh, Merlin thought, feeling a bit stupid for not having seen it before. "Your father loves you too," he said gently.

Arthur barked a laugh. "Not like yours loves you," Arthur replied, suddenly looking a lot more sober than before.

Merlin lunged forward and yanked the bottle from Arthur's hand, ignoring his feeble protests and placing it on the end table. "Is that why you've been so quiet every time my father came by?"

"Yes," Arthur admitted reluctantly. "He's so... nice. And he's always got a kind word for you. Even for me."

"Our fathers are different, Arthur. There's nothing wrong with that," Merlin said softly even though he knew that Uther's lack of affection had made a deep indelible mark on Arthur's heart.

"It's not just that," Arthur mumbled, throwing an arm over his eyes. "Your father is always bragging about you to everyone. I was lucky if my father even said 'well done.'"

Merlin didn't respond, not knowing how he could respond to something like that.

"I'm sorry," Merlin finally said.

Arthur gave a hollow laugh. "Why? You're the one with the loving father."

"Because you deserve that too," Merlin said honestly.

Arthur snorted. "It's probably my fault."

"What - "

Arthur didn't let Merlin finish, just plowed forward. "Yeah, it's definitely my fault. It's because of me he lost my mother, after all. I know he hates me for it. Oh, I know he doesn't want me to die, but when is he ever not disappointed in me? My entire life is about pleasing him. Tournaments? I win just so he'll give me that little pat on the shoulder. And he doesn't even know. He doesn't even know the half of it. Maybe if my mother hadn't died. Maybe if I were a better prince, a better fighter, a better king... hell, a better son he'd see someone to be proud of."

"Arthur..." Merlin said. "There's no better king than you."

Arthur turned to Merlin and gave him a small smile. "I know you think that. You've always thought that. You believe in me when I don't believe in myself. How do you do it?"

"I just... know," Merlin said weakly.

"I wish I could 'just know'," Arthur said wistfully.

"Your people know. That's what matters."

"My people," Arthur whispered. "God, I don't have people anymore. No one here likes me, Merlin," Arthur practically whined.

"People like you!" Merlin protested, wincing as he knew he was lying.

"They do, do they?" Arthur asked dryly. "Is that why they all go out of their way to avoid talking to me?"

"Arthur... you come off a bit..."

"Of a prat?" Arthur finished for him.

"Well... yes," Merlin admitted.

"It never made a difference before," Arthur said. "People loved me in Camelot. They knew I loved them and that I would lay down my life for them. There's no one to defend anymore. No one cares if I can win a tourney. No one cares if I won't strike a defenseless man. Honor, strength - none of that matters anymore. What do I have without those, Merlin?"

"You have a good heart," Merlin said firmly. "That's what makes you a good king and a good fighter. You care about each and every person around you. If you let our coworkers see that, they would love you too."

"No, they wouldn't," Arthur said. "They'll never love me the way I was loved in Camelot."

"No, of course they wouldn't," Merlin said, exasperated. "You're never going to find that kind of admiration unless you're their ruler. But that's not the only way of connecting with others, Arthur. You can make friends with them. Just talk to them. And for heaven's sake, don't insult them."

"You don't get it, Merlin," Arthur said, shaking his head and staring at the blank TV screen. "People love you because you've got that vulnerable look about you."

"Hey!"

Arthur waved his hand in a kind of apology. "People want to help you. They want to protect you. And you've got that smile and those ears. Damn your ears," Arthur muttered.

"What's wrong with my ears?" Merlin said defensively, fingering the shell of an ear gingerly.

Arthur stared, eyes tracking the stroking movement. "Nothing," he finally said, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back. "Absolutely nothing. But people are just drawn to you. Like moths to a flame. But I'm prickly. I never knew that before because no one ever told me that. I know you told me that, but you don't count. You can be pretty prickly too when you want to be. People don't want to get near me because I'm not nice to them. I don't know how to be nice. I know how to be a prince. A king. A knight. I know how to play a part, but I don't know how to play 'me'."

Merlin was at a loss for words. He'd never envied Arthur's station, but he'd never realized how many strings came with being a king. He'd never realized that Arthur acted like a king because that was all he knew how to be.

"Come on," Merlin murmured, standing and helping Arthur up. "Let's get you to bed."

Arthur obeyed meekly, seeming completely drained after his tirade. Merlin settled Arthur on his bed and hurried to get him a few glasses of water. When he returned, he found Arthur still sitting where he left him, looking lost and staring at Merlin with big, sad eyes.

"Oh, Arthur," Merlin whispered, taking Arthur's hand and wrapping it around the glass. He brought the glass to Arthur's lips and said, "Drink." Obediently, Arthur drank the first glass and then a second. Then Merlin helped Arthur into his pajamas and tucked him in, the gesture somehow feeling more intimate than it ever had in Camelot after months of not performing these duties.

"Good night," Merlin murmured, stroking Arthur's hair briefly before leaving the room, closing the door behind himself with a quiet click.

--

Arthur woke with a pounding head.

The room was bright. Far, far too bright. Arthur groaned as he turned away from the light, cracking open his eyes and finding a bottle of medicine with a note propped on it on his bedside table.

Drink up, the note said, in Merlin's untidy scrawl. Arthur eyed the bottle blearily before tossing the entire concoction down his throat, wincing at the burn. Gaius' remedies never changed it seemed.

Feeling the pounding in his head recede just a bit, Arthur stumbled out of bed, barely managing to avoid crashing into the closed door before he pulled it open and wobbled into the hallway. The smell of bacon and eggs wafted over to him and he sighed contentedly. He followed the scent to the kitchen and found Merlin standing at the stove, humming tunelessly and flipping a couple pieces of bacon.

All at once, the events of the night before hit Arthur. A flush quickly spread over Arthur's cheeks as he remembered all the whining he did about his father and his own inability to be his own person. It was mortifying that he'd poured out all his sorrows to Merlin. He could only thank the heavens that he hadn't managed to blurt out his feelings for Merlin while he was at it.

At that moment, Merlin turned around, frying pan in his hand as he prepared to put the bacon on their plates.

"Arthur," Merlin said brightly, giving him a soft smile, his entire face lighting up with it.

Arthur suddenly had to swallow past the lump in his throat, staring helplessly at Merlin. It was as if he was looking at his entire world in a neat little package, and that neat little package was Merlin. Merlin with his ears and his elbows and his contagious smiles. Merlin with his taunts and his teasing and his little touches that left Arthur tingling for the rest of the day. He already knew that he wanted Merlin, but he hadn't realized just how far he'd fallen until he saw Merlin standing in the kitchen, cooking his breakfast, the early morning sun lighting him from the back. It was domestic in a way Arthur had never dreamed of having. In a way that Arthur had never known he could have. Because, now, in that moment, Arthur had never wanted anything more than he wanted Merlin. For the first time, Arthur knew what love felt like.



Then Merlin was speaking again. "Arthur? Arthur, it'll be fine, you'll see. We'll fix it. We'll fix everything together." And then he gave Arthur another one of those genuine smiles that warmed Arthur from the inside out. And Arthur felt himself relax, felt all the stress and mortification just melt out of him because with a few words, it felt as if the load on his shoulders had lifted.

"Okay," Arthur whispered, and sat down.

Merlin's smile widened as he plucked two slices of toast from the toaster and poured them both some coffee before sitting down.

"You'll make someone a good little housewife one day," Arthur teased, feeling lighter than he had in months. Merlin froze, and Arthur quickly backtracked. "Or, you know, make Freya breakfast once in a while, at least."

Merlin didn't meet Arthur's gaze when he said, "Freya and I broke up last night."

Then it was Arthur's turn to freeze. "You broke up?" Arthur echoed.

"Yeah. Split up, not together anymore, however you want to put it," Merlin sighed.

"Why?"

"We just... weren't right for each other."

"Oh, come on," Arthur said, rolling his eyes. "You're not giving me that excuse, are you? There's got to be a reason."

"We just did, okay?" Merlin said sharply.

Arthur felt taken aback. "You know you can tell me what happened, Merlin."

"It didn't work out. It wasn't enough. Leave it."

"It wasn't enough?" Arthur tried coaxing.

"No," Merlin said shortly.

"No, it wasn't enough, or no, it was enough?"

"Stop with the questions!" Merlin snapped.

"What happened? Why won't you tell me?"

"Don't you ever know when to give it a rest?"

"But Merlin, I thought you really liked her," Arthur protested even while his heart was rejoicing that Merlin was his again. Wait... his?

"That's it," Merlin said, slamming his fork down and getting up. "I didn't bug you about your drunken fiasco, did I? Now, before you can bug me further, I'm going out." Before Arthur could get another word out, Merlin had disappeared out the door.

--

Merlin slumped against his own door for a moment before stuffing his hands in his pockets and hurrying outside. He walked aimlessly around London, trying to sort out the mess in his head and his heart. Freya and Arthur both had their own corners. It just so happened that Arthur's corner was less a corner and more... his entire heart.

As he wandered around London, he let his thoughts stray back to his break up with Freya the night before.

Merlin asked Freya out for drinks after work, telling Arthur he would meet him at home today rather than ride back with him. Arthur had given him a strange, slightly hurt look that Merlin had yet to decipher. Merlin waited in his office, trying to get some extra work done despite the churning in his stomach and his mind.

At ten past five, Merlin finally mustered up the courage to go to Freya’s office just next door. Merlin knocked hesitantly on the door frame.

“Freya? Ready to go?”

Freya’s head shot up and she gave Merlin a warm smile, making guilt pool in Merlin’s gut. “Of course, just give me a minute to gather my things,” Freya replied, quickly sweeping her Blackberry and a variety of other things Merlin didn’t know why she carried into her bag.

“To the pub?” Freya asked, joining Merlin at his side and tucking a hand at his elbow.

Merlin swallowed and smiled as genuinely as he could. “To the pub.”

As they walked to the pub just down the street, Freya chattered about her day, starting with the annoying calls she’d received and ending with how pleased she was with the progress she made with her new organization system.

At a loss for responses, Merlin nodded and made noncommittal noises the entire walk, offering a smile each time Freya looked at him.

After ordering and settling down in a booth, Merlin attempted to make small talk, but was quickly cut off by Freya. “Merlin, what’s wrong?”

Merlin started nervously, taking a generous gulp of his beer. “Why do you think something’s wrong?” Merlin hedged.

Freya smiled indulgently and put her hand over Merlin’s. “Merlin, darling, I’ve learned to take cues from the different twitches of your eyebrows. I can certainly tell when there’s something you need to say.”

“My eyebrows? Really?” Merlin asked, genuinely sidetracked by this new information.

“Merlin,” Freya said sternly.

“Okay, there is something I need to talk to you about,” Merlin said with a sigh. “I just don’t know how to say it without hurting you.”

Immediately, Freya pulled her hand away. Merlin looked up guiltily, even as he missed the warmth of Freya’s hand on his own.

“Just spit it out,” Freya said softly. “I promise I can handle it.”

“I have no doubt of that,” Merlin said with a crooked smile. “You’re stronger than anyone gives you credit for, you know?”

Freya relaxed a little, a smile playing at the corners of her lips despite the wary look in her eyes. “You flatterer,” Freya teased. “Even when you’re being all shifty, you still know how to flatter a girl.”

“I only speak the truth,” Merlin said honestly, ducking his head in embarrassment.

Freya huffed a laugh. “That’s what makes it worse.”

Merlin gave Freya a wide eyed look. “How could that make it worse? I’m not lying.”

Freya shook her head and gave Merlin a look like he was a cute puppy she’d like to pet. “Such a charmer, you. It - “ Freya cut herself off and narrowed her eyes at Merlin. “Hey,” she protested, jabbing a finger in Merlin’s direction. “We were having a different discussion. Stop changing the subject. I can see right through you.”

Merlin sighed. “Freya,” he began gently, then stopped, still at a loss for words.

“I thought we established that I can handle whatever it is. Just say it, darling,” Freya said encouragingly.

Merlin looked up at her through his lashes, realizing with a jolt that Freya knew what he was about to say. She hadn’t stayed his P.A. for three years by taking things as they came. She was always three steps ahead of him, and as things stood, she had already anticipated the words about to spill from his mouth.

“I really do care for you, you know,” Merlin said. “A lot. I know I could love you if things were different.”

Freya just smiled sadly and nodded as if she could hear the first half of the thought Merlin hadn’t articulated. “I know, Merlin,” Freya whispered. “I know.”

“But things aren’t different. And as much as I care for you, there’s someone else in my heart who’s never going to go away.”

“It’s Arthur, isn’t it?” Freya asked, gently taking Merlin’s hand and prying his fingers off the neck of the beer bottle in his hand.

Merlin startled so badly that the beer sloshed all over the table. He and Freya scrambled to mop up the spill before it could make its way off the table. “H-How did you know?” Merlin stammered, avoiding Freya’s gaze.

Freya laughed a little. “Oh, Merlin,” she said fondly. “I’ve always known. I’ve known since the first day I saw you two together. It’s as clear as day. You’re the only one who never saw it.”

“Then why did you agree to go out with me?” Merlin asked, mystified.

“I won’t lie and say I wasn’t surprised when you asked,” Freya admitted. “Because I was shocked. After all that time you two spent locked in your office, I thought for sure that something was going on. But honestly, it was a bit of a wish come true. I had a crush on you for years. Something else you never noticed, Mr. Oblivious.” Freya made a face at Merlin. “And I hoped that if you felt something for me, maybe it would turn into more given the chance.”

Merlin felt awful. Freya didn’t deserve any of this. “I’m so sorry, Freya. I wish there was more I could offer you. I do care about you a great deal. I never lied about any of it. But… what I feel for Arthur is something I can’t even put into words. I’m so so sorry for wasting so much of your time.”

Freya shook her head and smiled at Merlin. “I’m not going to pretend this break up doesn’t hurt, but I just want you to be happy, Merlin. It’s okay if your happiness can’t be found with me.” Freya leaned over and pressed a kiss to Merlin’s cheek. “I think I’m going to head out. It’s a lot to take in for one day. Even if I saw it coming.”

Merlin nodded, giving Freya what amounted to a kicked puppy look. Freya rolled her eyes. “God, how can anyone hold a grudge against you? You’re far too charming for your own good, Merlin Emrys.” Freya patted Merlin’s hand comfortingly and said, “I’ll see you at work on Monday,” before walking away.

Merlin stared after her, wondering if he’d just given up what was arguably the best thing that ever happened to him for something he could never have.

Merlin slumped against the brick wall beside him, gazing out at London inattentively. Now he just felt drained. Breaking up with Freya had almost been harder than letting her go the first time. In Camelot, Merlin knew she would be happier away from the pain in her life. He had cared about Freya and made sure to stay with her until the end.

He hadn't been lying when he said he could've loved her if only things were different. He loved her in Camelot, and he loved her now. But there had always been Arthur. And nothing and no one compared to Arthur. By this point, it was practically a fact of Merlin's life.

This time, it was all Merlin's fault. Years ago when Merlin met Freya, he had been young. They had both been young. They thought love was everything. He thought the love he had for Freya was enough. But Merlin knew better now. Despite that, he'd stayed with Freya for months, hoping he would be able to find that idealistic idea of love he once held and stop longing for Arthur. But that day never came.

Freya was wonderful. She loved Merlin. She kept him in line. She trusted him. Even while she knew there was only one possible result for their relationship. That was one of things he loved about her. She never stopped hoping. She never stopped loving. And Merlin needed a bit more hope and love in his life. Because wasn't he just the same? He knew there was no happy ending in store for him and Arthur. But that didn't stop him from sticking to Arthur's side and hoping for a bit of affection.

Arthur. Merlin rubbed his hand over his face. He hadn't meant to snap before he left. In fact, he'd like nothing more than to tell Arthur about everything. Not just about Freya, but about his magic. But for the first time, when Merlin didn't open up, Arthur kept prodding instead of punching him on the arm before leaving him to his thoughts. He'd clearly become much too attuned to Merlin's emotions. It got harder and harder to keep secrets from Arthur with each passing day. They had grown much closer living in the same flat and spending their days together as equals. Arthur was learning to be a person instead of a prince. People in the office had even grown a bit fond of him.

After all that, Merlin should've expected Arthur to ask after his break up. It had been unfair for Merlin to snap at Arthur. Reluctantly, Merlin began the walk back to his flat.

--

"Merlin!" came the shout the moment Merlin stepped through his front door. Within moments, Arthur appeared in front of him, pulling him into a brief but tight hug.

Merlin stood speechless, gaping at Arthur until he blushed and ducked his head. "Hi," Arthur finally said, not meeting Merlin's eyes.

"Um, hi?" Merlin responded.

"I thought you’d left. For good," Arthur said hoarsely.

Merlin laughed. "Arthur, I would never leave you." Merlin had aimed for a teasing tone, but somehow the words came out softer and more sincere than he intended.

Arthur's head immediately snapped up, eyes searching Merlin's face. Before Arthur could respond, Merlin said, "I'm sorry for storming out like that."

Arthur shook his head. "No, don't even mention it. It's fine. I'm just glad you're back. You've never run off like that before. So, let's just not talk about it anymore, right?"

Merlin swallowed. Part of him had been hoping for Arthur to keep pushing so he could just break down and pour his story out. "Right," Merlin said, forcing a smile.

"Good to know you're sticking around," Arthur said quietly. Then he cleared his throat and shot Merlin a lopsided smile. "It's not like I have any other friends."

"People at the office are warming to you!" Merlin protested.

"Sure," Arthur said, rolling his eyes. "Only because you're rubbing off on them. Way too in love with you, the lot of them."

Merlin blushed. "They're not," he muttered.

"Oh, aren't they?" Arthur asked, raising an eyebrow in disbelief. "They scramble after you when you pass their desks just for a glance in their direction. I swear even the married women get all doe-eyed around you."

"Jealous?" Merlin teased.

"Not a bit," Arthur snorted.

"Sure," Merlin said, drawing the word out teasingly, giving Arthur an exaggerated wink.

"I'm not!" Arthur yelped. "I can find my own fans, thank you!"

"They're not fans, Arthur," Merlin said, rolling his eyes. "They're just co-workers. There's nothing wrong with having a good relationship with them."

"It's such a good relationship that they all want to get in your pants, Merlin."

Merlin flushed bright red. "Arthur!" Merlin exclaimed, covering his face with a hand. "You don't know that!"

Arthur was about to counter by telling Merlin about the conversation he'd once overhead with the two women in the break room swooning over Merlin. But then he remembered the rest of the conversation and clamped his mouth shut.

"Arthur?" Merlin asked. "Is something wrong?" Arthur glanced at Merlin, taking in the slight flush still left on his cheeks, mind immediately beginning to wander to another way of putting that flush in Merlin's pale cheeks that involved a lot more moaning and a lot less clothing.

"Arthur?" Suddenly, Merlin was a lot closer to Arthur's face, and a certain part of his anatomy was getting too interested for comfort.

"I'm fine!" Arthur squeaked. "I should go do some reading. Drinks tonight?"

"Sure," Merlin replied, mystified.

--

When Merlin and Arthur arrived at the office the next day, the news of Merlin and Freya's breakup had already spread. Merlin ignored - or was completely oblivious to - the speculative glances thrown his and Arthur's way, while Arthur found himself increasingly desperate to hide in Merlin's office. No one questioned Merlin openly about the status of his and Arthur's relationship, but Arthur's day was filled with innuendo laden conversations and unsubtle elbows in the ribs until Arthur swore he now had bruises up and down his sides. Mercifully, Freya was spared any questioning, having been the one who got the short end of the stick.

Despite the breakup, Merlin and Freya continued their easy relationship in the office, neither missing a beat in their day-to-day tasks. Their normal interactions mystified the rest of the office. But at the same time, rumor around the office was that Merlin and Freya's lack of broken hearts was further proof that they weren't meant to be together (everyone already knew that though) and that Merlin and Arthur were the ones meant to be.

While Merlin was spared all this speculation, Arthur found himself frequently within earshot of discussions of the office betting pool on Merlin and Arthur's relationship. To his horror, he even once overheard his co-workers placing disturbingly detailed bets on when they would finally fuck. In the office, no less!

The moment Arthur heard the words "anyone up for a new round of Merthur bets?" he tried to make a run for it. Unfortunately, he was stuck in the walk in closet that opened into the break room where everyone was gathered.

"Always, Gwaine!" came Gwen's response.

"When do we think all that tension is finally gonna snap and the two of them just start fucking right in the office?" Gwaine said mischievously. Arthur could see in his mind's eye the leer on Gwaine's face, and he slapped a hand over his eyes to try and erase the image.

A chorus of ooh's went up in the break room.

"What? No 'ooh!'" Arthur hissed into the darkness.

Leon was the first to chime in with, "I think it's going to be soon."

Arthur narrowed his eyes and made a mental note to put Leon through extra intense training if they ever got back to Camelot.

"Tell us something we don't know, Leon," came Morgana's voice.

"Okay, fine," Leon replied. "I think it'll happen in the next two weeks. Merlin definitely didn't break up with Freya just for the hell of it. Er... sorry, Freya."

"Don't be sorry," Freya said, chuckling slightly.

Arthur's eyes widened. 'Freya's part of this?' Arthur thought incredulously.

"I think it's hilarious the way the two of them dance around each other. But I'm going to have to disagree with you, Leon. Having been part of that break up, I don't think Merlin's going to make a move any time soon."

"Why not?" Gwaine whined.

"That's for me to know and you to wonder about, love," Freya replied cheerily.

Freya's words promptly sent Arthur's mind spinning, not daring to hope - but desperately hoping anyway - that Merlin returned his feelings.

"Fine. What's your bet then, love?" Gwaine shot back.

"Let me get back to you."

"Well, I have no idea when or how it's going to happen, but," Vivian piped up, "I'm prepared with cameras to get evidence and smelling salts for anyone who faints upon discovering them." Arthur inched away from the break room door, at the wicked tone in Vivian's voice.

"Are you saying they'll do it in full view of the office?" Gwaine asked, tone sounding too interested for Arthur's comfort.

"Oh, it might not be the first time, but I'd bet anything that they'll do it on Arthur's desk at some point."

A collective murmur of agreement went up. The furious scratch of pen on paper was audible in the quiet.

"I've been watching them since the break up and nothing's happened yet," Lance said. "Whenever it happens, I'm betting it won't be for at least three months. Merlin will definitely take Freya's feelings into account."

Another murmur of agreement. More scribbling sounds.

"But you agree that there'll be loud office sex eventually?" Gwaine prompted.

"Oh definitely," Lance replied in a heartbeat.

"That's what I like to hear," Gwaine said.

"Lance agreeing with you or the loud sex?" Morgana teased.

"Both," was Gwaine's snappy retort.

"Both what?" came Merlin's voice.

Arthur froze, heart pounding as he wondered how much Merlin had heard.

"Both... coffee makers need more coffee!" Gwen said hastily.

"Oh. I'll be sure to put in a new work order," Merlin replied. "Why are you all in the break room? Did I miss an email?"

"No, no, no!" came the shout. Arthur swallowed a laugh as he imagined the befuddled look that must be on Merlin's face. "We were just getting back to work," Gwen blurted out. And promptly, Arthur heard the stomp of footsteps racing for their desks.

Arthur held back a snort, and in the next moment, the door to the storage closet swung open.

"Arthur?" Merlin said, staring at Arthur in his hiding place.

"Merlin," Arthur said with as much dignity as he could manage. "What are you doing here?"

"I sent you to find me some new letterhead over an hour ago. I was worried something happened when you didn't come back. Were you hiding?"

"No!" Arthur yelped.

Merlin's eyes softened. "You're really not used to this, are you?"

"Used to what?" Arthur answered, irritated.

"Being part of a crowd. You could've joined everyone in the break room instead of hiding out here," Merlin said encouragingly.

Arthur's eyes widened as he thought back to the conversation. No, he really couldn't, Arthur thought. But he just gave Merlin a feeble, "right," in response.

--

"Got the email for the company holiday party my father's throwing?" Merlin asked Arthur.

Arthur glanced briefly at Merlin from his perch on Merlin's office couch before pulling up his email.

You are cordially invited to our Annual Holiday Party.

"Are you and Freya organizing it again?" Arthur asked as he scanned the details of the invitation.

"Not this time," Merlin replied. "Father likes to keep me out of the loop for the company-only parties." Arthur looked up just in time to catch the tail end of Merlin's crinkly-eyed smile.

Tucking away the warm feeling in his chest from Merlin's smile, Arthur asked, "Still need Freya as your date to keep you in line?"

Merlin didn't speak for a bit. The silence lasted long enough for Arthur to stop his work and look up to check on Merlin. To his surprise, Merlin was gazing back at him, a contemplative look in his eye.

"Merlin?"

"You know what?" Merlin said slowly, eyes never leaving Arthur's face. "I don't think I do."

Fighting down shivers from Merlin's intense gaze, Arthur could only say, "Oh really?"

"Really," Merlin said softly. "We can go together."

Arthur's eyes widened at the same moment the words sank in for Merlin. "I-I mean, we can take the same car!" Merlin hastily amended, a dark flush spreading up his neck.

"R-right," Arthur said shakily. "Same car. Good plan."

--

On the night of the party, Arthur sat staring at his only tux forlornly, wishing he had a better wardrobe. Finally, with a sigh, Arthur put on the tux and the tied his bowtie. The moment felt anticlimactic. He knew it wasn't a date, but he'd be walking into the biggest company party of the year at Merlin's side. And it's not as if he didn't know the rumors around the office. His co-workers were going to have a field day with this.

After stalling another half hour, Arthur left his bedroom and flopped down on their living room couch to watch TV. "Ready when you are!" Arthur called.

Muffled stumbling sounds came from Merlin's bedroom. Arthur rolled his eyes in exasperation. Merlin never changed. "Gimme a bit!" was Merlin's muffled response.

"I know," Arthur muttered under his breath. It's not as if he didn't understand why Merlin needed time to get ready. He was the son of the company owner, it was only fitting that he present himself in the best light. Arthur certainly took his sweet time getting ready when he was representing Camelot as her prince or king. But then there was the bowtie. Merlin couldn't tie a bowtie to save his life. Except he would always insist on trying for a good half hour before he gave up and came to Arthur, crumpled silk in his hand and a defeated look on his face.

Arthur was able to get through a whole episode of Game of Thrones before Merlin appeared beside the couch, obligatory pile of silk in his palm and a kicked puppy look on his face.

"C'mere," Arthur said, rolling his eyes. "You're useless with a bowtie. Why do you even try?"

"It's less fiddly than all the ties on your ceremonial shirts," Merlin grumbled. "It's just a piece of silk. I should be able to do it."

"But you can't," Arthur pointed out, smoothing out the silk before standing to loop it around Merlin's neck.

"No. I can't," Merlin admitted grudgingly.

"You budget time into your schedule to try tying your own bowtie before you come to me. Just save yourself the trouble and come straight here."

"I'll get it one day," Merlin said stubbornly.

"Suit yourself," Arthur said with a shrug. "There. It's done. Can we go now?" Arthur patted Merlin's chest lightly under the pretense of examining the bowtie.

"Yes, sire, we can leave," Merlin teased.

--

As Merlin and Arthur walked into the party together, they were greeted by a series of suggestively raised eyebrows and inquisitive glances that Merlin seemed entirely oblivious to while Arthur squirmed and tried not to blush at his side.

Merlin was quickly roped into conversation after conversation. It seemed every employee of the company wanted a bit of Merlin’s time, and Merlin made time for them all, expressing an interest in all their lives and leaving each person feeling special judging by the looks on everyone’s faces when the conversation ended. Arthur was immensely grateful that Merlin made sure to keep him at his side no matter where he was needed, doing his best to include Arthur in the conversation and doing a surprisingly successful job of it.

As the night went on and Merlin caught several whiffs of a barmaid's apron soaked in ale, he got more and more clingy. By the time ten o'clock rolled around, Merlin was alternating between hanging off Arthur's arm and draping himself over Arthur's back. Arthur had never seen Merlin drunk and was woefully under prepared to handle the way his hands were constantly on Arthur's body. One moment Merlin was smoothing down the lapels of Arthur's jacket, gazing up at him from under his lashes, and the next he was wrapping his arms around Arthur's waist, thumb slipping tantalizingly under Arthur's shirt to brush at skin.

Arthur's solution was to drink. And then he just couldn't stop. The champagne kept coming around, and Arthur kept gulping them down, terrified of the words that might escape if he spoke to Merlin in their inebriated states.

It didn't take long before Merlin was tugging on Arthur's arm, then trailing his fingers down Arthur's arm to curl his fingers around Arthur's. When Merlin tugged and looked back at Arthur with a sweet smile, Arthur was helpless to resist as he trailed after Merlin like a puppy.

By the time Arthur's head stopped spinning from the combination of the alcohol and Merlin's lips curled upward shyly, he found himself shoved in a broom cupboard.

"Wha - " Arthur began, only to be cut off by a pair of lips closing over his own, uncertain but demanding in their own way.

Arthur froze, brain attempting to process the fact that Merlin was kissing him.

After several moments of unresponsiveness, Arthur felt Merlin's lips falter and draw back slightly.

Oh gods! Merlin is kissing me! Arthur thought frantically. He surged forward desperately and only managed to crash into Merlin's face, wincing as he felt his lip split open against Merlin teeth.

"Ow," Arthur complained, pulling away and raising a hand to rub his lip. "Your teeth are sharp."

"My teeth? Your forehead is hard! I'm going to have a bruise come morning," Merlin shot back, voice strained and slightly higher than usual.

Arthur squinted at Merlin in the darkness, then gave up trying to make out where Merlin's lips were. Instead, he made a wild grab and latched on to Merlin's hips, yanking him forward.

With a yelp, Merlin fell against Arthur's chest. Before Merlin could speak again, Arthur leaned forward and brushed his lips against the top of Merlin's ear. Merlin cut off with a gasp, all but melting into Arthur's arms.

"I knew your ears would be sensitive," Arthur murmured, letting his breath ghost over the shell of Merlin's ear, grinning wickedly at Merlin's shudder.

"Thought of them often, have you?" Merlin said breathlessly.

Arthur made a non-committal noise and nipped at Merlin's ear, making Merlin whine low in his throat. Arthur flicked out his tongue to give Merlin's ear a lick, then trailed his lips along Merlin's cheek to finally meet his lips. Then it was Arthur who whimpered when Merlin darted out his tongue to trace Arthur's lips. Immediately, Arthur met Merlin's tongue with his own, the two fighting for dominance in the confined space inside their mouths. What started out as an innocent kiss swiftly descended into a battle of tongues, each resorting to steadily dirtier tactics to subdue the other.

When Merlin's palm slid over Arthur's cock, Arthur groaned and threw his head back. "Merlin," he panted. "Car. Flat. Ngh."

Arthur was eternally grateful Merlin seemed to speak melted brain, since he wasted no time with words and just dragged Arthur after him into the cold, night air.

Merlin ordered, "Home. Now," before the door to the car was even fully shut. As the car sped off, Merlin promptly climbed into Arthur's lap and attacked his lips again.

The logical part of Arthur's mind knew that the driver was barely two feet away and could probably hear every pant and moan they made, but the part of his mind that only cared about Merlin and now, beat Arthur's logic over the head with a lump of wood and was currently urging Arthur to get his hands on more of Merlin's skin.

"We're here!" came a gleeful shout from the front of the car. Somehow, Merlin still had the presence of mind to call a quick "thanks!" before bodily dragging Arthur out the door and into their building. By the time they made it into their flat, Arthur was quite sure that they'd lost several items of clothing they had no intention of going back to retrieve.

Merlin and Arthur stumbled into one of their bedrooms - possibly Merlin's judging by the number of times they tripped - and collapsed on the bed, drunkenly tugging and ripping clothing off each other. The moment the last piece of clothing was gone, Merlin straddled Arthur and kissed him, then unfairly wiped out his brain functions by wrapping a hand around Arthur's cock and stroking, thumb rubbing the underside of the tip in a way that had Arthur bucking and scrabbling at the sheets.

"Merlin, please," Arthur moaned against Merlin's lips.

"God, Arthur," Merlin growled, breaking the kiss to rest his forehead on Arthur's shoulder. "Do you even know what you do to me?"

"I've got a pretty good idea," Arthur gasped out between moans, wrapping an arm around Merlin's back and pulling him down with a swift yank that had Merlin collapsing against Arthur's chest, back arching as his cock slid against Arthur's stomach. Arthur took great vindictive pleasure in Merlin's moans as he writhed against Arthur's chest, thrashing as his body sought enough friction for release.

"Fuck!" Arthur swore when Merlin bit down on a nipple. He sank his fingers into Merlin's soft hair and whimpered as Merlin soothed the bite with his tongue, sending bolts of arousal shooting through him as he scraped his teeth over the top of Arthur's nipple.

"Quit being such a tease," Arthur panted, pulling Merlin's head up by the hair.

Merlin licked his lips and met Arthur's heated gaze with dark - gold flecked? - eyes. The specks of gold were forgotten the moment Merlin ground his hips against Arthur, their cocks catching together with mind blowing friction.

"Arthur, I'm not gonna last," Merlin groaned, arms trembling as he tried to hold himself up.

Arthur took in the way Merlin's head hung down between his shoulders and shivered at the feel of Merlin's breath puffing across his chest. Arthur threw his head back and arched helplessly. "Neither will I. Come for me, Merlin."

And Merlin did, Arthur's name torn from his lips in a shout. Arthur was quick to follow at the feel of Merlin's come splashing across his chest, clutching at the sheets as the waves of pleasure consumed him.

The last thing Arthur saw before falling asleep was Merlin's fingers trailing through the come on Arthur's skin before lifting his hand to his lips and darting out his tongue for a taste.

--

Arthur woke with a pounding headache and a clump of hair in his mouth. Immediately, Arthur began struggling to spit out his mouthful of hair without jostling his head too much or opening his eyes.

Finally, he cracked an eye open, immensely grateful the curtains were drawn, and wriggled away from the source of his discomfort. When the clump of hair moved, Arthur froze, slowly looking down to find a messy head of black hair shifting on his chest. With bated breath, Arthur peered over the hair to see Merlin’s face, nose scrunching up until he found a comfortable position on Arthur’s chest.

Arthur felt warmth suffuse his chest, a smile spreading across his face until he remembered how drunk they both were the night before. Gingerly, Arthur slipped from the bed to find some water and paracetamol for his headache.

As he wandered around the kitchen, Arthur wondered about how Merlin would react when he woke. He remembered the desperate desire they both expressed from the previous night with a smile. Some of it had to be real, Arthur told himself.

Before going back into the bedroom, Arthur grabbed another glass of water and the bottle of paracetamol, knowing Merlin would need it even more given his inability to hold his liquor. Arthur paused in the doorway to the bedroom, fondly gazing at the way Merlin cocooned himself in the blankets in the absence of Arthur’s presence, hugging Arthur’s pillow and half-burrowing into the mattress. It was so adorable it made his heart melt.

With a degree of care Arthur had never deemed necessary, he slipped back into bed, letting Merlin wrap his arms around Arthur’s torso and bury his face in Arthur’s stomach. Tentatively, Arthur began to run his fingers through Merlin’s rumpled hair, smoothing and messing it at the same time. Merlin snuffled and pushed further into Arthur’s touch.

Arthur lost track of time as he laid in bed, gazing at Merlin as he slept, fascinated by the sweep of dark eyelashes against porcelain skin and the pink lips parted ever so slightly in invitation. When Merlin finally stirred, Arthur just smiled indulgently, forgetting that their situation was out of the ordinary.

Merlin blinked his eyes open and made a discontented noise, muttering Arthur’s name in a slight whine.

Arthur laughed and tugged gently on Merlin’s hair. “Yes, Merlin?”

“Arthur!” Merlin suddenly yelped, and bolted upright in bed, scooting away from Arthur.

Finally, the reality of the situation hit Arthur, and he hastily pulled back the hand that was reaching for Merlin. “Merlin! I - “

Arthur faltered when he saw Merlin wince and raise a hand to his head. Quickly, he handed Merlin the glass of water and the paracetamol, softening a bit at Merlin’s grateful smile.

After Merlin downed the painkillers, he met Arthur’s gaze uncertainly and asked, “Do you remember last night?”

Arthur shifted nervously and avoided Merlin’s gaze. Finally, he said, “Yeah. I remember everything.”

“So…?”

Arthur cracked a weak smile. “It was nothing, right? I mean, you were with Freya not too long ago, and I… well it doesn’t matter.” Arthur made to get off the bed, but got lost in the tangled blankets.

“Wait, Arthur, you what?” Merlin asked desperately.

“Nothing,” Arthur insisted. “We’re just friends. You don’t feel that way about me, so it doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter,” Merlin said. “We can’t just ignore what happened. You can’t possibly just be okay with it. I mean - “ Merlin broke off, swallowing nervously as a blush crept up his neck. He continued more quietly, “I mean, I was the one who made the first move. You can’t tell me you have nothing to say.”

“What do you want me to say, Merlin?” Arthur asked tiredly.

“The truth,” Merlin simply said. Arthur looked at Merlin, taking in his earnest expression, and gave in.

“You want the truth? The truth is that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you for - for - ages probably. The truth is that I hated seeing you with Freya, and I still hate seeing you together now because I wonder if you still have feelings for her. God, Merlin, I’ve been a bit in love with you for ages, and I don’t know why I never saw it before we got thrown into this crazy new world. There, are you happy now?”

Merlin gaped at Arthur for several moments before he threw himself into Arthur’s arms and kissed him square on the lips. Arthur melted into the kiss at first, then pulled away violently.

“Are you still drunk?” Arthur asked bluntly, keeping Merlin at arm’s length.

Merlin laughed and shook his head, reaching for Arthur’s hand to tangle their fingers together. “No, you prat, I’m not drunk. I’m just a little bit in love with you too.”

--

That night, as Merlin got into the bed beside Arthur for the first time, Merlin felt a slight tingling in his chest. He rubbed at it idly until it went away. As Arthur fell asleep, arms wound tightly around Merlin’s torso, Merlin felt the tingling return. Merlin rubbed at the spot on his chest again, feeling irritated and a little worried. Suddenly, a spark appeared at the tip of his finger.

Merlin froze and stared at the darkness where the spark appeared. “Arthur?” Merlin murmured. He relaxed when he received no response.

Concentrating hard, Merlin focused on that bit of tingling within himself and willed another spark to appear. And appear it did.

A huge grin broke out across Merlin’s face as he realized what this meant.

His magic was returning.

It was just a tiny trickle thus far, but Merlin had hopes that it would return entirely over time. At last, it felt as if what was missing inside him had returned just a little. With that thought in mind, Merlin drifted off the sleep with a smile on his face.

--

The next morning, Merlin woke to find Arthur gazing at him with a soft smile on his face.

“Hi,” Merlin whispered.

“Hi yourself,” Arthur whispered back, leaning in for a good morning kiss that swiftly turned heated. It didn’t take long before Merlin found himself pinned to the bed with Arthur straddling him.

“Yes, Arthur,” Merlin gasped, bucking his hips up to meet Arthur’s cock.

“Merlin,” Arthur groaned, rutting against Merlin helplessly for a few moments before getting himself back under control.

“I’m glad we’re both sober this time,” Merlin half-moaned, tugging at the bottom of Arthur’s nightshirt to pull it over his head.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Arthur said, tugging Merlin’s shirt over his head and tugging his pants down at the same time. “I could get drunk off of you.”

Merlin’s breathless laugh quickly turned into a moan as Arthur wrapped his fingers around Merlin’s cock and started stroking.

“I’ve wanted you for so long, Merlin,” Arthur panted into Merlin’s neck, making Merlin throw his head back and moan from the pleasure of the play of Arthur’s breath over sensitive skin.

Arthur smirked. “I knew your neck would be sensitive. Keeping it covered up with those damn neckerchiefs all the time.” Arthur nipped at Merlin’s collarbone, reveling in the hitch in Merlin’s breath.

“You love my neckerchiefs,” Merlin sniped, his tone losing its effect when his words ended on a moan.

“God help me, I do,” Arthur groaned, letting Merlin push his pants down so he could grasp at Arthur’s cock.

Neither spoke for a while, the only sounds being their quiet moans and the sounds of them writhing on the blankets. They just took in the sensations of being together so intimately, gazing into each other’s eyes and knowing that this was real and it was them and that was all that mattered.

Then Arthur’s hand grazed Merlin’s balls and Merlin moaned loudly, throwing his head back and breaking eye contact. Immediately, Arthur grinned and bent down to take one of Merlin’s balls in his mouth, making Merlin thrash below him.

“Arthur,” Merlin whimpered, reaching down and burying his fingers in Arthur’s hair.

Moving up slightly, Arthur started mouthing at the tip of Merlin’s cock, rolling his balls between his fingers instead. Arthur sucked the tip into his mouth and Merlin’s hips bucked up, forcing half of his cock into Arthur’s mouth before he pulled back, sputtering.

“Sorry, sorry,” Merlin gasped, trailing his fingers down the side of Arthur’s face in apology.

Arthur just grinned and dove down again, licking at Merlin’s cock like nothing happened. As his other hand played with Merlin’s balls, his fingers grazed against Merlin’s hole and Merlin keened in pleasure.

“Yes,” Merlin gasped, spreading his legs wider to allow Arthur greater access.

Arthur’s eyes widened as his breathing sped up. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, Arthur. Yes to everything! I want you inside me,” Merlin half begged.

Arthur cursed and started scrambling around for lube. While Arthur was distracted, Merlin summoned his bottle of lube to his from his nightstand and thrust it in front of Arthur’s nose. “Here!”

Without questioning it, Arthur quickly wet his fingers, stroking Merlin’s hole gently.

“I’m not going to break, Arthur!” Merlin exclaimed, snatching the lube from Arthur’s hand before coating his own fingers liberally and pressing them into himself, moaning all the while.

Arthur watched slack jawed as Merlin fucked himself on his own fingers. When Merlin opened his eyes and said, “Are you just going to sit there and watch?” Arthur finally sprang into action, pulling Merlin’s hand away and replacing it with his own, ignoring Merlin’s sigh of “finally.”

Despite Merlin’s protests, Arthur wanted to be gentle, slowly teasing Merlin open and getting him used to the intrusion before adding a second finger. When Merlin started protesting more vehemently, Arthur crooked his fingers and Merlin keened, starting to babble nonsense.

“Arthur,” Merlin moaned. “Just fuck me already.”

Staring at Merlin’s writhing form on the bed, Arthur finally snapped, spreading lube over his cock before pressing into Merlin slowly. “Is this what you wanted?” Arthur panted.

“Yes,” Merlin moaned. “More, Arthur.”

It didn’t take long before Arthur was pounding into Merlin, losing himself in the tight heat of Merlin’s arse, with Merlin’s arms and legs wrapped around him, nonsensical syllables falling from Merlin’s lips.

Arthur reached between them to tug on Merlin’s cock, and Merlin came with a surprised shout. With Merlin’s arse spasming around him, Arthur thrust once, twice, three more times, before he spilled himself inside Merlin, collapsing on top of him, thoroughly satisfied.

--

The next few weeks were some of the happiest of Merlin’s life. He was able to enjoy being with Arthur during the day as well as knowing that he would fall into bed with him at night. The entire office cooed at them every time they walked past together, and they reveled in the fact that they could be together with no consequences aside from the ones they created for themselves.

But like all good things, it must come to an end.

--

“Welcome to the celebration of our renewed contract with Dragon Corp!” Merlin announced, gazing proudly at the room full of people. Merlin felt his heart warm as he realized that these were his employees, and they all looked just as proud as he felt. For the first time, Merlin began to understand how Arthur felt as a king.

“We have sushi being freshly made and set out as I speak. Enjoy the celebration!”

The moment Merlin put down the microphone, a crowd of people raced for the buffet tables, eager to eat. Merlin just smiled and leaned against his table, feeling proud of how far he’d come in the past year.

Arthur hung back from the crowd, catching Merlin’s eye and sending him a proud smile, happy to see Merlin so successful. Merlin shot Arthur a bright smile in return before turning to his father and the crowd of people ready to swarm him to offer their congratulations.

“Sushi?” Freya asked, suddenly popping up in Arthur’s line of sight.

“Er, yes, thank you,” Arthur said, failing to hide his surprise.

Freya smiled at him warmly. “I got you a bit of everything. I had a feeling you might be too busy staring at Merlin to actually get in line.”

“I was not!” Arthur protested.

“Oh, so that wasn’t a thoroughly besotted look on your face just before I interrupted you?” Freya teased.

“Absolutely not,” Arthur insisted, picking up a piece of sushi with his chopsticks and popping it in his mouth.

“Sure,” Freya said, sounding thoroughly unconvinced. “Well, now that I’ve got you fed, I should go make sure Merlin gets his food too.”

“You brought me food before Merlin?“ Arthur asked, genuinely touched.

“Don’t sound too flattered. Balinor will make certain Merlin eats, but you just might stand there all night without taking your eyes off Merlin,” Freya replied, sending Arthur a warm smile nonetheless.

“Thanks,” Arthur simply said.

“It’s what I’m here for,” Freya replied before wandering off to collect another plate of food for Merlin.

Arthur chewed thoughtfully as his eyes followed Merlin around the room, talking to his employees like close friends. When Merlin finally turned to Arthur, it was with a soft smile on his face that quickly morphed into horror.

Arthur was puzzled until he followed Merlin’s gaze, only to find a sushi knife hurtling at him. Terrified, Arthur felt his muscles lock into place, vaguely remembering old reflexes, but his muscles refused to move with the lack of training in the past year. The next thing he knew, Arthur felt a force wrap itself around his middle and tug until he was sprawled on the floor, knife embedding itself into the wall behind him, and the plate of sushi clattering to the floor. Arthur caught Merlin’s terrified gaze just in time to see the gold haze receding from his eyes.

For a moment, all Arthur could hear was the blood pounding in his ears. Then he leaped to his feet, brushing aside the hands thrust in front of his face to help him up, and hurried to the door.

Merlin’s voice cut through the tension in a shout of Arthur’s name. Arthur’s heart twisted at the desperation in Merlin’s tone, but he didn’t turn back, knowing he wouldn’t be able to handle the look on Merlin’s face. But when he got to the door, Arthur realized his hands were shaking so badly he couldn’t get enough of a grasp to turn the doorknob. Cursing, Arthur took several deep breaths to try to calm himself enough to escape the party.

Before he had the chance to try the door again, Merlin latched on to his arm, whispering, “Arthur, please let me explain,” into his ear. As Arthur tried to shake him off, Merlin announced, “I’ll take Arthur back to our flat. Everyone please enjoy yourselves without me.” Without waiting for permission from his father, Merlin opened the door and nudged Arthur through, hustling them into the car before Arthur had the chance to object.

It was a long, silent car ride home.

The moment the car rolled to a stop, Arthur dashed for the flat, leaving Merlin behind after practically slamming the car door in his face. Arthur made a beeline for his bedroom, haphazardly throwing his belongings into a bag to try to get away from Merlin, knowing he couldn’t stay here with the jumbled mess in his mind. When Arthur heard footsteps in the living room, he quickly zipped up his bag and tried to run for the door.

Merlin intercepted him by practically tackling Arthur to the ground.

“Arthur!” Merlin called desperately. “Please, just listen to me!”

“Why should I?” Arthur demanded, staring at Merlin incredulously. “You’ve been lying to me since we met about an offense that’s punishable by death!”

“Only in Camelot!” Merlin tried to protest.

Arthur snorted. “Oh yes. And look who’s king there,” he said dryly.

“You could change that,” Merlin said quietly, tightening his hold on Arthur’s arm.

“Is that the only reason you’ve stayed beside me?” Arthur spat. “To legalize magic for people like you?”

Merlin turned wide, hurt eyes on Arthur, stumbling back in shock. “How could you say that?” Merlin cried. “Do you think I’ve spent the past five years playing some kind of waiting game? Arthur, I have stayed by your side through being punched, poisoned, and pelted with fruit, not to mention having willingly given my life for yours. If you can’t see that it’s you and not your power that I care for, then you’re not the man I thought you were.”

Arthur gaped at Merlin. Only Merlin would send Arthur on a guilt trip while Arthur was doubting Merlin’s character. “You know what?” Arthur snapped. “Maybe I’m not the man you thought I was.”

As Arthur prepared to storm out, Merlin threw himself at Arthur again, holding tight to his arm.

“No, wait, Arthur! I’m sorry, okay?” Merlin half-pleaded. “That didn’t come out right. You are the man I think you are. I know it. Just please give me the chance to explain. You wouldn’t condemn a man without a fair trial, would you? Please don’t condemn me without hearing me out.”

Arthur sighed. “Merlin, I just can’t be near you right now. After all this time, I can’t accept that you’re still keeping secrets.”

Merlin hung on tightly as Arthur tried to shake him off. He blocked Arthur’s way out and turned pleading eyes on Arthur. “Arthur, please don’t leave. Stay. Stay for me. For us. I love you, Arthur, have you forgotten that? You - you’re everything. I swear none of it has to do with the fact that you’re the king of Camelot. Arthur, I know I have magic, and I know that’s a crime punishable by death. But it’s for you. It’s all for you. It always has been! I promise I’ve never used it against you or to hurt anyone who wasn’t threatening you. How did you expect me to tell you the truth when you would’ve chopped my head off?”

Arthur didn’t look at Merlin as he said quietly, “The fact that you believe I would’ve done that tells me everything I need to know.”

“No, Arthur, you don’t understand,” Merlin begged. “I didn’t want to put you in that position. While your father was still alive, you had a duty to uphold his laws. I couldn’t make you choose between me and your father!”

“And now?”

“I - “ Merlin faltered. “I still didn’t want to put you in that position. I didn’t want to force you to repeal the ban on magic because of me. I wanted you to see the good that magic could do. I didn’t want to make you choose between me and what you’ve always been taught. But mostly, I was scared. I was scared of losing you. I wanted to believe you would understand, but I was too scared you would send me away to tell you the truth.”

“I’m not sending you away, Merlin,” Arthur said softly. “I’m the one that needs to get away.”

“Arthur!” Merlin said, struggling to hold back tears. “I’m not asking you to forgive me right now. I know I was wrong to keep my magic from you for so long. But I am asking you to please stay here. I need you, Arthur, even if you don’t need me.”

Finally, Arthur felt his resolve crumble. He snuck a peek of Merlin’s tear-stained face from the corner of his eye and sighed mentally. He gave the tiniest nod, and Merlin’s face lit up. Arthur felt his heart skip a beat at the bright smile on Merlin’s face, then promptly squashed the warm feeling bubbling in his chest. He turned on his heel and started toward his bedroom. At the doorway, Arthur paused upon hearing Merlin’s footsteps following.

“Don’t,” Arthur said quietly. Arthur practically heard the hurt in the creak of the floorboards as Merlin stopped in his tracks. Without looking back, Arthur closed the door behind himself with a quiet click, then promptly collapsed back against the door and slid to the ground, buried his face in his hands, and let the tears flow.

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