Take it from the beginning
Maybe this time I'm actually going to make a meaningful post. Definitely about 5 pages worth, but nonetheless meaningful.
For one of my classes, we had to read a book called "My Trouble in My English", about a Laotian families struggle getting use to life in The US thru English. Opening this book was like opening a flood of memories of probably one of the best times in my childhood: 6th grade.
It was before I found out that my mom was crazy. It was before my Asian fetish began. It was when I could take an insult and say, "Wow. What they just said about me was retarded." It was the beginning of me valuing a friendship with a male more than with a girl. It could be the beginning of everything that is important to me now (other than Mike, of course).
By the beginning of my 6 grade year, I had probably liked all the white guys in my class. I knew my parents hated black people, so that wasn't an option. I had my sight set on a adorable boy in my class named Thinnakon Saysongkham, who, now that I think about it, was just as stubborn as Mike. And lazy.
When I started reading the book, it reminded me of Thinnakon--of all the memories I have of him, what I knew about him, and now, what I don't know. As far as his past, all I knew was that he was from Thailand. His mother didn't speak much English, I figured that out from the random lady screaming at her kids in the background of our telephone conversations. He had, as far as I know, 2 brothers--Boudy and Phetsengdora (a.k.a "Bee"). Often Thinnakon would be too busy playing around that he would forget to pick up Bee from kindergarten, so sometimes I would go to class and pick him up. I thought it was funny when one of the kids asked me, "Are you his sister?"
According to this book, these Laotian kids were isolated by American students, and thought of as strange. But I don't recall that being the case in my class. I hung out with Thinnakon quite a lot--along with his brothers, Chanty Meas (from Cambodia), and another boy-friend. My girl-friend at the time, Daisy, I hung out with separately. I spent a lot of time talking to her on the phone about boys, and calling Thinnakon and talking about more sophisticated things with him...I think. We might have been isolated as a group, but I don't think anyone ever made fun of Thinnakon. Also, I don't recall him having an accent, but Chanty did. It makes me wonder, what was his past?
When I found out he was from Thailand, I did pretty extensive research about Thailand (without my racist parents finding out). I had even bought a Thai dictionary. I was definitely obsessed, or at least deeply absorbed. But I never told Thinnakon. I don't think I ever asked him about Thailand. Why? Why not? Did I think it would have been rude? This was the beginning of my love of East Asia.
I do remember that some people teased Thinnakon because he had a strange smell, I think due to his mother's cooking (I think he even told me that). I didn't think it was weird, but a nice smell. And he had this awesome green jacket that I still remember the feel of. The outside was a plaid green cotton, and the inside lining was silky and green. I remember many a day taking that jacket and throwing it up in a tree and laughing at him trying to get it down, with him laughing too. Usually afterwards he kicked my ass--in a playing way. I was such a tomboy then.
One day, I had taken a bath, and sitting watching TV with my arms exposed, I had forgotten that I had lots of bruises from Thinnakon's "training". My parents found out and called it "domestic abuse" and forbad me to ever see or talk to him again. They even called the school to put some kind of "restraining order" against each other, but they never saw us fight, so they didn't do it. I even asked my parents, "If I was a boy, would you even care?" And sadly enough, they said "No." It was just because I was a girl.
Then I spent almost the whole time I was at church on Wednesdays talking to him on the free phone in the hallway, instead of going to Wednesday school (sorry God). That heart-pounding feeling of getting caught was so enthralling, that maybe that's the reason I loved to "chase" guys.
Even after I left that school, I still talked to him on the phone a little bit...and somehow both him and Daisy disappeared. Maybe his phone got disconnected. A year later, I called Daisy and found out she got pregnant. Thus, I never called her again.
I wasn't able to sleep very well the last 2 nights, wondering about what Thinnakon is doing now, and how such a simple crush impacted my life so much. And how little I really knew about him. I decided that I wanted to track him down and find out, of possible. Thank goodness he has such a rare name. Sadly enough, some of the only information I found about him on the internet is that he recently went to court concerning "paternity" of a child. I thought it was sad that he was so young to get caught up in all that drama, and that it was probably an effect of him having lived in the ghetto. I know he's better than that, but this is from my knowledge of a more innocent time.
I finally found out the phone number of one of his brothers, but I'm too nervous to call. What if he doesn't remember me? What if he doesn't want to talk to me? It's not that I want a relationship or anything, I just want to know more about him than I was able to in the past, and to see how he is doing.
I don't even know if what I liked about him would be considered "a crush". Of course Daisy and I talked about it in that way, but I don't recall asking him out, and getting rejected. In fact, I think he implied that he liked me, and it didn't get any further than that. He's just another friend I lost due to moving schools.
I know I've written extensively in my old diaries about our adventures, protecting those diaries from my parents. he is such a precious memory to me, for maybe if I had never met him, I wouldn't be so knowledgeable in Asian Studies, and probably wouldn't have pursued a degree here in ESL. So I want to thank him. Plus, he's the first guy best friend I had, and from then on I haven't really had trouble with guys. Just girls.
But I have a sinking feeling that if I did get in contact with him, that he would be far too diferent now, and that would disappoint me. It's been 10 years, and we've both grown up. But at the same time, I have a feeling he needs someone to talk to, and doesn' really have anyone. I don't know. But I'm planning on calling his brother sometime to see how I can get in contact with Thinnakon.
For one of my classes, we had to read a book called "My Trouble in My English", about a Laotian families struggle getting use to life in The US thru English. Opening this book was like opening a flood of memories of probably one of the best times in my childhood: 6th grade.
It was before I found out that my mom was crazy. It was before my Asian fetish began. It was when I could take an insult and say, "Wow. What they just said about me was retarded." It was the beginning of me valuing a friendship with a male more than with a girl. It could be the beginning of everything that is important to me now (other than Mike, of course).
By the beginning of my 6 grade year, I had probably liked all the white guys in my class. I knew my parents hated black people, so that wasn't an option. I had my sight set on a adorable boy in my class named Thinnakon Saysongkham, who, now that I think about it, was just as stubborn as Mike. And lazy.
When I started reading the book, it reminded me of Thinnakon--of all the memories I have of him, what I knew about him, and now, what I don't know. As far as his past, all I knew was that he was from Thailand. His mother didn't speak much English, I figured that out from the random lady screaming at her kids in the background of our telephone conversations. He had, as far as I know, 2 brothers--Boudy and Phetsengdora (a.k.a "Bee"). Often Thinnakon would be too busy playing around that he would forget to pick up Bee from kindergarten, so sometimes I would go to class and pick him up. I thought it was funny when one of the kids asked me, "Are you his sister?"
According to this book, these Laotian kids were isolated by American students, and thought of as strange. But I don't recall that being the case in my class. I hung out with Thinnakon quite a lot--along with his brothers, Chanty Meas (from Cambodia), and another boy-friend. My girl-friend at the time, Daisy, I hung out with separately. I spent a lot of time talking to her on the phone about boys, and calling Thinnakon and talking about more sophisticated things with him...I think. We might have been isolated as a group, but I don't think anyone ever made fun of Thinnakon. Also, I don't recall him having an accent, but Chanty did. It makes me wonder, what was his past?
When I found out he was from Thailand, I did pretty extensive research about Thailand (without my racist parents finding out). I had even bought a Thai dictionary. I was definitely obsessed, or at least deeply absorbed. But I never told Thinnakon. I don't think I ever asked him about Thailand. Why? Why not? Did I think it would have been rude? This was the beginning of my love of East Asia.
I do remember that some people teased Thinnakon because he had a strange smell, I think due to his mother's cooking (I think he even told me that). I didn't think it was weird, but a nice smell. And he had this awesome green jacket that I still remember the feel of. The outside was a plaid green cotton, and the inside lining was silky and green. I remember many a day taking that jacket and throwing it up in a tree and laughing at him trying to get it down, with him laughing too. Usually afterwards he kicked my ass--in a playing way. I was such a tomboy then.
One day, I had taken a bath, and sitting watching TV with my arms exposed, I had forgotten that I had lots of bruises from Thinnakon's "training". My parents found out and called it "domestic abuse" and forbad me to ever see or talk to him again. They even called the school to put some kind of "restraining order" against each other, but they never saw us fight, so they didn't do it. I even asked my parents, "If I was a boy, would you even care?" And sadly enough, they said "No." It was just because I was a girl.
Then I spent almost the whole time I was at church on Wednesdays talking to him on the free phone in the hallway, instead of going to Wednesday school (sorry God). That heart-pounding feeling of getting caught was so enthralling, that maybe that's the reason I loved to "chase" guys.
Even after I left that school, I still talked to him on the phone a little bit...and somehow both him and Daisy disappeared. Maybe his phone got disconnected. A year later, I called Daisy and found out she got pregnant. Thus, I never called her again.
I wasn't able to sleep very well the last 2 nights, wondering about what Thinnakon is doing now, and how such a simple crush impacted my life so much. And how little I really knew about him. I decided that I wanted to track him down and find out, of possible. Thank goodness he has such a rare name. Sadly enough, some of the only information I found about him on the internet is that he recently went to court concerning "paternity" of a child. I thought it was sad that he was so young to get caught up in all that drama, and that it was probably an effect of him having lived in the ghetto. I know he's better than that, but this is from my knowledge of a more innocent time.
I finally found out the phone number of one of his brothers, but I'm too nervous to call. What if he doesn't remember me? What if he doesn't want to talk to me? It's not that I want a relationship or anything, I just want to know more about him than I was able to in the past, and to see how he is doing.
I don't even know if what I liked about him would be considered "a crush". Of course Daisy and I talked about it in that way, but I don't recall asking him out, and getting rejected. In fact, I think he implied that he liked me, and it didn't get any further than that. He's just another friend I lost due to moving schools.
I know I've written extensively in my old diaries about our adventures, protecting those diaries from my parents. he is such a precious memory to me, for maybe if I had never met him, I wouldn't be so knowledgeable in Asian Studies, and probably wouldn't have pursued a degree here in ESL. So I want to thank him. Plus, he's the first guy best friend I had, and from then on I haven't really had trouble with guys. Just girls.
But I have a sinking feeling that if I did get in contact with him, that he would be far too diferent now, and that would disappoint me. It's been 10 years, and we've both grown up. But at the same time, I have a feeling he needs someone to talk to, and doesn' really have anyone. I don't know. But I'm planning on calling his brother sometime to see how I can get in contact with Thinnakon.