Opportunity Cost
So, I'm at crossroads right now. Some event (completely unrelated to the one I'm about to write about) has made me think more about the opportunities being presented to me recently. I felt it's time to share them with someone. Some people already know what I'm about to talk about, others don't. But, what it all boils down to is my choice on what is going to better me and my life in the long run. Both are just as important to me at this moment, but for very different reasons.
ONE: Late last year, I was offered a chance to go to Boston to record a song demo, with a friend whom I met online, this summer. As the months passed, the opportunity remained, even though it was not in full. It had gone from recording a demo and being promoted, to just recording a demo, which is still amazing to me. Singing is something I have always loved, and I really feel this opportunity will really help me advance my career, as well as give me personal satisfaction.
TWO: Early this year, another friend offered me the chance to go to Japan, a place I have always wanted to go since I was a little girl, this summer as well. This opportunity seems to grow everytime we talk about it. Even as I write this, we are IMing back and forth about hotel's and rooms.Originally we were going to go with a group, but it has changed to where it is going to be the two of us, which grants us a lot more freedom than before. I really feel this opportunity is amazing, and although it feels like a once-in-a-lifetime chance, I'd like to believe it's not. But, you can never really say.
Honestly, I have weighed out my options, and there is no way I am able to do both, as much as I would love to. The truth is, I feel like one will help me both in my personal gain, and career 50/50, while this other is purely for my own satisfaction and pleasure 100%. But, again, no one can fortell the future, so who knows what other opportunites may present themselves as well.
The other thing is is that I have other people to think about in the situations. I have to think about the people who are offering these things to me. I have to think about how my family is going to react, and what their opinion's are. Honestly, I feel like whatever I feel like I want at a particular time, is the opposite of what my family wants me to do. Whenever I bring up Japan, I feel like they aren't supportive of it. "You're too young." or "You have your whole life ahead of you to go." And then I wonder how many time they were told that in their life, and who they are now. My Mother has said those exact things to me, and she is a nobody who didn't do half the things she wanted to in her life. I don't want to be like that. I want to do what I want to do, within reason of course. I have always wanted to travel, and she knows that, and so did she. Now, she's in the middle of nowhere, and plans to stay there for the rest of her life. When she says things like that to me, I have to tell her what I honestly think, which is something along the lines of, "And what? End up like you?" or "I want to actually make something out of my life, not be in a shitty job I hate stuck in the middle of nowhere going nowhere." Of course, I feel guilty after saying those things, but I really don't want to end up like her. I really don't.
As for my recording opportunity, my Mom has been all gung-ho about it, when I may not be all 100% about it. I mean, the opportunity in itself is great, but it is very much a gamble. I don't want to say I live my life in fear, but in some ways, I do. This is one of those things that just has an unexplainable fear to it. I mean, I'm meeting someone I've never met from across the country (Not that I haven't done that before, but still!) on their turf. I'm scared shitless. I suppose it may be fear out of reality? Reality meaning like, it's a real opportunity I had only dreamt about, but never actually truly believe I'd ever have. I don't know...
The truth is, I have a lot of thinking to do. I have to give a for sure answer by May to both parties, and I feel nowhere near ready to answer. I really need help, and opinions from people. I'm not the kind of person to always listen to what people tell me to do, but in certain situation's, I feel it is necessary to ask for help and opinions.
Mostly, this blog is just to rant, and ask for help. Wow... how sad is that?
Crucify My Love by X-Japan
Click to viewFrom Dahlia