ever get the feeling it would be easier if you just stopped trying
i've decided that as from today i'm just gonna stop trying to be happy...it nevers works, either i fuck up or something comes along that kicks me squarely in the nuts and ruins everyfuckingthing.
i mean what the fuck did i do that was so wrong, i don't think i'm that bad a person, i don't do all the morbid and creepifying things i think about, thats gotta score me some points in life.
i've been wondering for a long time if i've done something really karmically wrong to account for all this crap i keep getting spoon fed and i just can't think of anything that bad that i've done in this life time, i feel all alone and i hate it. there's no-one out there that i'm ever gonna be able to talk to about all this shit properly to.....no matter how much people offer i just can't do it.
i had a kinda falling out with the only constant point of reference i have in this life as well, but i'm not getting into the details of that.
i'm stuck out here in the sticks with nothing but my own thoughts for company and i feel like i want to explode, my job is boring, my friends are miles away, my family seem really distant, but that could be more to do with me, and all the random happy pills i have to take are starting to not work anymore and everyone in this town is only good for making me feel worse.
i need something to get me away from all this for a while but there's nothing, granted i'm gonna be moving back to northampton soon but i got the strange feeling that somethings gonna go wrong over there to that kicks all this off again.
i'm so sick of losing time and time again, just once i want something thats mine and that i'm gonna want to fight to keep but i know thats not gonna happen.
i feel lost.
i mean what the fuck did i do that was so wrong, i don't think i'm that bad a person, i don't do all the morbid and creepifying things i think about, thats gotta score me some points in life.
i've been wondering for a long time if i've done something really karmically wrong to account for all this crap i keep getting spoon fed and i just can't think of anything that bad that i've done in this life time, i feel all alone and i hate it. there's no-one out there that i'm ever gonna be able to talk to about all this shit properly to.....no matter how much people offer i just can't do it.
i had a kinda falling out with the only constant point of reference i have in this life as well, but i'm not getting into the details of that.
i'm stuck out here in the sticks with nothing but my own thoughts for company and i feel like i want to explode, my job is boring, my friends are miles away, my family seem really distant, but that could be more to do with me, and all the random happy pills i have to take are starting to not work anymore and everyone in this town is only good for making me feel worse.
i need something to get me away from all this for a while but there's nothing, granted i'm gonna be moving back to northampton soon but i got the strange feeling that somethings gonna go wrong over there to that kicks all this off again.
i'm so sick of losing time and time again, just once i want something thats mine and that i'm gonna want to fight to keep but i know thats not gonna happen.
i feel lost.