[true writers] 26D - Constructive Criticism
26D - Constructive Criticism
Hell had a way of keeping people on their toes. For the damned, this was often literally. For its employees, this usually meant that at any given moment, the unexpected could happen. Zombie apocalypses, blue police boxes showing up in Dis, and on one bizarre occasion, a very lost sperm whale in the Styx.
Hell also had a habit of taking criticism and using it to its advantage. Not too long after The Divine Comedy, Lucifer had become dissatisfied with the entire place, based on the suggestions of a few other deities and started renovating certain circles. Some changes were implemented immediately, like deciding that freezing people for being traitors just didn’t work, and that they should just be dropped in circle eight and sorted accordingly. Others were more gradual. Circle two had always been a work in progress. The lustful being blown around by wind just seemed so normal in comparison to other circles. Slow changes had been made, like adding tornadoes to the circle or constantly changing the climate, but it just ended up not working well.
That was why twenty fallen angels were sitting in Hell’s main meeting room, nursing large cups of coffee and looking very annoyed at Lucifer. For his part, Lucifer looked cheerful and bright eyed.
“Sorry it was so early, but there’s a lot going on lately, what with the revolution going on and everything, so I wanted to get this out of the way.”
A general response of “meh” replied. Lucifer frowned slightly and continued.
“Look people, I can’t help it if the mortals are being stupid and chopping each other’s heads and killing each other for political freedom. All I’m asking is that you all contribute to a pressing problem that we’ve had on our doorsteps since the fucking 13th century.”
Azrael looked up wearily. “Lux? Is it that important?”
“Yes!” he snapped in response. “I’ve asked you all time and again for input and you all keep procrastinating. The only way I’m going to solve this problem is by waking your asses up at six in the morning and refusing to let you leave until we’ve come to a conclusion. NOW THINK!”
“What if we gotta pee?” Sariel asked into her coffee mug.
The boardroom nodded in agreement. Lucifer folded his arms across his chest. “No. Not even then. Let’s get down to business.”
Silence was the response, and continued to be the response for two and a half hours. Lucifer became increasingly frustrated, and began to pace on top of the boardroom table.
“Well,” a voice said softly.
Lucifer looked up and smiled hopefully at Semyaza. “Yes?”
Semyaza paused for a moment and shrugged, “The wind thing is lame. Everyone agrees on that, yes?”
A general murmur of yes trickled through the room.
“So, what we need to do is approach the sin itself in a new way. Desire is like the wind, but we need something more solid and something more, well, I think embarrassing.”
Asmodeus perked up slightly. “Yeah. Make them think it’s something that they’d enjoy, but then make the experience awful. A personalized punishment.”
Lucifer grinned slightly. “I like this idea so far. Anyone else have ideas?”
“But what would we do, exactly? That’s the real question,” Mammon added, stroking his goatee. “It’d have to relate to the sin, of course.”
Azrael shrugged. “Suppose we let them initially start doing what they enjoy with someone. A little room, built to their tastes and whatever. The person inside would be a construct-“
“-And then offer commentary?” Sariel said.
Semyaza nodded enthusiastically. “Yes! Berating them. It’d be a direct guilt trip, but it’d probably be an effective one. And at the very least, we’d get a cheap laugh.”
“That’d be a lot of people though,” Belial pointed out, putting her feet on the table. “I mean, how’re we gonna get that many workers. The suits would have to put in shifts in addition to the regular workload.”
“I wouldn’t mind,” Sariel said. “Fuck, it’d be a welcome break. Watch people screw for a few hours and tell them how bad the suck at it?”
“You’re right,” Belial shot back. “That sounds like a regular evening for you.”
“True enough,” she grinned. A few people rolled their eyes.
Lucifer rubbed the bridge of his nose slightly. “Now, now. This isn’t the time or the place for that sort of thing.” He paused. “And if anyone blurts out ‘that’s not what you said last night’ I’m going to fucking stone you.”
A few people snickered. Lucifer rolled his eyes. “I do love the idea though. It’s perfect. But we need to figure out if it work out logistically. There’s no way we have enough space to contain enough rooms for people to watch and to fuck.”
The rest of the meeting went smoothly, with Asmodeus suggesting the use of a surveillance system that would run from circle two into circle nine, with the base stations in the basement of the capitol. Belial added that the regular circle two workers could take shifts, and anyone else who wanted to lend a hand could sign up for extra shifts. It was certainly feasible, and Lucifer seemed quite pleased with it.
Within a week, the entire circle had been renovated from a dusky, dank plain to a large, expansive series of apartment buildings, each housing a person private’s Hell as they were berated and humiliated as part of their damnation. The fallen, however, soon found circle two’s punishment to be the most amusing and entertaining, and would often spend weekends munching on popcorn and watching their colleagues. It was a good, cheap form of entertainment, and let it never be said Hell doesn’t take advantage of cheap laughs.
Word count: 956
Hell had a way of keeping people on their toes. For the damned, this was often literally. For its employees, this usually meant that at any given moment, the unexpected could happen. Zombie apocalypses, blue police boxes showing up in Dis, and on one bizarre occasion, a very lost sperm whale in the Styx.
Hell also had a habit of taking criticism and using it to its advantage. Not too long after The Divine Comedy, Lucifer had become dissatisfied with the entire place, based on the suggestions of a few other deities and started renovating certain circles. Some changes were implemented immediately, like deciding that freezing people for being traitors just didn’t work, and that they should just be dropped in circle eight and sorted accordingly. Others were more gradual. Circle two had always been a work in progress. The lustful being blown around by wind just seemed so normal in comparison to other circles. Slow changes had been made, like adding tornadoes to the circle or constantly changing the climate, but it just ended up not working well.
That was why twenty fallen angels were sitting in Hell’s main meeting room, nursing large cups of coffee and looking very annoyed at Lucifer. For his part, Lucifer looked cheerful and bright eyed.
“Sorry it was so early, but there’s a lot going on lately, what with the revolution going on and everything, so I wanted to get this out of the way.”
A general response of “meh” replied. Lucifer frowned slightly and continued.
“Look people, I can’t help it if the mortals are being stupid and chopping each other’s heads and killing each other for political freedom. All I’m asking is that you all contribute to a pressing problem that we’ve had on our doorsteps since the fucking 13th century.”
Azrael looked up wearily. “Lux? Is it that important?”
“Yes!” he snapped in response. “I’ve asked you all time and again for input and you all keep procrastinating. The only way I’m going to solve this problem is by waking your asses up at six in the morning and refusing to let you leave until we’ve come to a conclusion. NOW THINK!”
“What if we gotta pee?” Sariel asked into her coffee mug.
The boardroom nodded in agreement. Lucifer folded his arms across his chest. “No. Not even then. Let’s get down to business.”
Silence was the response, and continued to be the response for two and a half hours. Lucifer became increasingly frustrated, and began to pace on top of the boardroom table.
“Well,” a voice said softly.
Lucifer looked up and smiled hopefully at Semyaza. “Yes?”
Semyaza paused for a moment and shrugged, “The wind thing is lame. Everyone agrees on that, yes?”
A general murmur of yes trickled through the room.
“So, what we need to do is approach the sin itself in a new way. Desire is like the wind, but we need something more solid and something more, well, I think embarrassing.”
Asmodeus perked up slightly. “Yeah. Make them think it’s something that they’d enjoy, but then make the experience awful. A personalized punishment.”
Lucifer grinned slightly. “I like this idea so far. Anyone else have ideas?”
“But what would we do, exactly? That’s the real question,” Mammon added, stroking his goatee. “It’d have to relate to the sin, of course.”
Azrael shrugged. “Suppose we let them initially start doing what they enjoy with someone. A little room, built to their tastes and whatever. The person inside would be a construct-“
“-And then offer commentary?” Sariel said.
Semyaza nodded enthusiastically. “Yes! Berating them. It’d be a direct guilt trip, but it’d probably be an effective one. And at the very least, we’d get a cheap laugh.”
“That’d be a lot of people though,” Belial pointed out, putting her feet on the table. “I mean, how’re we gonna get that many workers. The suits would have to put in shifts in addition to the regular workload.”
“I wouldn’t mind,” Sariel said. “Fuck, it’d be a welcome break. Watch people screw for a few hours and tell them how bad the suck at it?”
“You’re right,” Belial shot back. “That sounds like a regular evening for you.”
“True enough,” she grinned. A few people rolled their eyes.
Lucifer rubbed the bridge of his nose slightly. “Now, now. This isn’t the time or the place for that sort of thing.” He paused. “And if anyone blurts out ‘that’s not what you said last night’ I’m going to fucking stone you.”
A few people snickered. Lucifer rolled his eyes. “I do love the idea though. It’s perfect. But we need to figure out if it work out logistically. There’s no way we have enough space to contain enough rooms for people to watch and to fuck.”
The rest of the meeting went smoothly, with Asmodeus suggesting the use of a surveillance system that would run from circle two into circle nine, with the base stations in the basement of the capitol. Belial added that the regular circle two workers could take shifts, and anyone else who wanted to lend a hand could sign up for extra shifts. It was certainly feasible, and Lucifer seemed quite pleased with it.
Within a week, the entire circle had been renovated from a dusky, dank plain to a large, expansive series of apartment buildings, each housing a person private’s Hell as they were berated and humiliated as part of their damnation. The fallen, however, soon found circle two’s punishment to be the most amusing and entertaining, and would often spend weekends munching on popcorn and watching their colleagues. It was a good, cheap form of entertainment, and let it never be said Hell doesn’t take advantage of cheap laughs.
Word count: 956