4 hours to get shot down
so i'm sick, i've got a cough that i'm guessing i got from co-workers or swimming in the pool this week. and i've been having a good day, my car was fixed for a reasonable $$ amount, and i received my new vacuum ( so i'll finally maybe get a decent night sleep without reacting to all the dander in the house. )
i get a txt invite to dinner tonight, and i was excited b/c he was actually asking me to dinner, taking the ball from his court and putting it into play, i thought. so i drive out to manhattan for dinner, about an hour. mind you, i'm sick, so i'm not even going to be imposing myself for any after dinner fun, this is just dinner, and then another hour drive back out to LI.
We're about halfway through dinner when he kinda blurts out, that he just sees us as being friends. ::ouch:: not like i had some big romantic notion. i'm very much ( in my head, and at the moment at least ) about the big picture. letting the romance and the feelings emerge slowly n sort of blossom from hanging out and spending time together. serendipitous nights are great, but they're a great part of the whole. and yet here i was, sick, and somewhat out of my way, to have my would be heart stomped on and told "no".
i sometimes hate ny. i haven't wanted a relationship for a long time since my ex and i broke up, but i'm missing having someone more and more lately. i don't know if that just makes me too eager, or if its some residual imperative of the society i was raised in, but i want someone to date. someone who is interested in me, and hanging out. maybe not all the time. but certainly once a week to start. but its goddamned hard to date in this town. especially for a gay geek like me.
i sometimes think i'm just not going to find someone again, and end up some tired old perv.
dejected pretty much sums it up. though i think the worst part about being friends after fooling around, i've still got some naive dash of hope hanging in there somewhere, that by hanging out it'll foster some amorous feeling somewhere and things might turn around and work out for me. for once...
i'm starting to think i just need to get out of new york. its a helluva town but i'm not feeling any love from this city anymore.
i get a txt invite to dinner tonight, and i was excited b/c he was actually asking me to dinner, taking the ball from his court and putting it into play, i thought. so i drive out to manhattan for dinner, about an hour. mind you, i'm sick, so i'm not even going to be imposing myself for any after dinner fun, this is just dinner, and then another hour drive back out to LI.
We're about halfway through dinner when he kinda blurts out, that he just sees us as being friends. ::ouch:: not like i had some big romantic notion. i'm very much ( in my head, and at the moment at least ) about the big picture. letting the romance and the feelings emerge slowly n sort of blossom from hanging out and spending time together. serendipitous nights are great, but they're a great part of the whole. and yet here i was, sick, and somewhat out of my way, to have my would be heart stomped on and told "no".
i sometimes hate ny. i haven't wanted a relationship for a long time since my ex and i broke up, but i'm missing having someone more and more lately. i don't know if that just makes me too eager, or if its some residual imperative of the society i was raised in, but i want someone to date. someone who is interested in me, and hanging out. maybe not all the time. but certainly once a week to start. but its goddamned hard to date in this town. especially for a gay geek like me.
i sometimes think i'm just not going to find someone again, and end up some tired old perv.
dejected pretty much sums it up. though i think the worst part about being friends after fooling around, i've still got some naive dash of hope hanging in there somewhere, that by hanging out it'll foster some amorous feeling somewhere and things might turn around and work out for me. for once...
i'm starting to think i just need to get out of new york. its a helluva town but i'm not feeling any love from this city anymore.