And because of a recent surge in cow tipping, the price of gas has doubled.
Here in Texas, there is a place. A place, known as Chachos. Chachos is Mexican. It is open all night long. It serves items of food completely obscured by vague, anonymous lumps of cheese. It serves margaritas that could also double as economy-size Sam's Club vats of toilet disinfectant (with cherries on top). It has its own peculiar smell which lingers constantly betwixt the counter and the restrooms which no one has ever been able to quite identify, but is known simply as Chachos Smell. Chachos... is an institution in and of itself.
So I walk up to the counter at Chachos and I see a sign on the register. This sign read something such as thusly:
"The price of cheese has doubled. Please understand that there will be a 17% surcharge on all items containing cheese. Thank you."
First of all, there are items at Chachos which appear to be ENTIRELY constituted of cheese, so this is clearly going to affect quite a bit of people. Second of all, they could just raise the price of cheesy items a few cents on the menu and nobody would ever notice, instead of posting this incredibly incredulous-looking memo. Thirdly, wtf, the price of cheese has doubled?
As I approached the counter I made my consternation known: "Wtf, the price of cheese has doubled?" I might have said, but you do not know, because you were not there.
"Yes indeedy," I am sure the clerk replied, "it is because they are buying corn to make ethanol."
Ah yes of course. The relationship is clear.
But sadly enough, it IS clear, according to a recent issue of TIME magazine, which I like to read on the toilet. Corn, which can be used to make ethanol, a clean-burning fuel, is also used to feed cows, piggies and all sorts of chickens. This means that the price of dairy and meat will go up. At this juncture, my vegitarian friend laughed at me.
However, corn shcuks, an number of weeds, and probably nuclear waste can all be used to make clean-burning ethanol, saving our delicious maize as an important food supply. However, this is Not what people would Prefer To Do. They would prefer to turn food into gasoline and watch it burn. Brilliant.
And on top of all this, the process to make corn ethanol burns coal., completley negating the beneftis of puttting it in your car. Utilizing this carefully laid-out plan, nobody wins. Ha, ha ha ha ha.
And the price of cheese has doubled.