An interesting world
So my EMT course is quickly approaching an end and I've discovered a lot about myself that I never knew before. I used to feel like I was standing still and the world was composd of rays of light that kept passing me by befre I even knew they were there. Now, I feel like I'm the ray of light, reaching out to catch anything i once held onto.
I started this summer with all these feelings I can't even imagine any longer. I've honestly never felt so...different. it's like looking back on the old me and seeing a complete stranger. I realize that's something I seem to say a lot in this journal. But, for once, I feel it's pretty true.
In May, Brandon and I broke up. We'd been running for about five months and I suddenly realized that I loved him, but it just wasn't meant to be. We just kept fighting about how I needed to live my life and how he didn't feel like I gave him enough time. I think that, in the end, we were both right. I stil believe that he's an amazing person. I wish we could still be friends, but I know he needed time. So, it's been over a month since we've talked to one another. I would miss him more...if life didn't keep me moving on.
It's a very strange feeling...not particularly having the time to miss people. It's not that I don't care about my friends or that I don't hold them dear. It's just that we all live such different lives. So, there' s not a lot of time to sit and wish we could see one another more.
I'm very glad for when we can see each other, though. It's when we're face to face that I really realize how much (or little) I miss people.
My national registry is on the 2nd. Friday, I applied to Action Care and they said they should be calling back this week. I still need to apply to Pridemark and Castle Rock Fire. I'm also considring applying to Aurora, Franktown and Federal Heights. When my EMT-B finishes I'll be taking my IV simultaneously with my metro courses. Hopefully, I'll be working for one of the private companies and getting on with one of the pumpers. I'm also considering applying for a tech at Swedish, althoug hCentennial already offered me a position.
Not too long ago, I suffered a bit of an emotional blow. Family stuff seemed to be crashing down at the same time I found out that this guy I really liked had been pretty much leading me on. Combining that with the Core call I got that week was a bit much to handle and I had a bit of a break down. That was the cause of my last message. I really thank those of you that took the time to check in on me.
Now, however, I've never been so confident. It's bizarre. I walk onto any one of the busses or into any of our statins and I literally feel like I'm a rock star. It's amazing.
The funniest part of all of it is that I have a dozen different guys at my finger tips at any given time...and I don't want any of them. I'm actually...so happy to be single. Maybe that's what's the weirdest part. I like feeling free to see people when I want to see them, and to not see them when I have something else to do.
Relationships are too complicated. Not that I don't respect those of you that have them and keep them strong. Actually, I think you guys (like Kris and James and Cookie and Shane) have something amazingly special going on. It's just not for me. It not like I don't like any of the guys. In fact, I like one of them very particularly. Right now, however, is just not the right time.
I don't know where I was going with this. Anyways, wish me luck in all my endevors! My prayers are with all of you!