Fucking Sadness.
Earlier in the day, I was fine. Oh so fine! Nic picks me up and we go back to his house. Okay, so that was fine until we start talking about our religions (pretty much Paganism and Wicca). I asked him about spell casting and he was like, "I'm not a 'fluffy bunny' type of Pagan because I don't do it just for that, I do it because I feel I have to." I was like "Wtf? So you're calling me a 'fluffy bunny'?" (Basically a deragatory term for any Wiccan/Pagan who only uses the religion for spite.) I know it's about other things, and magick is just a little plus.... Well, now I'm fucking pissed off, and I just don't feel like doing anything. I'm chugging some alcohol right now, and it's great. People are trying to talk to me on AIM, and I just laugh. Huhuhahaha! Oh yeah, and I fucking hate the fact that Phill fucking called me twice and I wasn't here! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!
Yet I want to crawl into a hole with a razorblade and cut myself until I bleed to death. Then no one can find me in that little hole. I'm just a wasteless piece of shit, am I not? A waste of people's fucking oxygen. Fuck this world. Fuck all of this stupid bullshit. This isn't life -- this is Hell. I think tonight I'm actually going to end up crying myself to sleep. Oh, fucking yippee. Now I'm all paranoid that Dan likes Lyz because all of a sudden they're starting to hang out and again, and stuff. ::Bangs head against concrete brick until blood splatters everywhere.::
It's amazing how Phill can leave and my whole world has crashed to shit... Even on a holiday.
I don't even know what the fuck I am doing tomorrow. Nic never wakes up before noon. I don't know if Dan still wants to hang out with me. He was wondering why I was upset, well, do you see why now? I'm losing control again. I HAVE CURFEWS FOR MOTHER FUCKING SAKE! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!
Fuck me. I am just a useless piece of shit.
Everywhere it's been the same
(Feeling) like I'm outside in the rain
(Wheeling) free to try to find the game
(Dealing) cards for sorrow
Cards for pain
'Cause I've seen oh, blue skies
Through the tears in my eyes
And I realize
I'm going home (I'm going home)
I'm going home (I'm going home)
I'm going home (I'm going home)
[ I'm Going Home ]
Kat
Yet I want to crawl into a hole with a razorblade and cut myself until I bleed to death. Then no one can find me in that little hole. I'm just a wasteless piece of shit, am I not? A waste of people's fucking oxygen. Fuck this world. Fuck all of this stupid bullshit. This isn't life -- this is Hell. I think tonight I'm actually going to end up crying myself to sleep. Oh, fucking yippee. Now I'm all paranoid that Dan likes Lyz because all of a sudden they're starting to hang out and again, and stuff. ::Bangs head against concrete brick until blood splatters everywhere.::
It's amazing how Phill can leave and my whole world has crashed to shit... Even on a holiday.
I don't even know what the fuck I am doing tomorrow. Nic never wakes up before noon. I don't know if Dan still wants to hang out with me. He was wondering why I was upset, well, do you see why now? I'm losing control again. I HAVE CURFEWS FOR MOTHER FUCKING SAKE! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!
Fuck me. I am just a useless piece of shit.
Everywhere it's been the same
(Feeling) like I'm outside in the rain
(Wheeling) free to try to find the game
(Dealing) cards for sorrow
Cards for pain
'Cause I've seen oh, blue skies
Through the tears in my eyes
And I realize
I'm going home (I'm going home)
I'm going home (I'm going home)
I'm going home (I'm going home)
[ I'm Going Home ]
Kat