(no subject)
With no more words to read, I am left only with the words in my head.. and this god forsaken pen that provides me with the futile attempt at having them escape.
Patience with my patience. For patience alone yields me nothing but waiting. What is truly necessary is the understanding that the true calm that patience brings requires waiting on your waiting.
I don't want to wait in vain..
Subtle difference between faith and hope. Faith seems to imply a certainty in the face of doubt. Hope is simply a yearning when faced with that same doubt. My hope abounds, my faith is slim.
Would I be able to say that my hope is positive and my faith is negative? Do I require both to stay balanced?
Can't have one without the other..
My hope brings me... hope? Does it even bring me happiness? My faith reassures. I only have three pages of this front and back. And front is kind of wanting..
Is it my hope that prevents me from speaking in certainties? The one thing that prevents me from falling into the all-encompassing pessimism that awaits.
Have I just become accustomed to myself? Am I too used to this story to bother plumbing its depths? Am I too used to this transaction to bother plumbing its debts?
I am not prepared to do this alone. Haven't needed anyone by my side because I've always had them behind me. Even my comfort in solitude comes from them. They've always had my back.
I'm a little too far behind.
Shrug It. Shrugget About It. The Shruggle Is Real. Shrug City.
Should I leave myself alone with my thoughts on a more regular basis. But to what end? Is it not just a rehashing of ruminations dissected long ago? I very rarely am without input though.
I intellectually peaked in high school. I socially peaked in college. All that is left is to professionally peak. Do I not even hold out hope for romantically peaking? I guess a better way of phrasing that, a more realistic way, would be emotionally peaking.
Hope for more.
No interest in putting the every day down on paper. I want to memorialize the more profound. The EVERY day.
How long am I supposed to sit in purgatory? How long till I have atoned for my sins? How long must I be punished for my crimes? How long must I lag behind my peers in the name of what? Justice? What is it you are asking of me? Are you not just relegating me to the status of lessor? To the life of a second class citizen? What do you want me to do? What do you want me to be?
The mountain. Many paths up it. Why not take one that is well-worn, that has fellow travelers to provide you with help, comfort, community?
Well, what about you? What if I were to tell you that I have climbed the mountain. Many times with many paths. What if I were to tell you that I am a Sherpa. My journey is not one of self-discovery, one time up the mountain. Mine is to know the paths, know the struggle, and help others in their journeys up the mountain.
You see, this is the difference between an atheist and an agnostic. An atheist denies the existence of the mountain. Or at least they see no value in the climb. No truth in the paths. I believe the mountain exists. I believe the paths have value. I am not sure that there is any true path, any one right answer. There may be nothing great waiting at the top. No greater goal or meaning other than what you learn along the way. And to me, that is enough.
I see the commonalities and the differences. The hope and the futility. The capacity for good, and the utility for evil. It is what it is. I don't believe in a religion. I believe in religion. I don't believe in a god. I believe in gods. I don't believe in one path. I believe in all paths. I don't believe in faith. I believe in the human condition.
Limitations on the expanse of belief. You are not a point. You are a segment. I see the whole line.
Patience with my patience. For patience alone yields me nothing but waiting. What is truly necessary is the understanding that the true calm that patience brings requires waiting on your waiting.
I don't want to wait in vain..
Subtle difference between faith and hope. Faith seems to imply a certainty in the face of doubt. Hope is simply a yearning when faced with that same doubt. My hope abounds, my faith is slim.
Would I be able to say that my hope is positive and my faith is negative? Do I require both to stay balanced?
Can't have one without the other..
My hope brings me... hope? Does it even bring me happiness? My faith reassures. I only have three pages of this front and back. And front is kind of wanting..
Is it my hope that prevents me from speaking in certainties? The one thing that prevents me from falling into the all-encompassing pessimism that awaits.
Have I just become accustomed to myself? Am I too used to this story to bother plumbing its depths? Am I too used to this transaction to bother plumbing its debts?
I am not prepared to do this alone. Haven't needed anyone by my side because I've always had them behind me. Even my comfort in solitude comes from them. They've always had my back.
I'm a little too far behind.
Shrug It. Shrugget About It. The Shruggle Is Real. Shrug City.
Should I leave myself alone with my thoughts on a more regular basis. But to what end? Is it not just a rehashing of ruminations dissected long ago? I very rarely am without input though.
I intellectually peaked in high school. I socially peaked in college. All that is left is to professionally peak. Do I not even hold out hope for romantically peaking? I guess a better way of phrasing that, a more realistic way, would be emotionally peaking.
Hope for more.
No interest in putting the every day down on paper. I want to memorialize the more profound. The EVERY day.
How long am I supposed to sit in purgatory? How long till I have atoned for my sins? How long must I be punished for my crimes? How long must I lag behind my peers in the name of what? Justice? What is it you are asking of me? Are you not just relegating me to the status of lessor? To the life of a second class citizen? What do you want me to do? What do you want me to be?
The mountain. Many paths up it. Why not take one that is well-worn, that has fellow travelers to provide you with help, comfort, community?
Well, what about you? What if I were to tell you that I have climbed the mountain. Many times with many paths. What if I were to tell you that I am a Sherpa. My journey is not one of self-discovery, one time up the mountain. Mine is to know the paths, know the struggle, and help others in their journeys up the mountain.
You see, this is the difference between an atheist and an agnostic. An atheist denies the existence of the mountain. Or at least they see no value in the climb. No truth in the paths. I believe the mountain exists. I believe the paths have value. I am not sure that there is any true path, any one right answer. There may be nothing great waiting at the top. No greater goal or meaning other than what you learn along the way. And to me, that is enough.
I see the commonalities and the differences. The hope and the futility. The capacity for good, and the utility for evil. It is what it is. I don't believe in a religion. I believe in religion. I don't believe in a god. I believe in gods. I don't believe in one path. I believe in all paths. I don't believe in faith. I believe in the human condition.
Limitations on the expanse of belief. You are not a point. You are a segment. I see the whole line.