Re: beta [2/?]paint_asmileAugust 21 2011, 08:06:17 UTC
After Yuko cried her eyes dry, she applied extra make up to try to cover the fact that she had spent the last lunch break hour bawling her heart out.
As she was about to return to the room where all the girls were supposed to gather,her vision suddenly turned pitch black and her mind went blank.
She collapsed onto the ground, crumpling with a sickening thud.
*****
Yuko woke up to find her self in a surreal state. Kojipa was beside her, clasping their hands together.
"Yuu-chan, ano... The doctor said you had a tumour in your chest, near your heart."
Never in Yuu's life did she saw Kojipa looking this lost, this distressed. And it was corncern solely for her. She was euphoric, but then she got reminded of reality.
In the end, Kojima-San was still sick of her.
"The doctor... He said you have to remove it by this week if not the tumour will grow and compress your heart. and your life will be at risk... " tears started falling down Kojipa's face as she whispered those words slowly to Yuko. Yuu used all her strength she could to lift up her arm and wiped away Kojima-san's tears.
And now, the pain wholly engulfed her heart, so much more so than the pain she has recently felt near her heart. How ironic, she thought.
"Nyan-nyan, I heard what you said to Takamina that day... Do you really want to end KojiYuu?" Yuko looked up with such a pitiful look, Kojiharu's heart cracked a little.
"I can't handle it any more. Nyan-nyan, I love you. For real. I fell for you, somewhere along this 'KojiYuu' act I yearned for this facade to cease, and become reality. But it couldn't happen, I saw, you and Takamina being all mushy. My heart hurts Kojima. And to have heard what you said..." a lone tear rolled down Yuko's cheeks.
"No! It isn't what you think it is!" Kojipa vehemently denied, But, Yuko had suddenly loss consciousness once again.
*******
With the consent of Yuko's parents, they had decided to go ahead with the operation
It was an excruciating wait outside the operating theatre. All the girls were squeezed along the corridor, outside the room. Kojiharu almost went mental waiting. Suddenly the operating lights went off and the surgeon came out.
"If she doesn't wake up in 2 days, then I am sorry. Meanwhile, we can only allow for two people to enter at a time." his low voice had an ominous ring to it.
"Kojima-San should go!" a few of the girls chorused.
"Doctor, we'll go." Takamina squeezed to the entrance of the room, holding Kojiharu's hands while the girl was frozen in fear.
"Yuu-chan must have hurt so much... Please wake up, and let me love you." Kojipa mumbled to herself as tears trickled down her face as though someone had cut the string to a bead necklace. A bead of tears, maybe.
"Tell her. She needs to know, because her love for you, is as real as your love for her. Everyone in the group can tell. Everyone, except maybe you two." Takamina gently sighed and eased Kojipa into the seat next to a sleeping Yuko.
An angel exhibiting radiance even though she was not conscious. It looked weird, a Yuko that was not smiling. Kojipa's hands made it's way to Yuko's and intertwined their fingers.
They made a perfect fit.
"Yuu-chan, please wake up," Kojipa was choking on her words. Takamina's heart ached at the sound of Kojipa's voice. It was so weak, so desperate, and mostly, it was a voice of heartbreak. "Yuu-chan... Yuu-chan, will you wake up? So that I can tell you, I love you? Ever since after Aki-P made us KojiYuu, you stood out so much to me. Your humour and silliness for you would always say silly stuff and you never act your age. Imitating lizards, mimicking chickens, you even thrash-talked maririn for your election video." Kojipa paused to take a deep breath.
Re: beta [3/3]paint_asmileAugust 21 2011, 08:09:46 UTC
"You are filled to the brim with positivity. You're always smiling, always full of energy. I always thought you as the genking. My genking. And there was something in your smile that had always made others want to smile along. It made a killer combination with your dimples. Who could resist you. I was enamoured by you, even more so with your small stature," Her grip tightened. "And now you leave me hanging here after your confession?! Yuu-chan, wake up! Stop being the coward that I am, you can't do this to me! Not after you stole my heart and pour your feelings out to me. I soared but you made me plummet. Why?!"
Kojipa leaned down, and nestled her face in yuu's breast... As inappropriate a moment as it seems, but Kojipa felt the gentle thumps that signified Yuko's presence. "Koishiteru... " Kojipa murmered through yet another bout of tears.
"Watashi mo." A weak sounding voice caused Kojipa to bolt up. Yuko had woken up.
Using all her strength, Yuko pulled Kojiharu down for a kiss.
Something wasn't right. Kojipa tasted something metallic in Yuu's mouth. "Your words reached me, and I begged for a chance to return, he gave me five minutes. I'm so sorry Nyan-nyan, I love you, so much. But we were not meant to be. Maybe in another life? Never forget, I will always be supporting you, for you are my brightest star. I'll love you, and death will not change it. Goodbye Nyan-nyan, please take care of yourself. Takamina-chan, please take care of nyan-nyan for me. Onegai." at Takamina's nod, Yuu started to cough violently. Blood flowed out of her mouth.
Kojipa was distraught. By now her wailing was probably reverberating through the entire corridor. Her cries went louder by a notch when she felt Yuu go limp, along with the deafening beep in the background.
"I love you Yuu, don't do this... Nande?!" Kojipa shrieked to Yuko's lifeless body.
In a fit of piqué, she smashed her fist into the screen of the heartbeat monitor.
A tear fell from Takamina's eye. "Why Yuko, why couldn't it be me who died. At least then Kojipa can be happy at least. Even if I can only look at her from afar." Takamina thought to herself.
****
Five years later, the girls broke up into groups. Some continued with singing in their sub-groups, some went to pursue other careers. AKB48, became a thing of the past. You could say that, AKB48 died when Yuko did.
At the far end of the Saitama Prefecture, Kojipa's birthplace, Kojipa and Takamina were sitting hand in hand, inside a small restaurant. There was a cosy feel to the place, but 'Kinjirareta Futari' suddenly played in the restaurant.
Kojiharu and Takamina visibly stiffened.
"Your food is here" the manager settled two servings of japone pasta onto their table. "I loved this band, AKB48. It was quite a pity they disbanded right? They were such a legend." the manager commented to the girls. There was a knowing look in his eyes. Before the stunned Kojiharu and Takamina could say anything, the manager had walked back to the kitchen.
And at the background, "yume no naka de, watashitachi wa, zutto, aishiaeru kara.. " Yuko's voice sounded over the speakers. And in all honesty, Kojiharu and Takamina wanted to cry there and then.
Right now,they may be KojiTaka, but they will never heal until the bumpy scar Takamina feels at Kojima's fingertips heal too. -fin-
notes(do not publish this ROFLMAO) -try to avoid contractions. use them only minimally (didn't, couldn't she'd etc) -try to avoid '~', it gets annoying after awhile. xD I don't really mind but I stalk ffas -erm, do snorts echo? -oh and another thing, unless necessary. try to avoid changing the names of the character too much try to keep it consistent. I know I do that with kazuya/kazuko but... yeah. -try not to abuse your '...' too much. Cause... it's really too much... xD but no harm done, it's just the same with '~' -Also try not to make long speeches(more than 4-5 sentences). make them interspersed with little things. -caplock attack. not really nice to see in fics. you can use other ways of showing that their shouting or really angry (; -tbc-
Re: beta [3/3]paint_asmileAugust 21 2011, 08:10:16 UTC
-"I SOARED BUT YOU MADE ME PLUMMET." this seemed kinda awkward but idk how to change ;_____; -oh! and if you want to use '...' remember they always come in threes. like a threesome or sth like that. - and keep your "/" and '/' consistant as well. -OTL i seem kinda strict.. but yeah D: I love your fic btw! -oh yeah, try stalking fic metas and ffas. you really learn alot u.u
cover the fact that she had spent the last lunch break hour bawling
her heart out.
As she was about to return to the room where all the girls were
supposed to gather,her vision suddenly turned pitch black and her mind went blank.
She collapsed onto the ground, crumpling with a sickening thud.
*****
Yuko woke up to find her self in a surreal state. Kojipa was beside
her, clasping their hands together.
"Yuu-chan, ano... The doctor said you had a tumour in your chest, near your heart."
Never in Yuu's life did she saw Kojipa looking this lost, this distressed. And it was
corncern solely for her. She was euphoric, but then she got reminded of
reality.
In the end, Kojima-San was still sick of her.
"The doctor... He said you have to remove it by this week if not the
tumour will grow and compress your heart. and your life will be at
risk... " tears started falling down Kojipa's face as she whispered those words slowly to Yuko.
Yuu used all her strength she could to lift up her arm and wiped away Kojima-san's tears.
And now, the pain wholly engulfed her heart, so much more so than the
pain she has recently felt near her heart. How ironic, she thought.
"Nyan-nyan, I heard what you said to Takamina that day... Do you
really want to end KojiYuu?" Yuko looked up with such a pitiful look,
Kojiharu's heart cracked a little.
"I can't handle it any more. Nyan-nyan, I love you. For real. I fell
for you, somewhere along this 'KojiYuu' act I yearned for this
facade to cease, and become reality. But it couldn't happen, I
saw, you and Takamina being all mushy. My heart hurts Kojima. And to have
heard what you said..." a lone tear rolled down Yuko's cheeks.
"No! It isn't what you think it is!" Kojipa vehemently denied,
But, Yuko had suddenly loss consciousness once again.
*******
With the consent of Yuko's parents, they had decided to go ahead with the operation
It was an excruciating wait outside the operating theatre. All the
girls were squeezed along the corridor, outside the room. Kojiharu
almost went mental waiting. Suddenly the operating lights went off and
the surgeon came out.
"If she doesn't wake up in 2 days, then I am sorry. Meanwhile, we
can only allow for two people to enter at a time." his low voice had an ominous
ring to it.
"Kojima-San should go!" a few of the girls chorused.
"Doctor, we'll go." Takamina squeezed to the entrance of the room, holding
Kojiharu's hands while the girl was frozen in fear.
"Yuu-chan must have hurt so much... Please wake up, and let me
love you." Kojipa mumbled to herself as tears trickled down her face
as though someone had cut the string to a bead necklace. A bead of
tears, maybe.
"Tell her. She needs to know, because her love for you, is as real as
your love for her. Everyone in the group can tell. Everyone, except maybe you
two." Takamina gently sighed and eased Kojipa into the seat next to a
sleeping Yuko.
An angel exhibiting radiance even though she was not conscious. It
looked weird, a Yuko that was not smiling. Kojipa's hands made it's
way to Yuko's and intertwined their fingers.
They made a perfect fit.
"Yuu-chan, please wake up," Kojipa was choking on her words.
Takamina's heart ached at the sound of Kojipa's voice. It was so weak,
so desperate, and mostly, it was a voice of heartbreak.
"Yuu-chan... Yuu-chan, will you wake up? So that I can tell you, I
love you? Ever since after Aki-P made us KojiYuu, you stood out so much to me.
Your humour and silliness for you would always say silly stuff and
you never act your age. Imitating lizards, mimicking chickens, you even thrash-talked maririn for your election video." Kojipa paused to take a deep breath.
-tbc-
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always full of energy. I always thought you as the genking. My
genking. And there was something in your smile that had always made
others want to smile along. It made a killer combination with your dimples.
Who could resist you. I was enamoured by you, even more so with your
small stature," Her grip tightened. "And now you leave me hanging here after your confession?! Yuu-chan, wake up!
Stop being the coward that I am, you can't do this to me! Not after you stole my heart and pour your feelings out to me.
I soared but you made me plummet. Why?!"
Kojipa leaned down, and nestled her face in yuu's breast... As inappropriate a moment as it
seems, but Kojipa felt the gentle thumps that signified Yuko's presence.
"Koishiteru... " Kojipa murmered through yet another bout of tears.
"Watashi mo." A weak sounding voice caused Kojipa to bolt up. Yuko had woken
up.
Using all her strength, Yuko pulled Kojiharu down for a kiss.
Something wasn't right. Kojipa tasted something metallic in Yuu's mouth.
"Your words reached me, and I begged for a chance to return, he gave me five minutes. I'm so sorry Nyan-nyan, I love you, so much. But we were
not meant to be. Maybe in another life? Never forget, I will
always be supporting you, for you are my brightest star. I'll love
you, and death will not change it. Goodbye Nyan-nyan, please take
care of yourself. Takamina-chan, please take care of nyan-nyan for
me. Onegai." at Takamina's nod, Yuu started to cough violently. Blood
flowed out of her mouth.
Kojipa was distraught. By now her wailing was probably reverberating
through the entire corridor.
Her cries went louder by a notch when she felt Yuu go limp, along with
the deafening beep in the background.
"I love you Yuu, don't do this... Nande?!" Kojipa shrieked
to Yuko's lifeless body.
In a fit of piqué, she smashed her fist into the screen of the heartbeat monitor.
A tear fell from Takamina's eye. "Why Yuko, why couldn't it be me who
died. At least then Kojipa can be happy at least. Even if I can only
look at her from afar." Takamina thought to herself.
****
Five years later, the girls broke up into groups. Some continued with singing in their sub-groups, some went to pursue other careers. AKB48,
became a thing of the past. You could say that, AKB48 died when Yuko did.
At the far end of the Saitama Prefecture, Kojipa's birthplace, Kojipa and
Takamina were sitting hand in hand, inside a small restaurant. There
was a cosy feel to the place, but 'Kinjirareta Futari' suddenly played
in the restaurant.
Kojiharu and Takamina visibly stiffened.
"Your food is here" the manager settled two servings of japone pasta
onto their table.
"I loved this band, AKB48. It was quite a pity they disbanded right? They were such a legend." the manager commented to the girls. There
was a knowing look in his eyes. Before the stunned Kojiharu and
Takamina could say anything, the manager had walked back to the kitchen.
And at the background, "yume no naka de, watashitachi wa, zutto,
aishiaeru kara.. " Yuko's voice sounded over the speakers. And in all honesty,
Kojiharu and Takamina wanted to cry there and then.
Right now,they may be KojiTaka, but they will never heal until the
bumpy scar Takamina feels at Kojima's fingertips heal too.
-fin-
notes(do not publish this ROFLMAO)
-try to avoid contractions. use them only minimally (didn't, couldn't she'd etc)
-try to avoid '~', it gets annoying after awhile. xD I don't really mind but I stalk ffas
-erm, do snorts echo?
-oh and another thing, unless necessary. try to avoid changing the names of the character too much try to keep it consistent. I know I do that with kazuya/kazuko but... yeah.
-try not to abuse your '...' too much. Cause... it's really too much... xD but no harm done, it's just the same with '~'
-Also try not to make long speeches(more than 4-5 sentences). make them interspersed with little things.
-caplock attack. not really nice to see in fics. you can use other ways of showing that their shouting or really angry (;
-tbc-
Reply
-oh! and if you want to use '...' remember they always come in threes. like a threesome or sth like that.
- and keep your "/" and '/' consistant as well.
-OTL i seem kinda strict.. but yeah D: I love your fic btw!
-oh yeah, try stalking fic metas and ffas. you really learn alot u.u
YEAHHHHH. :D
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