why????
why do i do things that i know are going to hurt me??? why do i do things that i know full well ahead of time will do the exact opposite of what i really want? i was looking at some old(and new) pics of some people and I know now i shouldnt have. anyways, for kristen, my life lately. well, basically, ive been smoking a lot lately, and pretty much anything else i can do to completely and utterly ruin my life, and destroy my health and body. in short, im pretty much killing myself in the slowest, and most painful way I have access to, and in all honesty, i'd probably give pretty much anything for my friends .45 colt magnum. i have been awake today since about 9 a.m., and i still havent eaten. i drink enough soda in a day to put most diabetics who take care of themselves into a diabetic coma, and while im supposed to take 55 units of lantus insulin every night, i take my insulin maybe once every month or so. i'm bored as fuck, 24/7, and yet even when my friends do deem me important enough to waste the time to talk to me(which doesnt happen often), i work on getting off the phone as soon as possible. and the worst part is, this is the first time ive either written or spoken in any way just how, exactly, ive been feeling for roughly the past month now, and the only person who could see past my mask in any way at all, is my friend melissa, and she could only see what i decided to show her. i think the only reasons i even bothered to write this is because 1) kristen asked me to tell her everything thats been going on lately, and 2) because i've finally given up caring whether or not anyone knows. Have a good night, kristen.