Tokyo Design Academy and Frustrations
First of all, I am very tired since I was out of the house for 12 hours today. LOL. I went to CCF early for a leader's training for the upcoming sembreak retreat which is All For One (JZONE Highschool sembreak retreat on the 28th-30th). I really wanted to go to One retreat (JZONE college retreat) but I can't afford to go to both camps ^_^" Hahaha, so there. I chose to go to highschool camp instead since I disciple girls there (^w^)
So I came home [miraculously] earlier than the usual and I feel very drained. And here I am, frustrated about things.
For the past few days, I've been feeling down about how my school life is right now and how I find myself frustrated about pretty much almost everything. The route problem of my frustrations? I've been comparing myself with other people's blessings.
First is my sister. No, don't get me wrong. I don't have a problem with my sister. I love her and we get along VERY well. But the problem, however, lies in me. You see, my sister is almost graduating highschool. She's a junior high student and she's already in that stage where she decides what to do for college or after highschool. And lately, she's been having several talks with my mom about her interests and what course she wants to take and the possible schools that they could consider. My sister wants to take designing (although, she still doesn't know what in particular) and she found some nearby colleges that she can take into considerations, of course, with the consent of my parents. My mom, who seems to understand my sister's interest, is giving her the option to decide what course exactly to take. And for the past few days, I've been finding myself feeling envious on the fact that my mom gives my sister an option to choose what she can take for college.
Ever since I was starting out in highschool, my mom always knew that my passion was arts. She talked as a proud mom, saying that she would love to have my talents be more explored by developing them and eventually turn that into a career. Came senior year, all those things were forgotten when my mom told me the word I never wanted to hear: "You'll never go anywhere with arts." For several times, I tried to convince her to have me take courses like animation. But she always gave me the same answer.
By the time graduation came, my mom said, "I really don't know what course to let you take and which school to send you to." I always thought to myself, Well, that's because you don't want me to pursue arts.
My mom had me to take BSIT, claiming this was the best course to take because it was in-demand all over the world and you can get a job everywhere you go. True enough, it IS the easiest field to actually say you're successful. But what's the point of earning so much and getting a nice job, if you don't love what you're doing and your heart is elsewhere?
Many times, even until this day, I get discouraged A LOT and feel like giving up because school's tough and I didn't even choose this path. This is exactly why I envy my sister for getting the chance to actually choose what to take for college because she gets to pursue her dreams.
Last night, my sister mentioned to my mom that she received an email from MINT (a designing school somewhere in the Fort), offering an application to their school. My mom told my sister, "Study hard so you can try for a scholarship." With that, I tried to see if my mom would listen to my side. "Mommy, I wanna try for a scholarship in the school I want to go to in Japan." I only tried. "Then, go." I was certain she was serious about this. Then we talked about it for awhile like how I would cope up with Japanese and everything.
Was this a yes that I can go there right away after I graduate?
Who knows? But for one, I'll be praying REALLY hard that I can get it next school year because I don't wanna leave for somewhere else to work for the school I want to go to. If there's one place I'd be leaving to, that would be Japan and ONLY Japan.
So I was looking through Tokyo Design Academy and that's where I'm really set. I really pray I can get in there.
I'm just frustrated because before that talk with my mom happened, I was feeling bad last night because I was feeling insecure again towards people who are really good at drawing. Can you just imagine? My own sister's classmate is SO good at drawing and it made me feel REAAAALLY bad. Many times, I feel so small and I feel like I'm not worth calling myself an artist especially whenever I see the art works of other people who are REAAAAALLY good. Wouldn't you feel the same way if you were in my shoe?
Because of all these frustrations, I began to get frustrated about almost everything around me. Even the smallest things.
Believe it or not, I get frustrated when I ask for download links of shows or anything I can't watch [e.g. Shounen Club, Yan Yan JUMP, etc.] from someone and they don't answer you - like they completely ignored you. I get sooooo annoyed when they do that. And I hate it too when people say, "Oh~! I got this and that!" or "I got to watch this and that" or screen caps from the stuff of JUMP from Marching J.
Please, if you can't/don't want to share it, stop sharing to other people that you have these stuff, okay? You're just frustrating not only me, but other people.
...
There are so many other frustrations that I'd rather not put here because I don't want people getting offended more. And I'm sleepy and tired physically and emotionally.
Seeing you today made my day at some point.