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[serai1]

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I'm taking a couple of days to put up my archive at AO3. What will happen after that, I don't know.

I haven't eaten at all today. I have no appetite. Been crying a lot.

Don't leave me, don't leave me, please.
I need you, I need you, I need you, I need you.
Don't go, please don't go. Please?

Comments

[danae_b]

I know you might not have an appetite, but you need to eat something.

They'll come back, love, they're not going to abandon you. (Expect a proper reply elsewhere, shortly -- I've only just managed to get onto my computer for the evening.)

[serai1]

Thank you, hon. This is a problem I've always had - I have no defense at all against negative comments. People think I'm all tough and able to take shit, but I'm a fucking wuss inside, really. I just know how to hide it. So it makes me extremely vulnerable when it's something that's precious and close to me. If I'd actually been writing this from an outline and knew right away where it was going, I wouldn't have posted it until it was all done, for fear of exactly this kind of thing happening. My Muse - whatever form He's taking - is incredibly testy that way, and will simply walk away if He's pissed enough. He's done it before, and left me for months. When I'm writing in a fandom, I feel the characters like my own children, and yeah, that makes me open to being hurt. It's just the way I write, insane as it is, but it's the only way I can write. -sigh

[serai1]

It wasn't a mistake, sweetheart. You write as well, so you know that when you're inside a story, it's hard to remember that readers don't know what you know. As a writer, I think what upset me so much is that I put a lot of care into conveying what kind of person she is, within the confines of what the story is saying, even though not much is said. I think the comments made me feel that you and Gabi didn't seem to trust not only her, but Zeke as well. He wasn't upset, he didn't hate her, he wasn't even angry in any discernible way. To me, that said there was no rancor there - whatever had separated them, it wasn't meanness or coldness or bitchiness or lack of love. It was clearly something else, at least to my eyes. I keep going back to the movie, and how Josh and Robert made the decision not to have Zeke be bitter or angry about this. He just kinda shrugs about it; the second mention of his parents, in his lab, even sounds like he thinks it's funny. Having done some acting, I tend to pick up on those tiny little nuances and