healthy me.
Things are better for the time being. I bounced back well, not holding a grudge too badly. He has not been drinking today and doesn't seem too eager to do so either. That could change in a matter of hours and even minutes, I know, but I'm holding on to the moment. This moment is good.
I slept badly last night, but since today was one of the three days a week that our daughter spends at daycare, I managed to squeeze in a little nap with the baby. The result was that I felt good. I joked, laughed and didn't get overly annoyed with the kids. Daughter giggled as we played tortoise, which means that she sits on my back as I crawl on all fours around the house. It makes me happy when I have the energy to play with her like that. So often I have been too tired to get any of that out of me. I want to be a playful mum, not the high-strung version of myself, who I've been lately.
On my journey to self-acceptance and perhaps later self-love, I have taken a step forward it seems. I'm thinking a lot of what kind of person I would like to be. It has a direct consequence of me realizing how much I have been sabotaging myself over the years by beating myself up over every little thing. I am a perfectionist by nature and it isn't an easy trait to let go even a little bit, so I'm still beating myself up about nonsense stuff a lot. But I am getting better at realizing that everyone make mistakes and to not make any is impossible, not something I should strive for.
I've been counting my calories for about a week now also, pushing myself to do a bit of exercising here and there and weighing myself every once in a while. I try not to make it too scheduled. I would like the exercise and eating healthy to be a natural part of my life, not something I'm trying to force upon myself. This far the weight has done the yo-yo thing and I'm eating too many calories to lose weight as quickly as I would like to (which is 10 kg by New Year when my friend has a wedding). But so far I've managed not to beat myself up over that either. My muscles ache a little the next day after exercise, not too much to make me want to give up, but enough for me to know that I have done something. I have less pelvis pain and my headaches are gone because I've stretched almost every night. This all after just one week. It makes me happy. And that's the main thing. Being healthy should be fun and it never has been for me until now. I feel like I've found out about this magical secret about beginning a healthy life. I've even totally overeaten on couple of occasions and when I started to feel guilty, I just reminded myself that there's always a next day when I can succeed.
I slept badly last night, but since today was one of the three days a week that our daughter spends at daycare, I managed to squeeze in a little nap with the baby. The result was that I felt good. I joked, laughed and didn't get overly annoyed with the kids. Daughter giggled as we played tortoise, which means that she sits on my back as I crawl on all fours around the house. It makes me happy when I have the energy to play with her like that. So often I have been too tired to get any of that out of me. I want to be a playful mum, not the high-strung version of myself, who I've been lately.
On my journey to self-acceptance and perhaps later self-love, I have taken a step forward it seems. I'm thinking a lot of what kind of person I would like to be. It has a direct consequence of me realizing how much I have been sabotaging myself over the years by beating myself up over every little thing. I am a perfectionist by nature and it isn't an easy trait to let go even a little bit, so I'm still beating myself up about nonsense stuff a lot. But I am getting better at realizing that everyone make mistakes and to not make any is impossible, not something I should strive for.
I've been counting my calories for about a week now also, pushing myself to do a bit of exercising here and there and weighing myself every once in a while. I try not to make it too scheduled. I would like the exercise and eating healthy to be a natural part of my life, not something I'm trying to force upon myself. This far the weight has done the yo-yo thing and I'm eating too many calories to lose weight as quickly as I would like to (which is 10 kg by New Year when my friend has a wedding). But so far I've managed not to beat myself up over that either. My muscles ache a little the next day after exercise, not too much to make me want to give up, but enough for me to know that I have done something. I have less pelvis pain and my headaches are gone because I've stretched almost every night. This all after just one week. It makes me happy. And that's the main thing. Being healthy should be fun and it never has been for me until now. I feel like I've found out about this magical secret about beginning a healthy life. I've even totally overeaten on couple of occasions and when I started to feel guilty, I just reminded myself that there's always a next day when I can succeed.