(no subject)
I was born in october/ november.
So, while everything around me was dying, I was coming to be. I sometimes feel like this has had a profound impact on the world around me.
I sometimes feel like as I row stronger, things around me are withering and returning to wormy earth from which they came.
I can't honestly say this is a bad thing. some things need to go. the end is important in all things. entropy and decay eventually sets in in all things .
But sometimes it does. sometime swhen I look back and I see people or things I have tried to help, or have even been in touch with, most of the time they have fallen so far into a disgusting state, I have to wonder if it was me. In some cases, I know it was. I know that in darker days I hae evn inspired people to new depths and destroyed beautiful things because I simply wanted to, or I found it amusing. This was all before I opened my eyes and began to listen in feeling to the world around me.Before I began being able to predict the outcome of events by simply paying attention tothe subtle hints and signs that pop up in everyday life that people always seem to miss.
It is because of this that I have to wonder if I an right about myself, that I sometimes send out these negative waves of...energy, I guess, without really trying. These waves cause an entropy of thoughts emotions, lives, and feelings that I feel like echo within me.
I know it sounds crazy, but sometimes, when I study myself, when I really look inward and examine my inner core, I feel this hole. And it never gets filled, nd it never goes away, and wehn I meet other people who are depressed and/or upset, I can feel it vibrate with the same kind of emotion. By feeling this, I often can see how to stop it and can help people find their way out of it. I just can't do it myself.
I wonder how it got there. Did one person do this to me? is it a side effect of so much bad things going on around me? was it something that formed over time, or was it one thing that did it?
I don't know the answers to these questions. But I know that the world has been kicking my ass for so long that I can't even remember a time when it wasn't.
So, while everything around me was dying, I was coming to be. I sometimes feel like this has had a profound impact on the world around me.
I sometimes feel like as I row stronger, things around me are withering and returning to wormy earth from which they came.
I can't honestly say this is a bad thing. some things need to go. the end is important in all things. entropy and decay eventually sets in in all things .
But sometimes it does. sometime swhen I look back and I see people or things I have tried to help, or have even been in touch with, most of the time they have fallen so far into a disgusting state, I have to wonder if it was me. In some cases, I know it was. I know that in darker days I hae evn inspired people to new depths and destroyed beautiful things because I simply wanted to, or I found it amusing. This was all before I opened my eyes and began to listen in feeling to the world around me.Before I began being able to predict the outcome of events by simply paying attention tothe subtle hints and signs that pop up in everyday life that people always seem to miss.
It is because of this that I have to wonder if I an right about myself, that I sometimes send out these negative waves of...energy, I guess, without really trying. These waves cause an entropy of thoughts emotions, lives, and feelings that I feel like echo within me.
I know it sounds crazy, but sometimes, when I study myself, when I really look inward and examine my inner core, I feel this hole. And it never gets filled, nd it never goes away, and wehn I meet other people who are depressed and/or upset, I can feel it vibrate with the same kind of emotion. By feeling this, I often can see how to stop it and can help people find their way out of it. I just can't do it myself.
I wonder how it got there. Did one person do this to me? is it a side effect of so much bad things going on around me? was it something that formed over time, or was it one thing that did it?
I don't know the answers to these questions. But I know that the world has been kicking my ass for so long that I can't even remember a time when it wasn't.