Joe's band practice, near the old Pit.
Oddly enough sitting here at his practice space the things that are going through my mind don't have much to do with Joe at all. Or music really.Actually they do have a little to do with music. Just not Joe's music.
Like I was thinking just a minute ago, how if I hadn't of miscarried my baby, I would be around 4 months pregnant. I'd be showing. It tourments my mind to think how recent all of this was. I'm sure you have assumed by recent poetry, that I thought I was pregnant again. Right after Justin left me. From the night mars came crashing down to earth . . . I mean the night Justin and I fell screaming our insecurites into existance. It turned out of course, that I am not in fact carrying his child- nor shall I ever. I guess the reason I am thinking about this, is because the bass player in Joe's band is going to be a Daddy and it's been a big deal lately.
I have fallen in love with one thing through this all. "77 minutes for Jenna", better known as the "I sense regret near u" cd. 'Lionness' and 'Black Crow' by Songs: Ohia are such amazing songs. I don't understand why I didn't realize that untill post Justin. Also the first trak, 'History' by Joesph Arthor is great. The whole cd just says it. It totally does. I've been playing the life out of it.
I just remembered how much I smoked weed last year. Back at my old place with Todd. Those memories are really shady but I remember a group of us going in my bedroom. Ouch. And I always talk bad about that shit. I hate it so much. Those were the days right before I lost my mind I guess. After I left Stan, and things started getting really bad.
Where does life go? I was so different a year ago. Was I better? Was I more complete, or less with Stan? I still feel lost without him. He is the only thing I am missing these days. He just keeps pushing me further and further away though. I can't write anymore about this or I'm gonna get sad and nobody can handle that. Cause once I start crying over Stan, I'll probabally never stop.
Like I was thinking just a minute ago, how if I hadn't of miscarried my baby, I would be around 4 months pregnant. I'd be showing. It tourments my mind to think how recent all of this was. I'm sure you have assumed by recent poetry, that I thought I was pregnant again. Right after Justin left me. From the night mars came crashing down to earth . . . I mean the night Justin and I fell screaming our insecurites into existance. It turned out of course, that I am not in fact carrying his child- nor shall I ever. I guess the reason I am thinking about this, is because the bass player in Joe's band is going to be a Daddy and it's been a big deal lately.
I have fallen in love with one thing through this all. "77 minutes for Jenna", better known as the "I sense regret near u" cd. 'Lionness' and 'Black Crow' by Songs: Ohia are such amazing songs. I don't understand why I didn't realize that untill post Justin. Also the first trak, 'History' by Joesph Arthor is great. The whole cd just says it. It totally does. I've been playing the life out of it.
I just remembered how much I smoked weed last year. Back at my old place with Todd. Those memories are really shady but I remember a group of us going in my bedroom. Ouch. And I always talk bad about that shit. I hate it so much. Those were the days right before I lost my mind I guess. After I left Stan, and things started getting really bad.
Where does life go? I was so different a year ago. Was I better? Was I more complete, or less with Stan? I still feel lost without him. He is the only thing I am missing these days. He just keeps pushing me further and further away though. I can't write anymore about this or I'm gonna get sad and nobody can handle that. Cause once I start crying over Stan, I'll probabally never stop.