(no subject)
I left tumblr a few months ago. There are many reasons, but the two main reasons, the ones I didn't dare publicly announce, is a) I have been severly sad this whole year for many compounded reasons, and tumblr was making it workse and b) that I needed to be a better person.
Leaving was the best thing that happened to me. Instead of crab-bucketing on the internet, I went out into the community, I got involved in helping people, I hung out with my friends more. Any spare time I had alone, I spent it in community work, reading books and making art, which I privately stored away on my computer, rather that putting it online or showing it to people. I tried to be a better person, and eventually, I became a happier one, too.
A few months after my leaving, something happened in a fandom I know of but wasn't involved heavily in before, and I wanted to show my joy for that event by making art. At first I just stored the art away privately, as usual. But, some part of me wanted to share in the communal joy of the event, by sharing that art. I don't know how use twitter, and LJ and dArt are not very suitable for art sharing. I thought I would make an art-only tumblr, and put up some art and some funny comics I did. It went okay, and people seemed to like my stuff.
But apparently, posting art in a fandom inevitably means you get to know the fandom better. And once you know the fandom better, you see all the drama and hate and infighting that seeps through it like fucking cancer.
I don't want to be associated with a fandom like this. This is exactly the kind of drama I wanted to get away from
I honestly don't know why I'm getting so emotional about this. I'm not involved in this drama personally. But I see it from the sidelines, I see the names and accusations hurled by people from both sides and each other, and for some reason it's really breaking me up inside and making me sad again. Fandom used to be a happy thing. Why are all these people so engrossed in throwing hate at each other? Does it make them happy? Does it make them feel better?
I just want to make art about the things I enjoy, and to see pretty art that other people make, without always going into the tags and seeing people fighting about meaningless things. Everyone is so hateful, on both side, on all sides. There is no side that looks good here.
I wish people weren't such jerks to each other, that we could at least try to see things from another point of view. I wish we could just like what we like, without hating someone who likes something different from us. Only the Sith deal in absolutes, right? No one group can be all bad, right? If even I, who only posts art, can feel this bad over it, how must other people, who are actually involved in these things, feel? Don't they feel like they're breaking up inside, like the thing that is supposed to be their happy place is snatched away from them by careless, grabby hands?
I know I was an idiot a thousand times before. I'll probably be an idiot a thousand times again. But somewhere along the way, I think I learned better. I learned to be less judgemental, bitchy and prejudiced, against people who I once thought I had a right to be prejudiced against. I learned to see many sides to an argument. That was a main reason for me leaving tumblr before; I didn't want to turn into a bitter, nasty, jaded person, and I was, help me I am so, so, sorry for some of the things I said and reblogged, I was.
Maybe I can hope that these people arguing will learn better too? That, on both sides, they will realize that there is bad people on all sides of an argument, and come to peace with the existence of each other?
But right now, I'm kind of crying, and I want to delete this tumblr again, because i'm so sick of drama and hate, even one that I am not involved in. I just wanted to make art, I don't want to be associated with any of this.
Leaving was the best thing that happened to me. Instead of crab-bucketing on the internet, I went out into the community, I got involved in helping people, I hung out with my friends more. Any spare time I had alone, I spent it in community work, reading books and making art, which I privately stored away on my computer, rather that putting it online or showing it to people. I tried to be a better person, and eventually, I became a happier one, too.
A few months after my leaving, something happened in a fandom I know of but wasn't involved heavily in before, and I wanted to show my joy for that event by making art. At first I just stored the art away privately, as usual. But, some part of me wanted to share in the communal joy of the event, by sharing that art. I don't know how use twitter, and LJ and dArt are not very suitable for art sharing. I thought I would make an art-only tumblr, and put up some art and some funny comics I did. It went okay, and people seemed to like my stuff.
But apparently, posting art in a fandom inevitably means you get to know the fandom better. And once you know the fandom better, you see all the drama and hate and infighting that seeps through it like fucking cancer.
I don't want to be associated with a fandom like this. This is exactly the kind of drama I wanted to get away from
I honestly don't know why I'm getting so emotional about this. I'm not involved in this drama personally. But I see it from the sidelines, I see the names and accusations hurled by people from both sides and each other, and for some reason it's really breaking me up inside and making me sad again. Fandom used to be a happy thing. Why are all these people so engrossed in throwing hate at each other? Does it make them happy? Does it make them feel better?
I just want to make art about the things I enjoy, and to see pretty art that other people make, without always going into the tags and seeing people fighting about meaningless things. Everyone is so hateful, on both side, on all sides. There is no side that looks good here.
I wish people weren't such jerks to each other, that we could at least try to see things from another point of view. I wish we could just like what we like, without hating someone who likes something different from us. Only the Sith deal in absolutes, right? No one group can be all bad, right? If even I, who only posts art, can feel this bad over it, how must other people, who are actually involved in these things, feel? Don't they feel like they're breaking up inside, like the thing that is supposed to be their happy place is snatched away from them by careless, grabby hands?
I know I was an idiot a thousand times before. I'll probably be an idiot a thousand times again. But somewhere along the way, I think I learned better. I learned to be less judgemental, bitchy and prejudiced, against people who I once thought I had a right to be prejudiced against. I learned to see many sides to an argument. That was a main reason for me leaving tumblr before; I didn't want to turn into a bitter, nasty, jaded person, and I was, help me I am so, so, sorry for some of the things I said and reblogged, I was.
Maybe I can hope that these people arguing will learn better too? That, on both sides, they will realize that there is bad people on all sides of an argument, and come to peace with the existence of each other?
But right now, I'm kind of crying, and I want to delete this tumblr again, because i'm so sick of drama and hate, even one that I am not involved in. I just wanted to make art, I don't want to be associated with any of this.