Bold move
At least for me it is. I swear I have every species of butterfly and moth doing the conga in my stomach right now. I had no idea I was such a nervous individual until I started posting my writing and artwork on the net. It takes me two days to recover! But here I am prepared to post another work. Actually, this is merely an excerpt from my AU FF VII story "Last Child". I've written it for my best friend isflamma, who is the only person I know who can bend time and space and physically give another person a kick in the ass all the way from Finland. She keeps me going when I want to give up (Thanks sweetie!) and writes lovely stories with my silver-haired adonis in them. Mmm...yum.
I realize no one else will understand what the hell is going on, but I've decided to post this anyway. Most readers will probably "run" like hell the moment they meet my original character, which is right away. So I guess this is fair warning to those who have an aversion to OCs: don't take the Lj cut. My apologies if I sound hostile. I tend to get defensive when it comes to the whole OC/MS conflict. *taking a deep breath* Okay, I'm good. For those of you who are the least bit curious, please keep reading.
Oh, in case you have questions about Sephiroth's behavior, please keep a few things in mind: 1. It's the middle of the story; 2. This is the first time he and my character have been completely alone; 3. A few days earlier he just witnessed her suffer horrifically at the hands of Jenova because of him;4. Not to mention he's dealing with the whole I'm-no-longer-insane-how-do-I-behave-now syndrome. If your question hasn't been answered here, please feel free to drop me a message.
Eilis cannot remember a time when she was so nervous. She silently prayed to Amma that her body would stop shaking. Surely Sephiroth has noticed. Nothing went beyond his detection. She tried not to remain still for too long: pacing from one tree to another, stooping occasionally to examine a flower, glancing at the clouds above. Perhaps if she continued to move about it wouldn't be noticeable.
She held to this delusion as a child would a new toy.
He sat on a boulder nearby, his legs dangling in front of him; his body reclined against his outstretched arms. His head was tilted back, eyes closed, taking in the warmth from the sun. Eilis seized upon this rare opportunity to look at him without being observed in return. Deep down she knew he was aware of her gaze, but she didn't care. Time to get a taste of his own medicine. Her eyes were immediately drawn to his hair. It poured down his back like liquid silver to lie pooled behind him. The rays of the sun made the silver shine, turning it a brilliant white. She tilted her head slightly and sighed. So beautiful.
Her eyes quickly moved to his legs. Unlike Tifa and Aeris, she approved of his choice in clothing. Black leather suited him. The pauldrons drew your eyes to his broad shoulders. His trench coat, smartly clasped only at his waist, revealed the flat plains of a perfectly toned chest. And his legs…his legs…the height of his boots accentuated their length. Eilis found her eyes on more than one occasion drawn to them. Her only lament was his coat usually obstructed her view. Oh Amma, how I love his legs! She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. Control yourself. You're a grown woman. Try behaving like one.
Eilis opened her eyes, fully expecting him to be watching her, but he hadn't moved. Thank the Planet. She let her gaze travel up the remainder of his body to finally rest upon his face. She knew it by heart: the infamous eyes, the slant of his cheeks, the curve of his jaw, skin like alabaster, eyebrows to match his hair, lashes blacker than night, the straight line of his nose…his lips. Saidah spoke constantly about his eyes. Aeris and Tifa commented that they were his best feature when they weren't glaring at you. When asked what she thought, Eilis agreed with them wholeheartedly. Absolutely. Best feature. Eyes win. Gods knew his gaze could cause all rational thought to leave her, but her true weakness was his lips. Her eyes would constantly lower to his mouth, not because she was unable to hold his gaze, but because they were her favorite feature. She had to be cautious however. More than once he caught her staring. At the time, she feared her admiration was being misconstrued for something else.
Now? She would give anything to know what those lips felt like.
Eilis stepped back a few paces, taking all of him in. He was a stunning figure to look upon. She clasped her hands behind her, cocked her head to the side, and smiled. His posture looked so innocent, the type of pose reserved for children and Aeris. Eilis' smile disappeared as images from his childhood flashed through her mind. Her features hardened, eyes ablaze with indignation. He was never given the opportunity to be innocent. All the more reason for him to experience it now. It's not too late. It's never too late.
She bowed her head, shutting her eyes tight against Sephiroth's memories. They made her heart ache and aroused an anger in her like she's never felt before. Her hands fell to her sides and clenched into fists. She could feel Amma's Light swirling behind her eyes.
Focus Eilis. You can't change his past, but you can be a part of his future. She took several deep breaths, willing the Light to recede. She sought out his heartbeat, its steady rhythm never failing to soothe her. Concentrate. Moments passed and Amma's Light reluctantly returned to her core. She opened her eyes, but kept her head down. Her vision was blurry and it took a few seconds for her eyes to focus. She glanced at her hands and realized they were numb. In her struggle to control the Light, she had clenched them so tightly she had cut off the circulation to her fingers. She immediately began to rub them to restore blood flow.
Much to her surprise, a second set of hands joined hers. They held hers in such a way to allow his thumbs to massage her palms. Eilis slowly raised her head. His eyes were downcast, focusing their attention on the care of her hands. They stood inches apart. How did I not hear him approach? Idiot, you know why. She felt his fingers stop and release her. He took a step back before meeting her gaze.
"Are you alright?"
"Yes, I am now." She lifted her hands in front of her, wiggling her fingers, before letting them drop to her sides. "Thank you."
He let his gaze fall as he shook his head dismissively. Have I embarrassed him?
"It was nothing."
"Not to me." Her reply brought his eyes back to hers. She saw such control in his face, but not enough to hide his concern.
"What happened?" Now it was Eilis' turn to look elsewhere. It was naïve for her to believe he hadn't witnessed her struggle. Should I tell him the truth? Or invent a creative lie? No. I don't want to lie to him. Besides, he would know. Sephiroth misunderstood her hesitation.
"I understand if you do not wish to tell me."
"No, I do. I'm just..." She sighed. "I'm not sure how to tell you." She felt like such a fool. Her nerves renewed their attack on her, and she could feel her body begin to tremble.
"I can see...images from your past in my mind," she began, being careful to avoid his gaze until she finished or her resolve would crumble. "I've been able to since I removed Me'usheret...Jenova...from your system. While I was...watching you, just now, I saw memories of your childhood...and I became angry. Without my daily immersion in Amma's Water, I find it difficult to suppress my powers. There is a risk that my more...primal...emotions will trigger their release. What you observed moments ago was my struggle to restrain Amma's Light." She turned towards Sephiroth, expecting the worse. Eilis knew how fiercely private he was and this blatant intrusion into his past, however involuntary, was sure to incense him. He stood a few feet away with his back towards her. She debated whether to approach him or not, and decided to let him make the first move.
He stood very still. A slight breeze playing with his hair generated the only movement around him. Seconds felt like hours. Eilis rethought her decision about moving closer to him and managed a step in his direction before his voice halted her in her tracks.
"What memories?" The color drained from Eilis' face. Tears quickly formed in her eyes. Please Amma, I can't. I can't tell him. I can't watch him relive the torture done to him. He doesn't need to go through that again! Damn it, why does he want to know!
"I don't remember," she blurted out. He turned to face her so quickly Eilis recoiled, lost her footing and stumbled backwards. If he wasn't angry with her before, he certainly was now.
"Do not lie to me Eilis!" he seethed. The tears that hovered in her eyes trailed down her cheeks, leaving pale blue tracks behind. She couldn't stand the thought of hurting him, and that is precisely what she was about to do.
"I don't know how old you were. Young, maybe seven or eight years old. You were lying on a stainless steel table, bound by heavy leather straps. They were around your wrists, your ankles, across your chest and thighs, even across your forehead. There was an IV leading into your arm and wires leading from your head and chest to machines on either side of you. Two glaring lights hung above the table. Several people in lab coats worked around you, taking special care to avoid your eyes. They were dismissed shortly after another man came into the room. The blinding lights made it difficult to see his face, but you didn't need to. You knew who he was." She paused to steal a glance at Sephiroth. His face was impassive, his eyes staring far off into the past. Eilis closed her eyes and took a shuddering breath. She felt the heat of Amma's Light spiral up her spine, released by her rage. I won't be able to control it this time.
"He removed the IV from your arm before turning to pick up a long hypodermic needle off of a nearby tray...He bent over you, placing himself in your line of sight, a sick smile on his face, and told you it wouldn't hurt. Then he thrust the needle into your arm." Eilis' voice was beginning to break and the trembling of her body was no longer from her nerves. She felt the Light begin to suffuse her limbs. Must hurry...
"You bit your lip to prevent a cry of pain from escaping. He emptied the entire syringe into your body. You began to convulse, and the pain followed soon after...you screamed...then he left you. The convulsions, the screaming went on for hours. Eventually you lost consciousness." She fixed her eyes on Sephiroth. His eyes remained distant, but his face had lost its impassivity. His jaw was clenched and his brow had lowered into a scowl.
"That is only one of many. I will not tell you the others so do not ask me. I'd rather face the brunt of your anger. Besides, you do not need me to describe your past to you." Eilis' world was spinning. She stumbled over to the nearest tree, placing a hand against its trunk to brace her. The cobalt blue glow of Amma's Light appeared in Eilis' eyes, faint at first, but steadily grew in intensity. Immediately the natural world responded to her turbulent emotions. The few scattered clouds that had dotted the sky turned charcoal gray, their size increasing tenfold until they blended into one. The breeze was replaced by strong gusts, and thunder cracked overhead jolting Sephiroth into the present.
His eyes widened as they scanned the surroundings. What had been a pleasant summer afternoon had quickly changed into a violent thunderstorm. His gaze fell on Eilis. She was hunched over, one hand clutching a tree while the other pressed against her chest. Her breathing was labored, and her face wore a painful grimace. He began to walk briskly towards her, but froze when she stood upright and turned her head in his direction. Her eyes glowed blue. His heart began to pound within his chest, an automatic response whenever he beheld that cold blue stare. He could not suppress the memories of that same light burning through his veins, cleansing him of Jenova, nearly killing him.
"Eilis..."
"You! You had to know, didn't you?! Had to dredge up the past! Haven't you suffered enough by the hands of others without bringing it upon yourself?!" Lightning struck a nearby tree sending sparks into the air. Sephiroth didn't so much as flinch. Eilis turned away from him, squeezing her eyes shut. Gaia, please...help me! Help me control the rage before it consumes me...before I unwillingly hurt him.
He resumed walking cautiously towards her. "Eilis, forgive me. I have been a fool." His voice was even, expertly concealing any anxiety he may be feeling. Her eyes snapped open at the feel of his hand on her shoulder. She turned her head and looked up into his eyes. Ice blue tears streamed down her face.
"I didn't want to tell you because I wanted to spare you further pain...I cannot bear seeing you in pain." Her last words were barely audible above the wind, but Sephiroth heard them nonetheless.
"Forgive me," he repeated, "Please." Eilis let her eyes slowly roam his face and found nothing but sincerity written there.
"Yes...always." Almost instantly, she could feel the wind losing its strength; hear the thunder's ferocity fading. Sephiroth watched as Amma's Light began to dim in her eyes. Releasing the tree, Eilis collapsed against him, her hands grasping his coat, her gaze never leaving his. She felt his arms slip around her body to support her. Thoughts of her earlier reverie popped into her head. The faintest of smiles appeared on her face. I have to know.
Taking advantage of his proximity, Eilis let her gaze fall to his mouth. Tentatively, she raised her hand, and gently traced its curves with the tips of her fingers. She moved her hand slowly, losing herself to the rise and fall of his upper lip. How I've waited for this moment. It pleased her immensely to discover they were as soft as they looked.
Eventually, her attention was drawn to the fullness of his lower lip. Eilis let her fingers fall to begin their tender exploration, and gasped when his mouth parted slightly. His body had initially stiffened at her touch. Now she felt his arms pull her tight against him. Dear Amma, I think I'm going to faint. She dared not risk contact with his eyes for fear of losing her courage. Instead she caressed his bottom lip with the tip of her longest finger. She closed her eyes, relishing in the smoothness of his skin, and was dismayed when a wave of dizziness overtook her. Her hand fell to his chest as her body slumped against his. By Amma, I really am going to faint!
"Eilis!" His voice was heavy with concern, his grip tightening. She felt his arms reposition themselves to gain a better hold of her. She summoned the last of her strength to raise her head and look into his eyes. He is so beautiful. The only flaw that marred his features was his brow furrowed from worry. She smiled at him.
"Thank you," she whispered. Her last memory before giving in to the darkness was the expression of puzzlement that appeared on his face.