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wow~ its been over a month i think since the last time i actually wrote somthing. I've been really busy with water polo and im falling behind in school like in english i need to sit down and talk to my teacher im doing suprisingly well in orchestra. My mother thinks im anorexic and its starting to bother me. my life seems full of people who portray a certain look and attitude torwards others yet i feel that its not what they really are. i dont want to complain or vent i feel quite and small. but i like that feeling know. it no longer bothers me in a way that i felt suffacated. Leena remind me to give you the down wards book sorry i took so long with it. I feel as if i in too over my head. like that i have too much to do and not enough time to do them well more as that im not applying myself to this to the sophmore poject to be specific. Greenwater is the color of a fishtank that isnt green anymore. also i think im not going to make junior varsity instead i'll end up on novice with a group of freshmen who are more skilled then i am. I feel like im falling behind and i cant catch up. at least thursday i have a feild trip to im happy. but i still have to play and that may not be such a good thing. depending on the music and the amount of people who show up my nerves are bad my life is good i just dont appreciate anything i get from my parents. the car, clothes and money to support my choice of sport and music. Why the school makes one pay so much to be in an organization where there trying ot recruit people to join has me deeply puzzled. well thats all i have to write and the fact that i should be sleeping by know~ yes i do go to sleep early if i can help it.~