(no subject)

[sephren]

i have less then a week to study for my a.p final and i have this little thought in my head that i will not be passing this test or the one in may. may sixth to me exact i have done everything im my power to prepare for it do i studied and continue to study but i know that no matter what happens i will fail it. on a another matter i think i will be taking trigonometry senior year cause it looks as if i could {big gasp} understand and do it! wow punctuation see leena i do use periods and other punctuations when i write. its getting late and i have to get some sleep cause tomorrow is going to be hectic in the sense that i have orchestra rehearsal after school. Mr. Berg's last a.p review and swim practice. and through it all i am working my way through it with a little pill i call speed! yeah right i wish. micheal would understand if he read it. sorry for those who dont understand the complete meaning its more of an inside joke that i do not feel obligated to inform you on. So know that i have made my crack whore druggie comment i will move on to. leena leena leena! how marina dislikes your new beau i dont know why but this topic is so interesting i would like to psychoanalyis the three of you to find the root of this problem.( i will of course be competely wrong if you ever agree to letting me). Oh yeah my ten year plan of the next ten years is to finish high school with all the requirements it takes to get into a good four year university of the state of course because there is no way i can afford a privately owned college i am just too poor for that. anyways so im out of high school and i've applied to some schools like sdsu or ucla and the outrageously big no no. harvard and berkley just so i could get that letter saying im not good enough for them! i will however not attend a single one of those colleges of any other college instead i will join up with the red cross or the peace core. so i can be shipped off to some asian country or a desitude of Afica where i will catch some malaria or disease commen in those regions and die. if that doesnt work i will go to the middle east and me killed by some bomber or shot down my rebel forces. my reasons for this is to "help the people" and if im helping myself at the same time whos to blame right? exactually, see im doing some good while allowing myself some hope that i will die for a cause unlike so many who just do what they are told and die one day from boredom from old age from life itself because that flare of a child a young naive adult is gone that is why i will not go to college or be a good nine to five worker. no i will be that person you read about in the local paper a humanitarian who died for a cause that no one is willing to address with honesty without guilt driving them away making them change the subject so they can feel good about themselves. im tired of those people that would rather complain about how crummy there life is and whine about ther personal issues instead of looking at the big picture. what about that maliasain child that died of bloating because he didnt eat for over a week and his whole life he was malnurirished. that he never had a chance in life. it was instead spent looking for food, trying to stay alive for another day. or in Africa in the middle east what about all those who have been effected by the war by there dictators who would rather them starve then give them something to live off of something to make them able to create a life without persecution.
you all think im crazy or dont really understand what im saying. but them who am i to criticize another person im just a stupid naive sixteen year old girl that has no idea what the real world is like. so i go off of what i know and what i think is there. nothing more then that. thank the television that cnn that the news station that covered the story on the rape and death of a young girl the deaths of soldiers on the frontline. thank america for what it is.