A window into the madness help me figure it out.
So basically Brenda broke up with me tonight because she "Assumes" I am plotting to replace her and she is aiding fate by speeding up the process. Without thinking aout if I was gunna replace her why would I try so hard to keep us together. Aside from that, she goes and just assumes that I am flirting with other girls, even tho I caught her red handed, telling a guy online she STILL talks to, that she didn't ahve a boyfriend, she wish she did, and that she wishes she could be with him if he didn't live so far away. When I asked her about it all she could say was that she didn't mean it and was just saying it to get attention from her to make her feel good, and that I was blowing things out of proportion and to let it go. This happend a few months ago. Now she is doing exactly what I did to her blowing shit out of propotions but the funny thing is, I didn't do anything, she just "has a gut feeling" I did.Someone help me sort this out?Anyone? Please? Help us.
Brenda: No Good Morning
Seph: You didn't text me so I figured you were busy and I was gunna let you enjoy it.
Brenda: No I was waiting for you to get up. Oh well, Good Morning.
Seph: Well usually if you don't text me after you';ve been up, I just sassume you had better stuff to do. Good afternoon though.
Brenda: Nah, Having don't anything. Wrote crap then had to try to do robyns hair.
Seph:Ah. Helping her with her preparations?
Brenda: I was but she was pissing me off so now her mom is doing it
Seph: Crazy. Here mom can do that?
Brenda: Kind of
Seph: Weird. I only assumed her mom could ride bikes and steal. Lol.
Brenda: lol nah she used to be popular she know show to do stuff like that
Seph: Weird. She use to be popular?
Brenda: Yup. Ugh my legs hurt from dancing.
Seph: That's cool.
Brenda: Yup. So what are you worrying aout?
Seph: Lots of stuff.
Brenda: Like?
Seph: Us mostly
Brenda: You have nothing to worry about. If anything I do since your the one going to replace me.
Seph: Even if that was the case. Why would I replace you? What would you do that would push me over the line?
Brenda: It's always you just dumping me cause you found someone better.
Seph: It will never be that reason. Cause there is no one better than you. There is just different. Someone who is less adverse to catering to my personality needs.
Brenda: Well to me that's better. You'll replace me soon enough. It's only a matter of time.
Seph: And that doesn't bother you?
Brenda: It does a lot. BNut theres nothing I Can do really unless I tell you to never leave the house you can't stop fate
Seph: In all honesty, I don't think I can replace you. Even tho it seems supernaturally ineveitable. There is a large part of me that needs you just too much so no matter what you do as long as It's not so bad I will always come back. I need you too, I can't be without you.
Brenda: I don't belive that sadly you only want me tso badly cause your kinda lonely you get like in this every relationship
Seph: No I don't. That's what I can't understand. I never have been so attached to anyone ever before. Ever. I've broken up with girls for much stupider things than stuff I let you get away with. I let you not do things I cannot do without. Because even tho it's something I must have, I must have you more. Seriously the empty feeling tha comes over me when we are apart sometimes it is painful. It hurts and I couldn't take that for too long.
Brenda: Well I guess only time will tell then
Seph: But what worries me is what could you do to make me replace you? I wouldn't do it for no reason if it was even an option. SO I am always paranoid your gunna do something.
Brenda: I'm not doing anything stop being so damn paranoid
Maybe it's like a time paradox. Where you being worried I'm going to replace you worries me into being paranoid about you doing something to hurt me to make me replace you that we end up falling apart cause of fear of losing the other.
Brenda: Yeah probably so knoc it off or your gunna fuck up our relationship
You knock off thinking I'nm gunna replace you. Prolly puts you into a I just don't care mind set which keeps you from being nice.
Brenda: YEah I guess but I KNOW it's gunna happen.
Seph: Yeah I can understand that. Ever since this trip became a reality it seems things got tense between us. BNut you can be 10000% sure nothing will happen especially I wouldn't replace you with her. CAuse she's an asshole and she thinks shes so smart and we argue aout everything. so we never have serious convo's at all.
Brenda: I do try but these dreams and you leaving doesn't help
It's true. We bump heads more than robyn and I but worse cause she knows me so well. She's just my oldest friend and she watched me grup up since I was 13. That is all.
Brenda: If you say so
Seph: I knew you'd sy that. Tired of me talking now?
Brenda: ok
Brenda: No. Just thinking how its gunna suck when you dump me.
Seph: Ugh! It's you thinking like that that will probably lead us to problems. Your gunna assume it's gunna happen and push me away.
Brenda: Oh well it should happen anyways,. This relationship is prety much coming to a hault sad but true. I know it you know it.
Seph: It's coming to a halt because you dont' care anymore. It's gone as far as It could on only me wanting to go out of my way for you.
Brenda: No fuck you that's so not true ugh whatever.
Seph: If it wasn't true you wouldn't keep assuming I was gunna dump you. If you were doing the best you could to make sure we're both happy. I'd have no reason to worry abotu you doing something with someone else. You'd have no reason to feel as if I was gunna replace you. I am trying as hard as I can can to make this work. I do everything I can for you but there are things you want you won't tell me. Things you dislike you won't tell me. I try to tell you everything and you say you hate everything I think aout!
Brenda: Well fine I'll help fate out and say it's offically over there. NO twe don't need to stress over it fin.
Seph:Are you serious?
Brenda: YEah it will make things so much easier and now you can do whatever you want.
Seph:Don't do this. If your do there is no turning back. I cannot handle not being with you and I cant come back to you if you do this. Just like yo ufelt the last time I wouldn't be able to allow myself ot trust you to get close to you and be hurt again. Hurt me twice and I have had my limit.
Brenda: Lets just take a break I don't want ot talk on the phone
Seph: I dont' want a break. IF you break up with me I will never be able to trust you again.
Brenda: It sucks when someone dumps you and you'll never feel the same again.
Seph: Yeah. It hurts a ot. IS that what this is? You can never trust me again? I wouldn't of gotten back with you if I didn't think we could make it work.
Brenda: We tried to make it work, well according to you I didn't, lets just take a break.
Seph: There is no break. I've tried and if you belive you tried and dont' want to keep at it it will never work. You either wanna keep trying or give up.
Brenda: I've been trying for twofucking years and its still hasn't worked.
Seph: It has worked! OR I wouldn't be with you. You are teh sweetest person to me and so nice and loving until I am not around anymore than your cold and distant. You have so many guys friends and talk about how cute and awesome they are. I get fucking jealous and I don't have anything to offer you except my love and when I do something for you it never seems like enought I am always in cometeition with anyone you meet! I don't feel important to you, that is all I fucking want. ALL I HAVE BEEN ASKING FOR! I want to be the most important person in your life! The only one! But
I take a back seat to random akinds acts from people who only know part of you. I love all of you and I have been with you for so much shit and I am the cause of so much shit that goes wrong. But I come back everytime because I know despite the bad times the good times are too amazing to ever let go, But you keep them to yourself you never tell me how I make you feel. You never express interest in anything about me that makes me what you love about me.
Brenda: I want a break
Seph: Despite teh consequences?
Brenda: I want to take a break from talking a lot is all
If we take a break. I won't be able to trust you anyjmore. I don't want to lose that. If you want to take a break from talking okay. But if we call a break and take time apart from the relationship its means you've agreed to break up with me.
Brenda: I don't know I just need alot of time apart from you so I can think over everything you know?
Seph: What does that mean? What is alot? Talk to you when?
Brenda: Well your not telling me not too. So I guess it's fine/. I'm just incrediably fucking stressed.
Seph: I don't know and I don't understand. You're breaking up wth me.
Seph: I keep telling you not too! I keep saying I dont' want a break and you keep saying you do. You are going to rplace me during this break and I know it! I don't want a break I don't want a break! I am so sorry!
Brenda: So you rather just break up then?
Seph: Fucking no! I don't want a break I dont' want to break up! I don't want a break or a break up! I want you I am sorry! I am so fucking sorry! I won't do anything ever again.
Brenda: Ugh seph just stop
Seph: I am so sorry, I have to go. I can't even deal with this ever. I'm sorry I love you.
Brenda: I love you too text me later.
LATER. MISSING TEXT.
Brenda: So we're broken up?
Brenda: So yes were broken up then thats what you said.
Seph: I don't want to be. I will ask you. Do you want to break up/take a break? Yes means we are broken up. No means we are not. Pick one of those.
Brenda: I can't fucking pick I need a few days to think.
Seph: Than takes some days to think. Talk to me before next Sunday.
Brenda: Alright I'm sorry but I feel that I cannot make yo uhappy every so I Want to give you the chance to find that girl in your dreams.
Seph: That's fucking stupid! You do make me happy or I wouldn't come back to you! Does that not click in your head?
Brenda: Obvilusou I don't I'm alwayd oing something to piss yo uoff.
Seph: Not always. I just make a big deal out of the sometimes because when it happens it's usually big.
Brenda: Exactly There should never be bing things I do to piss yo uoff, nbut I'm always fucking up something.
Seph: You do all the little things I love. 7 out of 10 of the things you do are exactly what I need. The other three you forget to do when you should are very important things to me understand. I just need lots of attentiona dn reassurance and you don't alway do it. BUT WHEN YOU DO IT'S AMAZING!
Brenda: But I don't do it often so that really pisses yo uoff, I jusdt feel like I'm holding you back, You'll find your perfect girl at wherever and everythign will be fine with you and here, I'm sick of holding yo back.
Brenda: YOU ARE ONLY HOLDING ME BACK BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU ARE! You don't do it often cause yo just forget or get tired of it. But you can do it, and have done it, just keep trying!
Brenda: I've been trying for two years then you dumped me because It wasn't working history is just repeating itself.
Seph:You are too adamant on breaking up. I've said all I could do to change your mind. If you don't see what I see in our relationship, I cannot change your mind or hope to win you over. I guess it's the end then.
Brenda: I just need a few days thats all because I need to think lets just not talk about it. Forget we had this converation so I can think.
Seph: If you get drunk with Stephannie shes just gunna talk to into it!
Brenda: No I['m not telling anyone.
Few mintues later.
Brenda: We won't break up.
Seph: Are you sure?
Brenda: Yeah being high helps me think.
Next day.
Brenda: Oh okay, I'm going to be heading home soon since I'm not feeling well.
Brenda: To busy to talk to me?
Seph: No Why?
Brenda: What are you doing?
Seph: hanging out at the mall.
Brenda: Oh, I'll leave you alone bye.
Seph: Uhh.. Alright. /confused.
Brenda: Have fun.
Seph: Thanks...
Brenda: What?
Seph: That was random just okay bye.
Brenda: What I'm just letting you have fun with your friends.
Seph: Oh alright than.
Brenda: Yup.
hour later.
Brenda: If I die of alchool poisoning I just want yo uto know I love you..
I had no signal so I ran out of the mall to call her to see what was the matter.
Brenda: I took some pain killers and nibbled on bread I feel a ot better and I lost 7 pounds Lol.
Seph: Gross but I'm glad you feel better.
Brenda: Me too.
Brenda: I'm smoking just so yo know.
Seph: Alright. Thanks for telling me. (Cause I wanna know when she does things so I know she will be safe.)
Brenda: Mhmm
Hours later.
Brenda: Oh snap you leave tomorrow lol
Seph: I leave tonight.
Brenda: You didn't tell me tjat well have a good flight
I thought I did. Thanks. I am omw home to pack. What are you up to?
Brenda: PLaying video games with marcial this shit is fucking isntense. You have no idea lol
Seph: Oh alright.
Brenda: When does yourt flight leave?
Seph: 6:30
Brenda: That doesn't make sense.
Are you okay to talk or you want me to text you later?
Brenda: I'm fine why?
Seph: You seem really gone. You have been on a weird trip the past three days. Like yo uhave something to proove.
Brenda: No what do I even have to proove?
Seph: I have no idea. You just kinda cut loose this week. I am worried.
Brenda: Cut loose how?
Seph: Drinking and smoking a lot and all the over socializing.
Brenda: Am I not allowed to go out and make lots of friends sometimes I like to go out and have fun. theres a world outside my computer.
Seph: Alright.
Brenda: I'm spreading my wings and exploiring the world, I'm still a young curious fire sign and I have yet to venture.
Seph: So I noticed. Do what you want, I'm not your keeper.
Brenda: I knwo and I am tet me whenever have a good vacation..
Seph: You pissed at me now?
Brenda: No you just seem annoyed so I'm gunna talk to you when you have free time and such.
Seph: I am not annoyed. I am just worried.
Brenda: About what?
Seph: You doing that whole thing you did when we broke up type deal. (Lots of smoking drinking and over socializing)
Brenda: What?
Seph: You are just going kinda crazy.,
Brenda: I'm not allowed ot go out and have fun when your not around? I like to hve fun if you didn't noticed. Your on vtion so I wnt you rto hve fun too.
Seph: Why don't you like to have fun when I am around? You never do the things you've done this week when I'm around.
Brenda: YEs I hve nd I've gotten drunk with you I've gone to show with you before.
Seph: You didn't talk to anyone when we went. When I am not there you go nuts.
Brenda: ME nd robybn were there for hours nd we got bored nd I did tlk to people there nd this time I ws very social is all. and I already knew some of the people there.
Seph: ALright. I don't mind, Just be careful is all. I am worried your actions will catch up to you.
Brenda: What fucking actions.
Seph: Heavey drinking! Lots of smoking! Passing out. Nearly going to the hospital!
Brenda: All that is from the same thing I did that onece and I haven't been smoking tht much.
Seph: Alright. Just be careful! That's all I am trying to say I am worried about you shit!
Brenda: No your not worried you just don't wnt me to enjoy this week
Seph: WTF!?!? I didn't say that! If anything I would say you don't want me to enjoy my trip so you atre trying to stress me out by worrying aout you.
Brenda: Ugh
Seph: Lolol! I think its so funny. We're both so insecure. You are trying to rub your good times in my face. And I am stressing out about it. Worrying your going to do something. And you are worried I'm gunna do something. We don't quiet trust each other it seems.
Brenda: Lol I'm not trying ot rub my good time in your fce if I wnted to make you jelaous I could.
Seph: That isn't a good thing to say. That meaks you could and know how and have the ability to do it.
Brenda: Well duh.
Seph: So what's to stop you?
Brenda: I don't want too.
Seph: Not worht talking aout anymore. Anyways. How are you feeling?
Brenda: I'm feeling tired I'm gunn go lady down hve a good trip.
Seph. Ugh whatever!
Brenda: I'm tired
Seph:Alright. I like how when your tired and upset all of a sudden you don't wanna talk or want me around. But when our tired and happy you'll stay on the phone nearly asleep.
Brenda: I got 4 fucking hours of sleep you need to get it ready to leave and I need sleep shut up good night text me when you have time.
Seph: I have time now.
Brenda: well I am teired now and I need sleep I ment text me sometimes tomorrow ehen your not too busy with mary.
Seph: Well, I leave at 6:30 AM, you will be asleep. Then I Wont be able to use my phone on teh plane. I don't get there until 6 PM.
Brenda: Well have a good flight be safe and don't replace me or flirt with too many girls bye.
Seph: is that why your acting so sweird? CAuse you are worried I'm gunna replace you on thi trip?
Brenda: You've alreadys tarted looking for replacements huh?
Seph: Not searching. Just put off by you. You keep breaking yourself off from me because you are afraid I am gunna leave you. Which makes me feel distant from you.
Brenda: No the trip doesn't bother me but I know yor seraching I can feel it.
Seph: Well, I swear on my life I haven't. You jusdt feel the dsitance you put between us because you assume I am. Your fear of losing me is pushing me away.
Brenda: Ugh.
Seph: Ugh! Wtf ever! I dont' wanna deal with your paranoia! Wuit being so insecure. I sn't that what you say to me? Honestly. I thin kyou doing all of this to get ride of me. Trying to accuse me of replacing you. Trying to make me jelous. Trying to push me away, so you can take one of your ska friends you met at the shot. Or your online friends you say are so cute and they have the same interest as you. You are trying to make me leave you so you can be the victim or something.
Brenda: No I can feel you searching I can feel it in my heart htat you've already started looking.
Seph: You want proof? What would be proof? How do I proove it? And ifeven IF I was. You flirt and I get upset and you tell me its just what you do and doesn't mean anything. But you assume I am and it's grounds enough to break up with me?
Brenda: Your a liar I can feel it your lying to me my heart feels so numb goodbye seph, have a good trip.
Brenda: No I'm trusting my gut feelign with everything right now and you've been trying to replace me I can feel lit. Liar.
Brenda: Give me some type of proof then but you can't I know I know thats why I've felt so sick becuse you've been flirting with other girls trying to replace me.
Brenda: I know your hiding something from me I'm sorry but I know your looking for something..
Then it went to IM where basically she said the same things as here but denied all of my responses.
I cannot find my last 3 texts cause my phone died. Hopefully anyone of Brenda's friends or anyone can read this and see how much of a paranoid hyproicrite she's being about something that doesn't exist and talk some sense into her. I don't want to loose her over paranoa. Where's the trust?
Brenda: No Good Morning
Seph: You didn't text me so I figured you were busy and I was gunna let you enjoy it.
Brenda: No I was waiting for you to get up. Oh well, Good Morning.
Seph: Well usually if you don't text me after you';ve been up, I just sassume you had better stuff to do. Good afternoon though.
Brenda: Nah, Having don't anything. Wrote crap then had to try to do robyns hair.
Seph:Ah. Helping her with her preparations?
Brenda: I was but she was pissing me off so now her mom is doing it
Seph: Crazy. Here mom can do that?
Brenda: Kind of
Seph: Weird. I only assumed her mom could ride bikes and steal. Lol.
Brenda: lol nah she used to be popular she know show to do stuff like that
Seph: Weird. She use to be popular?
Brenda: Yup. Ugh my legs hurt from dancing.
Seph: That's cool.
Brenda: Yup. So what are you worrying aout?
Seph: Lots of stuff.
Brenda: Like?
Seph: Us mostly
Brenda: You have nothing to worry about. If anything I do since your the one going to replace me.
Seph: Even if that was the case. Why would I replace you? What would you do that would push me over the line?
Brenda: It's always you just dumping me cause you found someone better.
Seph: It will never be that reason. Cause there is no one better than you. There is just different. Someone who is less adverse to catering to my personality needs.
Brenda: Well to me that's better. You'll replace me soon enough. It's only a matter of time.
Seph: And that doesn't bother you?
Brenda: It does a lot. BNut theres nothing I Can do really unless I tell you to never leave the house you can't stop fate
Seph: In all honesty, I don't think I can replace you. Even tho it seems supernaturally ineveitable. There is a large part of me that needs you just too much so no matter what you do as long as It's not so bad I will always come back. I need you too, I can't be without you.
Brenda: I don't belive that sadly you only want me tso badly cause your kinda lonely you get like in this every relationship
Seph: No I don't. That's what I can't understand. I never have been so attached to anyone ever before. Ever. I've broken up with girls for much stupider things than stuff I let you get away with. I let you not do things I cannot do without. Because even tho it's something I must have, I must have you more. Seriously the empty feeling tha comes over me when we are apart sometimes it is painful. It hurts and I couldn't take that for too long.
Brenda: Well I guess only time will tell then
Seph: But what worries me is what could you do to make me replace you? I wouldn't do it for no reason if it was even an option. SO I am always paranoid your gunna do something.
Brenda: I'm not doing anything stop being so damn paranoid
Maybe it's like a time paradox. Where you being worried I'm going to replace you worries me into being paranoid about you doing something to hurt me to make me replace you that we end up falling apart cause of fear of losing the other.
Brenda: Yeah probably so knoc it off or your gunna fuck up our relationship
You knock off thinking I'nm gunna replace you. Prolly puts you into a I just don't care mind set which keeps you from being nice.
Brenda: YEah I guess but I KNOW it's gunna happen.
Seph: Yeah I can understand that. Ever since this trip became a reality it seems things got tense between us. BNut you can be 10000% sure nothing will happen especially I wouldn't replace you with her. CAuse she's an asshole and she thinks shes so smart and we argue aout everything. so we never have serious convo's at all.
Brenda: I do try but these dreams and you leaving doesn't help
It's true. We bump heads more than robyn and I but worse cause she knows me so well. She's just my oldest friend and she watched me grup up since I was 13. That is all.
Brenda: If you say so
Seph: I knew you'd sy that. Tired of me talking now?
Brenda: ok
Brenda: No. Just thinking how its gunna suck when you dump me.
Seph: Ugh! It's you thinking like that that will probably lead us to problems. Your gunna assume it's gunna happen and push me away.
Brenda: Oh well it should happen anyways,. This relationship is prety much coming to a hault sad but true. I know it you know it.
Seph: It's coming to a halt because you dont' care anymore. It's gone as far as It could on only me wanting to go out of my way for you.
Brenda: No fuck you that's so not true ugh whatever.
Seph: If it wasn't true you wouldn't keep assuming I was gunna dump you. If you were doing the best you could to make sure we're both happy. I'd have no reason to worry abotu you doing something with someone else. You'd have no reason to feel as if I was gunna replace you. I am trying as hard as I can can to make this work. I do everything I can for you but there are things you want you won't tell me. Things you dislike you won't tell me. I try to tell you everything and you say you hate everything I think aout!
Brenda: Well fine I'll help fate out and say it's offically over there. NO twe don't need to stress over it fin.
Seph:Are you serious?
Brenda: YEah it will make things so much easier and now you can do whatever you want.
Seph:Don't do this. If your do there is no turning back. I cannot handle not being with you and I cant come back to you if you do this. Just like yo ufelt the last time I wouldn't be able to allow myself ot trust you to get close to you and be hurt again. Hurt me twice and I have had my limit.
Brenda: Lets just take a break I don't want ot talk on the phone
Seph: I dont' want a break. IF you break up with me I will never be able to trust you again.
Brenda: It sucks when someone dumps you and you'll never feel the same again.
Seph: Yeah. It hurts a ot. IS that what this is? You can never trust me again? I wouldn't of gotten back with you if I didn't think we could make it work.
Brenda: We tried to make it work, well according to you I didn't, lets just take a break.
Seph: There is no break. I've tried and if you belive you tried and dont' want to keep at it it will never work. You either wanna keep trying or give up.
Brenda: I've been trying for twofucking years and its still hasn't worked.
Seph: It has worked! OR I wouldn't be with you. You are teh sweetest person to me and so nice and loving until I am not around anymore than your cold and distant. You have so many guys friends and talk about how cute and awesome they are. I get fucking jealous and I don't have anything to offer you except my love and when I do something for you it never seems like enought I am always in cometeition with anyone you meet! I don't feel important to you, that is all I fucking want. ALL I HAVE BEEN ASKING FOR! I want to be the most important person in your life! The only one! But
I take a back seat to random akinds acts from people who only know part of you. I love all of you and I have been with you for so much shit and I am the cause of so much shit that goes wrong. But I come back everytime because I know despite the bad times the good times are too amazing to ever let go, But you keep them to yourself you never tell me how I make you feel. You never express interest in anything about me that makes me what you love about me.
Brenda: I want a break
Seph: Despite teh consequences?
Brenda: I want to take a break from talking a lot is all
If we take a break. I won't be able to trust you anyjmore. I don't want to lose that. If you want to take a break from talking okay. But if we call a break and take time apart from the relationship its means you've agreed to break up with me.
Brenda: I don't know I just need alot of time apart from you so I can think over everything you know?
Seph: What does that mean? What is alot? Talk to you when?
Brenda: Well your not telling me not too. So I guess it's fine/. I'm just incrediably fucking stressed.
Seph: I don't know and I don't understand. You're breaking up wth me.
Seph: I keep telling you not too! I keep saying I dont' want a break and you keep saying you do. You are going to rplace me during this break and I know it! I don't want a break I don't want a break! I am so sorry!
Brenda: So you rather just break up then?
Seph: Fucking no! I don't want a break I dont' want to break up! I don't want a break or a break up! I want you I am sorry! I am so fucking sorry! I won't do anything ever again.
Brenda: Ugh seph just stop
Seph: I am so sorry, I have to go. I can't even deal with this ever. I'm sorry I love you.
Brenda: I love you too text me later.
LATER. MISSING TEXT.
Brenda: So we're broken up?
Brenda: So yes were broken up then thats what you said.
Seph: I don't want to be. I will ask you. Do you want to break up/take a break? Yes means we are broken up. No means we are not. Pick one of those.
Brenda: I can't fucking pick I need a few days to think.
Seph: Than takes some days to think. Talk to me before next Sunday.
Brenda: Alright I'm sorry but I feel that I cannot make yo uhappy every so I Want to give you the chance to find that girl in your dreams.
Seph: That's fucking stupid! You do make me happy or I wouldn't come back to you! Does that not click in your head?
Brenda: Obvilusou I don't I'm alwayd oing something to piss yo uoff.
Seph: Not always. I just make a big deal out of the sometimes because when it happens it's usually big.
Brenda: Exactly There should never be bing things I do to piss yo uoff, nbut I'm always fucking up something.
Seph: You do all the little things I love. 7 out of 10 of the things you do are exactly what I need. The other three you forget to do when you should are very important things to me understand. I just need lots of attentiona dn reassurance and you don't alway do it. BUT WHEN YOU DO IT'S AMAZING!
Brenda: But I don't do it often so that really pisses yo uoff, I jusdt feel like I'm holding you back, You'll find your perfect girl at wherever and everythign will be fine with you and here, I'm sick of holding yo back.
Brenda: YOU ARE ONLY HOLDING ME BACK BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU ARE! You don't do it often cause yo just forget or get tired of it. But you can do it, and have done it, just keep trying!
Brenda: I've been trying for two years then you dumped me because It wasn't working history is just repeating itself.
Seph:You are too adamant on breaking up. I've said all I could do to change your mind. If you don't see what I see in our relationship, I cannot change your mind or hope to win you over. I guess it's the end then.
Brenda: I just need a few days thats all because I need to think lets just not talk about it. Forget we had this converation so I can think.
Seph: If you get drunk with Stephannie shes just gunna talk to into it!
Brenda: No I['m not telling anyone.
Few mintues later.
Brenda: We won't break up.
Seph: Are you sure?
Brenda: Yeah being high helps me think.
Next day.
Brenda: Oh okay, I'm going to be heading home soon since I'm not feeling well.
Brenda: To busy to talk to me?
Seph: No Why?
Brenda: What are you doing?
Seph: hanging out at the mall.
Brenda: Oh, I'll leave you alone bye.
Seph: Uhh.. Alright. /confused.
Brenda: Have fun.
Seph: Thanks...
Brenda: What?
Seph: That was random just okay bye.
Brenda: What I'm just letting you have fun with your friends.
Seph: Oh alright than.
Brenda: Yup.
hour later.
Brenda: If I die of alchool poisoning I just want yo uto know I love you..
I had no signal so I ran out of the mall to call her to see what was the matter.
Brenda: I took some pain killers and nibbled on bread I feel a ot better and I lost 7 pounds Lol.
Seph: Gross but I'm glad you feel better.
Brenda: Me too.
Brenda: I'm smoking just so yo know.
Seph: Alright. Thanks for telling me. (Cause I wanna know when she does things so I know she will be safe.)
Brenda: Mhmm
Hours later.
Brenda: Oh snap you leave tomorrow lol
Seph: I leave tonight.
Brenda: You didn't tell me tjat well have a good flight
I thought I did. Thanks. I am omw home to pack. What are you up to?
Brenda: PLaying video games with marcial this shit is fucking isntense. You have no idea lol
Seph: Oh alright.
Brenda: When does yourt flight leave?
Seph: 6:30
Brenda: That doesn't make sense.
Are you okay to talk or you want me to text you later?
Brenda: I'm fine why?
Seph: You seem really gone. You have been on a weird trip the past three days. Like yo uhave something to proove.
Brenda: No what do I even have to proove?
Seph: I have no idea. You just kinda cut loose this week. I am worried.
Brenda: Cut loose how?
Seph: Drinking and smoking a lot and all the over socializing.
Brenda: Am I not allowed to go out and make lots of friends sometimes I like to go out and have fun. theres a world outside my computer.
Seph: Alright.
Brenda: I'm spreading my wings and exploiring the world, I'm still a young curious fire sign and I have yet to venture.
Seph: So I noticed. Do what you want, I'm not your keeper.
Brenda: I knwo and I am tet me whenever have a good vacation..
Seph: You pissed at me now?
Brenda: No you just seem annoyed so I'm gunna talk to you when you have free time and such.
Seph: I am not annoyed. I am just worried.
Brenda: About what?
Seph: You doing that whole thing you did when we broke up type deal. (Lots of smoking drinking and over socializing)
Brenda: What?
Seph: You are just going kinda crazy.,
Brenda: I'm not allowed ot go out and have fun when your not around? I like to hve fun if you didn't noticed. Your on vtion so I wnt you rto hve fun too.
Seph: Why don't you like to have fun when I am around? You never do the things you've done this week when I'm around.
Brenda: YEs I hve nd I've gotten drunk with you I've gone to show with you before.
Seph: You didn't talk to anyone when we went. When I am not there you go nuts.
Brenda: ME nd robybn were there for hours nd we got bored nd I did tlk to people there nd this time I ws very social is all. and I already knew some of the people there.
Seph: ALright. I don't mind, Just be careful is all. I am worried your actions will catch up to you.
Brenda: What fucking actions.
Seph: Heavey drinking! Lots of smoking! Passing out. Nearly going to the hospital!
Brenda: All that is from the same thing I did that onece and I haven't been smoking tht much.
Seph: Alright. Just be careful! That's all I am trying to say I am worried about you shit!
Brenda: No your not worried you just don't wnt me to enjoy this week
Seph: WTF!?!? I didn't say that! If anything I would say you don't want me to enjoy my trip so you atre trying to stress me out by worrying aout you.
Brenda: Ugh
Seph: Lolol! I think its so funny. We're both so insecure. You are trying to rub your good times in my face. And I am stressing out about it. Worrying your going to do something. And you are worried I'm gunna do something. We don't quiet trust each other it seems.
Brenda: Lol I'm not trying ot rub my good time in your fce if I wnted to make you jelaous I could.
Seph: That isn't a good thing to say. That meaks you could and know how and have the ability to do it.
Brenda: Well duh.
Seph: So what's to stop you?
Brenda: I don't want too.
Seph: Not worht talking aout anymore. Anyways. How are you feeling?
Brenda: I'm feeling tired I'm gunn go lady down hve a good trip.
Seph. Ugh whatever!
Brenda: I'm tired
Seph:Alright. I like how when your tired and upset all of a sudden you don't wanna talk or want me around. But when our tired and happy you'll stay on the phone nearly asleep.
Brenda: I got 4 fucking hours of sleep you need to get it ready to leave and I need sleep shut up good night text me when you have time.
Seph: I have time now.
Brenda: well I am teired now and I need sleep I ment text me sometimes tomorrow ehen your not too busy with mary.
Seph: Well, I leave at 6:30 AM, you will be asleep. Then I Wont be able to use my phone on teh plane. I don't get there until 6 PM.
Brenda: Well have a good flight be safe and don't replace me or flirt with too many girls bye.
Seph: is that why your acting so sweird? CAuse you are worried I'm gunna replace you on thi trip?
Brenda: You've alreadys tarted looking for replacements huh?
Seph: Not searching. Just put off by you. You keep breaking yourself off from me because you are afraid I am gunna leave you. Which makes me feel distant from you.
Brenda: No the trip doesn't bother me but I know yor seraching I can feel it.
Seph: Well, I swear on my life I haven't. You jusdt feel the dsitance you put between us because you assume I am. Your fear of losing me is pushing me away.
Brenda: Ugh.
Seph: Ugh! Wtf ever! I dont' wanna deal with your paranoia! Wuit being so insecure. I sn't that what you say to me? Honestly. I thin kyou doing all of this to get ride of me. Trying to accuse me of replacing you. Trying to make me jelous. Trying to push me away, so you can take one of your ska friends you met at the shot. Or your online friends you say are so cute and they have the same interest as you. You are trying to make me leave you so you can be the victim or something.
Brenda: No I can feel you searching I can feel it in my heart htat you've already started looking.
Seph: You want proof? What would be proof? How do I proove it? And ifeven IF I was. You flirt and I get upset and you tell me its just what you do and doesn't mean anything. But you assume I am and it's grounds enough to break up with me?
Brenda: Your a liar I can feel it your lying to me my heart feels so numb goodbye seph, have a good trip.
Brenda: No I'm trusting my gut feelign with everything right now and you've been trying to replace me I can feel lit. Liar.
Brenda: Give me some type of proof then but you can't I know I know thats why I've felt so sick becuse you've been flirting with other girls trying to replace me.
Brenda: I know your hiding something from me I'm sorry but I know your looking for something..
Then it went to IM where basically she said the same things as here but denied all of my responses.
I cannot find my last 3 texts cause my phone died. Hopefully anyone of Brenda's friends or anyone can read this and see how much of a paranoid hyproicrite she's being about something that doesn't exist and talk some sense into her. I don't want to loose her over paranoa. Where's the trust?