The most Deceptive Betrayal
This is something that has been weighting on my heart for a few months now. I have prayed to God to make me less upset over the matter, but I still feel completely hurt by the experience and the callousness of others involved. OK, let me start off by first telling you a bit of the back story so that you can understand the issue at hand.
When I came back to Japan I started attending a church I'd visited many times before. I was really excited about going back because I had a good impression during the times prior, and a lot of people were my age, which was a plus. This church was populated by Japanese, but had many foreigners attending as well.
OK, so some of the people I really got along with originally had gone back to their native countries by the time I returned, so that was a little disappointing.
Also, I know my objective in church is to learn about God and God's word, but I had also wanted to be able to make friends so that I can have the same enjoyable experience as I did when I attended the church a few years prior.
So I saw this girl from church whom I had spoken to several times before during my previous visits, lets call her girl #1. I never really connected with this girl, however, I had no reason to dislike her. So I asked her about a life group, which is kinda like a bible study. I asked if there was a life group on Sundays, and if there was one in the afternoon, since I know I have a tough time in the morning added by the fact that it took two hours for me to get there from where I lived. She brought me over to a girl I met before, whom I'll call girl #2.
Oh no! Girl #2 was the last person I wanted to see!
Let me tell you about girl #2 really quick. When my (at-the-time) fiance and I started re-attending church, this girl would come up to me and try to get me to join her life group. It seems like a good idea, right? I wanted to meet more people, right? The only thing is, I had a really bad feeling about her, atop the fact that this girl seemed very pushy, and to be honest, very fake! Its like she was pretending to be friendly for the sake of being a "good Christian" as opposed to genuinely wanting to make friends with me. I've had fake Christian friends like that before, and I trusted them less than I trusted some of my atheist friends. Basically, girl #2 is the type of person that doesn't mix well with me! I tried explaining several times that I thought her life group was too early, and that it would be very difficult for me to make it on time. As you can see, that's only one of the reasons.
Note: I have many Christian friends who I've grown up with, who I trust with my life. I'm not saying Christians are bad people, I'm merely pointing out the disappointing actions I've received from a small amount of so called Christian people. I'm not here to bash Christians, I'm here to express my anger and hurt with these few who are suppose to be loving and kindhearted.
Back to the story. So after girl #1 brings me over to girl #2, girl #2 goes on about the time life group starts, and that "I would have to be there every weekend, in order to join." I don't remember what was said word for word , but basically if you didn't attend every weekend, and didn't have an excuse as to why, then you would be kicked out!
Are you kidding me?! Having been a Christian all my life and having moved from place to place, I've attended many churches, and not once was I or anyone else ever told that we would be kicked out if we didn't join bible study every week. Usually Christians open their arms to you and tell you to join when you can, and that's how it should be.
So I made a comment that I might not be able to make it every week because of the cost to get to Tokyo. Girl #2 says something that wasn't important enough to remember, and then Girl #1 chimes in and says something like "the expense isn't a big deal." As if she has the foreground to say what I can and cannot afford! She could at least had the manners to word it differently! Such as "learning about God is worth the money." This made me feel off a little, especially after getting used to Japanese mannerisms.
Like I said, I wanted to make more friends, and it seemed like the only life group (LG) available for Sunday was girl #2's group, added by the fact that the pastor of the church made a statement that if my husband and I weren't apart of a LG, then he wouldn't marry us, which I found strange, especially since this pastor remembered me from previous visits, and therefore knew I was a Christian, so why did I need to join a LG? I made a statement to the pastor that it sounds "strange," and the way I said "strange" was to say it sounded a little like a cult; made more evident by the slightly confused/disgusted facial expression.
Note: As many of you know, I was married by someone who wasn't apart of that particular church, I'll get to that later.
So I decided to try out a LG since, again, I wanted to meet more people, and the pastor was basically alienating my husband-to-be and I into joining a LG in order to be married by this particular church. So I said to myself that I would try out girl #2's LG even though I had a really bad feeling about her, however, before joining this LG, I first wanted to find out more about the other members. Girl #2 brought me over to girl #3 and introduced me. She seemed sweet and spiritually unpretentious, aside from her unmerited but unmalicious "I know more than you" attitude, and constant interruptions when you speak to her (which greatly annoyed me later on, but I tried to cope with it anyway).
So I was talking for a little bit with the two girls, and I don't remember how the conversation came up, but I remember talking about how spiritually dirty some of the politicians and world leaders are, and that we need to question who the people in the shadows are that are controlling some of these so-called world leaders, people that we never see. Then I went on to make a comment that a lot of this spiritual dirtiness is being recreated in childrens media such as Disney, and its been like this for quite a few decades now. They further questioned about Walt Disney, and I pointed out that its speculated that Walt had been a Freemason, and the constant Display of witchcraft and occultist characters (even after his death), has solidified this speculation more so. Again, this is just speculation.
Instead of pondering if what I'm saying may have depth, considering the dirty things found in Disney cartoons along with; witches, warlords, sorcerers, and use of magic, etc (and all these are huge Christian no-nos) they instead, without thought, completely condescend me. Girl #2 with her holier than thou attitude comes at me with "times have changed, and there's nothing wrong with Disney Cartoons" and girl #3 simply agrees with her? Seriously!? You could say the sky is blue and girl #3 will argue, debate, and disagree with you for the sake of arguing. Girl #2 wouldn't know evil if it came and dropped its pants in front of her! Anyhow, I felt as though girl #2 was basically saying "you're an idiot, and I know more than you." I felt really embarrassed, and like I had been attacked for opening up to them. I regretted speaking to them. Girl #2 Could tell by my body language that I felt that way, yet she didn't even have the decency to apologize for it, instead she escapes to the right of me to go and "talk" to someone while the awkward air dissipates to only return 5-10 minutes later and still say nothing! Very Christian-like! At this time I'm having even bigger doubts about this group! Anyhow, at this point I'm really worried about joining! Can't they see with their own eyes whats on TV, and whats been infiltrating childrens movies and story books!? don't they understand what witchcraft is and what it looks like, what satanism is and what it looks like, what subliminal messages are, what hypnosis is? The list is endless! They need to wake up.
(oh wait.....later on down the line, I find out these two have been Christians for only two and four years.... seriously!? These two spiritual babies are scoffing at me for my observations even though I'm eating the meat of Christ while they're still spiritual babies drinking the milk!? Seriously?! Now I begin to realize why they cant see eye to eye with me!)
(Qualifications for Overseers and Deacons)
1 Timothy 3:6 NIV
"He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil."
So here's the real issue at hand:
So pushed by the idea of wanting to make more friends, wanting to study the bible, plus wanting to be married by the church, I joined the Life Group!
So some time passes by and my fiance and I want to get married, come to find out that we cant get married through the church because we're living together, OK fine, I can understand that, only God knows we're not boinking each other before marriage. Unfortunately I cant move out of his place because even though we hadn't had a true christian wedding, we did already get the government certification and therefore we're considered married by the Japanese government, and if immigration were to find out I moved away from what they already considered to be my husband, then I could have my spouse visa revoked, and be deported out of Japan. Still the church wont give us a marriage, which is fine. So my fiance and I find a Christian Chapel to get married in, and I go ahead and invite Girl #2 and #3 to our thirty minute wedding that's only 15 minutes away from the church. I told them four months before our wedding took place, yet both continue to say they aren't sure if they can make it. Of course this kinda bothers me since these people are suppose to be close to you, especially girl #2 who is suppose to be the "leader" (the director) of the group, which makes me think of this passage:
Mark 9:35 NIV
Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, "If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all
Note: LG is bible study, and its where we go to learn about the word of God, however, LG is also a place where you create a bond with people within the group. This is insinuated without words. And no it's not a cult, no one's asking you to drink the Lemonade.
Time goes by, and my wedding is getting closer. Girl #2 and #3 keep giving me the ho-hum answer "I don't know." One week before my marriage I see a tagged picture of girl #3 attending someone else's wedding. keep in mind she kept telling me "I don't know" to the very last week (by the way, this is the same girl who was buddy-buddy with me, and wanted to hang out often). OK, so I saw this tagged wedding photo of her, and felt really hurt by the fact that she kept telling me "I don't know if I can make it," but then attended some other persons wedding only a week before mine. Then I noticed the pastor was there too! I don't wanna think these girls are attending certain weddings to look good in front of the pastor and the church! I then questioned my fiance about the photo I just found, and reminded him of the answer these two girls have been giving me; asking him what he thought without giving him my personal opinion on the matter.
Basically my fiance felt the same as I did! So there it is, I wasn't being overly sensitive or paranoid; My husband felt the same as me!
This put things in perspective and made me realize something about some of the people of that church. This realization came on a Saturday, eight days before my wedding. So I decided not to go to LG the next day because I really didn't want to raise an issue with callous, uncaring people whom would only add gas to the fire. Instead I attended the afternoon service where I saw a fellow LG attendee, I'll call her girl #4.
Girl #4 and I had smooth conversations more or less because she had the same dorky, awkward aura as me. Anyhow, I saw her coming out of one of the church services, she came over to me and happily said "hello," I said a few things and then invited her to my wedding on a whim. She then replied with a "yes" and seemed really happy to have been invited. I was thinking "finally, someone with heart"
The next service was starting in only 30 minutes, so girl #4 decides she would like to attend the next service with me. We talk a little, and I tell her why I didn't come to LG that morning and how my husband and I felt about some of the people within the group. She seems understanding and supportive while not taking anyone's side. Sure enough, while out in the Lobby, girl #2 and her "number one fan" girl #3 walk into the lobby and start to approach us, however, girl #4 and I head into the main area of the church since I didn't want to be questioned to death as to why I didn't come to LG by girl #2 with her bossy mannerisms, and girl #4 kinda sensed this and came with me, leaving girl #2 with a angry look on her face.
After the service ended, girl #2 and #3 approached girl #4 and myself. #2 and #4 were talking, as I spoke with #3 about the latest quirky Japanese fashion trends. #4 takes off in a rush to go somewhere leaving me with girl #2 and #3. Girl #2 begins to question me as to why I didn't show up that morning for LG, as if it takes a lot to figure it out. I simply say I had something on my mind that's been bothering me for a while now, it's basically left a bad taste in my mouth involving the group. Then with obvious intentions I kinda nonchalantly asked if they would be attending my wedding with an even more obvious look on my face. Girl #2's excuse was that she "needed to do something in church," even though there's four sessions of church that go from 11am to 5pm (keep in mind, my wedding is only 30 minutes long, and they know this). Girl #3 replied with "yeah, I have something to do in church that day too," basically following suite with girl #2. OK, that's all I needed to hear. I begin to tell them why I didn't attend LG, how I feel about their callous attitude towards whats suppose to be one of the most important days of my life, bring up the fact that LG should better understand and care about their group members, and how the pastor of the church congratulates people on their engagements, marriages, birthdays, and relationships, while completely ignoring the fact that not only did my husband and I get engaged while attending that church, but we were about to be married in one week, yet nothing was announced! Then girl #2 rudely interrupts me, starts talking about what I should have- and should have not done with my fiance, such as living with him, etc etc, blah blah blah, and basically dismisses my very valid feelings of pain, frustration, and bitterness over my wedding! When I try to cut in she comes back with "no, you need to listen." Are you kidding me! Do I look like your child you can monologue to!? The girl is so lucky I bit my tongue, If I wasn't in the house of God, I might have snapped! Then she had the nerve to say "I choose to feel that way!" Oh HELL no! She ended it with "you can still come to this church" as if her behavior would stop me from coming. I do what I like, and I don't back down from people, especially not from people who think they run the place. She then gave me a fake "I love you" and a fake hug and kiss which caused me to almost vomit in my mouth! Girl #3 had the puppy dog eyes and was opening her mouth like she was about to say something when girl #2 forcefully snatches her away as if to manipulate the situation and run with friend in tow, causing girl #3 to nearly gasp for breath at the pull.
Re-post: (Qualifications for Overseers and Deacons)
1 Timothy 3:6 NIV
"He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil."
Now Fast forward a bit; I keep thinking about what girl #2 said to me at church, and one thing that really sticks out in my mind more than anything is when she said "I choose to feel that way!" so I wrote her a little note and sent it to her FaceBook saying this:
"Oh, and there's one thing that's been irking me since yesterday that I needed to mention
(I'm not writing to your phone because of how late it is)
You don't "choose" to be offended; you "choose" what to wear for the day, you "choose" what you eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but you DON'T "choose" to be offended, a person is MADE to be offended, and by making that statement you've side stepped the fact that you ARE partially responsible for my feeling that way!
Another thing; I don't do the fake "I love you's" the fake smiles, or the fake hugs... You might fool yourself into thinking you "love me" and perhaps others, but I'm not fooled and I know God definitely isn't! Actions speak louder than words!
In my (age given) walk with God, God has shown me that I can love him, obey him, and be real at the same time, no acts, no showing off for mankind, no deception (deception is of the Devil).
That's all I have to say. I'm not here to make an "online argument.""
Rewind a bit back to the Church.
After girl #2 unleashed her 5 feet of "fury" upon me, I left the church to go home. When I got on the train, I saw girl #4 coming towards me. I told girl #4 what girl #2 said after she left the scene, and told her how I felt about the situation. I then found out girl #4 had some time, so I suggested maybe her and I should go out and get something to eat since we hadn't eaten yet. During dinner I shared stories and past experiences with her, as well as what went down after she darted out the door. I felt a great connection to this person, and was hopeful of a good friendship within the Church, since she seemed sincere and trustworthy. She too told me about her past, and some of the difficult experiences she went through. I felt so relieved to have met someone who didn't pretend to like me for the sake of Christianity and the sake of being "nice," but someone whom seemed to like me genuinely. I expressed how grateful I was that she wanted to come to my wedding, and after spending a few hours together, we parted ways.
Sometime during that week I sent girl #4 the map to get to the chapel. I received no reply from her confirming that she received the map, so I called her on Saturday night, only 14 hours before my wedding and asked if she checked her email since I wasn't sure if something happened on my end and gmail messed up on sending an email to yahoo. She then said to resend the map to her email. I sent it while she was on the phone and asked if she got it. She said she did, and I said I would see her tomorrow.
Sunday comes, and my wedding starts. A good friend of mine (that I'll call girl #5) who also attends that church arrives at my wedding (she had also left the church with a bad impression about the church). She attended my wedding even though she had been packing the previous day, and had continued packing all morning. She made a huge effort to come to my wedding, even though there was so much going on in her life at the moment. After my wedding she had to leave to meet with the movers.
Girl #4, whom I spoke with, ate with in the restaurant, began to trust, began to open up to, and began to make a friendship with, never arrived! Girl #4 didn't call to tell me she wouldn't be coming, she didn't even call after my wedding to tell me "sorry I couldn't make it."
I had to send a text message to girl #4
this is the messages girl #4 sends to me when I ask why she didn't come, and why she didn't call and tell me why:
"Elizabeth no one can tell me what to do or not do but god.
I'm really sad when I read your post on face book even if you're mad or angry at someone it's bad to say bad things about them I'm fair and not taking sides you're my friend and I want us to be friends no one told me not to go, something that breaks my heart that I can see something good in you but you harden your heart.
If you will keep being bitter your heart is going to be hard I can see that you've been through a tough past that being a child you have to act like grown up to protect yourself but I told that god protected you since you were young until now.
If you're angry at me it's your decision but I'm not a plastic person and pretend or hide who I am..
Still your friend"
Its good that she raises up God, but I feel shes using the name of God to avoid taking responsibility for her hurtful actions. And the facebook post shes referring to is when I said "The devil says "I loves you" and then doesn't come to your 30 minute wedding." Big deal, I have a reason to be upset after the crappy treatment, as anyone would be. Besides no names were mentioned, so she cant claim I'm talking about anyone she knows.
Here's another one of her emails:
"It's not too late things happened for a reason this time you can count on god. You can always count on him not me not people around you, but god because god will never fail..
Keep pressing on and keep fighting don't lose your faith you're being tested you don't need my approval and the people around you but you have to listen to god"
It aggravates me because she keeps using the name of God to avoid taking responsibility. She still hasn't said "I'm sorry," on top of that, she keeps speaking like she's a blameless saint doing Gods work by being hurtful, avoiding responsibility, and being passive-aggressively arrogant! This girl doesn't get that she put a damper on my day as well as my night.
Note: However, that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy my wedding, and the great people who arrived to be there ^^
Then she sends
"I'm praying for you"
But she needs to first prayer for herself. Again, shes being arrogant as If I'm the one in the wrong and she's just a blameless saint who needs to pray for others.
Another email displaying her arrogance, also, keep in mind she's not a native English speaker:
"I don't feel guilty I didn't harmed you and I didn't betrayed you, if so prove it to me that I did all of the things that you have said.
I have my personal reason why I couldn't make it.
Elizabeth if you got hurt in the past or been betrayed not everyone is like that you have kept all your bad memories in your heart that's why you're heart is being hard. if you really want to change you can not with my help but god I'm just right behind you if your heart is ready. I'm praying for you."
She says she has her "personal reason," however, girl #5 was in the middle of packing and moving to the other side of the world, yet she came to my wedding. That's the difference between a good Christian person versus an uncaring Christian. Who has the hard heart.? A girl who doesn't attempt to call, and then doesnt even have the heart to apologize for missing the most important day in her friends life, berates me, and kicks me when I'm down. Also, she speaks as if she knows everything about my life? Is she a sorceress? How would she know about any bitterness I hold? Presumption is foolish. I've only told her about the bitterness I held against girl #2 (which I think is totally valid and understandable). And I don't even feel all that bitter towards girl #1 who always seemed cold to me since I first met her, and girl #3 who seems to just follow what girl #2 says and does.
I then send another message asking if girl #2 was the one who convinced her not to come since they're in the same life group together (which took place earlier that day), and come on, I totally didn't believe the "personal reasons" excuse, especially since all my friends that day had somewhere to be, one was packing, one had to pastor at a church. She still could have called and said she wasn't coming.
Here it is:
"nobody stopped me from coming to your wedding why would they say something bad about you did you do something bad that makes you ask me about this things. and if you got corrected it is for the benefit of the one who corrected you or is it for you"
who is she referring to? Can someone figure it out? Isn't double-talk something that is practiced in witchcraft? Not saying she's a Witch, but I sorta feel like I'm speaking with an uneducated politician. "is for the benefit of the one who corrected you," is she referring to girl #2?! Thats who she was talking about in the ungrammatical "first" sentence. Or is she referring to God? If its girl #2, I dont need "corrections" from an uncaring girl prematurely made into a "leader" within the church.
Another:
"I understand how you feel I guess you're still angry Elizabeth let me know if you're ready to make some changes in your heart I'm not talking to you like this for you just to come to church but as a friend. don't say something bad about any of the girls ok I care for them and love them as I cared for you and love you but you have to be open do not be so stubborn look what's in your heart and search what's in it then think if we really did hurt you or you're hurting yourself by not having things your way. God loves you but you have to open your heart and be willing to surrender and ready to change"
She still hasn't apologized. Her attitude is also very unchristian like. She says "hurting yourself by not having things your way." Not to repeat myself over and over, but her callous attitude fails to see that for me, my wedding holds great importance, and I believe anyone would be hurt if a friend didn't show up, especially after confirming they would attend a mere 14 hours before the wedding. She doesn't get that this isn't me being upset because I "didn't get my way" but because I was genuinely hurt by her actions.
Here are the last two emails:
"I don't follow anyone except Christ i don't depend my faith on people because we are all not perfect. if you think I'm against you and taking sides it's you who thinks that way but still my faith won't be shaken"
"Its your choice Elizabeth you should read more I went from different churches but my faith is focus is god i can be out in the desert but i won't be hungry or lost if your heart is changed you're not going to accuse me but you already did."
Hmm, she says I "accuse" her, yet accusations are reserved for those whom are assumed to have committed a crime without there being any evidence. Its not an "accusation," I wasn't mistaken when the girl said she would come, I wasn't mistaken when the girl didn't show up! There is no accusations here, only callous Christians with a heart of stone, solidifying that stereotype to nonbelievers that Christians are "hatemongers" which of course is a gross over generalization.
The church ignored and alienated my husband and I. I remember recommending that church to people ever since I started going there 3 years ago, before they were anything. Now the church has become populated and somewhat pompous. I remember, it was only a week after my husband and I got married, the pastor stood on stage and announced the wedding plans of another couple, however, he failed to congratulate my husband and I on our wedding even though I had spoken to the pastor about our wedding date, and even though I have him added to my facebook where he can clearly see our wedding photos uploaded, yet he still ignored us. I never cry in pubic, but I absolutely cried that day, on my husbands shoulder during service. Now my husband and I have started attending Church with friends, a small humble group of Japanese people who take the time to get to know you and learn your name. On our first day in the new church, they celebrated my husbands birthday, along with a few others. This is the type of humility and friendliness that has escaped big churches that have become too cocky on the gold of their worshipers. My husband wants to visit the first church every now and then, but I think he may have to do so alone.
As a Christian, I still wholeheartedly believe in God as strongly as I did before, and I don't let backwards Christians take that belief away. God can see the hurt that was inflicted on me and my husband. God will have my revenge for me, and for that I'm happy.
When I came back to Japan I started attending a church I'd visited many times before. I was really excited about going back because I had a good impression during the times prior, and a lot of people were my age, which was a plus. This church was populated by Japanese, but had many foreigners attending as well.
OK, so some of the people I really got along with originally had gone back to their native countries by the time I returned, so that was a little disappointing.
Also, I know my objective in church is to learn about God and God's word, but I had also wanted to be able to make friends so that I can have the same enjoyable experience as I did when I attended the church a few years prior.
So I saw this girl from church whom I had spoken to several times before during my previous visits, lets call her girl #1. I never really connected with this girl, however, I had no reason to dislike her. So I asked her about a life group, which is kinda like a bible study. I asked if there was a life group on Sundays, and if there was one in the afternoon, since I know I have a tough time in the morning added by the fact that it took two hours for me to get there from where I lived. She brought me over to a girl I met before, whom I'll call girl #2.
Oh no! Girl #2 was the last person I wanted to see!
Let me tell you about girl #2 really quick. When my (at-the-time) fiance and I started re-attending church, this girl would come up to me and try to get me to join her life group. It seems like a good idea, right? I wanted to meet more people, right? The only thing is, I had a really bad feeling about her, atop the fact that this girl seemed very pushy, and to be honest, very fake! Its like she was pretending to be friendly for the sake of being a "good Christian" as opposed to genuinely wanting to make friends with me. I've had fake Christian friends like that before, and I trusted them less than I trusted some of my atheist friends. Basically, girl #2 is the type of person that doesn't mix well with me! I tried explaining several times that I thought her life group was too early, and that it would be very difficult for me to make it on time. As you can see, that's only one of the reasons.
Note: I have many Christian friends who I've grown up with, who I trust with my life. I'm not saying Christians are bad people, I'm merely pointing out the disappointing actions I've received from a small amount of so called Christian people. I'm not here to bash Christians, I'm here to express my anger and hurt with these few who are suppose to be loving and kindhearted.
Back to the story. So after girl #1 brings me over to girl #2, girl #2 goes on about the time life group starts, and that "I would have to be there every weekend, in order to join." I don't remember what was said word for word , but basically if you didn't attend every weekend, and didn't have an excuse as to why, then you would be kicked out!
Are you kidding me?! Having been a Christian all my life and having moved from place to place, I've attended many churches, and not once was I or anyone else ever told that we would be kicked out if we didn't join bible study every week. Usually Christians open their arms to you and tell you to join when you can, and that's how it should be.
So I made a comment that I might not be able to make it every week because of the cost to get to Tokyo. Girl #2 says something that wasn't important enough to remember, and then Girl #1 chimes in and says something like "the expense isn't a big deal." As if she has the foreground to say what I can and cannot afford! She could at least had the manners to word it differently! Such as "learning about God is worth the money." This made me feel off a little, especially after getting used to Japanese mannerisms.
Like I said, I wanted to make more friends, and it seemed like the only life group (LG) available for Sunday was girl #2's group, added by the fact that the pastor of the church made a statement that if my husband and I weren't apart of a LG, then he wouldn't marry us, which I found strange, especially since this pastor remembered me from previous visits, and therefore knew I was a Christian, so why did I need to join a LG? I made a statement to the pastor that it sounds "strange," and the way I said "strange" was to say it sounded a little like a cult; made more evident by the slightly confused/disgusted facial expression.
Note: As many of you know, I was married by someone who wasn't apart of that particular church, I'll get to that later.
So I decided to try out a LG since, again, I wanted to meet more people, and the pastor was basically alienating my husband-to-be and I into joining a LG in order to be married by this particular church. So I said to myself that I would try out girl #2's LG even though I had a really bad feeling about her, however, before joining this LG, I first wanted to find out more about the other members. Girl #2 brought me over to girl #3 and introduced me. She seemed sweet and spiritually unpretentious, aside from her unmerited but unmalicious "I know more than you" attitude, and constant interruptions when you speak to her (which greatly annoyed me later on, but I tried to cope with it anyway).
So I was talking for a little bit with the two girls, and I don't remember how the conversation came up, but I remember talking about how spiritually dirty some of the politicians and world leaders are, and that we need to question who the people in the shadows are that are controlling some of these so-called world leaders, people that we never see. Then I went on to make a comment that a lot of this spiritual dirtiness is being recreated in childrens media such as Disney, and its been like this for quite a few decades now. They further questioned about Walt Disney, and I pointed out that its speculated that Walt had been a Freemason, and the constant Display of witchcraft and occultist characters (even after his death), has solidified this speculation more so. Again, this is just speculation.
Instead of pondering if what I'm saying may have depth, considering the dirty things found in Disney cartoons along with; witches, warlords, sorcerers, and use of magic, etc (and all these are huge Christian no-nos) they instead, without thought, completely condescend me. Girl #2 with her holier than thou attitude comes at me with "times have changed, and there's nothing wrong with Disney Cartoons" and girl #3 simply agrees with her? Seriously!? You could say the sky is blue and girl #3 will argue, debate, and disagree with you for the sake of arguing. Girl #2 wouldn't know evil if it came and dropped its pants in front of her! Anyhow, I felt as though girl #2 was basically saying "you're an idiot, and I know more than you." I felt really embarrassed, and like I had been attacked for opening up to them. I regretted speaking to them. Girl #2 Could tell by my body language that I felt that way, yet she didn't even have the decency to apologize for it, instead she escapes to the right of me to go and "talk" to someone while the awkward air dissipates to only return 5-10 minutes later and still say nothing! Very Christian-like! At this time I'm having even bigger doubts about this group! Anyhow, at this point I'm really worried about joining! Can't they see with their own eyes whats on TV, and whats been infiltrating childrens movies and story books!? don't they understand what witchcraft is and what it looks like, what satanism is and what it looks like, what subliminal messages are, what hypnosis is? The list is endless! They need to wake up.
(oh wait.....later on down the line, I find out these two have been Christians for only two and four years.... seriously!? These two spiritual babies are scoffing at me for my observations even though I'm eating the meat of Christ while they're still spiritual babies drinking the milk!? Seriously?! Now I begin to realize why they cant see eye to eye with me!)
(Qualifications for Overseers and Deacons)
1 Timothy 3:6 NIV
"He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil."
So here's the real issue at hand:
So pushed by the idea of wanting to make more friends, wanting to study the bible, plus wanting to be married by the church, I joined the Life Group!
So some time passes by and my fiance and I want to get married, come to find out that we cant get married through the church because we're living together, OK fine, I can understand that, only God knows we're not boinking each other before marriage. Unfortunately I cant move out of his place because even though we hadn't had a true christian wedding, we did already get the government certification and therefore we're considered married by the Japanese government, and if immigration were to find out I moved away from what they already considered to be my husband, then I could have my spouse visa revoked, and be deported out of Japan. Still the church wont give us a marriage, which is fine. So my fiance and I find a Christian Chapel to get married in, and I go ahead and invite Girl #2 and #3 to our thirty minute wedding that's only 15 minutes away from the church. I told them four months before our wedding took place, yet both continue to say they aren't sure if they can make it. Of course this kinda bothers me since these people are suppose to be close to you, especially girl #2 who is suppose to be the "leader" (the director) of the group, which makes me think of this passage:
Mark 9:35 NIV
Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, "If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all
Note: LG is bible study, and its where we go to learn about the word of God, however, LG is also a place where you create a bond with people within the group. This is insinuated without words. And no it's not a cult, no one's asking you to drink the Lemonade.
Time goes by, and my wedding is getting closer. Girl #2 and #3 keep giving me the ho-hum answer "I don't know." One week before my marriage I see a tagged picture of girl #3 attending someone else's wedding. keep in mind she kept telling me "I don't know" to the very last week (by the way, this is the same girl who was buddy-buddy with me, and wanted to hang out often). OK, so I saw this tagged wedding photo of her, and felt really hurt by the fact that she kept telling me "I don't know if I can make it," but then attended some other persons wedding only a week before mine. Then I noticed the pastor was there too! I don't wanna think these girls are attending certain weddings to look good in front of the pastor and the church! I then questioned my fiance about the photo I just found, and reminded him of the answer these two girls have been giving me; asking him what he thought without giving him my personal opinion on the matter.
Basically my fiance felt the same as I did! So there it is, I wasn't being overly sensitive or paranoid; My husband felt the same as me!
This put things in perspective and made me realize something about some of the people of that church. This realization came on a Saturday, eight days before my wedding. So I decided not to go to LG the next day because I really didn't want to raise an issue with callous, uncaring people whom would only add gas to the fire. Instead I attended the afternoon service where I saw a fellow LG attendee, I'll call her girl #4.
Girl #4 and I had smooth conversations more or less because she had the same dorky, awkward aura as me. Anyhow, I saw her coming out of one of the church services, she came over to me and happily said "hello," I said a few things and then invited her to my wedding on a whim. She then replied with a "yes" and seemed really happy to have been invited. I was thinking "finally, someone with heart"
The next service was starting in only 30 minutes, so girl #4 decides she would like to attend the next service with me. We talk a little, and I tell her why I didn't come to LG that morning and how my husband and I felt about some of the people within the group. She seems understanding and supportive while not taking anyone's side. Sure enough, while out in the Lobby, girl #2 and her "number one fan" girl #3 walk into the lobby and start to approach us, however, girl #4 and I head into the main area of the church since I didn't want to be questioned to death as to why I didn't come to LG by girl #2 with her bossy mannerisms, and girl #4 kinda sensed this and came with me, leaving girl #2 with a angry look on her face.
After the service ended, girl #2 and #3 approached girl #4 and myself. #2 and #4 were talking, as I spoke with #3 about the latest quirky Japanese fashion trends. #4 takes off in a rush to go somewhere leaving me with girl #2 and #3. Girl #2 begins to question me as to why I didn't show up that morning for LG, as if it takes a lot to figure it out. I simply say I had something on my mind that's been bothering me for a while now, it's basically left a bad taste in my mouth involving the group. Then with obvious intentions I kinda nonchalantly asked if they would be attending my wedding with an even more obvious look on my face. Girl #2's excuse was that she "needed to do something in church," even though there's four sessions of church that go from 11am to 5pm (keep in mind, my wedding is only 30 minutes long, and they know this). Girl #3 replied with "yeah, I have something to do in church that day too," basically following suite with girl #2. OK, that's all I needed to hear. I begin to tell them why I didn't attend LG, how I feel about their callous attitude towards whats suppose to be one of the most important days of my life, bring up the fact that LG should better understand and care about their group members, and how the pastor of the church congratulates people on their engagements, marriages, birthdays, and relationships, while completely ignoring the fact that not only did my husband and I get engaged while attending that church, but we were about to be married in one week, yet nothing was announced! Then girl #2 rudely interrupts me, starts talking about what I should have- and should have not done with my fiance, such as living with him, etc etc, blah blah blah, and basically dismisses my very valid feelings of pain, frustration, and bitterness over my wedding! When I try to cut in she comes back with "no, you need to listen." Are you kidding me! Do I look like your child you can monologue to!? The girl is so lucky I bit my tongue, If I wasn't in the house of God, I might have snapped! Then she had the nerve to say "I choose to feel that way!" Oh HELL no! She ended it with "you can still come to this church" as if her behavior would stop me from coming. I do what I like, and I don't back down from people, especially not from people who think they run the place. She then gave me a fake "I love you" and a fake hug and kiss which caused me to almost vomit in my mouth! Girl #3 had the puppy dog eyes and was opening her mouth like she was about to say something when girl #2 forcefully snatches her away as if to manipulate the situation and run with friend in tow, causing girl #3 to nearly gasp for breath at the pull.
Re-post: (Qualifications for Overseers and Deacons)
1 Timothy 3:6 NIV
"He must not be a recent convert, or he may become conceited and fall under the same judgment as the devil."
Now Fast forward a bit; I keep thinking about what girl #2 said to me at church, and one thing that really sticks out in my mind more than anything is when she said "I choose to feel that way!" so I wrote her a little note and sent it to her FaceBook saying this:
"Oh, and there's one thing that's been irking me since yesterday that I needed to mention
(I'm not writing to your phone because of how late it is)
You don't "choose" to be offended; you "choose" what to wear for the day, you "choose" what you eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but you DON'T "choose" to be offended, a person is MADE to be offended, and by making that statement you've side stepped the fact that you ARE partially responsible for my feeling that way!
Another thing; I don't do the fake "I love you's" the fake smiles, or the fake hugs... You might fool yourself into thinking you "love me" and perhaps others, but I'm not fooled and I know God definitely isn't! Actions speak louder than words!
In my (age given) walk with God, God has shown me that I can love him, obey him, and be real at the same time, no acts, no showing off for mankind, no deception (deception is of the Devil).
That's all I have to say. I'm not here to make an "online argument.""
Rewind a bit back to the Church.
After girl #2 unleashed her 5 feet of "fury" upon me, I left the church to go home. When I got on the train, I saw girl #4 coming towards me. I told girl #4 what girl #2 said after she left the scene, and told her how I felt about the situation. I then found out girl #4 had some time, so I suggested maybe her and I should go out and get something to eat since we hadn't eaten yet. During dinner I shared stories and past experiences with her, as well as what went down after she darted out the door. I felt a great connection to this person, and was hopeful of a good friendship within the Church, since she seemed sincere and trustworthy. She too told me about her past, and some of the difficult experiences she went through. I felt so relieved to have met someone who didn't pretend to like me for the sake of Christianity and the sake of being "nice," but someone whom seemed to like me genuinely. I expressed how grateful I was that she wanted to come to my wedding, and after spending a few hours together, we parted ways.
Sometime during that week I sent girl #4 the map to get to the chapel. I received no reply from her confirming that she received the map, so I called her on Saturday night, only 14 hours before my wedding and asked if she checked her email since I wasn't sure if something happened on my end and gmail messed up on sending an email to yahoo. She then said to resend the map to her email. I sent it while she was on the phone and asked if she got it. She said she did, and I said I would see her tomorrow.
Sunday comes, and my wedding starts. A good friend of mine (that I'll call girl #5) who also attends that church arrives at my wedding (she had also left the church with a bad impression about the church). She attended my wedding even though she had been packing the previous day, and had continued packing all morning. She made a huge effort to come to my wedding, even though there was so much going on in her life at the moment. After my wedding she had to leave to meet with the movers.
Girl #4, whom I spoke with, ate with in the restaurant, began to trust, began to open up to, and began to make a friendship with, never arrived! Girl #4 didn't call to tell me she wouldn't be coming, she didn't even call after my wedding to tell me "sorry I couldn't make it."
I had to send a text message to girl #4
this is the messages girl #4 sends to me when I ask why she didn't come, and why she didn't call and tell me why:
"Elizabeth no one can tell me what to do or not do but god.
I'm really sad when I read your post on face book even if you're mad or angry at someone it's bad to say bad things about them I'm fair and not taking sides you're my friend and I want us to be friends no one told me not to go, something that breaks my heart that I can see something good in you but you harden your heart.
If you will keep being bitter your heart is going to be hard I can see that you've been through a tough past that being a child you have to act like grown up to protect yourself but I told that god protected you since you were young until now.
If you're angry at me it's your decision but I'm not a plastic person and pretend or hide who I am..
Still your friend"
Its good that she raises up God, but I feel shes using the name of God to avoid taking responsibility for her hurtful actions. And the facebook post shes referring to is when I said "The devil says "I loves you" and then doesn't come to your 30 minute wedding." Big deal, I have a reason to be upset after the crappy treatment, as anyone would be. Besides no names were mentioned, so she cant claim I'm talking about anyone she knows.
Here's another one of her emails:
"It's not too late things happened for a reason this time you can count on god. You can always count on him not me not people around you, but god because god will never fail..
Keep pressing on and keep fighting don't lose your faith you're being tested you don't need my approval and the people around you but you have to listen to god"
It aggravates me because she keeps using the name of God to avoid taking responsibility. She still hasn't said "I'm sorry," on top of that, she keeps speaking like she's a blameless saint doing Gods work by being hurtful, avoiding responsibility, and being passive-aggressively arrogant! This girl doesn't get that she put a damper on my day as well as my night.
Note: However, that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy my wedding, and the great people who arrived to be there ^^
Then she sends
"I'm praying for you"
But she needs to first prayer for herself. Again, shes being arrogant as If I'm the one in the wrong and she's just a blameless saint who needs to pray for others.
Another email displaying her arrogance, also, keep in mind she's not a native English speaker:
"I don't feel guilty I didn't harmed you and I didn't betrayed you, if so prove it to me that I did all of the things that you have said.
I have my personal reason why I couldn't make it.
Elizabeth if you got hurt in the past or been betrayed not everyone is like that you have kept all your bad memories in your heart that's why you're heart is being hard. if you really want to change you can not with my help but god I'm just right behind you if your heart is ready. I'm praying for you."
She says she has her "personal reason," however, girl #5 was in the middle of packing and moving to the other side of the world, yet she came to my wedding. That's the difference between a good Christian person versus an uncaring Christian. Who has the hard heart.? A girl who doesn't attempt to call, and then doesnt even have the heart to apologize for missing the most important day in her friends life, berates me, and kicks me when I'm down. Also, she speaks as if she knows everything about my life? Is she a sorceress? How would she know about any bitterness I hold? Presumption is foolish. I've only told her about the bitterness I held against girl #2 (which I think is totally valid and understandable). And I don't even feel all that bitter towards girl #1 who always seemed cold to me since I first met her, and girl #3 who seems to just follow what girl #2 says and does.
I then send another message asking if girl #2 was the one who convinced her not to come since they're in the same life group together (which took place earlier that day), and come on, I totally didn't believe the "personal reasons" excuse, especially since all my friends that day had somewhere to be, one was packing, one had to pastor at a church. She still could have called and said she wasn't coming.
Here it is:
"nobody stopped me from coming to your wedding why would they say something bad about you did you do something bad that makes you ask me about this things. and if you got corrected it is for the benefit of the one who corrected you or is it for you"
who is she referring to? Can someone figure it out? Isn't double-talk something that is practiced in witchcraft? Not saying she's a Witch, but I sorta feel like I'm speaking with an uneducated politician. "is for the benefit of the one who corrected you," is she referring to girl #2?! Thats who she was talking about in the ungrammatical "first" sentence. Or is she referring to God? If its girl #2, I dont need "corrections" from an uncaring girl prematurely made into a "leader" within the church.
Another:
"I understand how you feel I guess you're still angry Elizabeth let me know if you're ready to make some changes in your heart I'm not talking to you like this for you just to come to church but as a friend. don't say something bad about any of the girls ok I care for them and love them as I cared for you and love you but you have to be open do not be so stubborn look what's in your heart and search what's in it then think if we really did hurt you or you're hurting yourself by not having things your way. God loves you but you have to open your heart and be willing to surrender and ready to change"
She still hasn't apologized. Her attitude is also very unchristian like. She says "hurting yourself by not having things your way." Not to repeat myself over and over, but her callous attitude fails to see that for me, my wedding holds great importance, and I believe anyone would be hurt if a friend didn't show up, especially after confirming they would attend a mere 14 hours before the wedding. She doesn't get that this isn't me being upset because I "didn't get my way" but because I was genuinely hurt by her actions.
Here are the last two emails:
"I don't follow anyone except Christ i don't depend my faith on people because we are all not perfect. if you think I'm against you and taking sides it's you who thinks that way but still my faith won't be shaken"
"Its your choice Elizabeth you should read more I went from different churches but my faith is focus is god i can be out in the desert but i won't be hungry or lost if your heart is changed you're not going to accuse me but you already did."
Hmm, she says I "accuse" her, yet accusations are reserved for those whom are assumed to have committed a crime without there being any evidence. Its not an "accusation," I wasn't mistaken when the girl said she would come, I wasn't mistaken when the girl didn't show up! There is no accusations here, only callous Christians with a heart of stone, solidifying that stereotype to nonbelievers that Christians are "hatemongers" which of course is a gross over generalization.
The church ignored and alienated my husband and I. I remember recommending that church to people ever since I started going there 3 years ago, before they were anything. Now the church has become populated and somewhat pompous. I remember, it was only a week after my husband and I got married, the pastor stood on stage and announced the wedding plans of another couple, however, he failed to congratulate my husband and I on our wedding even though I had spoken to the pastor about our wedding date, and even though I have him added to my facebook where he can clearly see our wedding photos uploaded, yet he still ignored us. I never cry in pubic, but I absolutely cried that day, on my husbands shoulder during service. Now my husband and I have started attending Church with friends, a small humble group of Japanese people who take the time to get to know you and learn your name. On our first day in the new church, they celebrated my husbands birthday, along with a few others. This is the type of humility and friendliness that has escaped big churches that have become too cocky on the gold of their worshipers. My husband wants to visit the first church every now and then, but I think he may have to do so alone.
As a Christian, I still wholeheartedly believe in God as strongly as I did before, and I don't let backwards Christians take that belief away. God can see the hurt that was inflicted on me and my husband. God will have my revenge for me, and for that I'm happy.