(no subject)
Hi all,
I don't have much time...but shortly, I will get my own computer and I will be able to let you into my world once again. Things have been tough lately, especially with the death of my grandfather and being so far away from home to be there for my family. I have been in a constant spiral of depression and mania. For example, I get all depressed about my life, not being as perfect as it should be...then I get out and paint the town red...recklessly. Do I regret these actions, I shouldn't regret anything I do...although, I'm not always as intelligent and as wise as I should be. I use people to get attention, then I give into some of their desires, sometimes all, only to end up screwing myself over in the process. It's so hard to explain inso few minutes and words. I have so much going on, and basically not enough brain cells to figure it out. I have come to the conclusion that I long to be loved, that's all. And I have tried giving all of me to get that, however, no one appreciates my gift and consequently I lose a piece of me each time. The sparkle dies a little by little. I want to sparkle for someone, I want to be their lover, their mistress, their everything and more...I have so much to offer someone, why doesn't anyone want to take me up on that? Am I that unobtainable?
Enough said for now...any comments? I'm glad to be back in the loop.
love to you all
M
I don't have much time...but shortly, I will get my own computer and I will be able to let you into my world once again. Things have been tough lately, especially with the death of my grandfather and being so far away from home to be there for my family. I have been in a constant spiral of depression and mania. For example, I get all depressed about my life, not being as perfect as it should be...then I get out and paint the town red...recklessly. Do I regret these actions, I shouldn't regret anything I do...although, I'm not always as intelligent and as wise as I should be. I use people to get attention, then I give into some of their desires, sometimes all, only to end up screwing myself over in the process. It's so hard to explain inso few minutes and words. I have so much going on, and basically not enough brain cells to figure it out. I have come to the conclusion that I long to be loved, that's all. And I have tried giving all of me to get that, however, no one appreciates my gift and consequently I lose a piece of me each time. The sparkle dies a little by little. I want to sparkle for someone, I want to be their lover, their mistress, their everything and more...I have so much to offer someone, why doesn't anyone want to take me up on that? Am I that unobtainable?
Enough said for now...any comments? I'm glad to be back in the loop.
love to you all
M