i am glad strangers want to tell me my choices are like, okay

[seperis]

Okay, I had this resolution not to post about things that piss me off--there are so many!--until I had waited twenty-four hours to see if I was still pissed.

But seriously. How the hell did we get to this?

In this post about breastfeeding and VVC and vidshows this thread kinda maybe got to me. Maybe a little.
There is something wrong with any

Comments

[delle]

ah, jesus h. roosevelt christ.

you know, I breastfed all my kids. I was LUCKY. It worked for me, and I was the only one of my circle of friends (all having kids about the same time) that it worked for. There's a number of reasons why, but none of the reasons were that the other moms didn't love their kids as much as me and/or didnt' want the best for their kids.

(I was also lucky enough to be home for the first 3 months of my daughter's life and home full time when both my boys were born. and that was LUCK as well as a CHOICE. I had options when many, many women didn't)

I totally and completely support breastfeeding. But that support doesn't mean I don't support ALL mothers to do the very best for themselves, their families and their babies. (double negative there - I hope it's clear I mean to say I support ALL moms, irrespective of what feeding method they chose)

/rant

[seperis]

Both my sisters breastfed; they were glad they did, though my youngest sister had to wean a little earlier than she wanted to.

You know, that just--hit me out of nowhere. I really didn't expect to see that in a fannish post.

Also? *hugs* When I posted, I suddenly had this horrible feeling that the first comment I'd get woudl be like "Well, obviously you regret your 'choice' if you're this oversensitive" and I might have just cried. Thanks so much for commenting.

[chosenfire28]

My older sister tried breastfeeding with both her kids and it didn't work, neither of them would take to it and her mother in law ragged on her for not trying harder, she made my sister feel like she was hurting her children.

Me and my siblings were never breastfeed, I think we turned out fine. If I ever had kids I would never breastfeed (mostly cause I have an ewww reaction to the whole thing lol). I think its up to the mom to decide what she wants to do and as long as she isn't spun out on drugs and abusing her kids people should respect the fact that its none of their business.

[seperis]

My older sister tried breastfeeding with both her kids and it didn't work, neither of them would take to it and her mother in law ragged on her for not trying harder, she made my sister feel like she was hurting her children.

Oh my God. *shudders* My family was supportive, for the most part, but--well. Apparently to some people this is like, teh make or break of parenting.

I think its up to the mom to decide what she wants to do and as long as she isn't spun out on drugs and abusing her kids people should respect the fact that its none of their business.

It always shocks me how much peopel who do not actually have any vested interest in my body are amazingly persistent in explaining what I should do with it. Gah.

Thanks for commenting. Reading that in fannish space hit my paranoia button like whoa.

[cjandre]

Apparently to some people this is like, teh make or break of parenting.

OMG, if they think BREASTFEEDING is the make or break, they are so not ready for adolescence and walking in on their kid masturbating.

I mean really. There are a million decisions that parents make over the course of their child's life.

lectures from strangers

[auroramama]

I believe that, like many incredibly obnoxious and hurtful behaviors, this comes from fear. When a baby is small, there aren't that many choices to make, and there are so many bad outcomes to be terrified of. And since everything that goes wrong is treated as the mother's fault, mothers are especially hungry for reassurance. Self-righteousness as opiate of the maternal masses. Some deliberately attack those who made different choices; perhaps more simply don't think about the effect of their words on other people. Fear makes people selfish, defensive, and callous

[reddwarfer]

I breastfed and did it for two years. It wasn't always easy, but that was my choice not some sort of sanctimonious decision I made to be better than anyone else. There are a hundred different reasons to make a hundred different choices. Not better or worse, just different. My friends' children were bottle-fed and I don't even care why that and not the other because it doesn't matter why. It was her choice and what she decided to do.

It's this stupid thing some women put each other through from work vs. stay at home to other decisions. Why can't we support each other instead?

[seperis]

It's this stupid thing some women put each other through from work vs. stay at home to other decisions. Why can't we support each other instead?

This beyond words this. I kind of want to give stars now.

Thanks very much for commenting.

[emmuzka]

Seriously. Why breastfeeding is a red flag that comes up every now and then, even in fandom? You breastfeed or you don't. (If you don't have a baby at the moment, you probably don't.) Why everyone has an opinion about it? Why it is an issue people feel that they should have an opinion?

Maybe the general public wants to have an opinion on breastfeeding because it's one way for the society to use power over a woman's body. How much a woman should weight, should she breastfeed and how long, should she be allowed a cecarean section for non-medical reasons, should she use freaking environmentally friendly diapers for her baby... for the society trying to decide what is the best, over women's own will, that's just a scheme for taking power away from women. And this is even mostly done by other women.

[seperis]

Seriously. Why breastfeeding is a red flag that comes up every now and then, even in fandom?

I can't even figure out how a discussion about breastfeeding during vidshows suddenly took a left turn like that. I mean, I didn't even read that thread at first and then skimmed it and stopped short ,thinking I'd misread it or something.

Maybe the general public wants to have an opinion on breastfeeding because it's one way for the society to use power over a woman's body. How much a woman should weight, should she breastfeed and how long, should she be allowed a cecarean section for non-medical reasons, should she use freaking environmentally friendly diapers for her baby... for the society trying to decide what is the best, over women's own will, that's just a scheme for taking power away from women. And this is even mostly done by other women.

In a nutshell.

And it's nice to have that bit of unspoken superiority, too. God knows, no conversation would be complete without it.

[mockingbirdq]

I'm the first to admit I'm a total boob nazi, so I'll refrain from commenting about anything regarding breastfeeding itself :P

I will say however, that I think she should have simply stated that nursing in public is protected in most states and that legally baby has the right to be anywhere that mom is while being fed. Short, sweet and to the point would be better than trying to defend/explain her own thoughts on breastfeeding and offending others.

[seperis]

I'm the first to admit I'm a total boob nazi, so I'll refrain from commenting about anything regarding breastfeeding itself :P

So is my sister. *grins* She's learned the art of choosing her battles and how she frames it, which helped with my younger sister a lot.

I will say however, that I think she should have simply stated that nursing in public is protected in most states and that legally baby has the right to be anywhere that mom is while being fed. Short, sweet and to the point would be better than trying to defend/explain her own thoughts on breastfeeding and offending others.

I think that's what really makes me angry; the post wasn't even tangentially related to the advisability of breastfeeding or I wouldn't read it; not like I'm going to wander over to read that if I can help it. But just tossed in there unexpectedly, and not directly related to the legal aspects was just--no.

and by the way, I'm better than you are...

[auroramama]

You're right about the offhand way that phrase was slipped in, and that's not something I was focusing on in my other comment, which was primarily about lectures. In this case, the only reason to go there was to have the opportunity to say it one more time with the feeble justification that the topic was breastfeeding. I've seen that sort of thing thrown in with discussions of the chemical composition of breast milk, the relative merits of different styles of nursing bras, you name it.

I've got my own things I'll always throw in at the hint of an excuse, I know. But I hope the worst I do to other people is bore them.