Work sucks.
I have officially started the ball rolling on looking for a new job.
I hate, Hate, HATE this one. I almost cried this morning because I wasn't feeling good (allergies mixed with a cold) and all I wanted to do was veg out and sleep but instead I had to bust my ass to get me and Lane ready for our day. I am sick of being bored at my desk. I'm sick of complaining about how lame/boring/slow my day is, I seriously feel like I waste my days away here. And lately I feel as though I have to walk on eggshells or like all of a sudden I feel as though I am not trusted by my group leads even though I have not done anything to violate their trust...Anyway, I emailed my old temp agency and asked what kind of listings they had. I told them I wanted to branch out from customer service/computer based work. So we shall see what happens with that. I also mentioned in the email that I would consider part time work so that I may go back to school (teaching degree or child psychology). I am also willing to take a pay cut (I am sure I will have to if I start a new job) considering I am making $17/hr. Which is a shit load of money for what I do and I am grateful for that wage BUT not feeling like I work for my money puts no true value on it, so I piss it away. Plus I make too much to be on any sort of state assistance so a huge chunk of my monthly income goes to daycare. Then add on car payments, insurance, cell phone, gas (cheapest out here is $3.19/gallon), perscriptions, debt/bill/collection payments it all adds up and I'm barely floating by. Fuck that, I'm NOT floating by. I am in debt and I have multiple pay day loans taken out that I have pay back and reloan because I simply cannot afford to pay them back...
*sigh* I am in a finacial hole.
As for Kevin and Lane, none of us have had the chance to try any new approaches since Kev's been outta town since Saturday. Sat & Sun he was on a deep sea fishing trip. Got home, then headed 4 hours away for a work related training class. He'll get home late Friday night then Saturday morning I take him to the airport at 4am so he can catch a flight to SLC to visit a buddy of his until Monday. Wednesday night after work though, I am going to drive up to see him then come home sometime Thurs...oh I can't hardly wait to nuzzle him and breathe him in... :)
I found these little tid bits online...
Dating When You Have Children
* After a separation, divorce or death of a loved one, it takes time to cope with feelings and move on to another relationship. Before beginning a new relationship, people need to work through stages of loss from previous ones...people also need time to form a new identity...
This has me wondering...I know I was ready to start dating again because I was over a long time prior to actually leaving him. But I never considered that maybe LANE needs a chance to get over his dad. Or except the changes. Also, technically, he's only been "without" his dad since February so the change may seem more recent to him.
Children may think that if they love mom and like her new boyfriend, dad won't love them...
This is one think I strongly considered yesterday while talking to my friend. Lane and his dad were veeery close when we were all together so perhaps he worries what "dad" will think or maybe Echo had already mentioned something to Lane about Kevin (would not surprise me if he did).
When a parent begins a new relationship, children commonly feel jealous, they may compare your new friend to their father who doesn't live in the home anymore. Or your children may seek a lot of attention or interrupt conversations you have with your new friend.
Yeah. That's Lane. Anytime Kev and I are "alone" in front of Lane (as in there are other people for Lane to interact with besides one of us) Kev always goes, "I give him [x amount of time] before he interrupts us." And he's usually right. But usually Lane tried to join in in a fun manner, liking climbing on us if we are laying down or tackling us from behind.
Have hope: if the proper groundwork if laid, and if the new boyfriend or girlfriend is really committed to you and accepting of your children, they can indeed develop a fond relationship with your new partner.
I am trying oh so hard to have hope. I am also hoping Kev has hope. And Lane has hope. I think time will help. Time as Lane grows a little bit older to understand all the changes and what exactly Kevin means in his life and understand that. Time to help Kevin learn to understand Lane, like when is a good time to "back off" and time for me to learn more about both my man and my boy...
I hate, Hate, HATE this one. I almost cried this morning because I wasn't feeling good (allergies mixed with a cold) and all I wanted to do was veg out and sleep but instead I had to bust my ass to get me and Lane ready for our day. I am sick of being bored at my desk. I'm sick of complaining about how lame/boring/slow my day is, I seriously feel like I waste my days away here. And lately I feel as though I have to walk on eggshells or like all of a sudden I feel as though I am not trusted by my group leads even though I have not done anything to violate their trust...Anyway, I emailed my old temp agency and asked what kind of listings they had. I told them I wanted to branch out from customer service/computer based work. So we shall see what happens with that. I also mentioned in the email that I would consider part time work so that I may go back to school (teaching degree or child psychology). I am also willing to take a pay cut (I am sure I will have to if I start a new job) considering I am making $17/hr. Which is a shit load of money for what I do and I am grateful for that wage BUT not feeling like I work for my money puts no true value on it, so I piss it away. Plus I make too much to be on any sort of state assistance so a huge chunk of my monthly income goes to daycare. Then add on car payments, insurance, cell phone, gas (cheapest out here is $3.19/gallon), perscriptions, debt/bill/collection payments it all adds up and I'm barely floating by. Fuck that, I'm NOT floating by. I am in debt and I have multiple pay day loans taken out that I have pay back and reloan because I simply cannot afford to pay them back...
*sigh* I am in a finacial hole.
As for Kevin and Lane, none of us have had the chance to try any new approaches since Kev's been outta town since Saturday. Sat & Sun he was on a deep sea fishing trip. Got home, then headed 4 hours away for a work related training class. He'll get home late Friday night then Saturday morning I take him to the airport at 4am so he can catch a flight to SLC to visit a buddy of his until Monday. Wednesday night after work though, I am going to drive up to see him then come home sometime Thurs...oh I can't hardly wait to nuzzle him and breathe him in... :)
I found these little tid bits online...
Dating When You Have Children
* After a separation, divorce or death of a loved one, it takes time to cope with feelings and move on to another relationship. Before beginning a new relationship, people need to work through stages of loss from previous ones...people also need time to form a new identity...
This has me wondering...I know I was ready to start dating again because I was over a long time prior to actually leaving him. But I never considered that maybe LANE needs a chance to get over his dad. Or except the changes. Also, technically, he's only been "without" his dad since February so the change may seem more recent to him.
Children may think that if they love mom and like her new boyfriend, dad won't love them...
This is one think I strongly considered yesterday while talking to my friend. Lane and his dad were veeery close when we were all together so perhaps he worries what "dad" will think or maybe Echo had already mentioned something to Lane about Kevin (would not surprise me if he did).
When a parent begins a new relationship, children commonly feel jealous, they may compare your new friend to their father who doesn't live in the home anymore. Or your children may seek a lot of attention or interrupt conversations you have with your new friend.
Yeah. That's Lane. Anytime Kev and I are "alone" in front of Lane (as in there are other people for Lane to interact with besides one of us) Kev always goes, "I give him [x amount of time] before he interrupts us." And he's usually right. But usually Lane tried to join in in a fun manner, liking climbing on us if we are laying down or tackling us from behind.
Have hope: if the proper groundwork if laid, and if the new boyfriend or girlfriend is really committed to you and accepting of your children, they can indeed develop a fond relationship with your new partner.
I am trying oh so hard to have hope. I am also hoping Kev has hope. And Lane has hope. I think time will help. Time as Lane grows a little bit older to understand all the changes and what exactly Kevin means in his life and understand that. Time to help Kevin learn to understand Lane, like when is a good time to "back off" and time for me to learn more about both my man and my boy...