old friend Ive come back again
[mood| 
sad]
[music| Beirut - After the Curtain]
to say i havent used this in awhile would be a wicked understatement. i guess im using it for my own peace of mind, or to gain clarity from my days of lameness, as i like to put it, a vice of some sort i dont know haha.
i guess i want it to whine? yes. def haha.
So yea you meet a person. you talk to said person, for some time. you guys feel each other out, learn those little things each of you likes to know about another. you start to hang out with the person, let them in your circle of friends. You drink with them, smoke around them an they seem not to care, i dont know if he actually did or not..., anyways.
you develop a relationship that is the lukewarm status of "friendship", and you fucking hate it.
All you can think is, why havent i grown on this person enough? why do they talk to me, everyday, from early in the afternoon, to the early hours of morning? but not want to come by n say hi?
The doubting will start, doubting yourself, him, what your doing, what you want to do, what he wants to do. everything becomes exceedingly complicated.
And that is where i go insane. thats the point where i cant keep it together, flop n give up. I always take a step forward, a tiny baby one. and then take big foot steps backward. I clam up, then i come start to come out of my shell and get totaly shafted.
and they always go for the pretty one. I mean i kind of saw it comming, buuut im always such a pessimist, i was trying to change my old ways and think positive of the situation.
He was such a good looking boy i shouldve seen it comming. But he was so friggin hot n cold all the time. One minute wanting to come over all the time, the next he doesnt want too. But gets pissy that I never i/m him first.
When it gets complicated i dont want anything to do with the whole thing, i give up. I admit defeat, the other girl can have him. I never bother to fight, i always know i wont win.
sad]
[music| Beirut - After the Curtain]
to say i havent used this in awhile would be a wicked understatement. i guess im using it for my own peace of mind, or to gain clarity from my days of lameness, as i like to put it, a vice of some sort i dont know haha.
i guess i want it to whine? yes. def haha.
So yea you meet a person. you talk to said person, for some time. you guys feel each other out, learn those little things each of you likes to know about another. you start to hang out with the person, let them in your circle of friends. You drink with them, smoke around them an they seem not to care, i dont know if he actually did or not..., anyways.
you develop a relationship that is the lukewarm status of "friendship", and you fucking hate it.
All you can think is, why havent i grown on this person enough? why do they talk to me, everyday, from early in the afternoon, to the early hours of morning? but not want to come by n say hi?
The doubting will start, doubting yourself, him, what your doing, what you want to do, what he wants to do. everything becomes exceedingly complicated.
And that is where i go insane. thats the point where i cant keep it together, flop n give up. I always take a step forward, a tiny baby one. and then take big foot steps backward. I clam up, then i come start to come out of my shell and get totaly shafted.
and they always go for the pretty one. I mean i kind of saw it comming, buuut im always such a pessimist, i was trying to change my old ways and think positive of the situation.
He was such a good looking boy i shouldve seen it comming. But he was so friggin hot n cold all the time. One minute wanting to come over all the time, the next he doesnt want too. But gets pissy that I never i/m him first.
When it gets complicated i dont want anything to do with the whole thing, i give up. I admit defeat, the other girl can have him. I never bother to fight, i always know i wont win.