Sometimes I feel...
It was such a beautiful drive to work this morning. I was listening to my Soul III playlist and feeling a bit melancholy. I wasn't weighed down with my typical depression, more like a soft sadness. I say soft because there was a mixture of contentment lingering on the edges.
My friend recently said that she believes that some people are simply born with a sad disposition. Even when all is going well in life and there is not much to complain about, she said that these people (she includes herself in this group) cling on to the sorrow because it is what they know. I agreed with her and felt like a light bulb sputtered on in the back of my head. I do not subscribe fully to the idea of being born a sad person, and I do not think she feels that way either. I think she was saying that life's hardships, even if fully conquered and overcome, color our moods permanently; like a stubborn dye that won't lift from the fabric of our subconscience. Moreover we possess a hesitancy to embrace happiness fully because we are so hard wired with that feeling of impending doom. I am too happy, it's only a matter of time before my world comes crashing down...
Back to my drive to work. As I crossed a bridge on the highway I admired the lake's ethereal beauty. There was a soft haze hovering above it's surface. I appreciated it's beauty with a smile. Playing on my iPod was:
Sometimes I feel like a
Motherless Child
Sometimes I feel like a
Motherless
A long way from
Home
And even though the song has it's sorrow, I felt so connected to the something so much bigger at that very moment. The soft music, the misty lake and the lulling movement of my car coasting along the road. Like something was telling me I was understood. Sure you feel sad, you feel like a motherless child, but here is nature smiling back at you. You are loved.