post #14

[seoulfulness]

Fics ( #13)

those who wake SHINee, Jonghyun/Key
emporte moi Glam, Zinni/Dahee
i call shotgun EXO, Tao/Kris
could have spread out, too EXo, Kai/Baekhyun
glory days EXO, Lu Han/Kai
splash of hope SNSD/2AM, Seohyun/Jinwoon
again? f(x), Krystal/Sulli
past and present SHINee, Jonghyun/Taemin [warning: self harm]
Honesty EXO, Suho/Kai
the intervention

Comments

As They Should Be, Kris/Lay, Lu Han/Lay (1/2)

[anonymous]

Yixing continues to sing even after EXO stops being EXO and Yixing stops being Lay. Every night, he sits on a stool, guitar on his lap and sings songs about yesteryears and his shoulda, woulda, couldas, things he can only express in song. He brings the mic close to his lips, strums the guitar strings with his fingers and closes his eyes, his heart pouring into song. Each time he starts to sing, it always feels like nothing's changed. And each time he ends the song, it always feel like he's losing that part of him all over again.

"Good show tonight." Lu Han claps a hand on Yixing's back and sits on the chair that Yixing uses on stage and watches as he packs the microphone and the chords in a black bag. Yixing sighs and Lu Han speaks again before he can utter a word. "I know, I know, I shouldn't be here," Lu Han says. "But I'm in town so I thought, why not?"

"I don't know how your manager believes that it'll help your career by doing shows in Hunan," Yixing mutters as he zips up the bag and walks down the stage to secure the bag in the office behind the stage. Lu Han follows him without second thought.

"Why not?" Lu Han asks. "We've been to every nook and cranny of China. People know us wherever we go. I'm sure that if you just--"

Yixing straightens up and gives him a pointed look. "You know it's not like that anymore," he stops him.

"Yixing," Lu Han says, clearly frustrated. "If you'll just--"

"It's not my life anymore," Yixing reiterates as they make their way out back into the main restaurant. He slings his bag over his shoulder and waves at the staff still cleaning up. He breathes deeply when they step out into the cool night.

He misses nights like these if only for the memories that it brings back to him. It brings back sleepless nights, hanging out on the rooftop of the company building in between practice breaks. It brings back sneaking out late at night to get some snacks for the team. It brings back whispers and cuddles and kisses under the blankets. Such things that Yixing can never get back.

"It doesn't have to be like this, Yixing," Lu Han insists.

Yixing sighs and turns to face Lu Han properly for the first time that evening. "It does have to be like this," he insists in turn. "That life... while I'm sad that it's over, it all became too tiring for me. I loved singing, dancing and performing but I forgot why I did somewhere along the way."

"So you did want to disband," Lu Han interjects, eyes wide with surprise and hurt.

It was two years ago that the idea of EXO finally going their separate ways came to be. Baekhyun had lost his voice and they found that he'd strained it too hard for too long that if he carried on like he did, he'd lose it completely. The management discussed it and the members discussed it. In the middle of it all, Jongin joked that maybe this was a sign that their time was starting to run out. Seven years wasn't bad for an idol group after all. And that's where it became clear, the cracks that had been there somewhere in between all those years, the fissures created by exhaustion and disagreements and just plain differences. They were all just a group of boys who didn't know each other when they were thrust together after all.

Yixing remembers slumping down on the practice room floor after dancing himself practically to death after the decision had been made. EXO was going to disband and they were all left with options as to how to proceed with their careers.

Yixing chose to completely leave everything behind.

"It wasn't because I wanted to leave you," Yixing emphasizes because that is the only reason he hated leaving. Despite not having known them at the beginning, they became brothers by the end of it all. Lu Han, even more so. He became his best friend. He sighs and puts an arm around Lu Han as they start walking back to his apartment. "After all those years of being in the spotlight, I just wanted to lay low and just find myself and be myself again."

Lu Han shakes his head and sighs because he doesn't understand. He bites his lip for a second then blurts out, "I saw Wu Fan last week."