Losing my boyfriend
Hi, it's been several years since I posted. I don't have many friends (who haven't been exhausted by this subject already) or means to an outlet so here I am on my old livejournal.
Nearly two months ago my boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me. The reason being is me. I have a bad habit of picking fights for no reason and self sabotaging a perfectly wonderful relationship. I kept saying I was going to change. And I never did. He finally was burnt out from it. Only then I truly realized I fucked up. Only when I actually lost him. He's casually dating someone else now. I live with him (leaving at the end of the month though.) We're still physical. It's weird and complicated. He's still my best friend in the entire world.
He's been there for me when others weren't. He isn't perfect but honestly, he is everything I have ever wanted in a partner and I feel like I blew it. He wants me to work on myself and I do agree--it needs to happen. That will take time.
He says there is a possibility of getting back together. That some months down the line when I have truly spent the time to grow and heal (him too) that we could have a conversation about it. A lot of my friends disagree and think I should not entertain that idea and totally forget about him.
How can I?
There is no one else on this planet that knows me like he does. We have a deep connection. I just cannot give up on it. I'm scared to move out because I am afraid he will forget about me. Of course he says he won't. I just can't help but think negatively like I have all my life even though I know those thoughts will manifest. I need to think positively and imagine a good outcome. How do I stop this cycle of negative thinking? It's so difficult for me.
I need some positive thoughts and opinions. I am just at a loss.
Nearly two months ago my boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me. The reason being is me. I have a bad habit of picking fights for no reason and self sabotaging a perfectly wonderful relationship. I kept saying I was going to change. And I never did. He finally was burnt out from it. Only then I truly realized I fucked up. Only when I actually lost him. He's casually dating someone else now. I live with him (leaving at the end of the month though.) We're still physical. It's weird and complicated. He's still my best friend in the entire world.
He's been there for me when others weren't. He isn't perfect but honestly, he is everything I have ever wanted in a partner and I feel like I blew it. He wants me to work on myself and I do agree--it needs to happen. That will take time.
He says there is a possibility of getting back together. That some months down the line when I have truly spent the time to grow and heal (him too) that we could have a conversation about it. A lot of my friends disagree and think I should not entertain that idea and totally forget about him.
How can I?
There is no one else on this planet that knows me like he does. We have a deep connection. I just cannot give up on it. I'm scared to move out because I am afraid he will forget about me. Of course he says he won't. I just can't help but think negatively like I have all my life even though I know those thoughts will manifest. I need to think positively and imagine a good outcome. How do I stop this cycle of negative thinking? It's so difficult for me.
I need some positive thoughts and opinions. I am just at a loss.