(fic) linear
exo | baekyeol (with mentions of xiuhan) | angst (PG-13)
baekhyun has a habit of predicting the future, and then chanyeol happens.
word count: 4.2k
Baekhyun’s quite sure he should stop planning things.
There’s nothing wrong with being organized, of course, but when you plan how your day is going to work out, how conversations are going to go, how people are going to react, disappointment is inevitable.
It’s disappointing when Kris doesn’t show up for the first date, and then texts Baekhyun his apology. It’s disappointing when Baekhyun realizes Kris isn’t much of a talker during their first actual date, and would clearly do something else rather than shop. Baekhyun appreciates that Kris is trying to make him happy, but he doesn’t want patronage, and as much as Kris puts up a decent show, Baekhyun is never fooled.
Needless to say, they stop dating after three weeks.
But then again being correct also leads to disappointment too, as much as Baekhyun would like to avoid admitting it. It’s disappointing each time Yixing doesn’t show up for work every alternate Tuesday and Baekhyun’s job gets a lot more difficult, having to work twice as fast for the sudden increase in customers. It’s disappointing when Zitao never replies to his emails or calls, or when he does the statement is always ‘I’m in China’. It’s disappointing every time Luhan gets Raspberry and Cranberry mixed up and Baekhyun has to listen to the customer rant about their dissatisfactions in life, apart from being served the wrong ice cream flavor.
His planner stays tucked in his bag.
January.
“I feel like you should make more friends,” Yixing shrugs, momentarily looking up from his Blackberry. The ice cream shop is thankfully less crowded today, given the heavy rain outside.
No one really likes having ice cream on a freezing cold day.
“I have...enough,” Baekhyun frowns a little at Yixing, who doesn’t notice, of course. They’re not supposed to use their phones when they’re on-duty but no one really cares when the manager is too busy hanging out at the neighbouring Starbucks, talking and flirting with girls over lattes.
The air-conditioner puffs a particularly chilling stream of air at Baekhyun, causing the high-schooler to wrap his arms around himself and take a tiny step back in the minimal space they’re crammed in behind the display.
He wants a latte, too.
“Well, nothing wrong with having more.”
It’s not that Baekhyun is a recluse or anything, but he feels like he already has more than enough. Zitao just has a habit of disappearing, Luhan is too starry-eyed and happy-go-lucky for his own good, and Yixing tends to get locked out of his own apartment. Kris also calls him when he’s incredibly drunk. It’s entertaining...sometimes.
“I don’t have the time to make more friends,” Baekhyun replies, skipping out the part about him being incredibly bad at it. The only person Baekhyun had made the first move with was Kris and well...that had ended well.
“That’s bullshit. You spend most of your time at home on weekends. Weekends, Baek!” Baekhyun reminds himself to start taking mandarin lessons so that he knows when Zitao and Yixing are gossiping about him. Come to think of it, most of the people in his life are Chinese. Interesting.
“Well why don’t you give me some of your friends’ numbers, then,” Baekhyun rolls his eyes, wiping the counter free of a stain that isn’t there. His phone buzzes in his pocket.
“Just texted you.”
February.
Park Chanyeol.
It’s a dreary Saturday afternoon, and Zitao has disappeared again. Baekhyun rolls over, snug under his blanket. The weather doesn’t seem to be letting up anytime soon.
The contact is saved in his phone, but otherwise has been left untouched. Baekhyun has a habit of staring at it when he’s bored, but never musters up the courage to hit the ‘call’ button.
Or should he text?
But what should he say?
Trust Yixing to refuse to give him any details other than they were the same age.
“It’s part of making friends! You learn things about each other!” Yixing had said, a bit too cheerily for Baekhyun’s liking.
He sighs and rests his phone on the pillow, face down. To his surprise, however, he hears a faint voice a few minutes later.
“Hello? Is...anyone there?”
Baekhyun tenses in horror when he realizes that he somehow hit the ‘call’ button by mistake.
“Um...hellooo?”
In Baekhyun’s opinion, any other person would have already hung up by now, but Chanyeol is still there, starting to sound more or less like a parrot, and his persistence somehow intrigues Baekhyun. He takes a deep breath and puts the phone to his ear.
“Um..hi?”
“Oh! Hi!” Baekhyun can hear the smile behind the husky baritone voice. “Sorry I don’t have your number saved in my phone...who are you?”
“Sorry um...Yixing gave me your number and...asked me to call you.” It was a lot less awkward in Baekhyun’s mind.
“Yi...xing..?”
Baekhyun panics for a moment. Maybe Yixing gave him the wrong number or something...
“Oh! You mean Lay-hyung. Okay, cool, he said that someone would call me sooner or later.”
Baekhyun pauses for a moment to take in the stupid name. He really needs to teach Yixing about pseudonyms.
“So what’s your name?” Chanyeol continues, clearly unfazed by the silence.
“Baekhyun. Byun Baekhyun.”
“Heh. Bond. James Bond,” Chanyeol mimics, in a ridiculous accent that goes all over the place. Baekhyun laughs.
“Park Chanyeol, at your service.” Baekhyun thinks Chanyeol is the kind of person who would do a stupid bow with a greeting like that.
March.
The first thing that surprises Baekhyun is Chanyeol’s height. Chanyeol is tall, though not as tall as Kris, who towered over Baekhyun like a skyscraper, but tall enough. Baekhyun finds himself thinking that Chanyeol is the perfect height for hugging and immediately slaps himself mentally for it.
The second thing that surprises Baekhyun is that he’s also really good-looking, in Baekhyun’s opinion, with perfectly tousled dark brown hair and almond-shaped eyes. Baekhyun wonders how such a face and voice match.
The third thing that surprises Baekhyun is Chanyeol hugging him when they first meet face-to-face. He finds himself being lifted off the ground a little but it’s no less comforting. Baekhyun doesn’t normally hug people, but with Chanyeol it comes almost naturally, like they’ve known each other for years. Chanyeol grins like a Cheshire cat and talks almost as fast as a beat-boxer, but not at a speed that Baekhyun finds incomprehensible.
It’s almost funny how fast they had clicked in the previous month, phone call after phone call. Chanyeol always has an interesting story about his day, and Baekhyun likes how Chanyeol always laughs at his lame jokes, loud but never insincere. Turns out that Chanyeol works at the record store a few blocks down from the ice cream parlor, and Baekhyun had commented that it’s amazing how he’s never spotted a lanky, clumsy and obscenely tall lunatic working there during his previous trips to pick up CDs.
Chanyeol’s laugh quickly becomes one of Baekhyun’s favourite sounds.
The first time they had skyped had been incredibly awkward, as with most of Baekhyun’s skype calls. Chanyeol’s screen constantly froze up at random, and Baekhyun would laugh at the ridiculous expressions. Eventually Chanyeol started making monkeys faces at the camera on purpose and Baekhyun would wrinkle his nose at him despite the smile on his face. Needless to say, the bad connection caused most of their communication to end up in the chat box, and Baekhyun was somewhat disappointed since the whole point of Skype is to be able to talk face-to-face.
(Also, he really likes Chanyeol’s voice, no matter how much he complains about it.)
April.
The odd nature of their friendship takes its toll on Baekhyun, sometimes.
When he’s alone, Baekhyun goes back to calculating. The weeks, the months, the days, because as entertaining as Chanyeol is, Baekhyun has never been wrong about him. Chanyeol might be an open book, but as each page turns Baekhyun finds himself hanging on every word, looking for a meaning between the lines, or a footnote, wanting Chanyeol to prove him wrong.
Chanyeol is nice, one of the nicest people Baekhyun knows. Maybe even the nicest, he dares to think at times. Chanyeol is fun, Chanyeol is daring, Chanyeol is all the things Baekhyun hides because he prefers to quietly get by, and Chanyeol doesn’t care what people think. Chanyeol likes his head up in the clouds while Baekhyun has buried himself six feet under. Chanyeol is all the things Baekhyun isn’t, and it is because of this that Baekhyun is sure Chanyeol will get bored of him, sooner or later.
When his thoughts become monsters, Baekhyun sometimes has nightmares. Chanyeol leaving him, Chanyeol ignoring him, Chanyeol forgetting. The scariest one, Baekhyun thinks, is the one where Chanyeol turns out to be an incredibly good actor, and Baekhyun is stuck in the illusion.
Still, they continue meeting up when they can, Chanyeol being the one to initiate it more often than not.
May.
Zitao appears again and stays, thankfully. Apparently he had gotten into a fight with his parents and had packed up as much as he could before leaving. Chanyeol comes over with Yixing, bringing soju and a foreign film, not like anyone actually pays attention to it once Yixing suggests they play Truth or Dare, much to Baekhyun’s dismay.
Yixing is probably going to ask him if he has a crush on someone, anyway.
“Baekhyun!”
“Truth.” It’s automatic, because most of Yixing’s dares involve tongues and Baekhyun would never like to go down that road.
“Do you like anyone?”
It’s probably the soju, but Baekhyun forgets to prepare a reply, like how he always does. He glances momentarily at Chanyeol, who looks back at him expectantly, and then looks at Zitao to pretend it was just a fleeting glance.
“No...not really.”
He instantly regrets the last part, because Yixing grins and Baekhyun knows he sees something that Baekhyun has been trying to push out of his mind entirely. To Baekhyun’s surprise, however, Yixing doesn’t say anything more.
“Your turn, Zitao.”
Baekhyun finds himself watching Chanyeol for the rest of the evening.
June.
“The idea was to make a friend. Not to start a romance.”
Baekhyun has a habit of talking to himself when he’s alone. It helps him think better, like how Charlotte from Charlotte’s Web likes to hang upside down.
He had distanced himself from Chanyeol just a little in the recent weeks. He needs the sleep, anyway, since they normally talk until 2AM in the morning about the most random things.
Their friendship will go downhill soon, Baekhyun thinks. He’s not anticipating it, of course, but to Baekhyun these kinds of things are inevitable. All things end, particularly things with strange beginnings. Baekhyun has never asked Yixing what he told Chanyeol exactly when he told Chanyeol he had given him his number, but then again he’s not sure if he wants to.
“Don’t overthink this, Baekhyun, don’t be stupid.”
Nowadays, the thoughts of Chanyeol come with romance. Baekhyun finds himself wondering what he would do if Chanyeol told him he liked him, more than a friend, or kissed him one day out of the blue, or if he hugged him longer and tighter than usual. Sometimes Baekhyun finds himself wanting to sit closer to Chanyeol, to reach out just a little more and hold his hand, and everything else makes his heart beat faster.
It’s bad, he decides, because he’s quite sure that Chanyeol wants nothing more than a friendship, and he feels selfish at the end of the day for thinking of Chanyeol in a way that will never come true.
(He still hopes, though.)
July.
The cracks start showing when Chanyeol shows up at his door, drenched from the rain. He pulls Baekhyun into a wordless hug, almost crushing him against his chest but Baekhyun doesn’t mind. He finds himself stroking Chanyeol’s hair soothingly before the boy pulls away, and Baekhyun sees his bloodshot eyes. Chanyeol has been crying.
Baekhyun manages to find some of Kris’ old things that he never gave back, and he gives them to Chanyeol to change into.
“I...broke up with my girlfriend.”
Chanyeol’s voice is a mere whisper, and it breaks Baekhyun’s heart when Chanyeol can’t meet his eyes. They’re seated on the couch, Chanyeol has his knees to his chest and Baekhyun is holding a pillow, but they’re not touching each other.
The first thing that comes is anger. Chanyeol had never mentioned a girlfriend previously, and Baekhyun can’t help but clench his jaw slightly. As much as it is Chanyeol’s right to keep certain things to himself, Baekhyun tells Chanyeol everything, and the feeling of being betrayed makes itself evident around the edges of his reply.
“Oh...you..had a girlfriend?”
Chanyeol seems to glance at him, Baekhyun sees from the faint reflection in the TV. He swallows down as much pain as he can.
“Yeah. For a year. She cheated on me.” Baekhyun has never heard Chanyeol so emotionless before.
“I’m sorry,” he says, but it’s as insipid as he feels.
They lapse into silence. It’s not comfortable, or awkward, it’s just silence.
Baekhyun wonders how much more time they have left.
August.
Sometimes, Baekhyun would like them to fight. There’s a tension between them they never address, sometimes small but always there. In the weeks after Chanyeol had showed up at his apartment, Baekhyun wonders if he should pull the plug, say sorry and then leave altogether.
Chanyeol shouldn’t have to be friends with him.
But Chanyeol goes back to normal, and as much as Baekhyun tries to find an ounce of pain in his smiles, or a flicker of sadness in his eyes, he doesn’t. They continue calling and skyping and meeting up; sometimes Chanyeol likes to surprise Baekhyun during his break, showing up at the door with the ridiculous smile on his face, just to tell him a corny joke.
(Baekhyun’s laughs are never forced, though.)
September.
“I think you should just tell him, Baek.”
Yixing’s phone call wakes him up, so he’s not in the best of moods.
“What?”
“You should tell Chanyeol you like him.”
It feels like someone has just splashed cold water all over him and Baekhyun sits up, completely awake.
“I don’t like Chanyeol. I mean, as a friend, yeah but not like...that.”
“Baek, I’ve known you for a million years-”
“Three years isn’t that long.”
Baekhyun can tell Yixing has narrowed his eyes. “Look. You like him. Just say it to yourself like how you did with Kris.”
“Kris and I broke up and it was very, very bad. Or do you not remember me refusing to move from your couch for almost a week? Also, Chanyeol is straight as a ruler.”
“You’re just a drama queen. Chanyeol isn’t Kris, Baekhyun. Not everyone you get into a relationship with is going to leave you, do you understand? Live a little, Baekhyun! Try it,” Yixing says.
Baekhyun doesn’t respond.
“Also, he’s had dates with guys before.”
“...You just want to hear me say it, don’t you.”
“Glad to know you don’t hang up on people, it’s very rude. You should teach some manners to Zitao. And yes, I do want to hear you say it.”
“...Fine. IlikeChanyeol,” Baekhyun mumbles, trying his best to obscure the last few words.
“What’s that? Sorry I can’t hear you!”
“I like Chanyeol.”
“LOUDER!”
“I LIKE PARK CHANYEOL!”
The words act like adrenaline. Baekhyun feels his heart pounding again, and his palms feel clammy. It’s a realization.
“Oh god. I like Chanyeol,” he whispers to himself.
Yixing hangs up on him but he couldn’t care less.
He likes Chanyeol. He really, really does.
October.
Baekhyun throws his planner away.
He starts talking to Chanyeol until 3AM, and they start meeting up to go to gigs of local bands. He ends up singing for Chanyeol, something he doesn’t recall ever doing for anyone else, even Yixing, and Chanyeol tells him with shining eyes that he loves Baekhyun’s voice.
He takes a day off from work, something he’s nearly never done, and Chanyeol takes him to the local arcade. He’s not particularly good at playing games, but he still likes shouting at Chanyeol that he’s going to kick his ass whenever they switch. Sometimes Chanyeol swears at him when Baekhyun scores a point, and they laugh it off when the mothers of some of the kids in the arcade give them dirty looks.
When they pass by the parlor, Baekhyun catches a glimpse of Luhan fervently kissing his temporary replacement, who looks suspiciously like Minseok, the guitarist of Chanyeol’s favourite band ‘Being Human’. He grins and snaps a picture before Chanyeol yells out Minseok’s name and the two behind the display break apart in alarm.
Baekhyun runs away laughing, with Chanyeol in tow.
(Sometimes, when Baekhyun is brave enough, he jumps on Chanyeol’s back and the latter piggybacks him all the way home. )
November.
Confessions shouldn’t be so nerve-wracking, Baekhyun decides as he stands outside Chanyeol’s apartment door. His nose is a little red from the cold and he blows into his hands before rubbing them together.
There are a million thoughts running through his mind, but it’s now or never; he’s already made up his mind. Chanyeol is definitely home; the same sneakers he wears every time they go out are there, and Baekhyun can see some light spilling out from under the door.
He rings the doorbell.
No more thinking now.
The footsteps grow louder and the door cracks open. Chanyeol’s hair is damp and messy and there’s a towel around his shoulders. He grins.
“Hey Baek! What’s up?”
“I-I um...I wanted to t-talk to you.”
“Oh, sure, come on in. You must be freezing.”
Trust Chanyeol to be dense, Baekhyun decides as he shuffles into the apartment. It’s warm and Baekhyun can smell hot cocoa. He shrugs his jacket off.
It’s weird how he’s never been to Chanyeol’s apartment. He’s only seen it briefly from when they had skyped and Chanyeol had given him a tour, although most of the time Chanyeol would accidentally cover the camera with his thumb and then laugh sheepishly.
It’s cozy, almost the same size as Baekhyun’s, with a rocket red loveseat. There are shelves of action figures in a black display cabinet next to it, and a painting of what looks like a pixelated version of the Mona Lisa.
“Here.” Chanyeol hands him a cup of cocoa once Baekhyun is seated on the couch and Baekhyun smiles in gratitude. He sips it carefully.
“I didn’t know you like cocoa.”
Chanyeol shrugs a little. “It’s nice for a cold day. So what’s up?”
“Well...I wanted to ask you something...” Baekhyun starts carefully, putting his mug on the coffee table.
“Yeah?”
“Well...um...do you..are you..um..”
“Yeah? Yeah?” Chanyeol teases him a little, grinning.
“Um...do you remember when we played Truth or Dare?”
Chanyeol tilts his head from side to side. “Kind of. Why?”
“Do you remember...Yixing’s question.”
“About whether Zitao had kissed a guy before?”
“No! No,” Baekhyun can’t help but laugh. “I mean his question to me.”
“If you..had a crush on anyone?”
Baekhyun can feel himself blushing. “Yeah,” he says, almost sheepishly, catching Chanyeol’s gaze briefly.
“Yeah, I guess. What about it?” Chanyeol is curious.
“I um...I like someone.”
“Oooooooh!” Baekhyun hits him with a pillow. He dodges it.
“Shut up. You’re such a girl.”
“You love me,” Chanyeol grins. Baekhyun wishes his heart would stop trying to leap out of his chest.
“Anyway,” he clears his throat. “I guess...I felt like I had to tell you.”
“No no! We’re not done. You gotta tell me who-”
“I like you.”
It comes out in a rush, but Baekhyun knows Chanyeol hears him clearly enough. He can feel the panic slowly seeping in, accompanied by what he senses is regret, because Chanyeol’s expression becomes unreadable.
“Yeah. I like you,” Baekhyun repeats to no one in particular, biting his lip and looking away. Chanyeol is struggling for the words to say.
“Bye,” Baekhyun blurts out and gets up so fast Chanyeol doesn’t have time to react. He doesn’t care that he leaves his coat and gloves behind, running all the way back.
He thinks he hears Chanyeol calling after him, but he can’t be sure.
December.
Chanyeol stops calling and texting, and Baekhyun deletes his number from his phone even though he has it memorized by heart. He tries his best to avoid passing the record store. It’s a weird feeling, knowing that Chanyeol is inside, somewhere, carrying on just as fine as he always has.
Sometimes Baekhyun thinks he recognizes Chanyeol’s blue and red scarf when he’s walking through a crowd, or the trench coat he used to make fun of, but most of the time it disappears before he thinks about what to do if it really is Chanyeol.
Yixing doesn’t ask him anything, probably out of guilt. Baekhyun doesn’t blame him, though. Yixing wasn’t the one who had made him fall in love with Chanyeol.
They carry on as they always have. Zitao starts dating someone so he only appears from time to time. Luhan gets mixed up with Vanilla and Coconut nowadays, and Minseok works there full time now, too. Baekhyun doesn’t ask if he’s in Being Human.
He also gets a new planner.
There’s a weird looking yellow paper jammed into his mailbox. Baekhyun sighs and pulls it out, thinking it’s probably another one of those advertisements. He’s about to crumple it when he realizes it’s a letter.
Baekhyun,
I’m really sorry my phone died and a bunch of other things so I couldn’t contact you. Do you know how worried I am about you? I’ve tried to see if you’re home a few times but I always get this scary-looking guy with dark hair. I wonder if I’ve got the right address? I really hope you read this letter, Baekhyun.
Baekhyun runs back out into the street.
Baekhyun, the truth is, I like you too. A lot. I’ve liked you for forever, really. You’re a really awesome friend, like the best best best friend I’ve ever had. I don’t tell you this a lot but...I think you’re really cool.
He misses the bus and decides to run all the way.
I’m sorry I’m not good with words. Even though I talk a lot, most of the stuff I say...it’s always embarrassing, right? But I like hearing you laugh, Baek. You have a really pretty smile, you know? I wish you smiled more.
The snow is starting to get thick and his legs are burning but Baekhyun yanks his coat tighter around himself and presses on.
Anyway, Yixing told me about...Kris? I think that’s his name. Please don’t get angry! It’s only because I didn’t know if...if you liked...guys too. But what he did was really selfish. If I knew him I would beat him up. I don’t know how anyone could hurt you like that, Baek. I would never hurt you like that.
Baekhyun runs up the stairs.
I’m rambling again right? Heh. Sorry. I know you hate it when I do that. But I guess...what I’ve really wanted to say, this whole time that I’ve known you is that...
“Chanyeol! Chanyeol, open up!”
The door opens and Chanyeol looks just as dazed as Baekhyun's feels. Baekhyun is panting, beanie slipping off his head from the wind, and his feet ache in his boots but he pushes himself forward and hugs Chanyeol.
“You’re supposed to hug back, idiot,” Baekhyun says, burying his face into Chanyeol’s shirt. The latter chuckles softly, putting an arm around Baekhyun’s small frame. His other hand slips under Baekhyun’s chin and tilts his head up to look at him. Baekhyun’s eyes are brimming with tears.
Chanyeol kisses him as the door clicks shut and the letter in Baekhyun’s hands flutters to the ground.
I love you, Byun Baekhyun.
===
A/N: /screams because I actually really hate angst but wrote it for ~*reasons*~/ hmph anyway thank you to min and clare 언니 for helping me proofread (and I am sorry for any emotional damage caused hur), and well yeah I was like thiiis close to ending it 'badly', you know. thiiis close. also, the title comes from the fact that time is linear and yeah, months. it's 3AM people, I'm not coherent.
baekhyun has a habit of predicting the future, and then chanyeol happens.
word count: 4.2k
Baekhyun’s quite sure he should stop planning things.
There’s nothing wrong with being organized, of course, but when you plan how your day is going to work out, how conversations are going to go, how people are going to react, disappointment is inevitable.
It’s disappointing when Kris doesn’t show up for the first date, and then texts Baekhyun his apology. It’s disappointing when Baekhyun realizes Kris isn’t much of a talker during their first actual date, and would clearly do something else rather than shop. Baekhyun appreciates that Kris is trying to make him happy, but he doesn’t want patronage, and as much as Kris puts up a decent show, Baekhyun is never fooled.
Needless to say, they stop dating after three weeks.
But then again being correct also leads to disappointment too, as much as Baekhyun would like to avoid admitting it. It’s disappointing each time Yixing doesn’t show up for work every alternate Tuesday and Baekhyun’s job gets a lot more difficult, having to work twice as fast for the sudden increase in customers. It’s disappointing when Zitao never replies to his emails or calls, or when he does the statement is always ‘I’m in China’. It’s disappointing every time Luhan gets Raspberry and Cranberry mixed up and Baekhyun has to listen to the customer rant about their dissatisfactions in life, apart from being served the wrong ice cream flavor.
His planner stays tucked in his bag.
January.
“I feel like you should make more friends,” Yixing shrugs, momentarily looking up from his Blackberry. The ice cream shop is thankfully less crowded today, given the heavy rain outside.
No one really likes having ice cream on a freezing cold day.
“I have...enough,” Baekhyun frowns a little at Yixing, who doesn’t notice, of course. They’re not supposed to use their phones when they’re on-duty but no one really cares when the manager is too busy hanging out at the neighbouring Starbucks, talking and flirting with girls over lattes.
The air-conditioner puffs a particularly chilling stream of air at Baekhyun, causing the high-schooler to wrap his arms around himself and take a tiny step back in the minimal space they’re crammed in behind the display.
He wants a latte, too.
“Well, nothing wrong with having more.”
It’s not that Baekhyun is a recluse or anything, but he feels like he already has more than enough. Zitao just has a habit of disappearing, Luhan is too starry-eyed and happy-go-lucky for his own good, and Yixing tends to get locked out of his own apartment. Kris also calls him when he’s incredibly drunk. It’s entertaining...sometimes.
“I don’t have the time to make more friends,” Baekhyun replies, skipping out the part about him being incredibly bad at it. The only person Baekhyun had made the first move with was Kris and well...that had ended well.
“That’s bullshit. You spend most of your time at home on weekends. Weekends, Baek!” Baekhyun reminds himself to start taking mandarin lessons so that he knows when Zitao and Yixing are gossiping about him. Come to think of it, most of the people in his life are Chinese. Interesting.
“Well why don’t you give me some of your friends’ numbers, then,” Baekhyun rolls his eyes, wiping the counter free of a stain that isn’t there. His phone buzzes in his pocket.
“Just texted you.”
February.
Park Chanyeol.
It’s a dreary Saturday afternoon, and Zitao has disappeared again. Baekhyun rolls over, snug under his blanket. The weather doesn’t seem to be letting up anytime soon.
The contact is saved in his phone, but otherwise has been left untouched. Baekhyun has a habit of staring at it when he’s bored, but never musters up the courage to hit the ‘call’ button.
Or should he text?
But what should he say?
Trust Yixing to refuse to give him any details other than they were the same age.
“It’s part of making friends! You learn things about each other!” Yixing had said, a bit too cheerily for Baekhyun’s liking.
He sighs and rests his phone on the pillow, face down. To his surprise, however, he hears a faint voice a few minutes later.
“Hello? Is...anyone there?”
Baekhyun tenses in horror when he realizes that he somehow hit the ‘call’ button by mistake.
“Um...hellooo?”
In Baekhyun’s opinion, any other person would have already hung up by now, but Chanyeol is still there, starting to sound more or less like a parrot, and his persistence somehow intrigues Baekhyun. He takes a deep breath and puts the phone to his ear.
“Um..hi?”
“Oh! Hi!” Baekhyun can hear the smile behind the husky baritone voice. “Sorry I don’t have your number saved in my phone...who are you?”
“Sorry um...Yixing gave me your number and...asked me to call you.” It was a lot less awkward in Baekhyun’s mind.
“Yi...xing..?”
Baekhyun panics for a moment. Maybe Yixing gave him the wrong number or something...
“Oh! You mean Lay-hyung. Okay, cool, he said that someone would call me sooner or later.”
Baekhyun pauses for a moment to take in the stupid name. He really needs to teach Yixing about pseudonyms.
“So what’s your name?” Chanyeol continues, clearly unfazed by the silence.
“Baekhyun. Byun Baekhyun.”
“Heh. Bond. James Bond,” Chanyeol mimics, in a ridiculous accent that goes all over the place. Baekhyun laughs.
“Park Chanyeol, at your service.” Baekhyun thinks Chanyeol is the kind of person who would do a stupid bow with a greeting like that.
March.
The first thing that surprises Baekhyun is Chanyeol’s height. Chanyeol is tall, though not as tall as Kris, who towered over Baekhyun like a skyscraper, but tall enough. Baekhyun finds himself thinking that Chanyeol is the perfect height for hugging and immediately slaps himself mentally for it.
The second thing that surprises Baekhyun is that he’s also really good-looking, in Baekhyun’s opinion, with perfectly tousled dark brown hair and almond-shaped eyes. Baekhyun wonders how such a face and voice match.
The third thing that surprises Baekhyun is Chanyeol hugging him when they first meet face-to-face. He finds himself being lifted off the ground a little but it’s no less comforting. Baekhyun doesn’t normally hug people, but with Chanyeol it comes almost naturally, like they’ve known each other for years. Chanyeol grins like a Cheshire cat and talks almost as fast as a beat-boxer, but not at a speed that Baekhyun finds incomprehensible.
It’s almost funny how fast they had clicked in the previous month, phone call after phone call. Chanyeol always has an interesting story about his day, and Baekhyun likes how Chanyeol always laughs at his lame jokes, loud but never insincere. Turns out that Chanyeol works at the record store a few blocks down from the ice cream parlor, and Baekhyun had commented that it’s amazing how he’s never spotted a lanky, clumsy and obscenely tall lunatic working there during his previous trips to pick up CDs.
Chanyeol’s laugh quickly becomes one of Baekhyun’s favourite sounds.
The first time they had skyped had been incredibly awkward, as with most of Baekhyun’s skype calls. Chanyeol’s screen constantly froze up at random, and Baekhyun would laugh at the ridiculous expressions. Eventually Chanyeol started making monkeys faces at the camera on purpose and Baekhyun would wrinkle his nose at him despite the smile on his face. Needless to say, the bad connection caused most of their communication to end up in the chat box, and Baekhyun was somewhat disappointed since the whole point of Skype is to be able to talk face-to-face.
(Also, he really likes Chanyeol’s voice, no matter how much he complains about it.)
April.
The odd nature of their friendship takes its toll on Baekhyun, sometimes.
When he’s alone, Baekhyun goes back to calculating. The weeks, the months, the days, because as entertaining as Chanyeol is, Baekhyun has never been wrong about him. Chanyeol might be an open book, but as each page turns Baekhyun finds himself hanging on every word, looking for a meaning between the lines, or a footnote, wanting Chanyeol to prove him wrong.
Chanyeol is nice, one of the nicest people Baekhyun knows. Maybe even the nicest, he dares to think at times. Chanyeol is fun, Chanyeol is daring, Chanyeol is all the things Baekhyun hides because he prefers to quietly get by, and Chanyeol doesn’t care what people think. Chanyeol likes his head up in the clouds while Baekhyun has buried himself six feet under. Chanyeol is all the things Baekhyun isn’t, and it is because of this that Baekhyun is sure Chanyeol will get bored of him, sooner or later.
When his thoughts become monsters, Baekhyun sometimes has nightmares. Chanyeol leaving him, Chanyeol ignoring him, Chanyeol forgetting. The scariest one, Baekhyun thinks, is the one where Chanyeol turns out to be an incredibly good actor, and Baekhyun is stuck in the illusion.
Still, they continue meeting up when they can, Chanyeol being the one to initiate it more often than not.
May.
Zitao appears again and stays, thankfully. Apparently he had gotten into a fight with his parents and had packed up as much as he could before leaving. Chanyeol comes over with Yixing, bringing soju and a foreign film, not like anyone actually pays attention to it once Yixing suggests they play Truth or Dare, much to Baekhyun’s dismay.
Yixing is probably going to ask him if he has a crush on someone, anyway.
“Baekhyun!”
“Truth.” It’s automatic, because most of Yixing’s dares involve tongues and Baekhyun would never like to go down that road.
“Do you like anyone?”
It’s probably the soju, but Baekhyun forgets to prepare a reply, like how he always does. He glances momentarily at Chanyeol, who looks back at him expectantly, and then looks at Zitao to pretend it was just a fleeting glance.
“No...not really.”
He instantly regrets the last part, because Yixing grins and Baekhyun knows he sees something that Baekhyun has been trying to push out of his mind entirely. To Baekhyun’s surprise, however, Yixing doesn’t say anything more.
“Your turn, Zitao.”
Baekhyun finds himself watching Chanyeol for the rest of the evening.
June.
“The idea was to make a friend. Not to start a romance.”
Baekhyun has a habit of talking to himself when he’s alone. It helps him think better, like how Charlotte from Charlotte’s Web likes to hang upside down.
He had distanced himself from Chanyeol just a little in the recent weeks. He needs the sleep, anyway, since they normally talk until 2AM in the morning about the most random things.
Their friendship will go downhill soon, Baekhyun thinks. He’s not anticipating it, of course, but to Baekhyun these kinds of things are inevitable. All things end, particularly things with strange beginnings. Baekhyun has never asked Yixing what he told Chanyeol exactly when he told Chanyeol he had given him his number, but then again he’s not sure if he wants to.
“Don’t overthink this, Baekhyun, don’t be stupid.”
Nowadays, the thoughts of Chanyeol come with romance. Baekhyun finds himself wondering what he would do if Chanyeol told him he liked him, more than a friend, or kissed him one day out of the blue, or if he hugged him longer and tighter than usual. Sometimes Baekhyun finds himself wanting to sit closer to Chanyeol, to reach out just a little more and hold his hand, and everything else makes his heart beat faster.
It’s bad, he decides, because he’s quite sure that Chanyeol wants nothing more than a friendship, and he feels selfish at the end of the day for thinking of Chanyeol in a way that will never come true.
(He still hopes, though.)
July.
The cracks start showing when Chanyeol shows up at his door, drenched from the rain. He pulls Baekhyun into a wordless hug, almost crushing him against his chest but Baekhyun doesn’t mind. He finds himself stroking Chanyeol’s hair soothingly before the boy pulls away, and Baekhyun sees his bloodshot eyes. Chanyeol has been crying.
Baekhyun manages to find some of Kris’ old things that he never gave back, and he gives them to Chanyeol to change into.
“I...broke up with my girlfriend.”
Chanyeol’s voice is a mere whisper, and it breaks Baekhyun’s heart when Chanyeol can’t meet his eyes. They’re seated on the couch, Chanyeol has his knees to his chest and Baekhyun is holding a pillow, but they’re not touching each other.
The first thing that comes is anger. Chanyeol had never mentioned a girlfriend previously, and Baekhyun can’t help but clench his jaw slightly. As much as it is Chanyeol’s right to keep certain things to himself, Baekhyun tells Chanyeol everything, and the feeling of being betrayed makes itself evident around the edges of his reply.
“Oh...you..had a girlfriend?”
Chanyeol seems to glance at him, Baekhyun sees from the faint reflection in the TV. He swallows down as much pain as he can.
“Yeah. For a year. She cheated on me.” Baekhyun has never heard Chanyeol so emotionless before.
“I’m sorry,” he says, but it’s as insipid as he feels.
They lapse into silence. It’s not comfortable, or awkward, it’s just silence.
Baekhyun wonders how much more time they have left.
August.
Sometimes, Baekhyun would like them to fight. There’s a tension between them they never address, sometimes small but always there. In the weeks after Chanyeol had showed up at his apartment, Baekhyun wonders if he should pull the plug, say sorry and then leave altogether.
Chanyeol shouldn’t have to be friends with him.
But Chanyeol goes back to normal, and as much as Baekhyun tries to find an ounce of pain in his smiles, or a flicker of sadness in his eyes, he doesn’t. They continue calling and skyping and meeting up; sometimes Chanyeol likes to surprise Baekhyun during his break, showing up at the door with the ridiculous smile on his face, just to tell him a corny joke.
(Baekhyun’s laughs are never forced, though.)
September.
“I think you should just tell him, Baek.”
Yixing’s phone call wakes him up, so he’s not in the best of moods.
“What?”
“You should tell Chanyeol you like him.”
It feels like someone has just splashed cold water all over him and Baekhyun sits up, completely awake.
“I don’t like Chanyeol. I mean, as a friend, yeah but not like...that.”
“Baek, I’ve known you for a million years-”
“Three years isn’t that long.”
Baekhyun can tell Yixing has narrowed his eyes. “Look. You like him. Just say it to yourself like how you did with Kris.”
“Kris and I broke up and it was very, very bad. Or do you not remember me refusing to move from your couch for almost a week? Also, Chanyeol is straight as a ruler.”
“You’re just a drama queen. Chanyeol isn’t Kris, Baekhyun. Not everyone you get into a relationship with is going to leave you, do you understand? Live a little, Baekhyun! Try it,” Yixing says.
Baekhyun doesn’t respond.
“Also, he’s had dates with guys before.”
“...You just want to hear me say it, don’t you.”
“Glad to know you don’t hang up on people, it’s very rude. You should teach some manners to Zitao. And yes, I do want to hear you say it.”
“...Fine. IlikeChanyeol,” Baekhyun mumbles, trying his best to obscure the last few words.
“What’s that? Sorry I can’t hear you!”
“I like Chanyeol.”
“LOUDER!”
“I LIKE PARK CHANYEOL!”
The words act like adrenaline. Baekhyun feels his heart pounding again, and his palms feel clammy. It’s a realization.
“Oh god. I like Chanyeol,” he whispers to himself.
Yixing hangs up on him but he couldn’t care less.
He likes Chanyeol. He really, really does.
October.
Baekhyun throws his planner away.
He starts talking to Chanyeol until 3AM, and they start meeting up to go to gigs of local bands. He ends up singing for Chanyeol, something he doesn’t recall ever doing for anyone else, even Yixing, and Chanyeol tells him with shining eyes that he loves Baekhyun’s voice.
He takes a day off from work, something he’s nearly never done, and Chanyeol takes him to the local arcade. He’s not particularly good at playing games, but he still likes shouting at Chanyeol that he’s going to kick his ass whenever they switch. Sometimes Chanyeol swears at him when Baekhyun scores a point, and they laugh it off when the mothers of some of the kids in the arcade give them dirty looks.
When they pass by the parlor, Baekhyun catches a glimpse of Luhan fervently kissing his temporary replacement, who looks suspiciously like Minseok, the guitarist of Chanyeol’s favourite band ‘Being Human’. He grins and snaps a picture before Chanyeol yells out Minseok’s name and the two behind the display break apart in alarm.
Baekhyun runs away laughing, with Chanyeol in tow.
(Sometimes, when Baekhyun is brave enough, he jumps on Chanyeol’s back and the latter piggybacks him all the way home. )
November.
Confessions shouldn’t be so nerve-wracking, Baekhyun decides as he stands outside Chanyeol’s apartment door. His nose is a little red from the cold and he blows into his hands before rubbing them together.
There are a million thoughts running through his mind, but it’s now or never; he’s already made up his mind. Chanyeol is definitely home; the same sneakers he wears every time they go out are there, and Baekhyun can see some light spilling out from under the door.
He rings the doorbell.
No more thinking now.
The footsteps grow louder and the door cracks open. Chanyeol’s hair is damp and messy and there’s a towel around his shoulders. He grins.
“Hey Baek! What’s up?”
“I-I um...I wanted to t-talk to you.”
“Oh, sure, come on in. You must be freezing.”
Trust Chanyeol to be dense, Baekhyun decides as he shuffles into the apartment. It’s warm and Baekhyun can smell hot cocoa. He shrugs his jacket off.
It’s weird how he’s never been to Chanyeol’s apartment. He’s only seen it briefly from when they had skyped and Chanyeol had given him a tour, although most of the time Chanyeol would accidentally cover the camera with his thumb and then laugh sheepishly.
It’s cozy, almost the same size as Baekhyun’s, with a rocket red loveseat. There are shelves of action figures in a black display cabinet next to it, and a painting of what looks like a pixelated version of the Mona Lisa.
“Here.” Chanyeol hands him a cup of cocoa once Baekhyun is seated on the couch and Baekhyun smiles in gratitude. He sips it carefully.
“I didn’t know you like cocoa.”
Chanyeol shrugs a little. “It’s nice for a cold day. So what’s up?”
“Well...I wanted to ask you something...” Baekhyun starts carefully, putting his mug on the coffee table.
“Yeah?”
“Well...um...do you..are you..um..”
“Yeah? Yeah?” Chanyeol teases him a little, grinning.
“Um...do you remember when we played Truth or Dare?”
Chanyeol tilts his head from side to side. “Kind of. Why?”
“Do you remember...Yixing’s question.”
“About whether Zitao had kissed a guy before?”
“No! No,” Baekhyun can’t help but laugh. “I mean his question to me.”
“If you..had a crush on anyone?”
Baekhyun can feel himself blushing. “Yeah,” he says, almost sheepishly, catching Chanyeol’s gaze briefly.
“Yeah, I guess. What about it?” Chanyeol is curious.
“I um...I like someone.”
“Oooooooh!” Baekhyun hits him with a pillow. He dodges it.
“Shut up. You’re such a girl.”
“You love me,” Chanyeol grins. Baekhyun wishes his heart would stop trying to leap out of his chest.
“Anyway,” he clears his throat. “I guess...I felt like I had to tell you.”
“No no! We’re not done. You gotta tell me who-”
“I like you.”
It comes out in a rush, but Baekhyun knows Chanyeol hears him clearly enough. He can feel the panic slowly seeping in, accompanied by what he senses is regret, because Chanyeol’s expression becomes unreadable.
“Yeah. I like you,” Baekhyun repeats to no one in particular, biting his lip and looking away. Chanyeol is struggling for the words to say.
“Bye,” Baekhyun blurts out and gets up so fast Chanyeol doesn’t have time to react. He doesn’t care that he leaves his coat and gloves behind, running all the way back.
He thinks he hears Chanyeol calling after him, but he can’t be sure.
December.
Chanyeol stops calling and texting, and Baekhyun deletes his number from his phone even though he has it memorized by heart. He tries his best to avoid passing the record store. It’s a weird feeling, knowing that Chanyeol is inside, somewhere, carrying on just as fine as he always has.
Sometimes Baekhyun thinks he recognizes Chanyeol’s blue and red scarf when he’s walking through a crowd, or the trench coat he used to make fun of, but most of the time it disappears before he thinks about what to do if it really is Chanyeol.
Yixing doesn’t ask him anything, probably out of guilt. Baekhyun doesn’t blame him, though. Yixing wasn’t the one who had made him fall in love with Chanyeol.
They carry on as they always have. Zitao starts dating someone so he only appears from time to time. Luhan gets mixed up with Vanilla and Coconut nowadays, and Minseok works there full time now, too. Baekhyun doesn’t ask if he’s in Being Human.
He also gets a new planner.
There’s a weird looking yellow paper jammed into his mailbox. Baekhyun sighs and pulls it out, thinking it’s probably another one of those advertisements. He’s about to crumple it when he realizes it’s a letter.
Baekhyun,
I’m really sorry my phone died and a bunch of other things so I couldn’t contact you. Do you know how worried I am about you? I’ve tried to see if you’re home a few times but I always get this scary-looking guy with dark hair. I wonder if I’ve got the right address? I really hope you read this letter, Baekhyun.
Baekhyun runs back out into the street.
Baekhyun, the truth is, I like you too. A lot. I’ve liked you for forever, really. You’re a really awesome friend, like the best best best friend I’ve ever had. I don’t tell you this a lot but...I think you’re really cool.
He misses the bus and decides to run all the way.
I’m sorry I’m not good with words. Even though I talk a lot, most of the stuff I say...it’s always embarrassing, right? But I like hearing you laugh, Baek. You have a really pretty smile, you know? I wish you smiled more.
The snow is starting to get thick and his legs are burning but Baekhyun yanks his coat tighter around himself and presses on.
Anyway, Yixing told me about...Kris? I think that’s his name. Please don’t get angry! It’s only because I didn’t know if...if you liked...guys too. But what he did was really selfish. If I knew him I would beat him up. I don’t know how anyone could hurt you like that, Baek. I would never hurt you like that.
Baekhyun runs up the stairs.
I’m rambling again right? Heh. Sorry. I know you hate it when I do that. But I guess...what I’ve really wanted to say, this whole time that I’ve known you is that...
“Chanyeol! Chanyeol, open up!”
The door opens and Chanyeol looks just as dazed as Baekhyun's feels. Baekhyun is panting, beanie slipping off his head from the wind, and his feet ache in his boots but he pushes himself forward and hugs Chanyeol.
“You’re supposed to hug back, idiot,” Baekhyun says, burying his face into Chanyeol’s shirt. The latter chuckles softly, putting an arm around Baekhyun’s small frame. His other hand slips under Baekhyun’s chin and tilts his head up to look at him. Baekhyun’s eyes are brimming with tears.
Chanyeol kisses him as the door clicks shut and the letter in Baekhyun’s hands flutters to the ground.
I love you, Byun Baekhyun.
===
A/N: /screams because I actually really hate angst but wrote it for ~*reasons*~/ hmph anyway thank you to min and clare 언니 for helping me proofread (and I am sorry for any emotional damage caused hur), and well yeah I was like thiiis close to ending it 'badly', you know. thiiis close. also, the title comes from the fact that time is linear and yeah, months. it's 3AM people, I'm not coherent.