Can you ever really let go?
This is what I wrote to the last three biological family members that I have had contact with.
I just wanted to let you know that I have come out of my depression. This one was really a bad one. I had two separate times that I was suicidal. Guns in the house obviously are a bad situation for someone who is very depressed, but **** changed the combination on the lock so that is good. It is hard to explain how I could be suicidal with a small child. I imagine some people might judge that as selfish, however it is really not anything that I had too much control over. At a certain point the depression just takes over and you don't have much control over your impulses. This is an impulse control problem like any other. I lost a little bit of freedom there for a while, but I stayed safe and that is the important thing.
There is more to the email but you get the gist.
No response...and so typical. I need to stop trying, but for some reason I keep doing it. Keep thinking that someone with my same blood gives a damn. When in reality they don't. Just so you all know I am not depressed. I made it through and I am damn proud of myself. I have put in a lot of therapy hours trying to get through some serious crap in my life. But I was in a dark place...of course I waited until I was no longer depressed to send them an email and still they don't have the decency to respond with a glad you are alright or anything.
I just wanted to let you know that I have come out of my depression. This one was really a bad one. I had two separate times that I was suicidal. Guns in the house obviously are a bad situation for someone who is very depressed, but **** changed the combination on the lock so that is good. It is hard to explain how I could be suicidal with a small child. I imagine some people might judge that as selfish, however it is really not anything that I had too much control over. At a certain point the depression just takes over and you don't have much control over your impulses. This is an impulse control problem like any other. I lost a little bit of freedom there for a while, but I stayed safe and that is the important thing.
There is more to the email but you get the gist.
No response...and so typical. I need to stop trying, but for some reason I keep doing it. Keep thinking that someone with my same blood gives a damn. When in reality they don't. Just so you all know I am not depressed. I made it through and I am damn proud of myself. I have put in a lot of therapy hours trying to get through some serious crap in my life. But I was in a dark place...of course I waited until I was no longer depressed to send them an email and still they don't have the decency to respond with a glad you are alright or anything.