Yes! I know some of my friends have had problems or are having similar problems to what I had with my mom.
Case1: her mom has cancer and her dad is an alcoholic (my mom died from alcoholism). So talking to me about how my mom died is just to damn painful for her - she knew my mom and i think thinking that it could happen to my mom makes it a possibility for both her parents. I understand that that is just too much. She's pushed me away and came back and pushed me away again. I just kinda go with it.
Case2: Her dad had a heart attack almost 5 years ago and died three times on the way to Calgary. He's alright now, but he still eats bad for his heart etc etc...and she's not fond of her mother so she's closer to her Dad...she also knew my mom - same thing goes for her. She could have been put in my position easily 5 years ago. So I understand why its so hard for her too.
A couple other people have had problems but I sat down with them and talked to them about it. I told them I understood if talking about my mom made them uncomfortable...and that I didn't want it to be a weird subject. I told them that I didnt want them to just go silent when I brought up the word mom. I told them that I wasnt going to burst into tears at the word and not to be freaked about it. I just talked to them...and they understood where I stood on the subject and they understood that if I did have a hard time that all I wanted from them was a hug and just silence. I explained that they didn't have to say anything - just hug me and listen and be there... ya know?
And as far as just dropping them when they come running back for help - personally - I dont. But that's just me. I see it as a shortcoming that they dont know how to help me through this - it's no fault of their own that they haven't experienced this - and I wouldn't wish it on anybody. So *shrugs* it doesn't really bother me. I just accept them for who they are - and if that means they cant help me through my mother's death - then so be it. I wont go to them if I'm crying then. Not a big deal. I can still talk them through their problems and have a good time with them.
I know some of my friends have had problems or are having similar problems to what I had with my mom.
Case1: her mom has cancer and her dad is an alcoholic (my mom died from alcoholism). So talking to me about how my mom died is just to damn painful for her - she knew my mom and i think thinking that it could happen to my mom makes it a possibility for both her parents. I understand that that is just too much. She's pushed me away and came back and pushed me away again. I just kinda go with it.
Case2: Her dad had a heart attack almost 5 years ago and died three times on the way to Calgary. He's alright now, but he still eats bad for his heart etc etc...and she's not fond of her mother so she's closer to her Dad...she also knew my mom - same thing goes for her. She could have been put in my position easily 5 years ago. So I understand why its so hard for her too.
A couple other people have had problems but I sat down with them and talked to them about it. I told them I understood if talking about my mom made them uncomfortable...and that I didn't want it to be a weird subject. I told them that I didnt want them to just go silent when I brought up the word mom. I told them that I wasnt going to burst into tears at the word and not to be freaked about it. I just talked to them...and they understood where I stood on the subject and they understood that if I did have a hard time that all I wanted from them was a hug and just silence. I explained that they didn't have to say anything - just hug me and listen and be there... ya know?
And as far as just dropping them when they come running back for help - personally - I dont. But that's just me. I see it as a shortcoming that they dont know how to help me through this - it's no fault of their own that they haven't experienced this - and I wouldn't wish it on anybody. So *shrugs* it doesn't really bother me. I just accept them for who they are - and if that means they cant help me through my mother's death - then so be it. I wont go to them if I'm crying then. Not a big deal. I can still talk them through their problems and have a good time with them.
*shrugs* thats just my view.
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