If every day is supposed to be a war, how am I supposed to find this love that I'm looking for?
My scars feel like they are ripping into me. A cashier at Giant asked me what happened and Scott blurted out, "Tree." I thought to myself, "No tree is that cruel." Only people have the capacity for that kind of cruelty, I am fairly certain. Nothing else, animal, plant, water, earth, or fire's ever hurt me as badly as I've hurt myself or as other people have hurt me. That is, physically speaking.. It might be true as far as emotions as well but I would have to think a little further into it than I am capable of right now.
I'm thinking-however dangerous this may be-about all the boys I ever thought I might spend my life with. There have been a few who I've romanticized that idea with, but it always eventually faded (obviously). I am hoping that doesn't happen in this relationship, but I'm also thinking I don't particularly have to hope. It just won't happen because I won't let it, or if it does, then that's the way things are. And if it isn't okay, then it isn't the end...At the moment, though, things are pretty excellent in that field of life. I enjoyed Junior Banquet, but I kind of want to go to Prom now just for an excuse to actually participate in such an event (i.e., actually dance).
Evidently, a fair number of people are having difficulty accepting that I'm really clean and really sober and all of that. I guess it's understandable to question someone like me, but it makes me question how worth it it is to be clean if no one believes it anyway. I acknowledge the health benefits, but when I get into the worst throws of my moods, those health benefits hardly seem to matter. I'm staying clean anyway...
The drive-in movie at Wootton seems to have been a success. It's time for sleep, so I can actually wake up to see Scott's gardening self tomorrow.
Goodnight, moon.
I'm thinking-however dangerous this may be-about all the boys I ever thought I might spend my life with. There have been a few who I've romanticized that idea with, but it always eventually faded (obviously). I am hoping that doesn't happen in this relationship, but I'm also thinking I don't particularly have to hope. It just won't happen because I won't let it, or if it does, then that's the way things are. And if it isn't okay, then it isn't the end...At the moment, though, things are pretty excellent in that field of life. I enjoyed Junior Banquet, but I kind of want to go to Prom now just for an excuse to actually participate in such an event (i.e., actually dance).
Evidently, a fair number of people are having difficulty accepting that I'm really clean and really sober and all of that. I guess it's understandable to question someone like me, but it makes me question how worth it it is to be clean if no one believes it anyway. I acknowledge the health benefits, but when I get into the worst throws of my moods, those health benefits hardly seem to matter. I'm staying clean anyway...
The drive-in movie at Wootton seems to have been a success. It's time for sleep, so I can actually wake up to see Scott's gardening self tomorrow.
Goodnight, moon.