playing hard - yunjae - 1/2
Title: Playing Hard
Chapter(s): 1/2
Author: sentimentalenvy
Genre: angst, comedy, romance, teeth rotting fluff
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: cliché (you’ve been warned)and language
Pairing: Yunjae, mentioned Yoosu, mentioned past!Jaesu
Disclaimer: I do not own any known characters in this story.
Synopsis: Jaejoong reminisces about his past with Yunho while Yunho tries to master his cooking skills(while planning their special night) in order to impress Jaejoong on their anniversary night. (JJ POV)
Comment(s): Basically playing hard to get Jae in part one so it’s filled with flashbacks. How the hell did they survive four sexless years? Beats me. Harhar. I’m not satisfied with it but I’d still like your 2 cents. So leave a comment? ^^
Btw, in regards to the second part to Paris Nights, it isn’t going to come out for a while. 9 pages worth of words is currently stuck helplessly in my laptop that’s deemed dead atm and I was stupid enough not to back it up. Sorry. TT TT
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A/N: The different colored font in the text are links to either pictures or videos (when JJ is playing the piano, you can click on the link to get a feel/an idea to what he's playing). I've also linked the two elephants (pendant and plush) so remember that if the font is in a different color, it's not only italicized but it links to something. ^^
“AH~! Third year of college and I’ve cleverly packed my schedule with the maximum number of units allowed. Am I a genius or what?”
“So typical of you, Su. Your idea of genius is delusional. Not to mention suicidal,” I chuckled, shaking my head as I balanced my two books in an arm.
Junsu scowled and slapped my arm with the flat surface of his palm. He was always like this, and so I ignored him, and continued bounding my way down the steps in front of the university. Why was my next class located so damn far from Administration?!
“I’m not! Yunho did it and he managed to graduate early. So unfair,” Junsu retorted.
“Yunho’s a freak of nature. He doesn’t count,” I said.
“You mean one genius S.O.B.”
“Same difference.” I shrugged. “Besides, you don’t just sign up for classes and expect to sit back for the rest of the semester. You’re supposed to actually...oh I don’t know? Study and pass?”
“Hey, I’m paranoid, alright?! Besides, you know how smart Yoochunnie is. I don’t want him to graduate ahead of me. How embarrassing would that be for me?” Junsu pouted, stumbling a bit as he walked faster to keep up with me.
“He’s older than you.”
“So?”
“…I need to elaborate further on that? Seriously?”
“My counselor is entirely useless!” He continued to ramble on, ignoring my sarcastic remarks as I knew it was pissing him off. “Do you know how many of those damned appointments I’ve gone through to finally come up with a decent Ed plan? I was lucky Yoochun pointed out her mistakes. Serves her right! She didn’t seem like she even cared!”
“You had Yoochun come with you to your one out of a billion appointments?” I delivered a quick gape at him before rolling my eyes and looking the opposite direction. “We’re university students, Su. You’re not supposed to bring your guardian to a one on one appointment with a counselor.”
“He is not my guardian. He is my boyfriend.”
“Yet you speak of him like he takes responsibility for you,” I responded wearily, clearly not in the mood to argue. “You were saying?”
“Nothin’.” Junsu shrugged. “Because of that bitch, it turns out I have to stay behind for one more semester. You can imagine how pissed off I was. If I take enough classes this year, cram more courses into the winter semester, we may be able to graduate together.”
“Don’t rush yourself, Su.” I stare at him worriedly, and he shrugged it off before he suddenly dragged me off to the side to sit on one of the benches by the Science building. “W-Hey! What are you doing?! Yah! My class is starting soon!”
“Your class doesn’t start in another thirty minutes. You have plenty of time to talk right now,” Junsu snorted, then replaced the frown with that creepy all too eager look on his face. Um...
“What the heck is there to talk about?” I let out a low whine. “If I agreed with you and called you a genius for cramming classes into your schedule, thus digging your own grave, will you leave it at peace and let me go?
“It’s not about that. I’m over it.” Junsu huffed, jumping left foot first onto a bench as he plopped his bubbly butt onto the table. He patted at the vacant spot beside him. “Sit~”
“Ugh.”
I let out a soft sigh, setting my books beside him and dumping my sling bag on top of them, and remained standing so that I was in front of him. If I sat down, I would be conversing with him for freaking ever.
“Why do you always insist on standing? I swear to God, you always insist on being such a busy body. Are you trying to stay fit for your sexy time with hyung?” Junsu grinned cheekily at me, and my fingers twitched as I held myself back from slapping him across the face. I imagined it pretty well though.
“Focus on the topic at hand, Su.”
“This is the topic.”
“You’re telling me you dragged me over here to talk about non existent sex with Yunho? Haven’t you crammed yourself with enough classes? How is it possible that you have all this free time?!” I exclaimed in a huff, slapping my hands at my hips, glaring away in frustration. “Look, when it happens, it'll happens. When it doesn't, it won't. He hasn’t exactly complained-”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. But isn’t it gonna be officially like three-ish years tomorrow? Wouldn’t tomorrow be the official start of your third year? Don’t tell me you’re going to make him wait? You’ve already got him sportin’ em blue nuts. Turn his whole body blue why don’t you? What are you guys going to do anyway?” Junsu asked, the cheeky look on his face not dissipating, as he propped both elbows onto his knees.
“I don’t know. He knows I only have two of my classes tomorrow. Thank god for short days.”
“Don’t tell me he’s going to take another whack at cooking dinner,” Junsu laughed. “Do you remember his struggle with the spaghetti? How hard is it to make noodles? They weren’t even from scratch. Don’t forget the tomato sauce he burnt in the pot. Not to mention the fact that the tomato sauce was from the jar itself,” My dongsaeng continued to cackle, his arms coming up around his stomach as he squeezed his eyes shut.
With a stern pout, I whacked him on the back of the head with my open palm, and smirked in satisfaction when he yelped in protest. How dare he make fun of my Yunho?! Back in high school, yes it was true that he was a genius, but there were some things that he just…wasn’t…quite good at.
“He tries his best. I’ve eaten everything he’s ever made for me.” I fight the blush and a twitching smile at the imagery of Yunho repeatedly begging me for forgiveness, verbal vows of never touching another kitchen appliance again.
“Yeah, how lucky am I? When we were going out, you cooked for me. Yoochun cooks for me all the time. No wonder Min hates me,” Junsu sighed as a beautiful grin followed right after.
“Yet you’ll always be the bubbly bottom.” I smirked at his face dropping as he scowled at me in distaste.
“I should’ve known you were going to play the bottom card. You may have topped me, hyung, but with Yunho, you don’t stand a chance. Consider yourself chained a bottom now. Face it, hyung. You and I are on the same page now.” He frowned, looking away as he leaned back onto the palms of his hands. “A shame really. You’re one hell of a good top.”
“Why are we talking about this again?”
“I’m just surprised is all?” Junsu shrugged. “Think about it. Second year, ladies man in high school, put his playa life on hold for what? Two years for you, wrapped his heart in a white flag, shoved it on a silver platter, which by the way, you shanked mercilessly.”
“You know better than I do that he wasn’t one that could be trusted,” I retorted instantly, feeling the guilt starting to creep up from my stomach. That was the past. I didn’t want to think about what I had put him through. “How was I supposed to know how good his intentions were? Besides, have you forgotten? I was with you the first year. I can’t believe you would even count that! Plus, wouldn’t a good man step off when he knows his object of interest is in a committed relationship with someone else?”
“Oh don’t give me that bullshit. Come on hyung, even you should know that that first year had mutual friends in a relationship based on denial written all over it,” Junsu sighed, and rested his elbows onto his kneecaps as he looked at me, his eyebrows furrowing. “Even hyung knew that. That’s why he decided it was safe to pursue you. No hard feelings on my part.”
Yes, I suppose he was right. I've dated him for two years to find that in the end, there really was a dead end in our love - well I mean I still love him - but in terms of romance? Yeeah, that was as good as dead.
“You led the poor guy on for two years and made him do stupid shit that I personally think was a tad bit harsh on your part,” Junsu chuckled. “Suure you had half the population of the school of girls wanting your head and suuure he may have unintentionally caused hell for you, but come on. That was just plain mean. You admit that right?”
“Yes, and I don’t wish to speak of it again, thank you very much. I’m with him now, so doesn’t that make me nice again?” I asked, making sure Junsu could hear the sarcasm dripping in my choice of tone. “He has forgiven me for that.” I had to look away. From shyness or shame, I didn’t know. It was possibly both.
“Yeah, he did, but for the cost of what?”
Flashback
I had my share of the good and bad, and the memories, still never failed to have my heart clinching and pounding against my chest. I guess I really had been a bit harsh with him back in the day. The first few times he had tried to impress me: with his money, his status, his ability in sports, and in pretty much anything I dared him to do, just to get him off my back. But he always came back, not like a beaten puppy with his tail in between his legs, but a damn big vibrant bear constantly pawing the hell out of me for attention.
I’ve spat every mean word, phrase, comment; I’ve put him down with my snarky remarks, clearly letting him know that I was never going to be interested him if he was the last man on earth. I knew of his fear of needles; the entire school did. Hell, his fandom did anything and everything possible to steer him clear of anything remotely sharp. It amazed me to even see him getting out of Home Economics because he was afraid of needles and sharp objects such as the various sizes of knives and a can opener. Out of sheer amusement and my hatred for him, I had jokingly told him to go get his ears pierced and I recall the look of his face free of blood. He was terrified, I knew it. I could see it.
The following day, he had come to school with both of his ears pierced - 2 piercings on each ear. I don’t know why he thought I’d be impressed since he somehow already knew about my fascination in piercings. And pierced earlobes weren’t considered impressive. At least that’s what I told him. The idiot must have gotten his ears pierced with a regular needle. Wasn’t he rich? I figured he would’ve been smart and take the easy way out by using the earring gun. I told him to stop acting like a fool. Knowing that the piercings were irritating his poor red ears immensely, I told him,
“Stop being stupid. Take them off before your ears swell up like Dumbo.”
And he would shake his head and say,
“You asked me to pierce them. I won’t do it.”
“I didn’t ask you. I didn’t even mean to and I, most certainly, didn’t think you’d be dumb enough to actually do it,” I snorted uncaringly, not bearing to look at the creation I’ve put upon him - those ridiculously red looking ears.
“I’m not taking them off.” Yunho said, standing his ground.
“Suit yourself, stupid.”
Seeing that I couldn’t stand how bad his ears were getting, I ended up slipping the bottle of antiseptic and a plastic bag of wipes into his backpack.
I was so unpleasantly surprised the moment I saw Yunho standing by my teacher in the middle of Home Economics period. Mrs. Kim was overly bubbly with joy when Yunho announced that he was going to be her teacher’s aide for the rest of the fall segment. My eyebrows furrow in confusion because everyone knew Yunho couldn’t cook to save his life. I recall seeing several of his fan girls standing outside in a line by the hallway in case hell broke lose.
And it nearly did.
Yunho even screwed up on a simple task such as skinning the vegetables and fruits. He’d only cut himself a few times with the peeler, and whenever that happened, I’d see him looking at me from the corner of my eye as if he was saying Jaejoong, I cut my finger, what do I do! Of course I’d ignore him, seeing that minor cuts like that was really no big deal, I’d go about my business. Besides, every cut he received had brought him the assistance of three other people with their own personal first aid kits. I rolled my eyes.
A typically
pampered
and spoiled child.
“Go out with me.”
“No.”
“Why?” He pouts, trying to open those tiny eyes as wide they could go.
Of course he always ended up crying, because he had tried so hard, his eyes ended up drying out.
This was almost the repeated routine - over and over again - he would either ask or demand the same thing. And time and time again, I would give him the same monotone answer. We weren’t exactly friends, but there were times that he would need my help. He eventually learned that despite his outer appearance of having everything within the palm of his hand, his pride often became an obstacle. And he would try solving certain situations by himself.
Learning new things about who Yunho was like peeling the never ending layers of an onion. I couldn’t help but become curious with questions about him that were answered before forming once more. Once I found something out about him, another question would come my way, racking my brain, insisting that I find out. I would shoo him away, but at the same time, I would do certain things to make him stay without even realizing it. Indirect things such as slipping him some Pepto-Bismol into his bag when he had a bad stomach ache (due to me daring him in eating his own cooking) or sticking in antiseptic bottles when his ear grew infected (the boy seriously hadn’t the slightest clue about how to take care of piercings...or any holes for that matter).
He teased and poked at me, saying that I was his personal pharmacy store that was opened 24-7 for his care , and it took every nerve in my body not to smile.
It gradually became ridiculous when he caught on, though. It was incredibly annoying when he started to give himself little paper cuts on purpose - not to mention - being careless with the double doors along the school halls. If he really does crush one of his fingers I swear I won’t give a damn! I suppose you could consider that a type of lead on, because Yunho would automatically assume that I had feelings for him.
I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea.
I guess I hadn’t exactly realized it back then, but I was actually falling for him - with much practiced patience and little baby steps.
“So uh...if I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.”
“Well I guess it’s a shame N and O are already next to each other then.”
“... ... ...” Yunho gapes, his broad shoulders falling into a slump, as his index card of written corny lines slip from his fingers and flutter towards the floor.
“Or would you prefer I rearrange F and U? Would you like that?” I smirked, couldn’t help wanting to tease him further.
“You want to fuck?”
...
He always knew what kind of shit to say to tick me off.
“You like me.”
“I don’t think so.”
Oh God, here it comes.
“Please don’t pout and look at me like that Yunho,” I sighed wearily, leaning against the wall as his eyes began to twitch and water. It was clear as day that he was trying to keep them open, and to put and end to his misery, I leaned forward and blew a puff of air into his eyes.
“ARGH!”
“Let’s go on a date.”
“No.”
How many times were we going to have to go through with this? Personally, if I were to be in his shoes, I’d do what I had to do to get the person to like me. But if I were to get shot down every single time, wasn’t it safe to say that I wasn’t going to have a chance? I thought smart people were smart. Yunho ranked first in our school. He is a valedictorian. I figured he’d be smart enough to figure out this sort of common sense. Apparently not. Either that or he’s just plain stubborn.
Idiot.
“Lulu’s Café, 8 PM. Yes or yes?”
“Yunho -”
“We can catch a movie afterwards or take a nice romantic walk along the beach. Or do you prefer the Han River?”
“Yunho.”
“Shall I pick you up then?” He continued to ask, not giving me a chance to answer, nor letting me speak for that matter.
His voice was shaky between intervals and I would have assumed that he was nervous. But the look in his eyes were bright, positive, as if he assumed that I would say yes after a year of saying no. He knew of my official break up with Junsu, but did he have to ask me 40 minutes after I had settled shit out with Su? I mean...didn’t he stop to think that I might have been upset over this separation? He's so ridiculous…
“NO!”
“I’ll see you there then bye!”
I didn’t think he was actually serious. And before you ask anything, yes I ended up nursing him back to health for two weeks because the stupid dumbass was stupid enough to wait out in the cold for me.
“You’re an idiot,” I let out a soft sigh, settling myself onto his bed beside him. “I think you’re better enough to feed yourself your soup.” I reached for the spoon anyway and dipped into the hot fluid. I couldn’t stand seeing that he was like this because of me. I’d told him countless of times to not bother. I mean if he wanted a dinner, he could have at least planned it at home. That way when I didn’t show up he wouldn’t have to get sick...
“You’re so reckless. Come on, get up old man.”
I urged him to sit up, and he reluctantly did so, scooting his way up against his headboard and out of the covers. It was almost as if I was taking care of my nieces and nephews…except Yunho was quite possibly needier than they were. Or he could be doing this on purpose, and knowing Yunho, it was most likely. It somehow brought a warm and pleasant feeling, and I could feel myself getting warmer. I would blame it on the heater in his house or the massive heat from the stove while cooking, but I couldn’t find it in myself to care. I was taking care of him.
“I’m tired,” He sighed after I finished feeding him the bowl of soup.
“Then sleep,” I’d respond in a as a matter of fact tone, placing the dirty utensils back onto the tray. “I’ll get this out of your way so you can rest. I’ll bring your medicine in a bit.” I said, my body tensing as I felt his hand shoot out to gently grip at my shaky wrist.
“Stay with me?”
I don’t know what had come over me but I immediately felt my stomach flutter and my fingers twitching. I was nervous. Why? I could just say no, tell him to stop being a big baby, and leave. I looked away before looking at him again to see his pleading eyes. Letting out a weary sigh, I mutter a soft ‘okay’, making sure I at least sounded reluctant. But in truth, I was trying my hardest not to grin at this needy side of him. Since when was he never needy?
…and besides it was my fault for getting him sick.
“It’s been almost two years.”
“Yep.”
“The year’s coming to an end.”
“I know.”
“You like me yet?”
“Mmm?”
We were both leaning against the wall in the school corridor, casually staring out at the windows in front of us.
“I graduate next week,” He said.
“I know.”
“Are you coming?”
“Of course.”
I think I love him.
No, I...know I do.
I sigh in exhaustion as I finish the last touches of my latest song. Running my fingers along the glossy surface of the keys on my piano, I push my fingers into the keys, playing the beginning of the piece. My ears tingled, and I felt a chill running across my arms, and up into my shoulders at the first sound of the melancholic tune. I hadn’t written any lyrics for this song. I had been been writing it, for Yunho, and I hadn’t realized it until now. A puff of air escapes my nostrils as my heart pounds erratically in my chest. I try my hardest not to smile.
Would he like it?
Tomorrow is the day of his graduation.
Yunho insisted that I go over his speech with him, and time and time again, I’ve told him I was of no use. I wasn’t even a valedictorian myself, yet he sat me down, and I lent him my ears. He had taken my lame suggestions into consideration.
I had a strange feeling…
I’ve never realized how this could possibly be the last time I’d ever got to see him. He would graduate and his father would put a load of pressure on him when it came to take over the family business.
There was never a time in my life when I’d ever be the one to confess to anyone. The whole concept was entirely foreign to me - I didn’t know how to go about actually doing it. After repetitively pacing around my room back and forth, reciting what I was going to say to him, writing different scenarios onto various amounts of index card that ended up in paper balls scattered across the floor.
Alright, it was easy. Why was I over thinking these things? I just had to drag him into the music room after graduation, play the song and confess!
I continued to pace back and forth and it took me a while to find that my hands were trembling and I shook them roughly before clutching at my t-shirt. I couldn’t, for the life of me, figure out why I was so nervous. Yunho’s had a crush on me since I first set foot on campus, right? He made it clear everyday that he had feelings for me. He’d shamelessly spent two years of his high school career trying to woo me.
What the fuck was there to be worried about?!
Everything was going to be fine.
Fine fine fine fine…
“I’m so nervous!”
“You’ll be fine, just relax. You’ve gone over the speech with me countless of times. I think you’ve even managed to dream about it.” I rolled my eyes and patted his shoulder. “I even know it by now. You know where I’m sitting, so if you forget anything, just look over at me and I’ll mouth the words to you,” I chuckled, patting his cheek a couple of times.
“Alright…” He took in a deep breath, for once, looking straight ahead in determination.
“Um…Yunho,” I gulped, my heart suddenly racing in my chest as Yunho looked at me. I suddenly felt intimidated that he was giving me his undivided attention. I mean he always did and it wasn’t new, but this time, the situation was different. My mind was racing back and forth, debating whether or not I should tell him my feelings now before the graduation or after. I had already planned on dragging him away after graduation so we could be alone but then I though maybe if I told him my feelings he would be more confident and forget about his nervousness. Ugh, yes, I was feeling kind of conceited at that moment.
“What’s up?” Yunho’s eyebrows raised in question and I continued to stutter and mumble some incoherent words underneath my breath. “Hah?”
“Let’s meet at the music room at 2 after the ceremony. I have to show you something,” I grinned, the balls of my feet suddenly rocking back and forth in nervousness.
Yes, I had chosen the music room, as I felt more comfortable being in my sanctuary. I remembered when Yunho started dropping by more often; effectively disturbing my peace, but eventually I felt that even without his presence I felt no peace anyway. Ugh, I hated the irony. I hate you, Jung Yunho.
“Eh? Graduation present for me right?” Yunho returned the grin, except his was more perverse. I frowned.
“Kinda. But most definitely not what you have in mind.”
He pouted.
“Alright . I’ll meet you there then.”
We both looked up from the teachers calling for the students to get in their positions and as quickly as I could, I placed a quick air kissed peck on his cheek and made myself invisible amongst the crowd in the hallways, not daring to look back at the look on his face.
As nervous as Yunho was, his speech ran smoothly. The stadium was huge but even with the terrible quality of the microphone, he was heard. Everyone was moved to tears and I couldn’t help but wonder for the future as well. If I confessed to Yunho and we continued to see each other, what would become of us then? He would be off to college and I would be finishing off my last year in high school. We’d date each other for years before we’d start talking about the idea of adopting children, moving in together - wait.
Why the hell was I thinking about these things already?!
Argh, Jaejoong you’re fucking hopeless.
After the ceremony, the crowd swarmed around, the parents eagerly trying to get to their children to take pictures and offer their congratulations. I wanted to give Yunho the time to catch up with his parents while Junsu dragged me over to mingle with Yoochun and his family. I couldn’t help my scan around for Yunho’s figure and it took me a good fifteen minutes until I finally spotted a sight of him, his sister and his parents. His parents seemed so happy while his sister jumped onto his back. I wanted to so badly join in on the celebration but I’ve promised myself that I’d have my chance to offer him my congratulations afterwards.
Junsu kept on nudging at me and that was his given sign that I was being rude. I was about to turn away when I caught a view of a pretty girl dressed nicely along with who seemed to look like to be her parents. I wondered who she could possibly be. Perhaps she was one of his good friends? The thought of her possibly becoming his girlfriend didn’t affect me whatsoever. He hadn’t dated anyone else since he had set his sights on me. At least…that’s what I thought.
Suddenly, Yunho caused some heads to turn as he seemed to be angry, half yelling at his parents about something and shaking his head. His father seemed to panic for a moment before quickly grabbing his son by the arm and leading him off the lawn while everyone else bowed their heads in apology before following.
I saw them heading towards the double doors of the school. Everything seemed to have gone by with me only half conscious of listening to Junsu talking to Yoochun and me while I excused myself and slipped away towards the other side of the school. Quietly creeping my way past the already opened door, I could hear them chattering amongst themselves in the hallway. I picked a secluded area behind the wall and by the bathroom as I perked my nosy ears up to listen.
“I’m awfully sorry for my son’s behavior. Rest assured that he will be at the dinner at 6 PM tonight. You go on ahead. We’ll meet you for lunch after I’ve had a word,” Yunho’s father replied humbly to the girl’s parents. They bowed and excused themselves before heading out the doors and into the lawn.
“Yunho, I don’t know how many times I have to say this. We aren’t going to be here to support you forever. You have responsibilities to accept. You have a company to run in the future. Merging with Jang Industries is already going to benefit us even greater. Don’t you understand how important this is to us? Our family name? Our reputation? Your grandfather has put forth his efforts and fought for this establishment till his very last breath. Don’t you dare throw everything away. You’ve graduated - it’s time for you to become a man. I expect you to at that lunch and the engagement dinner.” With an angry huff, Yunho’s father stormed off down the hall and slammed the double doors open.
His mother offered a few reassuring words along with his sister and they departed, giving Yunho some time to regroup I suppose. I could feel my heart going at it again - it was hammering so hard against my chest I wasn’t sure if Yunho could hear it from where he was standing. As quietly and less shakily as I could, I crushed my back harder against the wall, as if I pressed hard enough I’d disappear into it. I’d hoped it would swallow me whole and pull me into the shroud of nothing.
Why was being in love so hard? I didn’t want to feel anything. If anything, if I wanted to feel anything, I’d rather just feel hate. I hated Yunho for who he was: his status, his importance to people - why couldn’t I just find a great guy who was single and not straight?
With great caution and hesitation, I forced myself to turn my head, and take another peek
to see the blurry vision of the last of Yunho’s back disappearing behind the double doors.
I don’t know what had come over me that afternoon, but I continued to wait around the music room. I chuckled bitterly at myself and shook my head at myself of how ridiculous I had become.
2:45 PM.
I knew where he was.
3:15 PM.
But the stupid, naïve, part of my mind insisted that his love for me was strong enough to overpower his sense of responsibility. Hah! What a joke. I glanced at my music sheets sitting on top of my folder on the hood of the piano accompanied by the little stuffed red elephant I had gotten for him at the thrift store.
“What the hell is this?” I asked curiously, gaping at the pendant in wonder. It was a little outline of an elephant with what seemed to look like diamonds embedded in between.
“It’s an elephant pendant,” Yunho said, carefully fingering the necklace out of the box.
“I’m aware of that, Yunho. What is this for? You’re not expecting me to sleep with you for the piece of thing do you? Cause if that’s the case you can shove this up your ass.”
“Don’t be like that.” Yunho frowned, pouting for a moment before he unclasped the hook. And almost instantly he was behind me, circling the chain around my neck and putting it on me. “It’s a gift.”
“You do know that couples give Valentine gifts to each other because they love each other right?” I asked, making sure I had sounded sarcastic. We weren’t an item. I didn’t see why he was trying to make everyone else think we were. “I can’t accept this, Yunho.” I moved behind my neck to remove it when he grabbed my wrists, stopping me from touching the clasp.
“It’s a symbol of friendship.”
“What?” I let out a soft scoff in amusement and turned around to face him. “What do you mean?”
“Well, you see the diamonds here?” He asked calmly, tracing the diamonds of the elephant on my chest. “I’ll be changing them red when you’re ready to admit that you love me.”
I couldn’t help but burst out laughing, and my stomach hurt even harder as I laughed at his bottom lip protruding. HE. WAS. SO. LAME. I thought there were limits to corny but apparently Yunho IS the bar.
“H-HAHAHA! A-Are you serious?!”
“Yeah!” (T_T!)
“Yunho,” I laughed in gasps, trying to find air in my lungs. “Friendship is one thing I can handle. But I can assure you this elephant isn’t turning red any time soon.”
“Well I’ll wait. Remember, elephants never forget.” He had said in such a serious tone, I was truly intimidated for a moment and paused before answering,
“Well you aren’t one, are you?”
“I’ll wait, Jae. I don’t mind.”
The intense look in his eyes triggered a sharp, jolting pain in my chest, and I had to look anywhere else but him. Clutching at the box tighter in my grasp I shrugged.
“Suit yourself.”
I felt as if the more I stared at it, the more I felt as if it was mocking me - jabbing at my sides with a sharp knife, laughing cruelly of how I had wasted my time indirectly pining for a man I couldn’t ever have. Karma was a real bitch wasn’t it? I’d taken his love for me for granted and God was giving me a taste of my own medicine, except this time, he was taking the man I loved from under my nose.
After two years, I could safely say that I knew Yunho well enough to know that he took his responsibilities dead seriously. If he was going to choose carrying on his family’s legacy over me then that’s what he would do.
I had no right to hate him. He was only taking care of his priorities first hand. There was absolutely nothing wrong with that and I would never willingly stand in the way of that.
Then why the hell was I still waiting around?!
Because the fucking bastard made me fall in love with him that’s what!
Why couldn’t he just leave me alone when I told him to?!
Why couldn’t he just respect my wishes and leave me the fuck alone?!
I couldn’t help the scream tearing from my throat, the room was spacious with only a single piano accompanying it, but I suddenly felt as if the walls were suddenly closing in on me. These feelings were a plague. I felt like there were a trillion leeches sucking the life out of me - but the torment remained.
6:10 PM.
I knew where he was.
Not knowing what came over me, I had stormed over and across the room; fingers clawing at the music sheets in my palms crushed them my hands and fiercely ripped the sheets to shreds. Blurry vision didn’t stop me from destroying the evidence of my feelings, but I knew that it was forever embedded in my mind anyway. I just wanted to ruin something. I wanted to destroy what I could. I cried, my chest aching as I continued to rip through the sheets and finally the folder beneath it. Torn pieces of notes raining down on me didn’t stop me from slamming my fist against the innocent piano - of what was once my comfort, not even playing music can soothe me now - not at this moment.
I still felt suffocated somehow. At the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of something reflecting from the mirror. My hand instinctively flew up to touch the pendant resting ever so peacefully on my chest. My fingers twitched once, and with a quick jerk, I ripped the necklace from my neck, positively feeling the clasp break against the nape of my neck. I felt the cold air hitting the ripped skin, but I didn’t seem to realize when I threw the necklace against the glass, not feeling satisfied until I heard the small crack of the glass.
Why did I bother? I was pushing my body to step out of the music room but my body wouldn’t heed. My mind was constantly fighting with my heart. My heart was insisting that I wait it out till the end, that maybe after his engagement dinner he would run here, as fast as he could, hoping that I would still be here.
I scoffed.
Yeah, sure.
What makes you think you deserve the effort, Jaejoong?
The last day of school, I tried every nerve in my being to avoid Yunho at any cost. That night, he sent me a text, and I didn’t want to think any further upon it. What’s done was done. He was moving on and I was staying behind. That was how life intended it to be and I was going to let karma have her way with me.
[Yunho: Hey, I know you’re probably sleeping right now, but I’m so sorry I couldn’t come today. I’d like to make it up to you. Please? Meet me at the music room before school starts. I want to talk in person.]
My mouth grew dry at the words scrawled across my screen. I didn’t want to do this anymore - how was I supposed to tell him? Separating by text was probably the best and most cowardly way. But I don’t think that after this I’d want to talk or see him anymore. I fear it would be too much for me. After having difficulty swallowing, my trembling fingers ran over the reply button.
[Jaejoong: Can’t. Sorry.]
It didn’t take long until Yunho responded.
[Yunho: Ah! You’re awake! ^^ Come on, I’m really really sorry! T_T. Just..meet me tomorrow and we’ll talk, okay? There’s…there’s something I need to tell you. It’s important.]
I scoffed ,so tempted to reveal what I’d already heard in the afternoon. I needed a clean cut from him and tomorrow was the last day we’d ever see each other - the last day of the school year before he had to go off into the business realm. I wanted to wish him the best of luck. I wanted to tell him of how proud I was of him, to start tackling such complicated tasks at such a young age, wanted to tell him how lucky he was to have a future sought out for him. But if I did, he wouldn’t ever leave me alone.
[Jaejoong: I know. You’re going to tell me you’re engaged. You’re going to take over your family legacy and what else? There’s nothing left for you here. So why don’t you run off to your big world of important people and focus on your priorities like a good son ought to do and stop screwing around. It’s about time you grow up and stop hoping for something that isn’t going to happen. I don’t want to be with you nor do I ever want to see you again.]
Less than a minute later, my phone started vibrating against my desk, startling me from my reverie. My hand automatically reaches out for my phone and I see a ridiculous picture of Yunho and his name flashing on my screen, indicating that he was calling me. I was frustrated and miserable enough. The last thing I wanted was have him listen to me crying about how I hated him for making me feel the way I felt. My thumb traced the pad of my touch screen and with a millisecond of hesitation, I pressed Reject.
He continued to call during the night, until I finally decided to turn off my phone, hoping that I wouldn’t have the chance to see him tomorrow.
I’d managed to avoid Yunho all day, there were times where I’d catch sight of him walking towards my direction or visiting my classrooms. Luckily with the help of his fandom swarming around him everywhere he went, escaping his line of view was a piece of cake. I knew he would probably look for me in the music room, so I waited until at least two hours after school had ended before I headed down the music hall. I figured my things were cleaned out and either thrown out or taken. Gently sliding the door closed behind me, I slowly made my across the empty room, noticing that everything was clean. Not a trace left of last night.
This place belonged to me once more.
Yunho had graduated and he was moving on and that meant that this was my own sanctuary once again. I could play whatever my heart desired without having anyone to breathe down my neck or make over exaggerated comments of how great I was. It was better this way. I loved being alone in the past and that hasn’t changed at all. That’s what I kept telling myself. Hah, now I just needed to believe it.
One my way around the piano, I ran my fingers across the polished surface, noting that the janitor had remembered to polish it clean. I hadn’t brought any music sheets with me, but at that moment, all I wanted to do was play.
Placing my fingers leisurely over the glossy keys, I stared off into the distance for a moment, the cuticles of my fingernails suddenly intriguing. Amazingly, the first song I ended up playing was the first song I played the day Yunho walked in. From then on, he started dropping by often, following me down here, hanging around, sitting either beside me or behind me or just hanging around the room with his eyes closed.
Ivory and Irony was what I called it, and a couple of months later, Yunho had deemed it his favorite song.
After I finished playing Ivory and Irony, my fingers couldn’t seem to stop…
unknowingly, I started playing the song I had written for him. I hadn’t brought my sheets with me, but I was positive that I knew the song by heart. The melody unveiled the emotions in me, how I was truly feeling, and within that moment, I knew what I wanted to call the song.
“Well I’ll wait. Elephants never forget, you know.
…Recall.
I let out a bitter scoff.
I seem to be doing a lot of that lately anyway.
“Is that your new song? It’s beautiful.”
My ears tensed, as did my whole body - I felt the pads of my fingers start to sweat against the keys as I dared myself to look up, knowing well who it was. It was an almost instant reaction to break into a run; the second door was to my right after all. But the rational part of my mind insisted that I stand through this, and see to the end. The least I can do for us was proper closure.
For the first few moments either of us said a word. I continued to sit still in my seat as he nervously wandered his way across the room and stood in front of me.
“What brings you here?” I tried to sound as casual as possible, yet I knew this day wasn’t going to end with peaceful smiles. The Yunho standing in front of me wasn’t the same Yunho that had been pestering me for the last two years. I wasn’t expecting him to be, but I guess I wasn’t mentally prepared for it either.
“You’re seriously asking me that?” Yunho’s soft laughter sounded rather bitter and forced. “I call you and you don’t pick up. I look positively like a fool -spending the whole day running around school asking around for you - looking for you. I figured hey I’ve waited nearly two years for this guy and just when I thought he was beginning to feel something for me, he decides to tell me he doesn’t want to see me again and bail on me - ”
I shot out of my seat, nearly knocking it over as I hear it screech loudly against the wooden floor. A definite cold sneer curled at my lips as I scoffed, looking away before I stared him straight in the eyes.
“You’re not possibly implying it’s my fault, are you? I’ve told you from the very beginning that I would feel absolutely nothing for you. I’ve given you the same answer for nearly two years and that big block head of yours refuses to get the simple fact that I want nothing to do with you. As if talking to a brick wall would’ve given me different results,” I reply, making the sarcasm evident. “Quit bitching and moaning like a wounded puppy and man up. If you loved me you’d respectively leave me the fuck alone. But it doesn’t surprise me that an ‘any other playboy’ like you would seriously get it. You simply refuse to believe it. You people with status and money refuse to take NO for an answer and you all will stop at nothing to get what you want.”
I didn’t want to face him anymore - I could feel my stern face weakening and I knew I could only hold out for so long. Deep down I really wasn’t blaming him for anything. He had responsibilities. I understood that. I was the child that couldn’t handle the reality - I was the one that refused to take no for an answer. I didn’t want him to go. I didn’t want him to marry his fiancé. I just wanted him to be mine but I had no great future, nothing that I could offer him would benefit him in any way - let alone his parents. They wouldn’t ever accept me.
I made a move across the room to leave, but Yunho had grabbed at my arm, pulling me back none too gently as he asked angrily,
“Is that what you think?!” Yunho suddenly yelled, his voice booming off the walls, and I had to cringe at his grip tightening around my arm.
“Yah! You let go of me right now!” I yelled back, pushing at his chest as hard as I could with my free arm, but he had managed to catch that as well. “You people make me sick!”
“You aren’t that more of an angel either,” He seethed, his grips on both of my arms tightening, but I had refused to back down. I wasn’t going to be treated like this. I didn’t deserve it! “I tell you I love you nearly everyday and I mean the things I say. I’ve given you my heart and soul and you crush it with your bare hands, not giving a damn!”
“Well tough - luck!” I snarled pushing against his grip and pulling back. Screw closures. I didn’t want to deal with any of this anymore. Seeing the look on his face - the pain -I couldn’t. “The world isn’t sugar coated, Jung Yunho. You get your heart broken and you fucking move on!”
“You feel something for me, Jaejoong. I know you do,” he pushed on, and the more I struggled, the easier my control slipped from me.
“Stop! Yunho, just forget it okay?!” I cried, looking elsewhere.
Please please please…
Everything seemed to happen too quickly when I found myself crushed onto my back against the floor with Yunho on top, and I heard him hit his knees harshly against the floor. Before I could ask if he was alright, he pressed my hands down to the ground and leaned forward to push his mouth against me.
My glossy eyes shot open in surprise and I stayed still for a good moment, the fact that he was kissing me still trying to process through my mind. These two years he had done nothing to hurt me, he hadn’t ever touched me in any inappropriate way and here he was kissing me -
My heart lifted at the feel of his soft lips against mine, his kiss was gentle, careful, passionate, and he gradually coaxed me into tilting my head up and opening my mouth, letting him take control of the kiss. My fingers slid into his hair, pulling his face closer as I crushed his mouth further against mine, indulging myself in the pleasure I had fought so hard against. I’d told myself I wasn’t going to walk down that path but - I let him have his way for a few moments before I started to get to thinking again, twitching at the feel of his hand cupping at my neck - holding me in place. I tried to turn away, giving us a moment to talk, but he’d catch my mouth, effectively swallowing my moans.
Pulling his head back with my hands, I took the opportunity for the both of us to catch our breaths as I kept on muttering that I couldn’t.
“Why not?” He asked, breathlessly, stroking my cheek with the back of his hand. “You feel the same. Why are you insist on making things complicated when it isn’t?”
I pushed him off me and sat up, not wanting to see his confused expression when I did. I wanted to know how he knew - minus what had happened a few seconds ago.
“You have priorities -”
“Nothing I can’t handle,” He interjected. “I…I didn’t know you’d heard. I wanted to tell you about it…and say that if you were going to be serious with me, I’d quit.”
“Now you’re just being plain stupid,” I snorted. “Are you crazy?” I shot him an icy glare, not believing what I’m hearing. “You would rather give up something so important over a measly crush? You must be out of your mind.”
“It isn’t a mere crush, Jaejoong!” Yunho shot back, his nostrils flaring and I immediately stopped talking, due to the fact that he could get quite frightening when he was angry.
He rummaged in his uniform coat, and I glanced over in curiosity, and my eyes doubled in size at the sight of the little red elephant and the pendant in his hand.
“This was for me, wasn’t it?” He asked, softly.
I didn’t respond.
“You’ve given me a red elephant.”
“Yes, I know that,” I responded bitterly, now feeling uncomfortable. “What makes you think there’s any more to it?”
“Because there is,” Yunho said, tracing his fingers over the shimmering diamonds tracing the elephant. Do I have to change these red?”
“I’ve never made it official, so no.” I huffed, making a move to snatch the pendant from his hand. Yunho closed his hand around both objects and jerked away, grinning at me with a raised eyebrow.
“You’ve abandoned this necklace knowing that the janitor may have thrown it away or kept it to himself.”
“So?”
“You still want it?”
“I - of course I do! I can sell it for thousands!” I lied, reaching over him to grab it once more. Yunho’s free arm wound its way around my waist and jerked me closer until I was resting slack against his body. And I couldn’t deny the fact that I loved this. I loved this feeling of being close to him and the feel of his hand cupping at my waist, holding me to him.
I wanted this.
There was no doubt about it.
“I want it, Yunho,” I sniffed, my words dropping down to a murmur.
“Why?” He whispered, just as lowly.
I knew he wanted me to say those words - affirmation of my suspected love for him.
“You’re really going to stop at nothing until I say it, huh?”
“Pretty much.” He smiled cheekily at me and I couldn’t help but scoot closer, taking a deep breath.
“…Alright.”
“…?”
“I want that elephant because…you gave it to me.”
“Uh huh. And?”
“Iloveyou?” I asked quickly, knowing that that simple word probably didn’t sound coherent. A part of me was hoping that Yunho’s ears were sensitive enough to pick it up. I didn’t want to say it again. I felt embarrassed.
“Mn, you sounded unsure,” Yunho mused, furrowing his eyebrows. “Say it again. I’m not sure I heard quite right.”
“I love you, stupid.” I said it again, loud and clear, grabbing his face with one hand before pulling him closer for a kiss. Getting him in the mood surprisingly wasn’t hard and I smiled slyly against his lips as I cleverly slipped my hand in his, taking back what was rightfully mine.
Flashback ends
“Earth to Jaejooongie?” Junsu sung out, waving his hands in front of my face. “Hey, you’ve been spacing out for a bit. Are you okay? I didn’t mean to bum you out about the past I mean what’s done is done right?” He asked worriedly, hopping off the table and putting a hand on my shoulder.
“N-No, Su. It’s okay. I was just uh…” I turned around, scratching at the back of my head nervously.
“Reminiscing?” Junsu finished my sentence, smiling happily as his eyes trailed down my neck to my necklace. “Hey. Since when did you get a new pendant? Yunho’s spoiling you a bit much isn’t he?”
“Huh?”
I quickly felt at my necklace, making sure I had the elephant on. The thought of losing it had my heart racing in paranoia. Yunho would probably forgive me but I knew I wouldn’t.
“That necklace. It used to be regular diamonds and now it's red. What happened to the first one?”
OHH…
“This is the same necklace, Su,” I laughed. “I’ve had it for quite a while already. Yunho had the diamonds replaced with red ones. Two years to be exact - have you not noticed?” I asked curiously, couldn’t help containing my laughter. “Long story. I’ll tell it to you when I have time. I’ve got to get to class. Then I’m going back home. Yunho’s waiting up for me. Says something about wanting me to go grocery shopping with him. Whatever he’s planning. “ I shrugged and reached over to put on my bag and my books. “See ya~”
“Y-Yah! I want details! DETAILS!” Junsu shouted after me as I practically sped walked up the stairs and away from the table with a giddy smile on my face.
I hadn’t been able to concentrate in class at all. After all that reminiscing crap I wanted nothing but to see Yunho. Ugh, stupid Junsu! As soon as class was over, I bounded over to my car, chucked my books and bag into the front seat and started my way home. As excited as I was to see him, I wasn’t too thrilled with the idea of him cooking. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciated the effort but groceries were expensive enough as it is!
The day Yunho cut all ties with his family was when he had to start off on the same block as I did. I didn’t mean to sound like an asshole but I liked that we were the same. I didn’t have to worry about him shamelessly spending money and I didn’t have to worry about impressing him with my lifestyle. We were living together but I was incredibly strict when it came to handling our budget.
By the time I arrived home, I pushed the door open, announced that I was home, and immediately flipped out when I saw Yunho’s head poking out from the kitchen.
“Welcome home baby!”
Mother fucking hell!
My sneakers practically flew off my feet as did my books and bag when I rushed into the kitchen, expecting to see ingredients flying all over the place.
“Yunho! Don’t - eh?”
My eyes skimmed the area, and my eyes widened in confusion as I paced around the kitchen, flipping things around to see if any damage had been made. There was no sauce smeared across the cabinets nor where there egg shells and yolk all over the counter. Chaos wasn’t present and Yunho was in the kitchen. Something was up. Or maybe he wanted to come in here to have a drink or something. God forbid if he even tries to make himself a pack of instant ramyun. If he still hadn’t mastered that, I would have to kick him in the family jewels.
“The heck’s up with you?” I heard Yunho asking me curiously, staring at me as if I’ve gone mad. I’m seriously not, but if past experiences with Yunho have ever taught me anything, it was to never trust him within the vicinity of any kitchen. If he burned down this apartment we’d have nowhere else to live.
“Nothing. It’s just that I thought you’d be cooking again or…something,” I mumble, my eyebrow twitching in annoyance as I saw the perfectly made sandwich Yunho had prepared for himself on a plate. I wanted to smash my fist into the sandwich because I could’ve sworn I heard it mocking me singing Look! Yunho made me all by himself with no incidents! Aren’t you proud?
Oh God, what am I doing? Imagining myself having conversations with a fucking sandwich?
“Ah, I see how it is. You don’t trust me,” Yunho snorted, walking around me and jerking the fridge open to fish out a bottle of water.
“N-Noo, I’m sorry Yunho, you’re free to make your own sandwiches it’s just - you - I can’t help it!” My arms flail helplessly at my sides while Yunho continued to pull the chair open and stare at his sandwich grumpily. “Yuuniee~?” I shuffle behind him, wrapping both of my arms around his shoulder and shook us from side to side. “Forgive me please?”
“You’re just relieved because I made a sandwich in one piece.” He frowned, grabbing at his water and uncapping it, still seemingly moody.
“I’m sorry!” I whined softly, pressing a lingering kiss against the nape of his neck. “You can’t stay mad at me for long. You might as well accept my apology so we can do other things.”
I wasn’t getting much of a response from him, besides the slight twitch in his neck. Determined to get him in a playful mood again; one of my hangs lingering at his chest while its partner slid down his long body to cup into the front of his jeans. Yunho let out a low moan, immediately turning his head to the side to kiss me hard.
Mmn and that’s how it’s done.
“Ugh, fuck it.”
Yunho stood from his chair and before I knew it, I found myself lifted off the ground and into his arms, then carried away past the living room and towards our bedroom. I laughed, shifting around in his arms, trying to remind him that we had errands to run before the shops closed, but Yunho paid no heed.
“Didn’t you want to go grocery shopping?”
“Later.”
“Weren’t you supposed to pick up something for Yoochun?!”
“Later.”
“But I have to drop off the Chemistry book I borrowed from Junsu!”
“I SAID LATER!!”
Chapter(s): 1/2
Author: sentimentalenvy
Genre: angst, comedy, romance, teeth rotting fluff
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: cliché (you’ve been warned)and language
Pairing: Yunjae, mentioned Yoosu, mentioned past!Jaesu
Disclaimer: I do not own any known characters in this story.
Synopsis: Jaejoong reminisces about his past with Yunho while Yunho tries to master his cooking skills(while planning their special night) in order to impress Jaejoong on their anniversary night. (JJ POV)
Comment(s): Basically playing hard to get Jae in part one so it’s filled with flashbacks. How the hell did they survive four sexless years? Beats me. Harhar. I’m not satisfied with it but I’d still like your 2 cents. So leave a comment? ^^
Btw, in regards to the second part to Paris Nights, it isn’t going to come out for a while. 9 pages worth of words is currently stuck helplessly in my laptop that’s deemed dead atm and I was stupid enough not to back it up. Sorry. TT TT
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A/N: The different colored font in the text are links to either pictures or videos (when JJ is playing the piano, you can click on the link to get a feel/an idea to what he's playing). I've also linked the two elephants (pendant and plush) so remember that if the font is in a different color, it's not only italicized but it links to something. ^^
“AH~! Third year of college and I’ve cleverly packed my schedule with the maximum number of units allowed. Am I a genius or what?”
“So typical of you, Su. Your idea of genius is delusional. Not to mention suicidal,” I chuckled, shaking my head as I balanced my two books in an arm.
Junsu scowled and slapped my arm with the flat surface of his palm. He was always like this, and so I ignored him, and continued bounding my way down the steps in front of the university. Why was my next class located so damn far from Administration?!
“I’m not! Yunho did it and he managed to graduate early. So unfair,” Junsu retorted.
“Yunho’s a freak of nature. He doesn’t count,” I said.
“You mean one genius S.O.B.”
“Same difference.” I shrugged. “Besides, you don’t just sign up for classes and expect to sit back for the rest of the semester. You’re supposed to actually...oh I don’t know? Study and pass?”
“Hey, I’m paranoid, alright?! Besides, you know how smart Yoochunnie is. I don’t want him to graduate ahead of me. How embarrassing would that be for me?” Junsu pouted, stumbling a bit as he walked faster to keep up with me.
“He’s older than you.”
“So?”
“…I need to elaborate further on that? Seriously?”
“My counselor is entirely useless!” He continued to ramble on, ignoring my sarcastic remarks as I knew it was pissing him off. “Do you know how many of those damned appointments I’ve gone through to finally come up with a decent Ed plan? I was lucky Yoochun pointed out her mistakes. Serves her right! She didn’t seem like she even cared!”
“You had Yoochun come with you to your one out of a billion appointments?” I delivered a quick gape at him before rolling my eyes and looking the opposite direction. “We’re university students, Su. You’re not supposed to bring your guardian to a one on one appointment with a counselor.”
“He is not my guardian. He is my boyfriend.”
“Yet you speak of him like he takes responsibility for you,” I responded wearily, clearly not in the mood to argue. “You were saying?”
“Nothin’.” Junsu shrugged. “Because of that bitch, it turns out I have to stay behind for one more semester. You can imagine how pissed off I was. If I take enough classes this year, cram more courses into the winter semester, we may be able to graduate together.”
“Don’t rush yourself, Su.” I stare at him worriedly, and he shrugged it off before he suddenly dragged me off to the side to sit on one of the benches by the Science building. “W-Hey! What are you doing?! Yah! My class is starting soon!”
“Your class doesn’t start in another thirty minutes. You have plenty of time to talk right now,” Junsu snorted, then replaced the frown with that creepy all too eager look on his face. Um...
“What the heck is there to talk about?” I let out a low whine. “If I agreed with you and called you a genius for cramming classes into your schedule, thus digging your own grave, will you leave it at peace and let me go?
“It’s not about that. I’m over it.” Junsu huffed, jumping left foot first onto a bench as he plopped his bubbly butt onto the table. He patted at the vacant spot beside him. “Sit~”
“Ugh.”
I let out a soft sigh, setting my books beside him and dumping my sling bag on top of them, and remained standing so that I was in front of him. If I sat down, I would be conversing with him for freaking ever.
“Why do you always insist on standing? I swear to God, you always insist on being such a busy body. Are you trying to stay fit for your sexy time with hyung?” Junsu grinned cheekily at me, and my fingers twitched as I held myself back from slapping him across the face. I imagined it pretty well though.
“Focus on the topic at hand, Su.”
“This is the topic.”
“You’re telling me you dragged me over here to talk about non existent sex with Yunho? Haven’t you crammed yourself with enough classes? How is it possible that you have all this free time?!” I exclaimed in a huff, slapping my hands at my hips, glaring away in frustration. “Look, when it happens, it'll happens. When it doesn't, it won't. He hasn’t exactly complained-”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. But isn’t it gonna be officially like three-ish years tomorrow? Wouldn’t tomorrow be the official start of your third year? Don’t tell me you’re going to make him wait? You’ve already got him sportin’ em blue nuts. Turn his whole body blue why don’t you? What are you guys going to do anyway?” Junsu asked, the cheeky look on his face not dissipating, as he propped both elbows onto his knees.
“I don’t know. He knows I only have two of my classes tomorrow. Thank god for short days.”
“Don’t tell me he’s going to take another whack at cooking dinner,” Junsu laughed. “Do you remember his struggle with the spaghetti? How hard is it to make noodles? They weren’t even from scratch. Don’t forget the tomato sauce he burnt in the pot. Not to mention the fact that the tomato sauce was from the jar itself,” My dongsaeng continued to cackle, his arms coming up around his stomach as he squeezed his eyes shut.
With a stern pout, I whacked him on the back of the head with my open palm, and smirked in satisfaction when he yelped in protest. How dare he make fun of my Yunho?! Back in high school, yes it was true that he was a genius, but there were some things that he just…wasn’t…quite good at.
“He tries his best. I’ve eaten everything he’s ever made for me.” I fight the blush and a twitching smile at the imagery of Yunho repeatedly begging me for forgiveness, verbal vows of never touching another kitchen appliance again.
“Yeah, how lucky am I? When we were going out, you cooked for me. Yoochun cooks for me all the time. No wonder Min hates me,” Junsu sighed as a beautiful grin followed right after.
“Yet you’ll always be the bubbly bottom.” I smirked at his face dropping as he scowled at me in distaste.
“I should’ve known you were going to play the bottom card. You may have topped me, hyung, but with Yunho, you don’t stand a chance. Consider yourself chained a bottom now. Face it, hyung. You and I are on the same page now.” He frowned, looking away as he leaned back onto the palms of his hands. “A shame really. You’re one hell of a good top.”
“Why are we talking about this again?”
“I’m just surprised is all?” Junsu shrugged. “Think about it. Second year, ladies man in high school, put his playa life on hold for what? Two years for you, wrapped his heart in a white flag, shoved it on a silver platter, which by the way, you shanked mercilessly.”
“You know better than I do that he wasn’t one that could be trusted,” I retorted instantly, feeling the guilt starting to creep up from my stomach. That was the past. I didn’t want to think about what I had put him through. “How was I supposed to know how good his intentions were? Besides, have you forgotten? I was with you the first year. I can’t believe you would even count that! Plus, wouldn’t a good man step off when he knows his object of interest is in a committed relationship with someone else?”
“Oh don’t give me that bullshit. Come on hyung, even you should know that that first year had mutual friends in a relationship based on denial written all over it,” Junsu sighed, and rested his elbows onto his kneecaps as he looked at me, his eyebrows furrowing. “Even hyung knew that. That’s why he decided it was safe to pursue you. No hard feelings on my part.”
Yes, I suppose he was right. I've dated him for two years to find that in the end, there really was a dead end in our love - well I mean I still love him - but in terms of romance? Yeeah, that was as good as dead.
“You led the poor guy on for two years and made him do stupid shit that I personally think was a tad bit harsh on your part,” Junsu chuckled. “Suure you had half the population of the school of girls wanting your head and suuure he may have unintentionally caused hell for you, but come on. That was just plain mean. You admit that right?”
“Yes, and I don’t wish to speak of it again, thank you very much. I’m with him now, so doesn’t that make me nice again?” I asked, making sure Junsu could hear the sarcasm dripping in my choice of tone. “He has forgiven me for that.” I had to look away. From shyness or shame, I didn’t know. It was possibly both.
“Yeah, he did, but for the cost of what?”
Flashback
I had my share of the good and bad, and the memories, still never failed to have my heart clinching and pounding against my chest. I guess I really had been a bit harsh with him back in the day. The first few times he had tried to impress me: with his money, his status, his ability in sports, and in pretty much anything I dared him to do, just to get him off my back. But he always came back, not like a beaten puppy with his tail in between his legs, but a damn big vibrant bear constantly pawing the hell out of me for attention.
I’ve spat every mean word, phrase, comment; I’ve put him down with my snarky remarks, clearly letting him know that I was never going to be interested him if he was the last man on earth. I knew of his fear of needles; the entire school did. Hell, his fandom did anything and everything possible to steer him clear of anything remotely sharp. It amazed me to even see him getting out of Home Economics because he was afraid of needles and sharp objects such as the various sizes of knives and a can opener. Out of sheer amusement and my hatred for him, I had jokingly told him to go get his ears pierced and I recall the look of his face free of blood. He was terrified, I knew it. I could see it.
The following day, he had come to school with both of his ears pierced - 2 piercings on each ear. I don’t know why he thought I’d be impressed since he somehow already knew about my fascination in piercings. And pierced earlobes weren’t considered impressive. At least that’s what I told him. The idiot must have gotten his ears pierced with a regular needle. Wasn’t he rich? I figured he would’ve been smart and take the easy way out by using the earring gun. I told him to stop acting like a fool. Knowing that the piercings were irritating his poor red ears immensely, I told him,
“Stop being stupid. Take them off before your ears swell up like Dumbo.”
And he would shake his head and say,
“You asked me to pierce them. I won’t do it.”
“I didn’t ask you. I didn’t even mean to and I, most certainly, didn’t think you’d be dumb enough to actually do it,” I snorted uncaringly, not bearing to look at the creation I’ve put upon him - those ridiculously red looking ears.
“I’m not taking them off.” Yunho said, standing his ground.
“Suit yourself, stupid.”
Seeing that I couldn’t stand how bad his ears were getting, I ended up slipping the bottle of antiseptic and a plastic bag of wipes into his backpack.
I was so unpleasantly surprised the moment I saw Yunho standing by my teacher in the middle of Home Economics period. Mrs. Kim was overly bubbly with joy when Yunho announced that he was going to be her teacher’s aide for the rest of the fall segment. My eyebrows furrow in confusion because everyone knew Yunho couldn’t cook to save his life. I recall seeing several of his fan girls standing outside in a line by the hallway in case hell broke lose.
And it nearly did.
Yunho even screwed up on a simple task such as skinning the vegetables and fruits. He’d only cut himself a few times with the peeler, and whenever that happened, I’d see him looking at me from the corner of my eye as if he was saying Jaejoong, I cut my finger, what do I do! Of course I’d ignore him, seeing that minor cuts like that was really no big deal, I’d go about my business. Besides, every cut he received had brought him the assistance of three other people with their own personal first aid kits. I rolled my eyes.
A typically
pampered
and spoiled child.
“Go out with me.”
“No.”
“Why?” He pouts, trying to open those tiny eyes as wide they could go.
Of course he always ended up crying, because he had tried so hard, his eyes ended up drying out.
This was almost the repeated routine - over and over again - he would either ask or demand the same thing. And time and time again, I would give him the same monotone answer. We weren’t exactly friends, but there were times that he would need my help. He eventually learned that despite his outer appearance of having everything within the palm of his hand, his pride often became an obstacle. And he would try solving certain situations by himself.
Learning new things about who Yunho was like peeling the never ending layers of an onion. I couldn’t help but become curious with questions about him that were answered before forming once more. Once I found something out about him, another question would come my way, racking my brain, insisting that I find out. I would shoo him away, but at the same time, I would do certain things to make him stay without even realizing it. Indirect things such as slipping him some Pepto-Bismol into his bag when he had a bad stomach ache (due to me daring him in eating his own cooking) or sticking in antiseptic bottles when his ear grew infected (the boy seriously hadn’t the slightest clue about how to take care of piercings...or any holes for that matter).
He teased and poked at me, saying that I was his personal pharmacy store that was opened 24-7 for his care , and it took every nerve in my body not to smile.
It gradually became ridiculous when he caught on, though. It was incredibly annoying when he started to give himself little paper cuts on purpose - not to mention - being careless with the double doors along the school halls. If he really does crush one of his fingers I swear I won’t give a damn! I suppose you could consider that a type of lead on, because Yunho would automatically assume that I had feelings for him.
I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea.
I guess I hadn’t exactly realized it back then, but I was actually falling for him - with much practiced patience and little baby steps.
“So uh...if I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.”
“Well I guess it’s a shame N and O are already next to each other then.”
“... ... ...” Yunho gapes, his broad shoulders falling into a slump, as his index card of written corny lines slip from his fingers and flutter towards the floor.
“Or would you prefer I rearrange F and U? Would you like that?” I smirked, couldn’t help wanting to tease him further.
“You want to fuck?”
...
He always knew what kind of shit to say to tick me off.
“You like me.”
“I don’t think so.”
Oh God, here it comes.
“Please don’t pout and look at me like that Yunho,” I sighed wearily, leaning against the wall as his eyes began to twitch and water. It was clear as day that he was trying to keep them open, and to put and end to his misery, I leaned forward and blew a puff of air into his eyes.
“ARGH!”
“Let’s go on a date.”
“No.”
How many times were we going to have to go through with this? Personally, if I were to be in his shoes, I’d do what I had to do to get the person to like me. But if I were to get shot down every single time, wasn’t it safe to say that I wasn’t going to have a chance? I thought smart people were smart. Yunho ranked first in our school. He is a valedictorian. I figured he’d be smart enough to figure out this sort of common sense. Apparently not. Either that or he’s just plain stubborn.
Idiot.
“Lulu’s Café, 8 PM. Yes or yes?”
“Yunho -”
“We can catch a movie afterwards or take a nice romantic walk along the beach. Or do you prefer the Han River?”
“Yunho.”
“Shall I pick you up then?” He continued to ask, not giving me a chance to answer, nor letting me speak for that matter.
His voice was shaky between intervals and I would have assumed that he was nervous. But the look in his eyes were bright, positive, as if he assumed that I would say yes after a year of saying no. He knew of my official break up with Junsu, but did he have to ask me 40 minutes after I had settled shit out with Su? I mean...didn’t he stop to think that I might have been upset over this separation? He's so ridiculous…
“NO!”
“I’ll see you there then bye!”
I didn’t think he was actually serious. And before you ask anything, yes I ended up nursing him back to health for two weeks because the stupid dumbass was stupid enough to wait out in the cold for me.
“You’re an idiot,” I let out a soft sigh, settling myself onto his bed beside him. “I think you’re better enough to feed yourself your soup.” I reached for the spoon anyway and dipped into the hot fluid. I couldn’t stand seeing that he was like this because of me. I’d told him countless of times to not bother. I mean if he wanted a dinner, he could have at least planned it at home. That way when I didn’t show up he wouldn’t have to get sick...
“You’re so reckless. Come on, get up old man.”
I urged him to sit up, and he reluctantly did so, scooting his way up against his headboard and out of the covers. It was almost as if I was taking care of my nieces and nephews…except Yunho was quite possibly needier than they were. Or he could be doing this on purpose, and knowing Yunho, it was most likely. It somehow brought a warm and pleasant feeling, and I could feel myself getting warmer. I would blame it on the heater in his house or the massive heat from the stove while cooking, but I couldn’t find it in myself to care. I was taking care of him.
“I’m tired,” He sighed after I finished feeding him the bowl of soup.
“Then sleep,” I’d respond in a as a matter of fact tone, placing the dirty utensils back onto the tray. “I’ll get this out of your way so you can rest. I’ll bring your medicine in a bit.” I said, my body tensing as I felt his hand shoot out to gently grip at my shaky wrist.
“Stay with me?”
I don’t know what had come over me but I immediately felt my stomach flutter and my fingers twitching. I was nervous. Why? I could just say no, tell him to stop being a big baby, and leave. I looked away before looking at him again to see his pleading eyes. Letting out a weary sigh, I mutter a soft ‘okay’, making sure I at least sounded reluctant. But in truth, I was trying my hardest not to grin at this needy side of him. Since when was he never needy?
…and besides it was my fault for getting him sick.
“It’s been almost two years.”
“Yep.”
“The year’s coming to an end.”
“I know.”
“You like me yet?”
“Mmm?”
We were both leaning against the wall in the school corridor, casually staring out at the windows in front of us.
“I graduate next week,” He said.
“I know.”
“Are you coming?”
“Of course.”
I think I love him.
No, I...know I do.
I sigh in exhaustion as I finish the last touches of my latest song. Running my fingers along the glossy surface of the keys on my piano, I push my fingers into the keys, playing the beginning of the piece. My ears tingled, and I felt a chill running across my arms, and up into my shoulders at the first sound of the melancholic tune. I hadn’t written any lyrics for this song. I had been been writing it, for Yunho, and I hadn’t realized it until now. A puff of air escapes my nostrils as my heart pounds erratically in my chest. I try my hardest not to smile.
Would he like it?
Tomorrow is the day of his graduation.
Yunho insisted that I go over his speech with him, and time and time again, I’ve told him I was of no use. I wasn’t even a valedictorian myself, yet he sat me down, and I lent him my ears. He had taken my lame suggestions into consideration.
I had a strange feeling…
I’ve never realized how this could possibly be the last time I’d ever got to see him. He would graduate and his father would put a load of pressure on him when it came to take over the family business.
There was never a time in my life when I’d ever be the one to confess to anyone. The whole concept was entirely foreign to me - I didn’t know how to go about actually doing it. After repetitively pacing around my room back and forth, reciting what I was going to say to him, writing different scenarios onto various amounts of index card that ended up in paper balls scattered across the floor.
Alright, it was easy. Why was I over thinking these things? I just had to drag him into the music room after graduation, play the song and confess!
I continued to pace back and forth and it took me a while to find that my hands were trembling and I shook them roughly before clutching at my t-shirt. I couldn’t, for the life of me, figure out why I was so nervous. Yunho’s had a crush on me since I first set foot on campus, right? He made it clear everyday that he had feelings for me. He’d shamelessly spent two years of his high school career trying to woo me.
What the fuck was there to be worried about?!
Everything was going to be fine.
Fine fine fine fine…
“I’m so nervous!”
“You’ll be fine, just relax. You’ve gone over the speech with me countless of times. I think you’ve even managed to dream about it.” I rolled my eyes and patted his shoulder. “I even know it by now. You know where I’m sitting, so if you forget anything, just look over at me and I’ll mouth the words to you,” I chuckled, patting his cheek a couple of times.
“Alright…” He took in a deep breath, for once, looking straight ahead in determination.
“Um…Yunho,” I gulped, my heart suddenly racing in my chest as Yunho looked at me. I suddenly felt intimidated that he was giving me his undivided attention. I mean he always did and it wasn’t new, but this time, the situation was different. My mind was racing back and forth, debating whether or not I should tell him my feelings now before the graduation or after. I had already planned on dragging him away after graduation so we could be alone but then I though maybe if I told him my feelings he would be more confident and forget about his nervousness. Ugh, yes, I was feeling kind of conceited at that moment.
“What’s up?” Yunho’s eyebrows raised in question and I continued to stutter and mumble some incoherent words underneath my breath. “Hah?”
“Let’s meet at the music room at 2 after the ceremony. I have to show you something,” I grinned, the balls of my feet suddenly rocking back and forth in nervousness.
Yes, I had chosen the music room, as I felt more comfortable being in my sanctuary. I remembered when Yunho started dropping by more often; effectively disturbing my peace, but eventually I felt that even without his presence I felt no peace anyway. Ugh, I hated the irony. I hate you, Jung Yunho.
“Eh? Graduation present for me right?” Yunho returned the grin, except his was more perverse. I frowned.
“Kinda. But most definitely not what you have in mind.”
He pouted.
“Alright . I’ll meet you there then.”
We both looked up from the teachers calling for the students to get in their positions and as quickly as I could, I placed a quick air kissed peck on his cheek and made myself invisible amongst the crowd in the hallways, not daring to look back at the look on his face.
As nervous as Yunho was, his speech ran smoothly. The stadium was huge but even with the terrible quality of the microphone, he was heard. Everyone was moved to tears and I couldn’t help but wonder for the future as well. If I confessed to Yunho and we continued to see each other, what would become of us then? He would be off to college and I would be finishing off my last year in high school. We’d date each other for years before we’d start talking about the idea of adopting children, moving in together - wait.
Why the hell was I thinking about these things already?!
Argh, Jaejoong you’re fucking hopeless.
After the ceremony, the crowd swarmed around, the parents eagerly trying to get to their children to take pictures and offer their congratulations. I wanted to give Yunho the time to catch up with his parents while Junsu dragged me over to mingle with Yoochun and his family. I couldn’t help my scan around for Yunho’s figure and it took me a good fifteen minutes until I finally spotted a sight of him, his sister and his parents. His parents seemed so happy while his sister jumped onto his back. I wanted to so badly join in on the celebration but I’ve promised myself that I’d have my chance to offer him my congratulations afterwards.
Junsu kept on nudging at me and that was his given sign that I was being rude. I was about to turn away when I caught a view of a pretty girl dressed nicely along with who seemed to look like to be her parents. I wondered who she could possibly be. Perhaps she was one of his good friends? The thought of her possibly becoming his girlfriend didn’t affect me whatsoever. He hadn’t dated anyone else since he had set his sights on me. At least…that’s what I thought.
Suddenly, Yunho caused some heads to turn as he seemed to be angry, half yelling at his parents about something and shaking his head. His father seemed to panic for a moment before quickly grabbing his son by the arm and leading him off the lawn while everyone else bowed their heads in apology before following.
I saw them heading towards the double doors of the school. Everything seemed to have gone by with me only half conscious of listening to Junsu talking to Yoochun and me while I excused myself and slipped away towards the other side of the school. Quietly creeping my way past the already opened door, I could hear them chattering amongst themselves in the hallway. I picked a secluded area behind the wall and by the bathroom as I perked my nosy ears up to listen.
“I’m awfully sorry for my son’s behavior. Rest assured that he will be at the dinner at 6 PM tonight. You go on ahead. We’ll meet you for lunch after I’ve had a word,” Yunho’s father replied humbly to the girl’s parents. They bowed and excused themselves before heading out the doors and into the lawn.
“Yunho, I don’t know how many times I have to say this. We aren’t going to be here to support you forever. You have responsibilities to accept. You have a company to run in the future. Merging with Jang Industries is already going to benefit us even greater. Don’t you understand how important this is to us? Our family name? Our reputation? Your grandfather has put forth his efforts and fought for this establishment till his very last breath. Don’t you dare throw everything away. You’ve graduated - it’s time for you to become a man. I expect you to at that lunch and the engagement dinner.” With an angry huff, Yunho’s father stormed off down the hall and slammed the double doors open.
His mother offered a few reassuring words along with his sister and they departed, giving Yunho some time to regroup I suppose. I could feel my heart going at it again - it was hammering so hard against my chest I wasn’t sure if Yunho could hear it from where he was standing. As quietly and less shakily as I could, I crushed my back harder against the wall, as if I pressed hard enough I’d disappear into it. I’d hoped it would swallow me whole and pull me into the shroud of nothing.
Why was being in love so hard? I didn’t want to feel anything. If anything, if I wanted to feel anything, I’d rather just feel hate. I hated Yunho for who he was: his status, his importance to people - why couldn’t I just find a great guy who was single and not straight?
With great caution and hesitation, I forced myself to turn my head, and take another peek
to see the blurry vision of the last of Yunho’s back disappearing behind the double doors.
I don’t know what had come over me that afternoon, but I continued to wait around the music room. I chuckled bitterly at myself and shook my head at myself of how ridiculous I had become.
2:45 PM.
I knew where he was.
3:15 PM.
But the stupid, naïve, part of my mind insisted that his love for me was strong enough to overpower his sense of responsibility. Hah! What a joke. I glanced at my music sheets sitting on top of my folder on the hood of the piano accompanied by the little stuffed red elephant I had gotten for him at the thrift store.
“What the hell is this?” I asked curiously, gaping at the pendant in wonder. It was a little outline of an elephant with what seemed to look like diamonds embedded in between.
“It’s an elephant pendant,” Yunho said, carefully fingering the necklace out of the box.
“I’m aware of that, Yunho. What is this for? You’re not expecting me to sleep with you for the piece of thing do you? Cause if that’s the case you can shove this up your ass.”
“Don’t be like that.” Yunho frowned, pouting for a moment before he unclasped the hook. And almost instantly he was behind me, circling the chain around my neck and putting it on me. “It’s a gift.”
“You do know that couples give Valentine gifts to each other because they love each other right?” I asked, making sure I had sounded sarcastic. We weren’t an item. I didn’t see why he was trying to make everyone else think we were. “I can’t accept this, Yunho.” I moved behind my neck to remove it when he grabbed my wrists, stopping me from touching the clasp.
“It’s a symbol of friendship.”
“What?” I let out a soft scoff in amusement and turned around to face him. “What do you mean?”
“Well, you see the diamonds here?” He asked calmly, tracing the diamonds of the elephant on my chest. “I’ll be changing them red when you’re ready to admit that you love me.”
I couldn’t help but burst out laughing, and my stomach hurt even harder as I laughed at his bottom lip protruding. HE. WAS. SO. LAME. I thought there were limits to corny but apparently Yunho IS the bar.
“H-HAHAHA! A-Are you serious?!”
“Yeah!” (T_T!)
“Yunho,” I laughed in gasps, trying to find air in my lungs. “Friendship is one thing I can handle. But I can assure you this elephant isn’t turning red any time soon.”
“Well I’ll wait. Remember, elephants never forget.” He had said in such a serious tone, I was truly intimidated for a moment and paused before answering,
“Well you aren’t one, are you?”
“I’ll wait, Jae. I don’t mind.”
The intense look in his eyes triggered a sharp, jolting pain in my chest, and I had to look anywhere else but him. Clutching at the box tighter in my grasp I shrugged.
“Suit yourself.”
I felt as if the more I stared at it, the more I felt as if it was mocking me - jabbing at my sides with a sharp knife, laughing cruelly of how I had wasted my time indirectly pining for a man I couldn’t ever have. Karma was a real bitch wasn’t it? I’d taken his love for me for granted and God was giving me a taste of my own medicine, except this time, he was taking the man I loved from under my nose.
After two years, I could safely say that I knew Yunho well enough to know that he took his responsibilities dead seriously. If he was going to choose carrying on his family’s legacy over me then that’s what he would do.
I had no right to hate him. He was only taking care of his priorities first hand. There was absolutely nothing wrong with that and I would never willingly stand in the way of that.
Then why the hell was I still waiting around?!
Because the fucking bastard made me fall in love with him that’s what!
Why couldn’t he just leave me alone when I told him to?!
Why couldn’t he just respect my wishes and leave me the fuck alone?!
I couldn’t help the scream tearing from my throat, the room was spacious with only a single piano accompanying it, but I suddenly felt as if the walls were suddenly closing in on me. These feelings were a plague. I felt like there were a trillion leeches sucking the life out of me - but the torment remained.
6:10 PM.
I knew where he was.
Not knowing what came over me, I had stormed over and across the room; fingers clawing at the music sheets in my palms crushed them my hands and fiercely ripped the sheets to shreds. Blurry vision didn’t stop me from destroying the evidence of my feelings, but I knew that it was forever embedded in my mind anyway. I just wanted to ruin something. I wanted to destroy what I could. I cried, my chest aching as I continued to rip through the sheets and finally the folder beneath it. Torn pieces of notes raining down on me didn’t stop me from slamming my fist against the innocent piano - of what was once my comfort, not even playing music can soothe me now - not at this moment.
I still felt suffocated somehow. At the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of something reflecting from the mirror. My hand instinctively flew up to touch the pendant resting ever so peacefully on my chest. My fingers twitched once, and with a quick jerk, I ripped the necklace from my neck, positively feeling the clasp break against the nape of my neck. I felt the cold air hitting the ripped skin, but I didn’t seem to realize when I threw the necklace against the glass, not feeling satisfied until I heard the small crack of the glass.
Why did I bother? I was pushing my body to step out of the music room but my body wouldn’t heed. My mind was constantly fighting with my heart. My heart was insisting that I wait it out till the end, that maybe after his engagement dinner he would run here, as fast as he could, hoping that I would still be here.
I scoffed.
Yeah, sure.
What makes you think you deserve the effort, Jaejoong?
The last day of school, I tried every nerve in my being to avoid Yunho at any cost. That night, he sent me a text, and I didn’t want to think any further upon it. What’s done was done. He was moving on and I was staying behind. That was how life intended it to be and I was going to let karma have her way with me.
[Yunho: Hey, I know you’re probably sleeping right now, but I’m so sorry I couldn’t come today. I’d like to make it up to you. Please? Meet me at the music room before school starts. I want to talk in person.]
My mouth grew dry at the words scrawled across my screen. I didn’t want to do this anymore - how was I supposed to tell him? Separating by text was probably the best and most cowardly way. But I don’t think that after this I’d want to talk or see him anymore. I fear it would be too much for me. After having difficulty swallowing, my trembling fingers ran over the reply button.
[Jaejoong: Can’t. Sorry.]
It didn’t take long until Yunho responded.
[Yunho: Ah! You’re awake! ^^ Come on, I’m really really sorry! T_T. Just..meet me tomorrow and we’ll talk, okay? There’s…there’s something I need to tell you. It’s important.]
I scoffed ,so tempted to reveal what I’d already heard in the afternoon. I needed a clean cut from him and tomorrow was the last day we’d ever see each other - the last day of the school year before he had to go off into the business realm. I wanted to wish him the best of luck. I wanted to tell him of how proud I was of him, to start tackling such complicated tasks at such a young age, wanted to tell him how lucky he was to have a future sought out for him. But if I did, he wouldn’t ever leave me alone.
[Jaejoong: I know. You’re going to tell me you’re engaged. You’re going to take over your family legacy and what else? There’s nothing left for you here. So why don’t you run off to your big world of important people and focus on your priorities like a good son ought to do and stop screwing around. It’s about time you grow up and stop hoping for something that isn’t going to happen. I don’t want to be with you nor do I ever want to see you again.]
Less than a minute later, my phone started vibrating against my desk, startling me from my reverie. My hand automatically reaches out for my phone and I see a ridiculous picture of Yunho and his name flashing on my screen, indicating that he was calling me. I was frustrated and miserable enough. The last thing I wanted was have him listen to me crying about how I hated him for making me feel the way I felt. My thumb traced the pad of my touch screen and with a millisecond of hesitation, I pressed Reject.
He continued to call during the night, until I finally decided to turn off my phone, hoping that I wouldn’t have the chance to see him tomorrow.
I’d managed to avoid Yunho all day, there were times where I’d catch sight of him walking towards my direction or visiting my classrooms. Luckily with the help of his fandom swarming around him everywhere he went, escaping his line of view was a piece of cake. I knew he would probably look for me in the music room, so I waited until at least two hours after school had ended before I headed down the music hall. I figured my things were cleaned out and either thrown out or taken. Gently sliding the door closed behind me, I slowly made my across the empty room, noticing that everything was clean. Not a trace left of last night.
This place belonged to me once more.
Yunho had graduated and he was moving on and that meant that this was my own sanctuary once again. I could play whatever my heart desired without having anyone to breathe down my neck or make over exaggerated comments of how great I was. It was better this way. I loved being alone in the past and that hasn’t changed at all. That’s what I kept telling myself. Hah, now I just needed to believe it.
One my way around the piano, I ran my fingers across the polished surface, noting that the janitor had remembered to polish it clean. I hadn’t brought any music sheets with me, but at that moment, all I wanted to do was play.
Placing my fingers leisurely over the glossy keys, I stared off into the distance for a moment, the cuticles of my fingernails suddenly intriguing. Amazingly, the first song I ended up playing was the first song I played the day Yunho walked in. From then on, he started dropping by often, following me down here, hanging around, sitting either beside me or behind me or just hanging around the room with his eyes closed.
Ivory and Irony was what I called it, and a couple of months later, Yunho had deemed it his favorite song.
After I finished playing Ivory and Irony, my fingers couldn’t seem to stop…
unknowingly, I started playing the song I had written for him. I hadn’t brought my sheets with me, but I was positive that I knew the song by heart. The melody unveiled the emotions in me, how I was truly feeling, and within that moment, I knew what I wanted to call the song.
“Well I’ll wait. Elephants never forget, you know.
…Recall.
I let out a bitter scoff.
I seem to be doing a lot of that lately anyway.
“Is that your new song? It’s beautiful.”
My ears tensed, as did my whole body - I felt the pads of my fingers start to sweat against the keys as I dared myself to look up, knowing well who it was. It was an almost instant reaction to break into a run; the second door was to my right after all. But the rational part of my mind insisted that I stand through this, and see to the end. The least I can do for us was proper closure.
For the first few moments either of us said a word. I continued to sit still in my seat as he nervously wandered his way across the room and stood in front of me.
“What brings you here?” I tried to sound as casual as possible, yet I knew this day wasn’t going to end with peaceful smiles. The Yunho standing in front of me wasn’t the same Yunho that had been pestering me for the last two years. I wasn’t expecting him to be, but I guess I wasn’t mentally prepared for it either.
“You’re seriously asking me that?” Yunho’s soft laughter sounded rather bitter and forced. “I call you and you don’t pick up. I look positively like a fool -spending the whole day running around school asking around for you - looking for you. I figured hey I’ve waited nearly two years for this guy and just when I thought he was beginning to feel something for me, he decides to tell me he doesn’t want to see me again and bail on me - ”
I shot out of my seat, nearly knocking it over as I hear it screech loudly against the wooden floor. A definite cold sneer curled at my lips as I scoffed, looking away before I stared him straight in the eyes.
“You’re not possibly implying it’s my fault, are you? I’ve told you from the very beginning that I would feel absolutely nothing for you. I’ve given you the same answer for nearly two years and that big block head of yours refuses to get the simple fact that I want nothing to do with you. As if talking to a brick wall would’ve given me different results,” I reply, making the sarcasm evident. “Quit bitching and moaning like a wounded puppy and man up. If you loved me you’d respectively leave me the fuck alone. But it doesn’t surprise me that an ‘any other playboy’ like you would seriously get it. You simply refuse to believe it. You people with status and money refuse to take NO for an answer and you all will stop at nothing to get what you want.”
I didn’t want to face him anymore - I could feel my stern face weakening and I knew I could only hold out for so long. Deep down I really wasn’t blaming him for anything. He had responsibilities. I understood that. I was the child that couldn’t handle the reality - I was the one that refused to take no for an answer. I didn’t want him to go. I didn’t want him to marry his fiancé. I just wanted him to be mine but I had no great future, nothing that I could offer him would benefit him in any way - let alone his parents. They wouldn’t ever accept me.
I made a move across the room to leave, but Yunho had grabbed at my arm, pulling me back none too gently as he asked angrily,
“Is that what you think?!” Yunho suddenly yelled, his voice booming off the walls, and I had to cringe at his grip tightening around my arm.
“Yah! You let go of me right now!” I yelled back, pushing at his chest as hard as I could with my free arm, but he had managed to catch that as well. “You people make me sick!”
“You aren’t that more of an angel either,” He seethed, his grips on both of my arms tightening, but I had refused to back down. I wasn’t going to be treated like this. I didn’t deserve it! “I tell you I love you nearly everyday and I mean the things I say. I’ve given you my heart and soul and you crush it with your bare hands, not giving a damn!”
“Well tough - luck!” I snarled pushing against his grip and pulling back. Screw closures. I didn’t want to deal with any of this anymore. Seeing the look on his face - the pain -I couldn’t. “The world isn’t sugar coated, Jung Yunho. You get your heart broken and you fucking move on!”
“You feel something for me, Jaejoong. I know you do,” he pushed on, and the more I struggled, the easier my control slipped from me.
“Stop! Yunho, just forget it okay?!” I cried, looking elsewhere.
Please please please…
Everything seemed to happen too quickly when I found myself crushed onto my back against the floor with Yunho on top, and I heard him hit his knees harshly against the floor. Before I could ask if he was alright, he pressed my hands down to the ground and leaned forward to push his mouth against me.
My glossy eyes shot open in surprise and I stayed still for a good moment, the fact that he was kissing me still trying to process through my mind. These two years he had done nothing to hurt me, he hadn’t ever touched me in any inappropriate way and here he was kissing me -
My heart lifted at the feel of his soft lips against mine, his kiss was gentle, careful, passionate, and he gradually coaxed me into tilting my head up and opening my mouth, letting him take control of the kiss. My fingers slid into his hair, pulling his face closer as I crushed his mouth further against mine, indulging myself in the pleasure I had fought so hard against. I’d told myself I wasn’t going to walk down that path but - I let him have his way for a few moments before I started to get to thinking again, twitching at the feel of his hand cupping at my neck - holding me in place. I tried to turn away, giving us a moment to talk, but he’d catch my mouth, effectively swallowing my moans.
Pulling his head back with my hands, I took the opportunity for the both of us to catch our breaths as I kept on muttering that I couldn’t.
“Why not?” He asked, breathlessly, stroking my cheek with the back of his hand. “You feel the same. Why are you insist on making things complicated when it isn’t?”
I pushed him off me and sat up, not wanting to see his confused expression when I did. I wanted to know how he knew - minus what had happened a few seconds ago.
“You have priorities -”
“Nothing I can’t handle,” He interjected. “I…I didn’t know you’d heard. I wanted to tell you about it…and say that if you were going to be serious with me, I’d quit.”
“Now you’re just being plain stupid,” I snorted. “Are you crazy?” I shot him an icy glare, not believing what I’m hearing. “You would rather give up something so important over a measly crush? You must be out of your mind.”
“It isn’t a mere crush, Jaejoong!” Yunho shot back, his nostrils flaring and I immediately stopped talking, due to the fact that he could get quite frightening when he was angry.
He rummaged in his uniform coat, and I glanced over in curiosity, and my eyes doubled in size at the sight of the little red elephant and the pendant in his hand.
“This was for me, wasn’t it?” He asked, softly.
I didn’t respond.
“You’ve given me a red elephant.”
“Yes, I know that,” I responded bitterly, now feeling uncomfortable. “What makes you think there’s any more to it?”
“Because there is,” Yunho said, tracing his fingers over the shimmering diamonds tracing the elephant. Do I have to change these red?”
“I’ve never made it official, so no.” I huffed, making a move to snatch the pendant from his hand. Yunho closed his hand around both objects and jerked away, grinning at me with a raised eyebrow.
“You’ve abandoned this necklace knowing that the janitor may have thrown it away or kept it to himself.”
“So?”
“You still want it?”
“I - of course I do! I can sell it for thousands!” I lied, reaching over him to grab it once more. Yunho’s free arm wound its way around my waist and jerked me closer until I was resting slack against his body. And I couldn’t deny the fact that I loved this. I loved this feeling of being close to him and the feel of his hand cupping at my waist, holding me to him.
I wanted this.
There was no doubt about it.
“I want it, Yunho,” I sniffed, my words dropping down to a murmur.
“Why?” He whispered, just as lowly.
I knew he wanted me to say those words - affirmation of my suspected love for him.
“You’re really going to stop at nothing until I say it, huh?”
“Pretty much.” He smiled cheekily at me and I couldn’t help but scoot closer, taking a deep breath.
“…Alright.”
“…?”
“I want that elephant because…you gave it to me.”
“Uh huh. And?”
“Iloveyou?” I asked quickly, knowing that that simple word probably didn’t sound coherent. A part of me was hoping that Yunho’s ears were sensitive enough to pick it up. I didn’t want to say it again. I felt embarrassed.
“Mn, you sounded unsure,” Yunho mused, furrowing his eyebrows. “Say it again. I’m not sure I heard quite right.”
“I love you, stupid.” I said it again, loud and clear, grabbing his face with one hand before pulling him closer for a kiss. Getting him in the mood surprisingly wasn’t hard and I smiled slyly against his lips as I cleverly slipped my hand in his, taking back what was rightfully mine.
Flashback ends
“Earth to Jaejooongie?” Junsu sung out, waving his hands in front of my face. “Hey, you’ve been spacing out for a bit. Are you okay? I didn’t mean to bum you out about the past I mean what’s done is done right?” He asked worriedly, hopping off the table and putting a hand on my shoulder.
“N-No, Su. It’s okay. I was just uh…” I turned around, scratching at the back of my head nervously.
“Reminiscing?” Junsu finished my sentence, smiling happily as his eyes trailed down my neck to my necklace. “Hey. Since when did you get a new pendant? Yunho’s spoiling you a bit much isn’t he?”
“Huh?”
I quickly felt at my necklace, making sure I had the elephant on. The thought of losing it had my heart racing in paranoia. Yunho would probably forgive me but I knew I wouldn’t.
“That necklace. It used to be regular diamonds and now it's red. What happened to the first one?”
OHH…
“This is the same necklace, Su,” I laughed. “I’ve had it for quite a while already. Yunho had the diamonds replaced with red ones. Two years to be exact - have you not noticed?” I asked curiously, couldn’t help containing my laughter. “Long story. I’ll tell it to you when I have time. I’ve got to get to class. Then I’m going back home. Yunho’s waiting up for me. Says something about wanting me to go grocery shopping with him. Whatever he’s planning. “ I shrugged and reached over to put on my bag and my books. “See ya~”
“Y-Yah! I want details! DETAILS!” Junsu shouted after me as I practically sped walked up the stairs and away from the table with a giddy smile on my face.
I hadn’t been able to concentrate in class at all. After all that reminiscing crap I wanted nothing but to see Yunho. Ugh, stupid Junsu! As soon as class was over, I bounded over to my car, chucked my books and bag into the front seat and started my way home. As excited as I was to see him, I wasn’t too thrilled with the idea of him cooking. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciated the effort but groceries were expensive enough as it is!
The day Yunho cut all ties with his family was when he had to start off on the same block as I did. I didn’t mean to sound like an asshole but I liked that we were the same. I didn’t have to worry about him shamelessly spending money and I didn’t have to worry about impressing him with my lifestyle. We were living together but I was incredibly strict when it came to handling our budget.
By the time I arrived home, I pushed the door open, announced that I was home, and immediately flipped out when I saw Yunho’s head poking out from the kitchen.
“Welcome home baby!”
Mother fucking hell!
My sneakers practically flew off my feet as did my books and bag when I rushed into the kitchen, expecting to see ingredients flying all over the place.
“Yunho! Don’t - eh?”
My eyes skimmed the area, and my eyes widened in confusion as I paced around the kitchen, flipping things around to see if any damage had been made. There was no sauce smeared across the cabinets nor where there egg shells and yolk all over the counter. Chaos wasn’t present and Yunho was in the kitchen. Something was up. Or maybe he wanted to come in here to have a drink or something. God forbid if he even tries to make himself a pack of instant ramyun. If he still hadn’t mastered that, I would have to kick him in the family jewels.
“The heck’s up with you?” I heard Yunho asking me curiously, staring at me as if I’ve gone mad. I’m seriously not, but if past experiences with Yunho have ever taught me anything, it was to never trust him within the vicinity of any kitchen. If he burned down this apartment we’d have nowhere else to live.
“Nothing. It’s just that I thought you’d be cooking again or…something,” I mumble, my eyebrow twitching in annoyance as I saw the perfectly made sandwich Yunho had prepared for himself on a plate. I wanted to smash my fist into the sandwich because I could’ve sworn I heard it mocking me singing Look! Yunho made me all by himself with no incidents! Aren’t you proud?
Oh God, what am I doing? Imagining myself having conversations with a fucking sandwich?
“Ah, I see how it is. You don’t trust me,” Yunho snorted, walking around me and jerking the fridge open to fish out a bottle of water.
“N-Noo, I’m sorry Yunho, you’re free to make your own sandwiches it’s just - you - I can’t help it!” My arms flail helplessly at my sides while Yunho continued to pull the chair open and stare at his sandwich grumpily. “Yuuniee~?” I shuffle behind him, wrapping both of my arms around his shoulder and shook us from side to side. “Forgive me please?”
“You’re just relieved because I made a sandwich in one piece.” He frowned, grabbing at his water and uncapping it, still seemingly moody.
“I’m sorry!” I whined softly, pressing a lingering kiss against the nape of his neck. “You can’t stay mad at me for long. You might as well accept my apology so we can do other things.”
I wasn’t getting much of a response from him, besides the slight twitch in his neck. Determined to get him in a playful mood again; one of my hangs lingering at his chest while its partner slid down his long body to cup into the front of his jeans. Yunho let out a low moan, immediately turning his head to the side to kiss me hard.
Mmn and that’s how it’s done.
“Ugh, fuck it.”
Yunho stood from his chair and before I knew it, I found myself lifted off the ground and into his arms, then carried away past the living room and towards our bedroom. I laughed, shifting around in his arms, trying to remind him that we had errands to run before the shops closed, but Yunho paid no heed.
“Didn’t you want to go grocery shopping?”
“Later.”
“Weren’t you supposed to pick up something for Yoochun?!”
“Later.”
“But I have to drop off the Chemistry book I borrowed from Junsu!”
“I SAID LATER!!”