(no subject)
"It’s not that she didn’t know he was bad for her. She knew that. The problem was that through all the shit he put her through, she still loved him. No matter what he did, love was always the explanation, the eraser that wiped his slate clean.
But as I listened to this, I wondered how different her need for him, her insistence on loving him no matter how many times he proved he didn’t deserve it, was from his need to be loved by her no matter what. This wasn’t love. This was co-dependency, enabling a constant cycle of dysfunction.
You need someone you’re on the same page with and that can appreciate what you have to offer - for the right reasons. Love should be something that makes you feel good, not another reason to cry alone in the bathroom. The world is filled with pain. Don’t make love a part of that.
Just because you’re using the word “love” doesn’t mean that you know the first thing about what it really means.
The problem is that we all do this to ourselves, accepting less than what we deserve and calling it love because it’s easier. It’s easier to stay in a broken relationship because the depression becomes comfortable, like a blanket that’s secretly filled with razor blades.
Building a life with another human person is about commitment and accepting your responsibility to someone with needs different than your own. It’s compromise, sacrifice and a lot of words that aren’t as sexy as love - but arguably a lot more important in the long run.
Falling in love with someone is a process of getting to really know someone, even the parts of them you won’t like, and figuring out how to work with them.
As a hopeless romantic by nature, I look forward to falling in love with someone and continually being awed by the person I’ve chosen to spend this part of my life with, but I also look forward to getting mad at them and storming out and hating each other for a couple days and working on things and talking it out and finding common ground. I look forward to those times he doesn’t call and things aren’t perfect and we have to struggle. I look forward to being pushed to be a better listener, a better partner and a better human.
That might not be in the Oxford English dictionary version of what we call love, but I’m ready for it, warts and all. It might not be easy, but I can always borrow those wooden beads when I need to sit with my demons. My friend can’t be using them all the time."
But as I listened to this, I wondered how different her need for him, her insistence on loving him no matter how many times he proved he didn’t deserve it, was from his need to be loved by her no matter what. This wasn’t love. This was co-dependency, enabling a constant cycle of dysfunction.
You need someone you’re on the same page with and that can appreciate what you have to offer - for the right reasons. Love should be something that makes you feel good, not another reason to cry alone in the bathroom. The world is filled with pain. Don’t make love a part of that.
Just because you’re using the word “love” doesn’t mean that you know the first thing about what it really means.
The problem is that we all do this to ourselves, accepting less than what we deserve and calling it love because it’s easier. It’s easier to stay in a broken relationship because the depression becomes comfortable, like a blanket that’s secretly filled with razor blades.
Building a life with another human person is about commitment and accepting your responsibility to someone with needs different than your own. It’s compromise, sacrifice and a lot of words that aren’t as sexy as love - but arguably a lot more important in the long run.
Falling in love with someone is a process of getting to really know someone, even the parts of them you won’t like, and figuring out how to work with them.
As a hopeless romantic by nature, I look forward to falling in love with someone and continually being awed by the person I’ve chosen to spend this part of my life with, but I also look forward to getting mad at them and storming out and hating each other for a couple days and working on things and talking it out and finding common ground. I look forward to those times he doesn’t call and things aren’t perfect and we have to struggle. I look forward to being pushed to be a better listener, a better partner and a better human.
That might not be in the Oxford English dictionary version of what we call love, but I’m ready for it, warts and all. It might not be easy, but I can always borrow those wooden beads when I need to sit with my demons. My friend can’t be using them all the time."