(no subject)
I hate being made to feel like crap, but I definitely have a "close" friend that is very good at bringing me down and I'm not sure how to deal with it. I'm just praying God brings the wisdom along for me... oh goodness. i hate this kind of stress. it's not like I can really talk to anyone about this, because everyone LOVES this person and they would think i'm crazy for having any sort of tension with them. but i do. even though i love them too, sometimes it's hard to smile at all times when i'm around them, because they tear me down, and i'm getting to the point where it's hard to handle. anyways, pray for me here. it's hard.
oh and on top of that, my physical health is so bad these days, that i can't even get my boyfriend to understand the kind of pain i'm in 24/7 and how some days i just can't take it anymore and i have to complain...
to be compelety honest in a non-suicidal way I felt like it would be better for everyone i know now, if i just wasn't in their life anymore, their lives would be a lot simpler and drama/stress free... it made me cry, cuz that's how i truly felt. i'm so ready to just give up and disappear forever and Africa, but i never would. lame. oh well..
i'm pretty dissatisfied with who i've become, because i'm bringing people down and I hate that, i wish i was back to my health from when i was younger and the happy non-stressed, non=depressed girl i use to be. i don't know if that girl is ever going to come back though. i feel like it's over and gone and buried. that's unfortunate though, because I use to be so selfless back in the day, when i wanted to think the best of everyone, but ever since people started taking advantage of me and my willingness to help and serve, it's started making me bitter and angry and now i'm going to be one of those old anal cat ladies with no friends, because i'm bitter that itve helped so many people out and all they do is mock me, take advantage of me, and hurt me, then leave me when they've found the next best thing for them and i get lost and trampled over... forgotten. it's quite lovely.
i'm pretty much done. goodbye.
oh and on top of that, my physical health is so bad these days, that i can't even get my boyfriend to understand the kind of pain i'm in 24/7 and how some days i just can't take it anymore and i have to complain...
to be compelety honest in a non-suicidal way I felt like it would be better for everyone i know now, if i just wasn't in their life anymore, their lives would be a lot simpler and drama/stress free... it made me cry, cuz that's how i truly felt. i'm so ready to just give up and disappear forever and Africa, but i never would. lame. oh well..
i'm pretty dissatisfied with who i've become, because i'm bringing people down and I hate that, i wish i was back to my health from when i was younger and the happy non-stressed, non=depressed girl i use to be. i don't know if that girl is ever going to come back though. i feel like it's over and gone and buried. that's unfortunate though, because I use to be so selfless back in the day, when i wanted to think the best of everyone, but ever since people started taking advantage of me and my willingness to help and serve, it's started making me bitter and angry and now i'm going to be one of those old anal cat ladies with no friends, because i'm bitter that itve helped so many people out and all they do is mock me, take advantage of me, and hurt me, then leave me when they've found the next best thing for them and i get lost and trampled over... forgotten. it's quite lovely.
i'm pretty much done. goodbye.