Life, without simplicity- Warning- this is a me needing a whinge post
This is therapeutic for me to get things off my mind.
Read on if you want to
I'm enjoying work up north at Argyle. People are alot nicer up here than Yandi ever was.
So thats sorted out. Eric, our Project Manager, is really easy to work with and is a good listener and has many interesting stories. Kinda good to feel welcomed to a site.
Alot of other personal things have been on my mind lately...
Life issues. Not exactly happy with a few things, directions I'm taking, and in a way I've kinda lost the identity that I've known so long.
Drugging, Boozing, Party animal... I'm still those things, but like uncared for silverware, its tarnished and doesnt shine for me anymore.
Started looking for a place to buy in mount lawley this week. Which kinda gave me quite a scare, since I never intended to settle down in Perth. Always been the nomad, fast life, fast pace, fast friends and disconnection of all about the same.
Now I have dependancies. Career, a man and a kid in my life, stuff -TV's, laptops, computers, travel knick knacks etc.
When did I have this much time to accumulate all of it?
I've always had this still picture in my mind... Black and white pencil sketch of a yellow canary in a gold gilded cage. The image always was animated in my mind, with the bird chirping happily. Now its stopped.
Metaphorically it means I dont feel free anymore. Not sure if its made me happier, but I know I am better off this way.
My previous life wasnt sustainable any longer.
I'm in love with a good man. Hes fantastic in alot of ways.
I guess I just miss the randomness... the spontaneous nature of life. Where you never know where you end up.
The last few months has just been a Kristina this, Kristina that drama... So sick of it... Its really drained me. I havent had to deal with such childish teenage bitching since the days of "Gayrose Place on Second Ave". Always in the past I'd just stopped talking to people like that. But its been torturous for me to play nice to someone I really didn't like in the first place.
Thought I'd left that behind in life. Guess I havent passed that and can still be pulled back in.
I dont feel fantastic, lately... and when you see me all bubbly, its cos I dont want to affect others to my bad mood.
Deep down inside me... the smile has turned to a frown.
I'm sure I'll snap outta it... its just that its taking longer.
I know the reason why: its to do with things I dont want to admit to myself, and can't talk to anyone about.
Winsor... The Nark... Grumbly