dont believe that the weather is perfect the day that you die..
this is one of those moments when i wish i had the chance or ever courage to just leave. to go somewhere ive always wanted to go. to drop off the face of the earth and just be happy with starting over.
ive come to the conclusion that seriously in all i have about 4 maybe 5 true friends that actually care about me. ive made so many mistakes on who i befriend that, fuck, ive really fucked myself over with stupid people that surround and use me. im so fucking stupid when it comes to friends. who do i actually still talk to from high school? what the fuck happened with my whole tight group of never-leaving-eachother friends?! i hate people so much. the friends i actually do have i just seem to not even be a great friend to them. i dont call. i try to talk to them but im too busy. i cant always make time and thats what really sucks. i fucking cant make time for the few people that actually mean something to me. im a horrible friend.
ive come to a time in my life, in my 19 years on this earth, where i dont feel like i want to have anymore friends. i just want to stop right now. im happy with who i actually do have. why try to get more? chrystal, for instance, i would die if i didnt have her. shes like my more confident, out spoken other half. shes one that ive never regretted meeting. shes one that.. dude i would have killed myself like 6 months ago if she wasnt there to pick up the ripped in half, falling apart, cacee. i love her more than she will ever know.
but im not good at meeting new people that wont walk all over me. that wont use me for anything but friendship. ive gotten lucky twice so far. and i feel like thats it. how many times can one person get lucky in a lifetime? especially with me and my shitty choices of friends? i think this may be it. i just dont want to try anymore because im over everything and i dont want to subject myself to stupid behavior anymore. so im happy where i am... i think.
i think im happy...
yea probably not...
im posting this on myspace.. fuck it
ive come to the conclusion that seriously in all i have about 4 maybe 5 true friends that actually care about me. ive made so many mistakes on who i befriend that, fuck, ive really fucked myself over with stupid people that surround and use me. im so fucking stupid when it comes to friends. who do i actually still talk to from high school? what the fuck happened with my whole tight group of never-leaving-eachother friends?! i hate people so much. the friends i actually do have i just seem to not even be a great friend to them. i dont call. i try to talk to them but im too busy. i cant always make time and thats what really sucks. i fucking cant make time for the few people that actually mean something to me. im a horrible friend.
ive come to a time in my life, in my 19 years on this earth, where i dont feel like i want to have anymore friends. i just want to stop right now. im happy with who i actually do have. why try to get more? chrystal, for instance, i would die if i didnt have her. shes like my more confident, out spoken other half. shes one that ive never regretted meeting. shes one that.. dude i would have killed myself like 6 months ago if she wasnt there to pick up the ripped in half, falling apart, cacee. i love her more than she will ever know.
but im not good at meeting new people that wont walk all over me. that wont use me for anything but friendship. ive gotten lucky twice so far. and i feel like thats it. how many times can one person get lucky in a lifetime? especially with me and my shitty choices of friends? i think this may be it. i just dont want to try anymore because im over everything and i dont want to subject myself to stupid behavior anymore. so im happy where i am... i think.
i think im happy...
yea probably not...
im posting this on myspace.. fuck it