(no subject)
so now ive made the decision to walk behind you in the dark for the rest of my life. and ill never show my face again because its too scarred and bloody to be enough. and i dont have the right stuff- all i have are the empty boxes to carry away your heart. i think that tonight i will sneak into your house and ill sing you songs and wake you up and ill take you blindfolded dancing onto bridges. and youll say you dont want to be with me. cause no one ever does. and no one ever thinks of me that way. but i will even drive you home if you never let me forget about you and if you promise me that im good enough for someone. cause ive got to be good enough for you. and someday soon ill get it right and then youll see just how good i can be. so dont ask me about forever because right now im feeling lost. but theres got to be some place for me. because if there isnt where will i go? will there be some place for me? and will you be waiting there for me? if and when we get there please catch me before i crawl all the way home. but i wont stop until you do.
yea i dont know what i should write. i havent updated in so long and i felt the need to say something to all of you but i just dont know what to say.
i have a new job. i work at a conference grounds. i work at the hotel part and i just sit there and check people in and check people out and i make reservations and i have a stupid uniform that i hate. and i hate all of my coworkers but like 2 people. i get payed 11.40 an hour so i dont know why im complaining its good money and its an easy job with no drama like my last job but im just not happy with it. and thats fine but im just not happy in general lately.
everything is just shit right now. i work too much to keep my friends i guess. i seem to hang out with one of them once a week. ill see one of them at a time. and that sucks. because they went from being all i had in life to not even being there. and i guess this is what was coming to me. high schools over. i should have seen this coming to me. i should have seen that this isnt a sheltered world that im so used to. that this is my life now. im too busy to see any of them and i hate it. i have no social life anymore. and once college starts it wont come back to me. this is my last chance to be a fucked up kid and fuck around.
once college starts its different i have to be serious and get my degree. i have to actually pay attention and get a piece of paper that says im able to get a job that will stay my job for the rest of my life. this is the beginning of my life. this is the beginning of my real life and the end of my life with easy going everything. i dont want anything to change. im so scared. jaime and leah are leaving within a month. and i'll have no one.
theyre gone right now. they spend a lot of time together... i dont know if i should be worried by that but i havent given it much thought seeing as i dont have time to think about anything.
today was my day off... what did i do? go to farmers market alone. tomorrows my other day off. this will be my first two days off in a row for a month now and my two girls are gone to utah together. and what am i doing tomorrow? what am i doing on my second day off? taking my dog to the vet. what a fun summer this is becoming. i get asked everyday at work how my summers going. and what do i say? "my summer is awesome!" and they tell me to have fun and party it up because everything will change after this summer... yea thats harder to do than youd think.
i wish i was happy.
yea i dont know what i should write. i havent updated in so long and i felt the need to say something to all of you but i just dont know what to say.
i have a new job. i work at a conference grounds. i work at the hotel part and i just sit there and check people in and check people out and i make reservations and i have a stupid uniform that i hate. and i hate all of my coworkers but like 2 people. i get payed 11.40 an hour so i dont know why im complaining its good money and its an easy job with no drama like my last job but im just not happy with it. and thats fine but im just not happy in general lately.
everything is just shit right now. i work too much to keep my friends i guess. i seem to hang out with one of them once a week. ill see one of them at a time. and that sucks. because they went from being all i had in life to not even being there. and i guess this is what was coming to me. high schools over. i should have seen this coming to me. i should have seen that this isnt a sheltered world that im so used to. that this is my life now. im too busy to see any of them and i hate it. i have no social life anymore. and once college starts it wont come back to me. this is my last chance to be a fucked up kid and fuck around.
once college starts its different i have to be serious and get my degree. i have to actually pay attention and get a piece of paper that says im able to get a job that will stay my job for the rest of my life. this is the beginning of my life. this is the beginning of my real life and the end of my life with easy going everything. i dont want anything to change. im so scared. jaime and leah are leaving within a month. and i'll have no one.
theyre gone right now. they spend a lot of time together... i dont know if i should be worried by that but i havent given it much thought seeing as i dont have time to think about anything.
today was my day off... what did i do? go to farmers market alone. tomorrows my other day off. this will be my first two days off in a row for a month now and my two girls are gone to utah together. and what am i doing tomorrow? what am i doing on my second day off? taking my dog to the vet. what a fun summer this is becoming. i get asked everyday at work how my summers going. and what do i say? "my summer is awesome!" and they tell me to have fun and party it up because everything will change after this summer... yea thats harder to do than youd think.
i wish i was happy.